


Underground

by otakujessie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Other, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, levixreader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 04:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 100,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20168479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otakujessie/pseuds/otakujessie
Summary: You grew up with Humanity's Strongest, Levi "Rivaille" Ackerman, but are you truly friends or do you just put up with each other now that the world is in shambles due to the titans? And now that you're both two of the most respected corporals in the scouting legion, will you clash even more? Or will something different develop between the two of you? Something that neither of you expected? (COMPLETE)





	1. Practice

“Corporal! 15 meter titan coming in from the East!”

I shot up onto a large tree branch using my 3DM and steadied myself, looking off toward the direction the cadet was pointing, his voice frantic. A grin split my face as I saw the large titan sprinting wildly toward our squad. Perfect practice for the new cadets. I glanced over at the frightened cadet and stated calmly, “All right, Cadet. It’s your time to shine. Take care of it.”

The young man’s eyes widened as he looked to the titan barreling toward us and then back to me, unsure whether I was joking or not. “C...Corporal?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “This is what we’ve trained you for, cadet. It would be a waste of your skills if I killed every titan that came our way for you.” I motioned toward the incoming titan with one of my swords. “Now get going. I don’t want to lose half my squad today due to your hesitation.”

The cadet swallowed hard and bracing himself, shot to another tree using his 3DM, drawing his swords as he did so. I watched carefully as he jetted to another tree, coming in behind the titan that was bearing down on the group. He hesitated for just another brief moment and then, shooting out his 3DM gear to the tree across from where he was standing, he swung outward on the line, sword raised, and sliced into the back of the titan’s neck as he flew past.

The entire squad had stopped in what they were doing, all eyes glued to their fellow cadet to see if he would succeed or fail in his first time in the real field.

Blood sprayed from the wound in the titan’s neck, but it didn’t go down, instead, it continued to push toward the group, growing nearer and nearer as the cadet landed in his target tree and looked to me with frantic eyes.

I rolled my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh between my teeth. “Why do I always get the idiots?” I muttered under my breath, hooking my 3DM gear out to another tree as I left the branch I had been watching from and flew toward the incoming titan. Swinging in a wide arc on my lines to get a good view of the titan’s neck from behind, I dropped down and swiped my blade across the shallow cut the cadet had made in the monster’s neck. Blood sprayed again, flicking across my face and uniform, and the titan went crashing to the ground in a cloud of dust and tree branches at the feet of my squad.

I unhooked my 3DM lines and dropped lightly to the ground beside the fallen titan, wiping the blades of my swords on my pants as I looked up toward where the cadet still stood, eyes wide as he stared down at the titan I had killed.

“Johnson. Get down here.” I flicked one of my blades at the wide-eyed cadet. He sheepishly dropped down to the ground beside me, averting his eyes from my gaze as I said sternly, “You didn’t slice the neck deep enough. Wounding a titan won’t do anything to it. You have to cut into their center if you want to take them down, and giving them a shallow scratch won’t accomplish that.” I directed my gaze to the rest of the cadets, who stood on branches in various trees above us and called out, “Let this be a lesson to all of you. Watch what you’re doing, or you’ll end up as titan fodder.” I walked past the cadet and smacked him on the back of the head as I passed him, still addressing the entire squad. “And thanks to Johnson here, you’ll all be doing an extra hour of drills tonight before you get your dinner. It appears I haven’t worked you hard enough, you’re all still clumsy and making amateur mistakes that could cost lives.”

I heard a few groans come from the group above me, but ignored them. I hooked my 3DM lines up around another tree and flew into the air, landing on another large branch as I glanced back in the direction we had come, toward the wall. I could see a few other squads off in the distance, all on their separate missions that had been assigned to us for the day, and wondered what his squad had been assigned to do.

I hope he’s alright.

“Corporal! Another incoming!”

The call from one of the cadets broke me out of my thoughts and I pulled out my blades again. “Alright, you idiots. Who’s going to test out their skills this time?” I motioned one of the girls forward to stand next to me. “The best case scenario would be if you could actually take down the titan, but with you lot, I’ll settle for the worst case scenario, in which you just make it out alive.”


	2. Corporal

By the time the sun was beginning to set and we saw the green flare launch into the sky signalling the end of the day’s missions, most of my cadets had had a chance to take on a titan for themselves.

As we headed back to the spot where we had left the horses and packed up our gear, I begrudgingly had to admit that half of them hadn’t done as badly as I had thought they would. There were only a few tears, only a few moments of panic, and a few near death experiences and close saves by myself. Not bad for a day’s work.

We rode hard and fast and entered the gates of Wall Maria just as true darkness began to fall over the land outside the wall. After stabling their horses, my squad gathered in front of me, giving each other tired, pointed glances as they waited for me to address them.

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked them all over. Most were splattered with dried, dark red titan blood, and a few were marked with blood from their own or their comrades wounds. “Alright, idiots. An hour training. Work on your reflexes. And I want to see extra work put into how deep your scoring is. If I have to take down any more titans that you’ve just managed to scratch…” I glared at Johnson and he dropped his eyes to his feet. “I’ll personally feed you to the next batch that comes along. Do I make myself clear, cadets?”

“Yes, Corporal.”

I was about to dismiss them when a group of scouts walked past us, talking and laughing with each other. I immediately recognized the group as the special forces team. The blonde, Arlert, was flanked on either side by the dark haired, angry boy, Jaeger, the titan shifter, and the stern, black haired girl, Ackerman. I noted quickly that the rest of their troop was there as well. The tall boy, Kirstein, and the other two that always seemed to be together, Braus and Springer.

My attention was drawn back to my squad, who whispered excitedly among themselves as the group passed them. I heard someone murmur, “That’s them! That’s Eren Jaeger, the titan kid!”

“Hey, isn’t that Mikasa Ackerman? Damn, she’s just as fine as they say.” I heard another one of the cadets whisper with a snicker.

“Shut up, idiots.” I snapped loudly, and they all clammed up, their eyes coming back to my face. “You do know who commands the special forces, don’t you? That’s Corporal Rivaille’s troop. And I suggest you stay out of their, and his, way. They could chew you all up and spit you out before you had time to draw a blade.” I waved my hand at them. “Now get out of my sight. You have drills to do.”

The cadets drifted off toward the training grounds, still talking amongst themselves about the famed special forces troop they had just seen.

I snorted under my breath. What a group of idiots. Why did I always get stuck with the newbies?

I turned to head off toward the mess hall, intending to eat some quick dinner and retire to my quarters for the night, when I heard someone say from behind me, “Bad day, (L/N)?”

I stopped in my tracks, instantly recognizing the low, flat voice. I didn’t turn to look at him, instead, I chuckled humorlessly and retorted, “Would that make everyday a bad day for you, Ackerman?”

He walked up beside me and I glanced over at him, his dark, expressionless eyes on my face as he said emotionlessly, “Making jokes now, are we? It doesn’t suit you. Never has.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, you’re acknowledging the fact that we know each other out loud nowadays? I thought you were too ashamed of our upbringing to let on that you knew me.”

He snorted. “Don’t take an attitude with me, (L/N). You know I can break your legs if you keep it up.”

I continued walking toward the mess hall, where I had originally intended to go before he had shown up, but he kept step beside me for a few moments, saying flatly, “You were wise to warn your cadets about staying away from my squad.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t look at him as I said in an annoyed tone, “Oh yeah? I didn’t do it for the reason you think.” We had reached the mess hall, and I knew he wouldn’t walk in with me. The shame was too great. I paused outside the door for just a second and said coolly, “I simply told them to stay away from your group because I didn’t want them to have to deal with a bad tempered ass like yourself on a daily basis. Tends to bring down the morale.” I flicked my fingers at him in a mocking salute. “I’m not that same little girl you knew anymore, Ackerman. I grew fangs and I bite back now.” I entered the mess hall, throwing over my shoulder sarcastically, “Good night, corporal.”

FLASHBACK

“Levi, wait!”

I scrambled after the small figure in front of me, dodging debris that lay in the tunnels of the underground, trying to keep sight of him in the dim light of the underground.

“Come on, (F/N)!” I heard him call back to me from somewhere up ahead. “I can’t wait up for you all day!”

I pumped my legs harder, trying to catch up to him. Just as I rounded the corner, I tripped over a large chunk of rock that was in my path, failing to see the boulder in the failing light. I screamed and crashed to the ground, using my forearms at the last minute to catch myself from falling straight onto my face.

I sat up, inspecting my now scratched and bleeding arms, and then glanced down at my ankle, which was already beginning to swell where I had twisted it from falling over the boulder. Tears began to roll down my face as my arms began to sting and my foot began to pulse with pain.

Suddenly, Levi appeared, pushing his dark, straight, dirty hair back off his forehead as he knelt down beside me. “What happened, (F/N)?”

“I tripped over that boulder and I hurt my arms and my foot….” I got out between sobbing breaths, holding out my bloodied arms for him to inspect.

He studied the scratches on my skin for a moment and then met my tear filled gaze with his own, serious, concerned one. “I’m sorry, (F/N). I’ll go slower next time. I promise. I’ll never leave you behind again.”

He sat down beside me and put a thin, dirt smudged arm around my shoulders as I continued to cry. I buried my head in his filthy, torn shirt, using the thin material to wipe my eyes. “Do you promise, Levi?” I asked, my voice muffled, my face still buried in his shirt.

I felt him nod against my head. “I promise, (F/N). I’ll always go as slow as you need.”


	3. Tea

The next morning, I sat in the mess hall, nursing a weak cup of coffee.

The cadets were at a table across the hall, laughing and talking among themselves, but I didn’t pay them any attention. I’d have plenty of chances to listen to their idiot ideas and conversations throughout the day in the field.

Erwin sat down beside me, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, and nodded to me as he pulled out a stack of paperwork and set it down in front of him. “Morning, (L/N).”

“Mmm.” I wordlessly acknowledged his greeting, taking another sip of my coffee as he turned to focus on his paperwork.

Levi entered the mess hall next, looking just as disagreeable and unapproachable as always. He sat down on the other side of Erwin silently, holding his tea cup in his strange, usual way, and took a drink of the hot, clear liquid.

I ignored him, which is how it usually went between us unless we were shouting reports to each other in the field, and continued to drink my coffee without saying a word.

The silence between the three of us was broken though, when Hange entered the mess hall, her hair in its usual messy disarray and a sheath of papers and books held under her armor. She grinned when she saw us, her glasses glinting in the morning light, and hurried over to the officers’ table, slamming her books down on the wood across from Levi.

“Levi! Do you…..” She began excitedly, adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose as she did so.

“No.” Levi cut her off, not even looking up at her as he took another sip of his tea with measured precision.

Hange didn’t let his rejection phase her. She slid her stack of books and papers down the table until they were sitting across from me and then plopped down on the bench, propping her chin on her hands as she gave me a large smile. “(F/N)! Do you want to hear about something exciting I just discovered last night?”

“Sure, Hange.” I set down my now empty cup of coffee and gave her a small smile in return. Many found her annoying, she was Humanity’s Smartest after all, and she could tend to be a bit overenthusiastic with her research, but I liked her. She was genuine, and when needed, she stood up for what she knew, even if it made her a lot of enemies.

Hange started babbling about some new fact she had discovered on some of the abnormal titans last night in her late night research. I halfheartedly listened to her spouting off titan facts, things she had told me many times before, and my eyes drifted to the cadets at the tables across the hall from us. Jaeger, Ackerman, and Arlert had all come in together and sat at their own table while I hadn’t been paying attention. My squad were oogling them all again, whispering to each other as the trio talking amongst themselves and fully ignored everyone else in the room.

I rolled my eyes. They may be special forces, and that Jaeger kid may be “Humanity’s Last Hope” with his titan shifting and all, but I felt like they could all be taken down a notch or two. I hated people who treated other people like crap, just because they weren’t as important as they saw themselves. I pulled myself back to Hange, who was still talking at me without stopping.

“And then I discovered….” She shuffled through her papers, looking for some drawing or graph or fact to show me next.

I glanced to my right at Erwin, who was trying to remain focused on his paperwork with Hange babbling away, and noticed that the fist that held his pen was clenched tight and turning white in his effort to remain on task.

My eyes flicked past him and landed on Levi for just a moment, who was still calmly sipping on his cup of tea, ignoring all of us at the table. He raised his cup to his lips again and his eyes met mine for just a brief second. He raised an eyebrow at me, and my gaze dropped to his hand on the teacup, held across the top, his fingers cupping around the brim lightly, not touching the delicate handle.

I was instantly brought back to another time when I had watched him drink tea in a completely different setting than this, but in the same hauntingly familair, odd way.

FLASHBACK

I watched Levi carefully lower himself onto the dirt floor beside me, delicately holding the teacup in his hand so as not to spill a drop of the tea he had just poured.

I giggled. “Levi, why do you still hold your teacup that way? You know your cup’s not going to break again.”

He glared at me over the brim of the teacup. “I can’t be too careful, dummy. This is the only cup we have left. I don’t want to break anymore. I’ll get in trouble again.”

I grew serious. He was right. I remembered the day a few weeks back, when we had been in his rundown house, pouring a cup of the weak, warm, watery tea into one of only two teacups his family owned. He had been so careful not to spill any of the liquid onto the dirt floor at our feet, but then when he had lifted the teacup up off the table by its thin, delicate, worn, handle, it instantly broke off in his hand. The teacup crashed to the floor and broke at our feet, spilling the warm tea all over our bare, dirty toes. Levi was horrified, and though we had cleaned up the mess, Levi’s father had still found out and punished him severely. And ever since then, Levi had been more than careful with the remaining teacup, not even daring to hold it by its thin handle.

I studied his thin, dirty, calloused fingers, holding the teacup gently around its chipped, white brim, and then said, “You’re right, Levi. I’m sorry. It’s the only one you have left. You have to be careful. We can’t drink tea anymore if we break the last cup.”

Levi took a sip of the lukewarm tea, dodging around his fingers that were blocking the teacup’s rim, and then gave me a grin, his teeth white against his dirt blackened skin. “Now you’ve got it, dummy.” He handed me the cup cautiously. I took it, careful not to touch the handle, and looked over at him. “Now drink some. Who knows when we’ll have enough money for tea again?”

FLASHBACK END

“(F/N)?”

I started, the memory clearing from my vision, and looked over at Hange, who was studying me, eyebrow raised. She gave me a grin. “Are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else completely.”

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts, and stood from the table, giving her another small smile in return. “Sorry, Hange. Just thinking about another time and place.” I flicked my fingers at her in a slight wave. “I have to go and rouse my cadets up from their morning stupor. Talk later?”

She gave me a nod and I left the table, brushing past Levi on my way out. He didn’t look up at me, and I was careful not to look at him this time. These flashes of intense, life-like memories that happened when I was around him were dredging up things I had tried to forget and making me uncomfortable with their looks into my past. There was a reason I had buried those memories in the first place and even though Levi had obviously belonged in (F/N) (L/N)’s past, there was no room for him, or the underground memories, in Corporal (F/N) (L/N)’s present, or future.


	4. Objective

I stood beside my horse, checking over the tack and saddle and tightening straps as I waited for Erwin to address us all and give us our objectives for the day.

I glanced over the animal’s broad back and saw two of the cadets from my squad talking intensely about something beside their own mounts.

“Johnson.” I called out, making the young man jump as he came to attention and his eyes darted my way. I flicked my fingers at him. “Come here.”

He left his buddy and walked over to me, giving me a stiff salute as he came to a stop in front of me. “Yes, corporal?”

I straightened, adjusting some of the straps on my 3DM harness as I did so, and then said, “I have a feeling the commander will be pairing us with another squad today. He’s been more cautious lately and has wanted us to travel in larger groups in case of trouble.” I raised an eyebrow as the uncomfortable young man fidgeted slightly under my gaze. “Even with your mistakes, you’re one of the better new cadets. You show a lot of promise. I expect you to be on your game today. Don’t embarrass me in front of our partner squad.” I lifted my chin, motioning toward the group of cadets that stood behind him. “I’m expecting you to make up for the rest of the idiots who can’t handle themselves out there. Am I clear?”

Johnson’s eyes widened at my slightly undermined compliment and he straightened his shoulders, seeming more confident in his salute this time and the nervous edge had left his voice as he said curtly, “Yes, corporal.”

I waved him off. “Fine. Get out of here.”

He trotted off, back toward the rest of the cadets, and we all turned to attention as Erwin’s voice could be heard calling out over the gathered squadrons. “Listen up, everyone. I have your assignments for the day.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the warm, sturdy flesh of my horse. My eyes flicked across the gathering to Levi, who stood surrounded by the special forces unit. I rolled my eyes and scoffed under my breath. They all thought they were such hot stuff, when the true reason they were all still alive was simply because they had a titan in their group that protected them all from danger when the need arose.

“Corporal (L/N).”

I directed my gaze back to Erwin, who stood at the front of the crowd and had just called out my name. I pushed off the horse and came to attention, throwing him a quick, casual salute. “Sir.”

He raised a thick eyebrow at me and then glanced down at the sheet he held in his hand. “You and your squad will be in charge of the West side of the Wall today. We’re still trying to figure out how the titans breached Wall Maria. Keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious. And evacuate any towns you cross that haven’t been emptied yet.”

I nodded. “Understood, sir.”

He dropped the sheet of paper back to his side and then said briskly, “And Corporal, you know I’ve been doubling the squads up for safety measures.” He glanced over at Levi quickly and then his eyes flashed back to mine. “Your’s and Corporal Ackerman’s units will be joined for the mission today.”

I swore under my breath and he raised an eyebrow at me again. “Is something the matter, Corporal?”

I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands into fists at my side. “No, sir. We’ll join with Ackerman’s squad.” I kept my eyes on Erwin, refusing to look over at Levi or the special forces. They didn’t need to see how irritated I was.

Erwin gave me a pointed look. “Good.” He moved on to the next squad’s orders for the day.

After everyone had received their orders, we all broke up into our groups, gathering our supplies, squads, and mounts together to get ready to leave the protection of the wall.

I walked among my cadets, who were standing at attention beside their horses, my hands held behind my back, as I gave them their final orders. “Watch your backs. Watch your squadmates’ backs.” I paused beside Johnson and, getting into his face, stated loudly so everyone could hear, “And most importantly, remember….what, Johnson?”

He kept his gaze directly ahead as he answered quickly, “Cut quick, and cut deep, Corporal.”

I stepped back from him. “Very good, Johnson.” I walked back toward the front of the squad, where my mount stood waiting patiently. “I expect all of you to make it back here for dinner tonight. If any of you….” I swung up onto the horse and took the reigns in my hands, pulling its head around so I was facing the group of cadets as I said dangerously, “...do something stupid and get one of your fellow squadmates killed, I will make your life such a living hell that you will wish you had died instead. Do I make myself clear, idiots?”

“Yes, corporal!”

I nodded briskly. “Good. Now mount up. We have a job to do.”

I jerked my horse back around to face the gate as they all swung up onto their own mounts behind me with uniformed, practiced precision. I kept my eyes on the gate, which was slowly being lifted to reveal the countryside beyond, as Levi rode up next to me on his large, dark stallion.

He spoke from beside me, his voice low and flat as always. “Tch. Erwin has some nerve, putting the two of us together for this mission.”

I scoffed, still not looking at him, and snapped back, “Why? Because you don’t want to be paired with someone from the Underground?” I finally glanced over at him and widened my eyes in mock surprise. I gasped sarcastically. “Oh wait! That’s right! Little Corporal Rivaille is just an Underground thug himself. I almost wouldn’t have seen it because of that high horse he’s hiding behind.”  
He met my gaze, his dark eyes flashing briefly with anger, but then he controlled himself and his eyes went flat again as he replied emotionlessly, “That has nothing to do with this. I just don’t think it’s right to pair the new cadets with the seasoned fighters of the special forces. The damn brats will just be in the way.”

The gate had come up completely now, and the groups of squads that had been ahead of them in formation had started to disappear on the other side of the wall. I held my horse back as it danced nervously in place, eager to leave the city behind. I glanced over my shoulder at the cadets of my squad, who held position behind me, and then looked forward, toward the outside world. “People can surprise you, Ackerman. In fact, they have an annoying habit of doing so. Whether that’s a good thing….or a bad thing.”

I flicked the reigns against my horse’s neck and it started forward, leading my squad out the gate of Wall Maria and into the world of the titans. I wasn’t going to let Levi distract me from the objective. Distractions only got people killed in this world and that wasn’t going to happen today, not on my watch.


	5. Abnormal

We rode in a silent formation along the west side of Wall Maria.

Levi and I headed up the group of joined cadets, our horses keeping pace with one another, although we hadn’t said a word to each other since leaving the safety of the city.

As we started to enter the thick bracket of trees that lined the far side of the West wall, I heard the sound of a flare go off to our right and Johnson called out from behind me, “Black flare to the North, Corporal!”

I heard Levi swear under his breath and looked over his head to where the flare was just fizzling out in the daytime sky. He pulled up on his horse and I followed suit, the group of cadets coming to a close stop behind us. I glanced over at him, his dark eyes flashing annoyance at the development, and said, “The abnormal? You think it’s headed this way?”

He spit onto the ground beside the horses in frustration and then said, “Tch. If it’s that close already, it’s obviously headed for the wall. And we’re at the wall. So yes, (L/N), I think it’s headed this way.”

I gritted my teeth, stopping myself from retorting something back at him, and then whirled my horse around to face my squad of nervous looking cadets. “You heard him. There’s an abnormal headed our way. Let’s hide the horses and get set up in the trees. And don’t mess this up, idiots.”

After hiding the horses in a dense area of thicket a few more hundred yards down the wall, we all gathered our gear and hiked back up to the place where we had seen the black flare from. Using the 3DMs, I watched as my squad of cadets flew into the air, one by one, and disappeared into position in the thick foliage of the trees above us. Soon, only Levi, the special forces trio, and myself remained on the ground.

Levi flicked his fingers at Jaeger and the angry looking boy came up to him. “Jaeger, I’m trusting you to stay in control here. We only use the titan if we absolutely have to. Is that understood, brat?”

The boy nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Levi’s flat eyes moved to the girl and blonde boy who stood behind their companion. “And you two, keep an eye on him. Don’t let him get worked up, and watch each other’s backs.” He lifted his chin at them. “Get into position, brats.”

The trio hooked up into the trees and were gone in the blink of an eye, leaving Levi and I alone on the ground. I pulled my blades from their sheaths and twirled them a few times in my hands, checking their flexibility and feel.

“Tch.” Levi pushed past me, his 3DM wire whirring out to a tree above him. “No time for practice, (L/N). Are you ready?”

I glared at him as he paused before taking off from the ground, looking over his shoulder boredly as he waited for my answer. “Just keep your damn titan kid in control, and everything will go perfectly.” I snapped back at him, whipping out my 3DM line and hooking it to a tree as I flew into the air.

I landed lightly on a large branch next to Johnson, and unhooking my gear, glanced over at him. He was sweating nervously, the hands clenched around the handles of his blades turning white with exertion. I was about to call out something slightly reassuring to him, when a crashing could be heard coming toward us through the trees, and suddenly one of the cadets from ahead of us called back, “10 meter headed this way, corporal! And it looks like there’s two 15 meters close on its heels!”

The smaller titan burst into the clearing below us, its arms waving wildly at its sides as it ran clumsily through the tightly knit trees. Almost instantly, two taller, broader titans followed in its path, their gaping mouths open as they sprinted, their heads hanging back on their misshapen shoulders. 

I glanced across the clearing to where Levi stood and he flicked his fingers at me. I recognized the signal and turned to Johnson, motioning to the smaller titan. “They’re ours, Johnson. Take out the ten meter. Don’t worry about the other two. I’ll be right behind you.”

He nodded, the sweat pouring down his brow now, and readjusted his grip on his blades as the first titan barreled toward us. When it ran past us, he launched himself from the tree, swinging down, sword raised, aiming straight for the titan’s exposed neck.

I took my eyes off of him for a brief moment, long enough to motion to the cadet who stood in the tree next to me. “Miller, let’s go. We need to handle those fifteen meters.”

The girl nodded in determination. “Yes, corporal.”

She instantly dropped from the tree and swung a wide arc around one of the fifteen meter titans, headed for its shoulders. I followed close behind her, the cool air stinging my cheeks as I free fell from the tree for just a moment before catching on my 3DM line and swinging upward again, right toward the far fifteen meter titan. I swung past Miller, just as she yelled in effort and swiped her blade cleanly and deeply across the first titans neck, sending blood spraying into the air as the titan collapsed to the ground. She pulled up and manuevered her 3DM, landing cleanly in the branch of a far tree, unscathed.

I swung around the back of the second taller titan and, whipping my blade through the air, brought it down on the monster’s flesh. Blood spattered and speckled my face as the sword cut easily through the titan’s neck and sunk into its core. The titan crashed to the ground, sending up a cloud of debris and tree branches. I corrected my trajectory, narrowly dodging a large tree that had sprung up in front of me, and landed beside Levi.

I wiped my hand across my face, removing some of the speckled blood from my skin, and glanced out over the clearing to check on Johnson. The ten meter titan was down, I could see smoke rising from its toppled body, but where was that idiot cadet?

I heard one of the cadets yell something from behind me. I whipped around in time to see two more ten meter titans enter the clearing at a sprint. I swore under my breath and glanced at Levi. “So it wasn’t the beast titan then. Just a bunch of annoying smaller titans grouped together, which is abnormal.”

Levi looked in disgust on the new, disfigured titans that were coming toward us and begrudgingly said, “Tch. They must have seen the abnormal. Titans don’t group up like this if it’s not around. But it’s not coming for the wall. Something’s wrong here.”

Suddenly, Miller landed beside me on the tree branch, her eyes wide. “Corporal, we have a problem!” She pointed a finger behind me, toward the three downed titans, to where the two new titans were headed, and said in a shaky voice, “Johnson’s down there. His 3DM malfunctioned and he can’t get off the ground.”

I spun around, looking to where she was pointing, and saw the small, waving and shouting figure of Johnson among the large, smoking titan bodies. I swore under my breath. “Damn idiot.”

Without thinking, I shot out the line for my 3DM and took off from the tree, blade out, headed toward the incoming titans, who were running straight toward Johnson.

“(L/N), don’t be a damn idiot!” I heard Levi call from behind me, but I ignored him.

I had already promised he wouldn’t distract me, and no lives were going to be lost today, not if I could help it.


	6. Protector

I reached the first ten meter titan and easily slashed the back of its neck, sending it tumbling to the ground with the rest of its kind.

I hung from the line for a moment, and looked up, trying to get a location on the second titan and Johnson. It was almost to him. I had to be quick, and he had to move if he didn’t want to be smashed beneath its falling body.

I swung forward with the 3DM, whipping toward the second titan, and yelled out to Johnson, “Move, idiot!”

He darted out of the way, just as I flew past the titan and sunk my blade into its neck. Blood sprayed over the front of my uniform, soaking the fabric as the titan fell to the ground, flattening the foliage where Johnson had been standing moments before.

I dropped to the ground next to the downed titan and wiped a hand across my face, clearing the blood from my vision, just as Johnson ran up to me. His eyes were wide as he said, “Corporal, thank you for coming back for me…..”

I ignored him, pulling the straps for my 3DM harness over my head and down around my legs with quick, measured movements.

“Corporal? What are you doing?” Johnson asked, his voice unsure.

I glanced over my shoulder as I finished stripping off the harness, just in time to see another titan enter the clearing at a sprint. I turned back to Johnson and held out the harness to him. “Take it, Johnson. Put it on. We don’t have time for your stupid questions. Just do as I say.” When he hesitated, I shoved the harness into his hands. “Do you want to die? Put it on, idiot!”

His gaze flicked over my shoulder to the titan that was coming toward us and then, seeming to make a decision, he shucked off his broken 3DM and pulled my harness over his legs and began to buckle the straps around his waist. I handed him the rest of the 3DM gear, keeping my blades for myself, and then motioned to the trees above us. “Now get out of here, Johnson.”

He stared at me for one more frozen moment and then took off into the air, headed for one of the nearby trees. I turned, blades raised, and saw someone, one of the cadets, swing out from one of the trees, whipping past the incoming titan, their blade slicing its neck. It crashed to the ground in front of me, sending up a wave of dust and leaving my blind for just a moment.

I took the moment, covered from sight, to wipe a shirt sleeve across my forehead, which was covered in sweat, and readjust the grip on my blades.

Suddenly, a titan lunged at me from the left through the settling dust cloud.

I jumped backward, just out of reach of its grasping hands, but it scrabbled toward me on hands and knees, its empty grinning mouth open wide and saliva dripping from its large lips.  
“Come on, you bastard.” I muttered under my breath, raising my blades in front of my body.

It reached out again with a dirty, grime covered hand, I could see the dried blood under its fingernails and I wondered how many of the people it had killed were my comrades, my friends. I let out an angry yell and charged forward, swords raised and aimed for its large, empty eyes.

Suddenly, a gigantic form crashed into the titan, sending it flying to the other side of the clearing, away from me.

It was Jaeger. He roared in outrage, the bellow echoing through the forest and held the struggling titan down with his large hands. With one smooth movement, he leaned over the screeching titan and ripped into its neck with his teeth, separating its head from its body and sending a spray of blood into the air.

I stood, frozen, watching as the large, muscular titan finished taking care of the other titan and slowly straightened, blood running down his jaw and dripping onto his chest as he let out another angry cry.

I felt a hand on my arm and then I was being dragged backward, toward the safety of the line of trees. “Hey! What the hell?”

Levi was small, but he was stronger than he looked. His hold on my arm pinched my skin as he dragged me behind him and said angrily over his shoulder, “That was a damn idiotic thing to do, (L/N). And now you caused me to use the titan, which you know I don’t like doing.”  
We reached the bottom of a large tree and he released me, throwing me on the ground at the base of the trunk. I scrambled to my feet and glared at him. “I didn’t cause you to do anything. I didn’t ask you to protect me. That was your decision.”

He snorted. “You’re on my squad today. That means you’re my responsibility and Erwin would throw a hissy fit if I let anything happen to you while you’re under my watch.”

“We’re equals, Ackerman! Equals! I’m not your underling. We’re both in charge here!” I yelled back at him, clenching my fists at my side as I tried to control my emotions. Now was not the time to lose control. Not when we were still all in danger.

He watched me emotionlessly and then flicked his eyes down to my clenched fists. “You still do that, even after all this time?” There was a hint of surprise in his normally monotone voice.

Before I could ask what he meant, he suddenly leapt toward me and shoved me back against the trunk of the tree, shielding my body with his as he put his arms on either side of my head. Jaeger leapt past us, roaring in fury again, and tackled another incoming titan to the ground. Rocks and dirt and sticks flew up from his hands and feet as he charged past, hitting Levi in the back.

As he stood in front of me, protecting me, his face close to mine, a memory flashed before my eyes of a time when we had stood in this exact same position, but in much different circumstances.

FLASHBACK

“Levi, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Shut up, dummy. Would I do anything to put you in real danger?”

Levi stood next to me as we pressed our backs against one of the crumbling walls of the Underground, a knife held tightly in his palm. He glanced over at me, an amused look in his eyes. “Come on, (F/N). It’ll be a piece of cake. We’ll be in and out before you know it.”

I fidgeted nervously against the dirty brick of the wall, feeling the rough touch of the stone beneath my hands. “I don’t know, Levi. I know we’ve stolen stuff before, but this is different….”

Suddenly, he perked up, as if he had heard something, and he slammed me back against the wall, pressing his body in front of mine, his hands on either side of my shoulders, his head down.

“Levi, what…..”  
“Shut up! Someone’s coming.” He hissed between his teeth, his breath warm on my skin.

I held my breath, holding as still as possible as he pressed closer to me, flattening us both against the wall. A man rounded the corner and walked by, narrowly missing seeing us in the shadows of the crumbling house.

When he was gone, we both let out our breath and Levi looked up at me, giving me a large grin. “I guess sometimes it pays to be dirty and blend in with the environment.” His gaze drifted down to my chest, which was at his eye level, and his grin changed to a smirk. “Hey, (F/N). You’re not looking so much like a boy anymore.”

I shoved him away from me as he laughed and stumbled back a few steps. “Cut it out, Levi. You know I could take you if I wanted to. You’re shorter than me after all.” I shot him a glare as I attempted to wipe some of the stains off of my tattered dress.

He shot me another grin. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see in a few years. I just haven’t hit my growth spurt yet.” He flicked the knife between his fingertips. “Now, stop being a coward, and let’s get something to eat.”

FLASHBACK END

Levi stepped back from me and unsheathed his swords, glancing over to where Eren was fighting another titan. “Let’s gather the group. We can’t handle this on our own, not if they keep coming. I’ll send up the retreat flare and we’ll head back for the day.”

I nodded, still pressed back against the tree, and he took off into the treetops to gather the cadets. I shook my head to clear the fragments of the memory from my mind and swore under my breath.

I’d have to make sure never to be paired up with Levi for a mission again. The memories wouldn’t stay buried when he was close to me, and I’d prefer if those days remained Underground where they belonged.


	7. Fists

By the time we had made it back through the gate and stabled the horses, twilight was beginning to fall.

My cadets filed past me on their way to the mess hall or their quarters, each one looking more tired and beaten down than the one before. Miller came past me and hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth slightly as if to say something, then she ducked her head and hurried onward.

Johnson followed her, bringing up the rear of the squad, and paused before me, before sticking out an awkward hand. “Thank you, Corporal.” He met my gaze nervously and dropped his eyes to his feet again. “For what you did today, I mean.”

I glanced down at his hand and then knocked it away from me, before saying briskly, “That’s what a Corporal’s supposed to do, Johnson, protect their troops at all costs. And I already told you idiots this morning that everyone had better make it back for supper. I just didn’t want you to ruin that for me.”

He dropped his hand to his side and without meeting my gaze again said quickly, “Yes, Corporal. Thank you, Corporal.” He hurried off to follow the rest of the cadets toward the mess hall.

I sighed. Those idiots were definitely going to be the death of me.

I turned, starting to follow them toward the mess hall, when I heard Levi call out from behind me, “Oi, (L/N).”

I stopped in my tracks, but didn’t turn around, silently rolling my eyes. I just wanted to eat and get some sleep. And I didn’t want to be dirty anymore. Was that too much to ask?

He walked up beside me, hands in his pockets, and said in his usual, flat voice, “That was a stupid, dangerous thing you did today.”

I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t ask anyone to risk their lives for me after I made my decision. No one would have been hurt.”  
“Tch.” He clicked his tongue in a disapproving sort of way and walked past me toward the mess hall. “Your squad would have been left without a commander and would have fallen into disarray. It could have hurt the whole mission.”

“Screw you!” I called after him, not being able to help my outburst this time. He had pushed me too far today. And I was tired, and hungry, and covered in titan blood.

He stopped walking for a moment, his back still to me, his hands still held loosely in his pockets, and then said calmly over his shoulder, “Don’t clench your fists like that, (L/N). It’ll hurt your dexterity in the long run.”

I glanced down and noticed that I had indeed, without thinking, been clenching my hands into tight fists at my sides to control my emotion. “What the hell? How did you….” I looked up at him, but he was already walking away from me again, toward the mess hall.

I released my hands and stretched my fingers a few times and they cracked and popped with the movement. I glanced toward the mess hall, which was lit up in the falling shadows of the evening, and decided I didn’t want to face the noise and crowd tonight. I’d just go to bed instead.

I walked off toward the barracks and as I rounded the corner to the officer’s quarters, I ran into Jaeger and the other two of the trio. They were leaning against the wall of the barracks, talking quietly with each other and I wondered for just a brief moment what it would be like to have friends as close as they all seemed to be.

They stopped talking as I approached, and the girl, Ackerman, glanced at me with dark eyes as I reached them and asked, “Why aren’t you three with the others?”

The blonde gave me a hesitant smile and said, “We weren’t hungry. And we wanted some time to just relax for a minute before bed.”

I nodded at them and started to continue past as I said, “Continue on, then. Just make sure you’re in the barracks by curfew.”

I turned back before I had left them completely and directed my gaze at Jaeger, who met my eyes with his own angry, brilliant, green ones. “Jaeger. Good work today.”

He watched me for a moment and then nodded back to me. We had never shared many words between the two of us, but I knew he understood the meaning behind my words.

I left them and entered the officer’s quarters, making my way quickly and silently to my room. I locked the door behind me and stripped out of my dirty uniform. I briefly washed myself with a rag and the cool bowl of water that sat on my desk and then climbed into bed, pulling the rough, thin blanket that was military issued up and around my shoulders.

Within moments, I was asleep.

FLASHBACK

“Oi, (F/N)! Where are you? Are you in here?”

I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, my back pressed up against the rough stone of the small cavern that was just one of many that marred the walls of the Underground. I sniffed noisily, rubbing my hand across my face to get rid of the tears that had tracked pathways down through the dirt on my cheeks.

Levi’s small, dark silhouette blocked out the dim light of the entrance for a moment as he entered the cavern, and then he was on his hands and knees as he crawled toward me. He reached me and sat back on the rocky earth beside me, glancing over at me in the faintly lit cavern. “What’s wrong, (F/N)?” He noticed the tear stains on my face and his lips pursed into a small, thin line. “Did your dad hurt you again?”

I nodded and buried my face in my knees, feeling tears well up in my eyes again.

He was silent for a moment and then he scooted closer to me, putting a thin arm around my shoulders as he said, “Where did he hurt you this time?”

I lifted my head and met his gaze through my tears. “He hurt my neck.” I said in a quavering voice, pointing to the dark fingerprint shaped bruises that were appearing around my windpipe. I straightened out one of my legs, showing him my tattered skirt and the new, large rip that marked the fabric. “But I’m even more upset that when he held me down this time, he ripped my skirt.”

A dark look came over Levi’s face as he looked at the tear and then back to the bruises around my throat. “Tch. I’ll kill him, (F/N). I promise. One day, when I leave here and join the Scouts, I’ll be strong enough to come back and kill him. Then he’ll be sorry he ever hurt you.”

I clenched my fists at my sides as he talked, squeezing and releasing my fingers in agitated movement. I was terrified of what he was saying, but I was more terrified of myself, for honestly hoping he would fulfill that promise someday.

Levi squeezed my shoulders and gave me a reassuring smile, his teeth flashing white against dirty skin and the dim light of the cavern. He put his other hand over one of mine, stopping my agitated movement. “Stop worrying, (F/N). I’ll protect you. I always will.” He released me and started crawling toward the cavern’s opening, calling over his shoulder, “Now, come on. Let’s go play. And maybe if we’re lucky, there’ll be dinner again tonight.”

FLASHBACK END


	8. Trigger

The next morning I entered the mess hall to loud, boisterous chatter from the cadets.

It was a free day, the day where there were no missions outside of the walls, a day when technically, if they didn’t have duties, they could all do as they pleased.

The excitement was evident in the air as I passed through the tables of laughing cadets and sat down at the officers’ table, cup of weak coffee held in my hand.

I sat next to Hange, who was studying a large stack of disarrayed papers that lay in front of her, and Erwin gave me a slight nod of his head in greeting from across the table as I sat down.

I glanced over to where Levi usually sat and noted that he hadn’t joined us this morning. I took a sip of my coffee and flicked a hand in the direction of his empty spot. “Where’s Corporal Sunshine this morning?”

Hange looked up from her paperwork. “Corporal Sunshine. I like it. That’s a new one he’s going to hate.” She threw a grin in my direction.

Erwin took a drink of his own coffee and, setting the mug down on the table, said, “He was up bright and early this morning and off to the barracks before everyone. Something about cleaning duty and how he couldn’t wait to ‘make those brats clean up their own filth.’”

Hange furrowed her brow. “I’ve never quite understood Rivaille. His obsession with cleaning and neatness is odd, to say the least.”

I glanced over at Hange, whose hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in days and whose glasses were so smudged I wondered how she could see out of them, and then said, “He grew up in a place that was never clean, surrounded by constant filth and dirt. It does crazy things to your head. When you finally get out of a place like that, you tend not to want to return to any semblance of that life again.” I lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. “Ackerman’s trigger into his past is dirt. It’s understandable he doesn’t want anything around him that reminds him of that godforsaken place.”

Hange was staring at me, studying me as I finished speaking, and suddenly her eyes lit up. “Hmm. Interesting, very interesting. I find human behavior so fascinating.” She cupped her chin in her hand and leaned on her elbow toward me. “What’s your trigger into your past, (F/N)?”

I felt my stomach leap nervously at her question and I took another drink of my coffee to cover up the look that came across my face at her words. I knew what the trigger into my past was, but I couldn’t possibly tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone. Not ever.

I gave her a weak smile and said as lightly as I could, “Me? I don’t have one. I had an uneventful childhood.”

“But didn’t you grow up in the Underground as well? No one grows up in that place and comes out unscathed. So there must be something….” Hange studied me and I knew she could read me like an open book. Suddenly, her eyes lit up again and she sat up straight. “Oh! OH.” She reached for some of the papers in front of her, moving to write something down, and in her hurried movement, knocked her cup of coffee off the table.

It splashed all over me, drenching the front of my shirt and running down onto my pants as the emptied cup fell into my lap.

The hot liquid hitting my skin instantly took me back to another place and time.

FLASHBACK

I handed Levi the chipped teacup full of steaming liquid with a proud smile and said excitedly, “Look, Levi! I made dinner all on my own. Aren’t you proud of me?”

He glanced at what was in the cup through his fingers and gave me a grin. “It looks great, (F/N). Where did you find it?”

I pulled out my own teacup, careful not to drip any of the precious liquid as I spooned some into my cup, and said, “Someone threw it out. Can you believe it?” I glanced down at the hot liquid that filled my cup and smiled again at the sight of the piece of leather that floated at the top of the water. I looked up at Levi again. “They threw out a perfectly good shoe, like they didn’t know you could use it to make delicious soup!”

He took a sip from his cup. “It’s good! You should have some too.”

I raised my cup to my lips, ready to take a sip as well, when my hands slipped on the worn porcelain. The cup dropped from my hands, and I fumbled to catch it, but was too late. The hot water spilled all down the front of my dress and muddied the dirt at my feet. I looked down at the worn piece of leather that lay in the mud, and started to cry.

Instantly, Levi was at my side, an arm around my shoulders. “It’s okay, (F/N). Don’t cry. Here, you can have mine.” He held out his own teacup to me.

I sniffed and said through my tears, “But there’s no more. You won’t have any if I take yours.”

He gave me a smile and pushed the teacup into my hands. “It’s all right. I already ate once today. I’ll be fine. I want you to have it.”

FLASHBACK END

Hange stood up quickly, knocking her chair over in her rush, as she said frantically, a look of horror on her face, “Oh, (F/N)! I am so sorry! I’ll go get some napkins. Hang on!”

She rushed off to find some napkins in the mess hall.

I stood and set the empty coffee cup on the table, letting out a long sigh as I looked down at my stained uniform. I glanced over at Erwin. “When Hange comes back, tell her not to bother. I’ll just go and change.”

He nodded and I left the mess hall, cursing under my breath as the wet material of my pants chafed against my legs.

I walked out into the bright morning sunlight and covered my eyes with my hand for a moment, letting myself get adjusted to the change in lighting. When I could see again, I resumed my walk back to the officer’s quarters.

I passed the cadets’ barracks on my way, and paused for a moment, catching sight of Levi standing outside the building, barking orders at some cadets who held mops and brooms and buckets in their hands.

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at his outfit. He had a handkerchief tied around his mouth to block out the dust and he wore normal, work roughened clothes, not his usual corporal uniform. He held a broom in his hand, lifted slightly threateningly toward the cadets as if he wasn’t afraid to use it as a weapon if need be.

The cadets’ rushed inside, hurrying to do his bidding, and he turned, catching sight of me watching them. He raised an eyebrow at me as he saw the stains covering my uniform and pulled the handkerchief down from his mouth as he said sarcastically, “Oi, (L/N). Looks like we need to clean you next.”

I shot him a glare. “Don’t insult me when you’re wearing that getup. You’re giving me too many insults to work with here.” I motioned to the handkerchief around his neck and the broom in his hand.

He scoffed. “Tch. You’d do well to take some lessons from me. You’re filthy.”

I rolled my eyes at him and started to walk away. “Whatever. I don’t have to take this from you today, Ackerman. It’s a free day, which means I can ignore you all I want and no one can say anything about it, not even you.”

“(L/N).”

I stopped for a moment as he called out my name. I glanced over my shoulder at him. He had the broom propped lazily across his shoulders now, his hands on either side of the handle as he studied me for a brief second before saying, “I’m sure being that dirty is driving you crazy. Go clean up before you lose it on someone other than me.”

He turned and walked back into the barracks.

I stood there for a moment, contemplating what he had said, knowing that the only reason he knew how tense my stained clothes were making me was because they would have the exact same effect on him. I groaned inwardly.

How was I supposed to stay away from him, the trigger into my past, if he was the only one who truly understood, every moment, how that past affected me?


	9. Training

I sat in front of the officers’ quarters, taking advantage of the shade the building provided, as I worked on some paperwork I had left unattended for far too long.

I heard footsteps approach me and without looking up from my papers, I said in an irritated tone, “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, Corporal….”

I finally looked up at the tall, sandy haired young man fidgeting in front of me and dropped the paperwork into my lap with an exasperated sigh. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be, Johnson? It’s a free day. Can’t you spend this one day far, far away from my sight?”

He swallowed nervously and his eyes darted to my face quickly and then back to the ground at my feet as he stuttered out, “Corporal, I’m sorry to bother you. I just….I wanted to ask….”

I let him stumble over his words for a moment and then barked out, “What is it, Johnson?”

He snapped to attention at my tone and said hurriedly, “I just wanted to know if you’d teach me hand to hand combat, sir! I mean, ma’am! Corporal!”

I raised an eyebrow at him, my interested piqued just a bit more. Why did he care about learning anything more than they were taught in training? Beside, hand to hand was outdated, no one used it anymore because of the 3DM.

I let him grow steadily more uncomfortable in the silence for a few more moments and then asked, “Hand to hand combat, huh? How do you even know I know anything to teach you, Johnson?”

His light blue eyes flicked to my face once again and he swallowed hard, a trickle of sweat rolling down his brow and onto his cheek. “Yesterday, when you gave me your 3DM. You were left on the ground with nothing but your blades. You have to know more than what they taught us in training. If not, you wouldn’t have risked staying on the ground like that.”

“I’m impressed, Johnson.” I stood from the chair, dropping the pile of paperwork on the empty seat, and then walked over to him, circling around him as I looked him up and down. I was simply doing it to make him more nervous, but I did take the chance to study him a bit more. He was tall, and lanky, and obviously from a farming community. I could tell from the callouses on his hands and the stoop of his shoulders. He had grown up holding a plow. And I bet he wasn’t the oldest son, or else his father wouldn’t have let him leave to join the scouts. He would have had to stay to take over the family farm. I stopped in front of him and crossed my arms over my chest as I gave him a pointed stare. “The fact that you observed all of that as quickly as you did when we were in danger yesterday says something about you.”

“Thank you…..” He started to say, but I held up my hand to cut him off.

“I don’t like my cadets to thank me for anything. It makes me uncomfortable. Staying alive each mission is your thanks to me.” I walked past him and motioned for him to follow me toward the training arena.

We walked in silence, Johnson staying slightly behind me, our boots creating clouds of dust. When we reached the training area, I strode over to the chest where the training weapons were stored and threw open the lid, flicking my fingers for Johnson to come up beside me. I pointed to a blade that lay on the top of the pile of weapons. “Use that. It’s similar to the weight, length, and feel of the 3DM blades we use.”

He picked up the blade, turning it in his hands as he inspected it, the sunlight flashing off the steel of the blade.

I shucked off my jacket and picked up another blade, similar to the one that I had had Johnson take, and turned to face the young cadet.

“You ready, Johnson?” I stretched my arms up and above my head, working the kinks out of my back and shoulders so I’d be flexible for the fight.

Johnson looked up from his blade and his eyes went wide as they trailed down my body. A bright red blush instantly bloomed across his cheeks and he glanced away from me in embarrassment.

A smirk crossed my lips. I had forgotten what I was wearing due to my uniform being covered in coffee from the incident with Hange earlier. I had thrown on a pair of worn, form fitting leggings and an old cropped t-shirt that ended just above my belly button. Years in the survey corps had toned my once nonexistent muscles and tanned my pale childhood skin, and even though I didn’t give a damn, I knew that I wasn’t hard to look at. I lowered my arms, Johnson still avoiding looking in my direction, and decided to use this to my advantage.

I whipped my blade out in front of me, causing Johnson to stumble back in shock just in time to avoid having the front of his uniform sliced into. I pulled back my blade and said, “Dead.” He gave me a confused look and I motioned to him with the tip of my blade. “Right there. You were distracted. And you’d be dead.” I motioned him forward with my fingers and got back into a defensive position. “Now do it again.”

He held the sword awkwardly out in front of him and lunged toward me, but I sidestepped his advance easily, causing him to stumble, and brought my sword down gently on the back of his neck. “Dead. Again.”

He whirled around, swinging the sword wildly, and I met his blade with my own, the metal clanging together in a shower of sparks. I forced his blade downward and swiped my sword across the air in front of his now exposed abdomen. “Dead. Again.”

He furrowed his brow and a determined look flashed across his face. He took a step back and studied my stance for a moment, before coming at me again. This time, he met my sword a few times before I disarmed him, sending his sword thudding to the ground by his feet. I stepped back as he picked up his weapon, wiping a hand across my brow, and said, “That was better, Johnson. You thought things through that time instead of just letting your anger drive you. Do it again.”

We did exercises like that, him coming for me, over and over again until he could start to hold his own when I countered his attacks. Eventually, he was blocking and parrying my blows and the sword no longer looked awkward held in his hands.

After I had driven him back another time, I dropped the blade to my side and we paused for a moment, both of us breathing hard, sweat dripping down our faces. I raised an eyebrow at him and after catching my breath said, “I’m impressed, Johnson. You did better than I expected.”

He grinned at me and wiped his arm across his forehead, clearing away some of the beads of sweat. “Thank you, Corporal. It’s all due to your teaching.” He rested the tip of his sword on the ground by his feet and said hesitantly, “I hope you don’t think I’m too forward, but who taught you to fight?”

I walked over to the weapons box and dropped my dusty blade back into the chest. I turned to look at him as he came over and dropped his sword in as well. “I grew up in a hellhole of a place. I should have known how to fight and protect myself a lot sooner. Believe it or not, I didn’t learn hand to hand until I joined the Scouts.”

Johnson’s eyes widened. “Really? They taught you all of that back then? Wow. Must have been really different than the training now.”

I picked up my jacket and slipped it back on. “Yeah, well, it was a different time.” I glanced over in the direction of the mess hall, realizing that we had spent a lot more time training than I had thought, and everyone was gathering for dinner. I turned to Johnson and motioned him toward the mess hall. “Now get out of here. Go eat dinner and spend what’s left of your free day with the rest of the cadets.”

He grinned at me and gave me a stiff salute. “Yes, Corporal.”


	10. Swim

After dinner, I walked back alone to the officers’ quarters.

The sun had set and twilight shadows were beginning to cover the ground. Most of the cadets were in their barracks for the night, gambling or drinking or messing around with their fellow squadmates. I passed a few groups who were still out around some of the fires, talking and laughing quietly amongst themselves.

When I reached the barracks where Levi had been cleaning earlier, I noted that the lanterns were still lit in some of the lower floor rooms, even though I knew that that building wasn’t full of cadets and they only occupied the upper floors.

I stopped for a moment, leaning against a tree, my arms crossed across my chest, as I watched the windows of the lower floor. Just as I had predicted, I saw a small, dark figure dart past one of the windows, broom in hand. I rolled my eyes. I knew I’d still find him here when he hadn’t shown up for dinner.

I started to turn to leave and continue walking back to my quarters, but something made me pause. I glanced over my shoulder at the brightly lit windows again and let out an annoyed sigh. Why did I feel the need to do this to myself?

I walked over to the barracks and pushed open the heavy, worn, oak door. It creaked as it swung open to reveal the lit common room beyond, and Levi, who had been crouched in the corner, scrubbing at something on the floor, glanced up at me as my shadow fell across the floorboards.

I leaned against the doorframe and raised my eyebrow at him. “Still cleaning, Ackerman? Don’t you think you’re just imagining dirty spots at this point?”

He pulled the handkerchief from off his mouth and let it drop down around his neck as his black, blank eyes met mine. His face remained emotionless as he said in a slightly scornful voice, “Tch. These brats are disgusting. I’m not imagining anything, (L/N).” He dropped his eyes down the length of my body, my open jacket, the cropped t-shirt I wore, the tight leggings, and then said flatly, “Trying out dressing like a girl for once, (L/N)?”

I gave him a cheeky smile as I stretched my arms above my head, revealing more of my skin as the shirt pulled up slightly. “Do you like what you see, Ackerman?”

He scoffed and dropped his dirty rag into the bucket at his feet. “I’m just glad you’re not wearing that disgusting stained uniform from earlier. Other than that, I couldn’t care less what you choose to wear.”

I dropped my arms back down to my side, slightly disappointed that I hadn’t been able to get a bigger rise out of him with my teasing, and then said, “Well fine. But I think I’m going to hike up and find that little lake above the barracks that all the cadets keep talking about and go for a swim before bed.” I raised my eyebrow at him again, testing how far I could go before I pushed him over the edge and he yelled at me. I loved pushing his buttons, and I was searching for just the right one this time. I needed a win after the last few days. And there was nothing that cheered me up more than annoying the hell out of this pompous ass. “So if you would prefer to see me without any clothes, male or female, you could come along, Ackerman.”

He furrowed his brow as he looked at me, but other than that, his face remained as devoid of emotion as ever. The look on his face as he studied me for a moment, however, reminded me of something in the back of my mind, something I had pushed away a long time ago.

FLASHBACK

“Levi! Come on!” I spoke in a loud whisper, waiting for him at the top of the large pile of fallen boulders, perched precariously on the edge of one of the stones with my bare feet.

“Shut up, dummy. I’m right here.” He climbed up beside me and shoved me a little, causing me to stumble backward as I laughed.

I took his hand in mine, his rough, cracked skin nestled against my palm, and dragged him up the rest of the boulders. When we reached the top of the dark pile of stones, we stood side by side for a moment, our fingers still intertwined.

I looked out over the large cistern finally full of water again and shot Levi a grin in the dark shadows of the Underground night. “See, I told you! They filled it this morning again for the year.”

The cistern was the main source of water for the Underground, and it was filled once a year, from cloudy, already dirty runoff water from the main city above. However, it didn’t matter. The one day a year when the cistern was filled, Levi and I would sneak out at night and go for a swim, the cold water cleaning our bodies of the year of grime that had accumulated.

I dropped Levi’s hand, my eyes never leaving the dark, mossy, pool of water at our feet, and stripped my tattered, dirty dress over my head. I dropped the ragged fabric at my feet, standing in the cool night air beside the edge of the pool in only my yellowed underwear and bra, and glanced over at Levi. He was staring at me, a slight blush colored his cheeks.

“Levi? What’s the matter?” I looked down at my body. We had been doing this for years, and even though we were older this year, thirteen and fourteen, he’d never paid attention to me before now. I was stick thin, all my ribs could be seen under my pale, translucent skin, and my joints were knobby from lack of fat. My skin was mottled with bruises in different stages of healing, green and yellow and dark purple. I noticed, however, that even though we never had enough to eat and I was the same everywhere else as I had been the year before, maybe even a little thinner, that I did fill out my bra more than I ever had before now.

I raised my eyes back to Levi, who looked away in embarrassment when my gaze met his dark one, and couldn’t help a smile from crossing my lips. I shoved him. “Come on, dummy. Get undressed. It’s time to swim!”

I dove into the water without waiting for him, and the cold took my breath away as I submerged myself under the dark, turbulent surface. I came back up for air, my hair wet and plastered against my forehead, just as Levi dove into the pool beside me. He surfaced next to me and I spit some water at him before saying, “Race you to the other side!”

I took off, my arms cutting through the water, Levi close behind me. It took us just a few moments to reach the other side of the small cistern, and as I grabbed the lip of the tank and turned to watch Levi come up just short of me, he gave me a grin and splashed some water at me. “You cheated. You didn’t give me time to get ready.”  
I pushed some wet, heavy hair out of my eyes and grinned back at him. “Whatever. You’re the one who promised to never leave me behind again. But I made no such promise.”

He laughed and ducked under the water. I felt his arms go around my legs and I shrieked as he pulled me underneath the murky water again.

FLASHBACK END

Coming out of the memory, I suddenly felt an aching in my chest as my eyes focused back on Levi, who was still watching me, his dark, flat gaze unwavering. I had been messing with him before, trying to get him to blow his top, but now, I really did want him to go for a swim with me. Just like old times.

“Oi, (L/N). Did you fall mute or something?”

I opened my mouth, and almost without my bidding, his name fell from my lips, a name that I hadn’t used in years. “Levi, I…..”

Instantly, I realized what I had said and I clapped a hand over my mouth. A strange look, maybe it was my imagination, flashed quickly across his face as his name came from my lips, and he took a step toward me, as if drawn by an invisible thread.

I stepped back from him and turning, rushed out the door into the dark night. Tears started to fill my eyes as I ran blindly through the shadows, back toward the officers’ quarters.

What an idiot. We’d spent years together now in the corps. He’d never acted like he cared once since he brought me here. Why did I think things would suddenly go back to the way they were before? I had to stop these memories. I wasn’t good enough for Levi Rivaille Ackerman anymore.

And I had to accept that and bury him in the Underground with everything else.


	11. Favors

The next morning, after not sleeping much the night before, I trudged along beside Hange to the mess hall.

She was chattering on like usual, stopping just for a moment to push her smudged glasses farther up the bridge of her nose, before she continued onward with her verbal tirade. Normally, I would attempt to humor her by at least listening to some of what she was saying, but this morning, I couldn’t focus on her words. I had a pounding in my head and I was dreading seeing Levi at the officers’ table after last night.

We entered the mess hall and I slumped down at the officers’ table beside Erwin, who raised an eyebrow at me and said, “Something wrong, (L/N)?”

I straightened and took the cup of coffee Hange offered me, taking a long sip of the hot liquid. “No, sir. Just a little tired. I’m fine.”

I avoided looking in Levi’s direction, instead, focusing on taking measured sips of my coffee as I scanned the roomful of cadets. I spotted the cadets from my squad gathered around their usual table, joking and shoving each other as they ate. I caught sight of Johnson, seated next to Miller, and for a brief moment, I wished all of the cadets had the foresight to train and ask questions like he did. I would never admit it out loud, but that kid just kept on impressing me.

Hange flicked my arm from across the table and I brought my gaze back to her as she gave me a bright grin and said excitedly, “We should pair up our squads for today’s mission, (F/N)! That would be fun.” She turned quickly to Erwin, her eyes lit up with excitement behind the glass of her spectacles. “Can we, Erwin? Can we?”

Erwin didn’t look up from his paperwork as he sat down his coffee cup and said matter of factly, “I’m sorry, Hange. (L/N)’s and Ackerman’s squads will be paired together again today.”

I couldn’t help it, I groaned under my breath. “Damn it all.” I let the words slip out past my lips and Erwin glanced up at me again, a stern look on his face.

“Is there something wrong with my orders, Corporal (L/N)?”

I bit my tongue and said through gritted teeth, “No, sir. I’m sorry.” I clenched my fists in my lap under the cover of the table.

Levi spoke up from the other side of the commander. “Tch. If she won’t say it, I will. We can’t be paired together, Erwin. She’s a liability and her group of brats are too inexperienced for the field. They put us all in danger last mission.”

I stood up from the table so quickly that I knocked my chair to the floor behind me, but I was so mad, I didn’t care. I slammed my hands down on the table and glared at Levi, who regarded me with his normal, flat, blank stare, raising his teacup to his lips. “You’re an ass, you know that?” I leaned toward him, my eyes flashing with anger. “Everywhere I go, everything I do, you’re always there somehow, to make fun of me, or tell me I’m not good enough, or tell me that I’m stupid.”

He lowered the teacup from his lips and said in a bored tone, “I’m only trying to do you a favor, (L/N). You’re going to get yourself killed if you keep up this reckless behavior.”  
“Well, then, You know what, Ackerman?” I straightened and stepped back from the table, my gaze still boring into his. “I’m not your little Underground pet project. I don’t need you. So. Stop. Doing. Me. Favors.”

I turned and stalked out of the dining hall, some of the cadets who had overheard our argument staring at me with wide eyes as I pushed past them. I marched to the stables and threw the tack on my horse, making it slightly skitterish with the force I applied to the straps as I tightened them. I clenched the reins in my fist and led the horse out into the sunshine, just as my squad exited the dining hall to hear our mission assignments for the day.

“Corporal!” Miller called out to me as I approached them all. She threw me a quick salute and then said, “What’s our orders today? Are we going outside the wall again?”

I led the horse past the group of cadets, not stopping to acknowledge them as I said briskly, “Get geared up. If you’re not at the gate in five minutes, ready to go, we’re leaving without you and you’ll do two hours of extra training tonight.”

They didn’t move, staring after me with slightly confused looks on their faces, so I barked back over my shoulder, “NOW IDIOTS.”

They scattered to find their gear and ready their horses.

Five minutes later, they were all present at the gate, all mounted and ready for orders. I pulled my horse around to face them and stated loudly, so they could all hear, “We’ll be paired with the special forces squad again today. However, remember, Corporal Ackerman does not give you orders, I do. You will listen and heed me at all times. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Corporal!”

I started to speak again, when I was cut off by Levi approaching, followed by the trio and the rest of the special forces squad. I clenched my teeth together, trying to stifle the rage that was burning in my chest, as he pulled his horse up beside me and looked out over the group, his stare emotionless. “I’ll take it from here, (L/N).”

I wanted to land a punch right in the middle of his stupid, arrogant, blank face, but instead, I clenched my fists harder around the reins in my hands until my knuckles were white. He studied the group before us for a moment and then I noticed that he furrowed his brow just a bit and ground his teeth, a dark look coming over his face as if he didn’t want to say what he had to next. “Tch. I’ve just received news from Commander Smith that the titans have once again somehow breached Wall Maria.” Anger washed across his normally expressionless face for a brief second and then it was gone just as quickly. “It’s our job to head to the south and see how many have breached the wall and do what we can to stop it. We will be accompanied by other squads, but they will be performing their own objectives separate of ours. We are essentially on our own, so watch each other’s backs. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Corporal.”

I glanced over at my squad and noted that Johnson had gone pale during Levi’s speech and his forehead was suddenly covered with a fine sheen of sweat.

Levi motioned for all of us to move out as the gate was lifted for us, and as everyone spurred their horses forward and through the gate, I pulled back to ride beside Johnson, who still looked as if he was going to be sick at any moment.

We rode in silence for a few moments, our gazes kept straight ahead as we exited through the gate and into the countryside beyond. When we were outside, I glanced over at Johnson and commanded, “All right, Johnson. What happened back there? You went white as a ghost.”

He swallowed hard. “The titans. They came in through the south….”

I flicked my gaze down to his hands, which had tightened on the reins as he spoke. He was visibly upset. I let out a long breath and then said, “Your village. It’s in the southeast then?” He nodded silently and I asked, “Your family? They’re still there?”

I glanced to the front of the group, where Levi led the cadets, and then back to Johnson. I looked over my shoulder to the cadets behind us and then jerked my horse closer to Johnson’s, so our legs were practically touching. I leaned over to him and said quietly, “Okay, listen to me closely. We’re headed to the Southeast for the mission anyway. I’ll go ahead with you, maybe if we hurry, we can warn everyone and get them out before the titans hit the villages. We’ll take Miller with us. A smaller group will move more quickly. And then hopefully, by the time we’ve cleared everyone out, Ackerman will be there with the rest of the forces to help us take down the incoming titans.”

Johnson glanced over at me, his eyes wide in his white face, and whispered back, “But…..why would you do that for me?”

I scoffed and straightened back on my horse, pulling away from him again as I glanced back to Levi, who hadn’t turned once to look at us. “I’m not doing it for you, idiot. I just don’t like to see innocent people die if I can help it.” I flicked my fingers at him. “Now, come on. Move it. Drop back and tell Miller she’s to accompany us. That’s an order.”

Johnson hesitated for a moment and then pulled back on his mount, falling back through the ranks to ride beside Miller, who had brought up the rear of the group. I kicked my horse forward and trotted up to take my place back beside Levi at the head of the group.

As I fell in beside him, he shot me a glance out of the corner of his eye and then said, “Oi, (L/N). What were you and that cadet talking about?”

I didn’t look at him, I was still too angry with what he had said earlier, but I snapped back a reply, keeping my gaze ahead of us. “Not that it’s any of your business, Ackerman, but his village is located to the southeast.” I glanced over my shoulder and saw Miller and Johnson approaching, riding along the side of the group to reach me.

I finally looked over at Levi, who had noticed the two cadets fall in behind me, and noted that it seemed as if a flash of anger broke through the emotionless sea of his eyes, but it was gone before I could be sure. He scoffed. “Tch. Don’t tell me you told them they could go and warn the village ahead of us. This is exactly what I meant earlier when I said you were reckless, (L/N).”

“That’s exactly what I told them.” I stated confidently, giving him a glare. “With one exception-I told them I’d accompany them.”

He jerked back on his mount, causing the animal to slide to an abrupt stop in the mud under its feet and the rest of our party almost crashed into us as they pulled back their animals, some letting out snorts of annoyance at the sudden stop.

He turned to me and this time there was indeed anger in his dark eyes as he addressed me in a dangerous voice. “You told them what?”

The anger in his normally flat voice sent a shiver down my spine, but I steeled myself and returned his gaze, saying in a strong voice, “I told them I would go with them to warn and evacuate the villages. And we’re wasting time talking about it. So we need to leave now.” I motioned Miller and Johnson to come up beside me. I raised an eyebrow at Levi and said, “There’s nothing you can do to stop me. We’re equal in this world.”

His lips pressed into a thin displeased line. “Tch.” He pulled the black stallion’s head around to face the group of cadets behind us. “Corporal (L/N) will be leaving us to ride ahead to warn and evacuate the villages. That means that I expect you brats to all listen to me and do what I say. Is that clear?”

My cadets all looked to me hesitantly, remembering the speech I had given them before we had left the city. I gave them a slight nod and then glanced over at Levi, who was watching me. I flicked my fingers across my forehead in a slight, quick salute to him, knowing he’d understand the gratitude I was trying to get across with the small gesture, and then turned to Miller and Johnson, who stood at the ready.

“Miller, Johnson. We need to stay ahead of those bastards. Let’s go.”


	12. Reckless

We rode hard and fast, and when we came upon the village, we left the sweating, exhausted horses tied to a tree just out of view of the first few houses.

The three of us crept through the trees, keeping to the shadows as much as possible, and when we reached the first house, I held up a hand to stop the two cadets and glanced over at Johnson. “Johnson. Listen to me.” I spoke in a low, hurried voice. “No matter what we find out there, you have to stay focused. Do you understand me?”

His blue eyes met mine and he held my serious gaze for just moment before he gave me a curt nod of understanding. I flicked my eyes over to Miller, who was crouched at my other side, and she gave me a thumbs up to signal she was ready, a look of determination creasing her brow.

We started to moved again, making our way silently around the side of the house. I hadn’t seen any signs that the titans had beaten us here, there were no screams, no footprints, no destruction that I had seen, but we couldn’t be too careful.

I paused before emerging from the shelter of the house. I could feel the sweat starting to accumulate on my brow, and I wiped away the moisture with my forearm, before I flicked my fingers at the two cadets, motioning for them to follow me forward.

We came around the corner of the house and suddenly, the village was in view before us. Everything was silent, and there was not a titan or person in sight that I could see.

I heard Miller let out the breath she had been holding behind me and then she said in a relieved tone, “They’re gone. They were warned in time.”

I glanced over at Johnson, whose eyes scanned over the village quickly, and noticed that he wasn’t expressing any sort of relief. Miller noticed too, and she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, saying, “Johnson? Aren’t you happy? Your family’s okay. Someone warned them before the titans got here.”

A crashing suddenly echoed through the trees at the north end of the village, and I looked across the rooftops in time to see a 15 meter titan emerge from the treeline, smashing into one of the houses in the distance. “And just in time too. Here they come.” I turned and motioned for Miller and Johnson to follow me. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before they all turn up. We need to join back up with the squad.”

Miller turned to follow me, but Johnson remained where he was, frozen, as he watched another titan emerge from the trees at the far end of the village.

I stopped and turned back to him. “Johnson. Come on. What are you doing?”

“My house….” He spoke in a halting voice, his eyes still locked on the titans. “It’s at the far end of the village. Why would the titans be here if everyone had already been evacuated?” He whirled to face us, his eyes widening with sudden terror. “My house is down there. What if they didn’t leave? What if they’re not gone?”

“Johnson, that’s impossible.” Miller took a step toward him, speaking in a calming, reasoning voice. “Why would everyone else be gone, but your family still be here?”

Suddenly, a scream echoed from the far end of the village, coming from the area where the titans were.

Johnson flung his head around at the sound and before I could stop him, he bolted, sprinting toward the titans towering in the distance.

“Johnson! Get back here!” I yelled after him, but he ignored me and disappeared from sight around the corner of one of the houses.

I swore under my breath and turned to Miller, who was still looking at where Johnson had disappeared, her eyes wide with shock. I took her by the shoulders and shook her, making her look at me. “Miller, listen to me. Get back to the horses. Fire a flare. Let Ackerman and the squad know exactly where we are, and wait for them to get to you. I’m going after Johnson.”

She hesitated for a moment and then said shakily, “Yes, corporal!” She took off, running back in the direction we had come.

I whipped out the line for my 3DM and anchored it to the roof of the house in front of me, leaping up and onto the shingles. I jumped from rooftop to rooftop with the help of the 3DM, keeping an eye out for Johnson as I moved. He had been on foot, he’d be slower than I was.

When I reached the area of the village where the titans were, I paused, surveying the situation in front of me. The two 15 meters had now been joined by a few other 10 and 7 meter titans. Johnson had been right. Why would they all be drawn here if there was no one here for them to prey on?

I glanced off the rooftop to my right and caught sight of Johnson, creeping along the wall of one of the houses. Swinging off the rooftop on the 3DM line, I landed a few houses over from him and crept between the walls until I caught sight of where he was crouched.

Being quiet, so as not to attract the attention of any of the titans, I padded over to Johnson and crouched beside him. “What the hell were you thinking?” I hissed at him, glancing over at one of the smaller titans as it smashed open one of the house’s doors.

“I heard a scream. My family’s still here.” He said, gritting his teeth, his hand going to the blade at his waist. “I swear, if they hurt them….”

I put a hand on his arm. “Don’t be rash, Johnson. There’s only the two of us until the squad gets here. How many do you think we could really take out on our own?”

Suddenly, another scream echoed through the village, much closer this time.

I dug my fingers into Johnson’s arm, keeping him in place, as one of the larger titans pulled its hand out of one of the houses, a wriggling form clenched in its fist. Its gaping mouth open in a snarling grin, the titan let out a loud bellow as it raised the struggling figure to its lips, saliva dripping down its chin and onto its sunken chest.

I felt Johnson tense beside me and I glanced over at him. His eyes were wide as he focused on the person in the titan’s hand, and suddenly, he was screaming. “That’s my house! That’s my mom! You bastard! Let her go!”

He lunged, reaching down to pull out his blades as he did so, but I grabbed him and dragged him backward, pulling him back against the wall of the house with me. I threw a hand over his mouth to shut him up and wrapped my other arm around his body as he struggled to break free. His screams of agony and anger were muffled under my hand, and I could feel his hot tears running over my knuckles as I held him back. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t let him give us away. We’d be dead for sure if he drew their attention to us.

The titan, still holding the screaming, flailing woman, finished raising her to its lips and in one smooth motion, bit her small body in half with its giant canines. Blood sprayed across the titan’s face as it chewed, the limp lower body still held in its grasp.

Johnson went limp in my grip, and his yells of anger turned to body wracking sobs. I held him up, not releasing my hold on him, as we both stayed hidden against the wall of the house. I leaned my head back against the brick and closed my eyes for a brief moment, gritting my teeth against emotion and feeling the hot tears gather in my own eyes as Johnson continued to grieve.

Another scream rang out across the empty village, this one shriller and higher pitched than the first.

“My sister!” Johnson straightened and started to fight against my grip again. “That’s my sister! Mory!”

I released my hold on him and shoved him back against the wall of the house, putting my hands on his shoulders as I looked at him, hard. “Johnson, listen to me. I’ll get her. But you have to stay here. They’ll rip you apart and I need you to keep our position a secret until the squad gets here. Am I clear?”

I didn’t wait for him to nod. I shot up onto the rooftop, pulling my blades out as I landed lightly on the roof. I glanced over the group of titans and saw one of the smaller 10 meters digging in a house for something. I heard the scream again. She was in the house. If she could just stay hidden until I got there….

I swung forward on the 3DM, headed for the 10 meter titan, when one of the 15 meters noticed me. It shambled toward me, arms outstretched, mouth hanging open, bloody teeth speckled with saliva. I whipped a wide arc around it and slashed my blade across its neck as I came back around. With a crash, it fell onto the houses, crushing the buildings beneath its large body like paper.

I flicked out one of my 3DM lines and attached it to the neck of the 10 meter, that was still rummaging in the house for what I could only hope was Johnson’s little sister. With an enraged yell, I lifted my blade above my head and in a swift motion, shot to the 10 meter, bringing the sword straight down into its neck. With a spray of dark blood, the 10 meter fell, crushing part of the house it had been digging in.

I landed on the ground beside its fallen body and darted into the house, praying that the little girl was all right. “Mory! Mory, are you in here?” I called out, frantically searching through some of the fallen rubble in the dark interior of the house.

As my eyes grew accustomed to the dim light, I caught sight of her, knees drawn to her thin chest, hands over her eyes, as she huddled fearfully in a corner.

I approached her and crouched down beside her, gently reaching out to remove her small hands from her tear soaked eyes. She looked at me fearfully and I have her a small smile as I said, “Mory, I’m here to help you. Can you trust me? If you come with me, you can see your brother, okay?” I heard a crash from the house next door and knew the titans were moving in due to the fall of their brother nearby. I glanced back at the little girl and held out a hand, saying, “We have to leave right now, Mory. Will you come with me?”

She hesitated for a brief moment and then put her small, dirty hand into mine. I pulled her to her feet and slung her onto my back. I looked over my shoulder at her and gave her another reassuring smile. “Hold on tight, okay?”

We shot up onto the roof of the house, narrowly missing the swinging hand of the other 15 meter titan as it made a move to grab at us as we emerged. I shot the 3DM line out to another house and another, and soon, we were back to where I had left Johnson.

I dropped to the ground beside him, and when he saw his sister clinging to my back, his eyes immediately filled with tears. He grabbed the little girl up into a tight hug. “Mory! You’re all right!”

I glanced back toward the south side of the village. “You and Mory need to get back to the horses and safety.” I swore under my breath. “Where in the hell is Ackerman with the rest of our squad?”

Johnson heard what I had muttered to myself and turned to look at me, surprise flashing across his face. “Wait, you didn’t see him down there?”

I looked at him, distracted for a moment. “See who where?”

“Corporal Ackerman.” Johnson raised his eyebrows at me. “The squad got here just a few minutes ago. He came to check on us, Miller must have told him we were down here, and when I told him where you were, he came to find you.” He drew his brows back down in worry. “You didn’t see him down there?”

Nausea filled my stomach. Levi had gone after me by himself? Why would he do something that stupid? And where was he? I pulled out my blades again. “Johnson, get your sister to safety. I’ll be back.”

I readied myself to use the 3DM again, but before I could leave the room, Johnson called out, “Wait, Corporal! What are you going to do?”

I glanced over my shoulder at him. “I’m going to go and find Ackerman. And when I do, I’m going to kill that damn fool for being so reckless.”


	13. Debt

I flew across the housetops on the 3DM lines, the hot wind whipping my hair around my face as I searched frantically for Levi.

Where was he? What the hell had he been thinking going in without backup?

I swung off of one of the rooftops, toward one of the smaller 7 meter titans that ambled along below me between the houses. With a yell, I swung my sword across the back of its neck as I passed, sending it crashing to the ground as crimson blood sprayed upward across my face.

I kicked off the wall of the opposite house and righted myself on the lines as I shot forward again, headed toward another titan, a 10 meter this time, looming above the next rooftop.

It opened its large jaws as I approached it, reaching out a dirty, bloodied hand toward me as if to try and swipe me out of the air. I spun on the lines, my blades whirling out in front of me, and sliced easily through its outstretched fingers, the severed digits flying through the air in all directions as blood splashed onto the rooftop below.

Adjusting my trajectory, I whipped upwards using the 3DM and, using the titan’s large shoulder as a leverage point, planted my boot in the groove of its clavicle and vaulted over its back, swiping my sword across the nape of its neck as I tumbled through the air.

The titan plummeted to the ground, destroying what was left of the bloody, wrecked house beneath it.

I glanced over my shoulder at its steaming body and muttered under my breath, “And stay down, you bloody bastard.”

I paused on the next rooftop, wiping the blood from my vision, and searched the horizon again for Levi.

I swore under my breath. Where the hell was he? If he had really gone looking for me, wouldn’t he be in this area still? Unless……

An enraged yell drew my attention to my left. I glanced over the rooftops, just in time to see Levi vault over the head of one of the titans, his sword dripping blood, held to the sky, as the titan toppled to the ground beneath him.

I felt relief instantly bloom in my chest at the sight of him, instantly followed by anger at his reckless behavior. And he had said I did stupid things in battle. I’d never let him forget this.

I shot forward on the 3DM lines, headed toward Levi, who had lightly landed on a rooftop next to the fallen titan he had just taken down. I had almost reached him, when a titan loomed up behind him.

“Ackerman. Get down!” I yelled out, coming at them way too fast to slow down. I’d have to use the extra momentum to take out the titan behind him.

He glanced up at me, seeming to understand what I was trying to do, and rolled out of the way at the last minute. I shot over his head, hooking my line into the shoulder of the grinning titan, but it threw off my planned path, as it threw out an arm to try and knock me out of the air.

I swerved on the 3DM, narrowly missing its grasping fingers, and with a grunt of effort, brought one of my blades down on its forearm as I whipped past. I heard the bone crack under the sword and the titan’s arm fell limply back down to its side as it turned its head to follow my flight path.

I swung in a wide arc around it and came back again, blade raised. It had turned slightly to track my movements. I’d have to hit the angle on the back of its neck just right to take it down.

I adjusted the pathway of the 3DM slightly as I approached the large titan, and with one, hard diagonal swing, brought the sword down on its neck.

I landed back on the rooftop beside Levi as the titan, its mouth still agape, crashed to the ground behind me.

I shot him a glare as another titan approached us, its strides long and uneven as it walked among the toppled houses. “What the hell…..”

The titan smashed a hand down on the rooftop, trying to grab us. I leaped out of the way, rolling back to my feet as Levi did the same on the other side of the titans large, dirty arm. I shot him another dagger filled glare as the titan lifted its arm slowly back up to try and strike again. “What the.” The arm crashed down again, this time causing me to leap back to the other side of the roof beside Levi. “Hell.” I whipped out a 3DM line and sank it into the chest of the now aggravated titan. It lifted its arm again, fingers grasping toward us, and I flew up slightly on the line, slicing my blade through the fingers of its hand in one quick motion. “Were you.” I swung outward on the line as the injured titan dropped its mauled hand back to its side, blood pouring from the places where its fingers had been. It snatched outward through the air with its other, uninjured hand, but I easily evaded the grab, coming back around to swipe my blade neatly across the nape of its neck. As it toppled to the ground, I landed back on the roof beside Levi, blood dripping from my blade, and glared at him once again. “Thinking?”

He raised an eyebrow at me, his black eyes unreadable and then said in monotone, “What the hell were you thinking, (L/N)?”

I glanced behind me, seeing another titan approaching us, and then said in an irritated voice, wiping my bloody blade on my pants, “There was a little girl in danger. I had everything under control.”

He shot past me on the 3DM line, smoothly manuvering around the incoming titan as he sunk one of his blades into its neck, sending it tumbling to the ground, smoke billowing from the large gash in its nape.

He touched down on the roof beside me again, his face speckled with blood, and said flatly, “I don’t care if you had it under control. It was irresponsible. And reckless.”

I opened my mouth to retort back at him, that he had been the most reckless of us all, when his eyes flicked to something behind me, and I heard it. The footsteps of a titan.

I turned, just in time to see a large hand coming down on top of me.

I didn’t have time to move. I couldn’t 3DM out of this. This was it. I was going to die. Like this. To one of these damn bastards.

Suddenly, someone crashed into me right before the hand came down on me, and the titan’s large hand missed me and crashed through the roof of the house. We tumbled down with the collapsing roof, and I landed hard on my back, the wind knocked out of me. I expected to be looking up at the sky through the large hole in the collapsed roof, but instead, when I opened my eyes, I was staring right into Levi’s dark gaze.

His black hair fell messily over his forehead and into his eyes as he straddled me on hands and knees. There was a deep, new gash down his temple which was dripping crimson blood down the side of his face. One of the red droplets rolled off of his cheekbone and fell, landing softly on the skin that covered my own cheek.

The corner of his mouth turned up, just barely, as if he wanted to smile, but had forgotten how after all these years, and then he said, “Tch. What did I tell you? Reckless. I always have to be around to save your idiotic ass, (L/N).”

FLASHBACK

“I always have to be around to save your idiotic ass, (F/N).”

I tried to wriggle out of the hold he had on me, his thin, but surprisingly strong arms wrapped around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides. I glared over my shoulder at him. “How the hell are you so damn strong when I’m taller than you are?”

“Oi, that’s not very nice, dummy. You know I just haven’t hit my growth spurt yet.” He said in a slightly offended voice, still keeping his hold tight as I struggled to free myself once again.

“Oh, that’s sweet. You have to have your little boyfriend fight your battles for you, (L/N)?” The tall, red headed girl called to me from across the commons, her arms crossed across her chest as she threw us a large smirk.

I lunged toward her, but Levi held me back. “Say that again to my face, you food stealing cretin!” My feet scrabbled for a hold on the rocky ground beneath my feet as I strained against his hold. “Levi! Let me go!”

“She’s at least a foot taller than you, (F/N). You’ll never win. Believe it or not, I’m doing you a favor.” He pulled me backward, dragging me with him away from the girl, who still stood smirking at us. “Now come on, we can find something else to eat. Just leave it be.

“Height difference has never stopped you, Ackerman!” I yelled out as he continued to drag me backwards, away from the girl and her smirking face. She flicked her fingers at me in a little wave of victory and held up the chunk of bread she had taken from me, before taking a large bite out of it with her yellow teeth. “I’ll kill you, you little witch!” I screamed at her, Levi finally dragging me around the corner of one of the run down houses and out of her sight.

He shoved me back against the wall of the house, his hands on my shoulders, and looked at me seriously, his dark, dirty hair falling into his black eyes. “Are you done, (F/N)?” I spit on the ground at his feet, but didn’t say anything, so he continued. “Don’t worry about your bread. We’ll find something else to eat.”

I swore under my breath. “But damn it, Levi. I saved for weeks to afford that! And now she has it. All my hard work….hell.”

He released me and flashed me a small grin. “Tch. Who do you think you’re talking to here? We’ll get her back. Later. Under the cover of night. You know how I like to work, (F/N).” He pushed the hair off of his forehead and raised an eyebrow at me. “So let it go for now. And don’t worry, (F/N), because Levi Ackerman’s always got your back.”

FLASHBACK END

“Hey! You two okay?”

Levi pushed off of me and stood, straightening his dirty, once white cravat as he did so. I came to my feet and glanced up to the opening in the roof above us. Johnson stood peering down at us, his blade, dripping fresh titan blood, held in front of him. He glanced outward for a moment and then looked back down at us. “The rest of the squad is taking care of the remaining titans. But you two alone put quite a dent in their numbers. Are you sure you’re all right, Corporal?”

I flicked my fingers at him. “I’m fine, Johnson. Let’s gather up the others and get the hell out of here.”

“Yes, Corporal.” He nodded and disappeared from the roof with a whir of 3DM wires.

I glanced over at Levi, who was checking over all of his gear for damage, and, hesitating for a moment, finally said, “Thanks for the save, Ackerman.”

He met my gaze, his own back to the same, flat expression he always held, and said in an emotionless voice, “Don’t thank me. Just do a better job of trying not to get yourself killed next time.”

He walked past me without another word and left me alone in the crushed remains of the house. I swore under my breath and followed him out, realizing that the times he had saved my life were starting to add up, and that I’d owe him soon enough.


	14. Touch

When we got back inside the safety of the wall that night, there was nothing more I wanted to do than go to my quarters and climb into bed.

My ribs and back ached fiercely from the fall earlier, and I felt the exhaustion in every bone in my body like a heavy weight that was trying to drag me down.

After stabling the horses, I walked down the line of assembled cadets, looking them over one by one before dismissing them for the night. When I reached Johnson and Miller, I put a hand on both of their shoulders and said, “You two did good work today. I was proud to call both of you my idiots.”

Miller stifled a grin and Johnson’s eyes widened at the compliment. He cleared his throat and said, “Thank you, Corporal.”

“Yes, thank you, Corporal.” Miller chimed in, giving me a quick salute as she glanced over at me.

I waved them off. “Now get out of here. We’re all exhausted, and I don’t know about you, but I just want to get in bed. So get out of my sight.”

The two cadets turned to walk off and I couldn’t help the small smile that slipped across my lips as I watched them leave, knowing that Johnson would have his sister safe and sound by his side tonight.

With a heavy sigh, I walked off to the officers’ quarters, finally allowing myself to ease up on myself now that no one was watching and limp just a little with the pain in my ribs.

I pushed open the door to the dark hallway and padded down the corridor, the old wooden floorboards creaking under my feet. As I passed Levi’s room, I noticed that his door was open slightly and light was spilling into the dark hallway from the room beyond. I paused for a moment, debating whether or not I should see if he was alright. I argued with myself silently for a moment, thinking of my soft, warm bed waiting for me, and then finally, with an agitated sigh, raised my fist to knock quietly. I froze before actually touching the door, my fist inches from the wood. What was I doing? The guy hated my guts. Why did I feel compelled to check on him? I needed to get over this. He wasn’t my friend anymore. We were colleagues, nothing more.

I stood in indecision for a moment, and then dropped my hand back to my side, turning to begin walking down the hallway again and continue onto my room, when suddenly, Levi’s voice called out from behind the door, “Oi, L/N). It’s open. Just come in already and stop creeping in the hallway like some perverted idiot.”

I clenched my fists at the insult and shoved open the door, storming into the room. “Hey, I am not a perverted idiot….”

He glanced up at me from where he was sitting on the bed, his eyes blank, and said, “Tch. I knew a petty insult would get you in here faster than anything else I could say.”

I blushed, he knew my temper well, it hadn’t changed after all these years. “Yeah well…” I struggled to find something to retort back at him. “If you weren’t such an ass all the time, I wouldn’t get so riled up and burst into your room.” I cringed. Stupid thing to say. What was I doing? Why was I so tongue tied around him?

“Tch.” He clicked his tongue in a disapproving tone again and then turned his attention to what he had been doing before I entered. I watched as he leaned down and picked up a rag from the bucket at his feet, wringing out the excess water before raising the cloth to his face. He swiped the wet rag down his temple, over the gash that he had received earlier, and pulled the cloth back to inspect the fresh blood that marred the white fabric.

I rolled my eyes. “Hell, Ackerman. You can’t even do that right.” I walked over to him and sat tentatively down on the bed beside him. He met my gaze for a brief moment until I looked away uncomfortably. I held out my hand for the rag, still not meeting his eyes. “Give it to me. I’ll do it.”

I felt him place the cool, wet rag into my palm and then I leaned over and scrubbed it between my hands in the water that sat in the bottom of the bucket. The water turned pink as I washed the blood off of the rag and then I sat back up, wringing out the rag before turning to face Levi again. I flicked my fingers at him. “Turn your head.”

“Tch. Bossy as ever.” He muttered under his breath, but turned his head to the side as I had requested.

I lifted the rag to his temple, but hesitated for a brief moment before gently dabbing the rag along the deep, newly bleeding cut that marred his skin. I leaned a bit closer to him, trying to see the edges of the cut and where I needed to clean, as I said, “See? You’re too rough. You were making yourself bleed again. You have to be gentle.” I pulled back to rinse out the rag again.

“That’s what I get for being humanity’s strongest I guess.” Levi said in a monotone voice, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he did so.

I sat back up and placed the rag against his temple again, the cloth cool against my hands as I wiped it over his skin. I smirked at him. “Did you just try to make a joke?” I glanced over at him and met his dark gaze. “Because if so, it was terrible.”

He scoffed. “I don’t make jokes, (L/N).” He winced slightly as I put a little more pressure on the gash.

“Sorry.” I dropped the rag into the bucket at my feet. “I think I’m done here.” I leaned closer to him once more and raised my hand to his temple. I paused just before my fingers touched the wound and met his eyes. A nervous shiver went through me. We were so close that I could see the even darker specks in his already dark eyes. We hadn’t been this close since we were teenagers. I swallowed and said quietly, “I’m just going to make sure you don’t need stitches before I leave. Is it okay….if I touch you?”

I blushed, realizing what I had just said. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Why was I so stupid?

“Oi, (L/N).” He said my name, drawing my focus back to his face. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Stop with the blushing and just do it already. I want to be done and get some sleep before I have to spend another long day with those damn brats you call cadets.”

I swallowed again, my mouth suddenly dry and let my fingers gently fall onto his skin, one by one. I ran a light finger along the length of the gash, feeling the edges and the depth of the tear. After a few seconds, once I was sure he’d be fine until at least morning without stitches, I went to remove my hand from his temple, and found I couldn’t. It’s like my fingers wouldn’t obey me and were acting of their own accord. They wanted to stay on his skin forever, feeling the smooth, cool arch of his bones underneath their tips.

My eyes met his and as he held my gaze, my stomach did a nervous flip flop within me. We stayed frozen like that for what seemed like an eternity, his dark, expressionless eyes boring into mine, until some small emotion which I couldn’t put my finger on flicked across his gaze and broke the spell.

He got up from the bed, breaking the contact between us and walked over to the door, turning to stare at me, his hand on the doorknob. “Get out, (L/N).”

I stood from the bed and hurried past him into the dark hallway.

He shut the door forcefully behind me, cutting off the light that had been pooling out from the room, and leaving me in blackness.

I leaned back against his door for a moment, taking a second to catch my breath. My heart was pounding like a trapped bird against my ribcage, making my injured ribs ache with each beat and pulse.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and pushed up off the door. What the hell was I thinking? I needed to stop these memories. They were drawing me back into the old Levi, the Levi I had grown up with so many years ago, the Levi who liked me and had time for me and promised to never leave me behind, the Levi who didn’t exist anymore.

“Get it together, (F/N). He’s not the same Levi you knew. Now that he’s experienced what the light feels like, he’ll never want to be associated with the darkness of the Underground ever again. And that includes you.” I whispered to myself under my breath into the blackness of the night. I clenched my hands into fists at my side. “You don’t need him. You’re not that little helpless girl anymore. You can take care of yourself. So do it.”

I stalked off to my quarters, determined not to let Levi Rivaille Ackerman under my skin ever again, even though I knew, deep down, no matter how much I fought against her, that that little, helpless girl still crouched, hidden, just waiting for the day when Levi would return to fulfill his promise.


	15. Dream

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, the thoughts clamoring inside of my brain making too much noise for me to fall asleep.

When I finally succumbed to exhaustion, it wasn’t the deep, blank sleep I had hoped it would be, where I saw and felt nothing for a few hours.

As soon as my eyes had fluttered closed, I found myself stepping into the middle of a vivid, life-like dream.

I was standing in the middle of the Underground, the dirty, rocky ground uneven beneath my boots. I glanced around in the dim, smoky light and saw two young children, maybe five or six, sitting beside one of the crumbling houses. I walked closer, and as I approached, I could see they were filthy, their clothes torn and old, their faces almost black with dirt and smoke.

I knew it was a dream. I knew they couldn’t see or hear me, but I still felt the need to approach them silently, so as not to disturb the deep conversation they seemed to be having with one another. When I reached them, I recognized the scene before me. This wasn’t just a dream, it was a memory.

The child version of myself crouched against the wall of the house, Levi sitting in front of her on the dusty ground. I came into their conversation just at the moment that I remembered so very well from my memories.

“Oi, (F/N). Have you ever thought about what it would be like to kiss someone?” Levi asked me, fiddling idly with a stick between his fingers as he raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for my response.

I giggled. “Why would I do that, dummy? I don’t even like boys yet.”

He studied me for a moment and then lifted a thin shoulder in a slight shrug. “Just curious.” He drew with the stick in the dirt at his feet for a moment before saying offhandedly, “I’ve watched my dad kiss my mom. They don’t do it anymore, but they used to. And I just wondered what it was like.” He dropped the stick to the ground and met my gaze again, his serious suddenly. “(F/N). Can I kiss you?”

I watched myself shrink back at the sound of his words, a slight fear coming across my childish face before I asked in a tentative voice, “Why?”

He shot me a grin. “Because I want to see what it’s like. And you’re the only girl around here that’s acceptable and that I can put up with.”

I remained silent, pressed back against the rough cement of the wall behind me, as the grin dropped from his face and he leaned closer to me, his lips slightly pursed, his eyes closed.

“Levi.” I said in a quavering voice, stopping his advance. He opened his dark eyes and studied me closely. I bit my lip. “Will it hurt?”

A look of surprise flashed across his face. “I don’t think so. It doesn’t look like it hurts.” He watched me for a minute, the look of uncertainty and fear on my face, and then said teasingly,  
“Tch. Come on, (F/N). Why would it hurt?”

I dropped my eyes from his and scuffed my foot in the dirt at my feet. “I just….when my dad….”

I didn’t dare look up at him again. I knew he understood what I was asking.

Suddenly, I felt his thin arms go around me and he hugged me, whispering in my ear. ‘I’m sorry, (F/N). I was just teasing you. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” He pulled back from me and wiped away my tears with his dirtied hands before saying, “Kissing is a thing that old people do anyway.” He gave me a half smile. “Come on, let’s go and play.”

I stood against the wall for awhile, even after Levi had dragged my childhood self off to play elsewhere, frozen in place.

When I finally looked up from the ground at my feet again, I was in another time, in another place, but I knew that this wasn’t just a dream either. It was another memory.

I was still leaning against the wall, but this time, the crumbling wall behind me belonged to Levi’s childhood home, and it was obviously night, as the air around me was colder and darker than before.

Levi and my past self were there again, leaning against the wall beside me, but this time, we were older, teenagers, around fifteen or sixteen.

“Oi, (F/N).” Levi spoke into the darkness, his voice quiet and flat.

I glanced over at him, only seeing his dark outline in the blackness, and asked, “What?”

“Tch.” He kicked my ankle through the darkness. “Don’t use that tone with me. Lose the attitude or I’ll break your arms.”

I scoffed. “Like you could. You’re like a foot shorter than I am. I’d like to see you try, dummy.”

“Shut up, idiot.” He whirled and pinned me against the wall with his body, his hands on either side of my shoulders. He glanced up at me through his long dark hair. “I’m still stronger than you, (F/N). Height won’t make up for that.”

I felt butterflies in my stomach. Why did he suddenly make me feel this way? We’d grown up together all our lives. So why did having him this close make me feel like I couldn’t breathe properly?

“Oi, (F/N).” He said my name and I snapped my gaze back to his. He was still in front of me, so close that if I leaned forward just a bit, our foreheads would be touching. I wondered what his cool, pale skin would feel like pressed against my own. He raised an eyebrow at me. “If I kiss you, are you going to freak out on me?”

I felt my stomach drop at his words and he leaned closer to me still.. I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me, to feel his lips against mine in the dark, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

He must have seen the fear that flashed across my face at his words, because he pulled back, dropping his hands from the wall behind me. He ran a soiled hand through his hair and gave me a half smile. “Tch. I wouldn’t want to kiss you anyway, dummy. You’re practically a boy, what, with your flat chest and stick straight body.”

“Hey!” I shoved him away from me as he laughed, acting like I was offended at what he had said, but in truth, I was grateful he had played off the moment as a joke for me. He really did always have my back, even if it wasn’t ideal for him.

I stood still against the wall, watching the two teenagers shove each other for a few minutes playfully and then disappear into the dark smoggy air of the Underground.

I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding and leaned my head back against the crumbling wall behind me. I closed my eyes briefly, exhausted. I needed to wake up. These memories were awakening things within me that I had forcefully buried for ten years.

“Oi, (F/N).”

I started, my eyes flying open at the voice that was so familiar to me.

Levi stood in front of me, the Levi that I knew now, the Corporal Levi. He raised an eyebrow at me, his hands in the pockets of his uniform, and said flatly, “Why are you standing here, alone, like an idiot?”

“I…..” I glanced to my left and right. I was still in the Underground, leaning against Levi’s house, my surroundings hadn’t changed. But this couldn’t be, we’d never been back as adults. This was definitely a dream now. I met his gaze again as he watched me try to figure everything out, a slightly annoyed look on his face. “I was just….”

He took a step toward me, dropping his hands from his pockets as he did so. He was close to me again, just like he had been in the memory from before. I felt my breath catch in my throat. He scanned my face with his dark, expressionless eyes, and then said in a low voice, “Tch. Shut up, dummy.” He lifted a hand and grasped my chin gently in his long, clean fingers, forcing me to look at him. His breath was cool on my face as he drew nearer to me and said in a commanding tone, “I’m going to kiss you now, (F/N). And you’re going to let me.”

I couldn’t fight him. Wasn’t this what I had always wanted? I closed my eyes as he drew even closer to me, his lips almost touching mine. My heart was beating so loudly in my chest that I knew he must be able to hear it.

Suddenly, the fingers on my chin grew rough and pinching, so unlike Levi’s delicate hold from before, and I opened my eyes in surprise.

Levi no longer stood in front of me. Instead, my father was there, pressing me back against the rough stone with his body, sneering at me as his eyes leered up and down my body. He tightened his grasp on my chin and I gasped at the pain as he reached a hand back and grabbed my hair, jerking my head back to make me stare him straight in the eyes.

He chuckled darkly at the fear in my eyes and I could smell the strong stench of alcohol on his breath as he leaned toward me, his eyes bright with spirits and evil intentions. “You’re going to let me do whatever I want with you, you little witch. And you’re not going to make a sound.”

His hand dropped to the collar of my blouse, his fingers fumbling with the buttons. I tried to scream but no sound left my lips. I felt like I was drowning. There was no air, I couldn’t catch my breath, his fingers scratched across my neck…..

I woke with a start, shooting upward in the bed, the blanket tangled around me from my tossing and turning. I held the fabric to my chest for a moment, clenched tightly between my fingers, as I took deep, frantic breaths and tried to calm the panicked beating of my heart in my chest.

A drop of sweat trickled from my forehead and down my cheek, mingling with the tears that had begun to creep from the corners of my eyes. I bit my lip hard between my teeth to keep myself from crying out, and tasted the metallic flavor of blood in my mouth.

Burying my face in the blankets, my back heaved with silent sobs as I tried to stifle the screams of anguish falling from my lips.

Not many understood, but there were far more evil, terrible things in this world than the titans. I could look a titan in the eye and not feel a shred of fear or terror, not because they weren't frightening, but because I’d already experienced those things before I came aboveground that were far worse than any titan could ever be.


	16. Rocks

The next morning, I sat at the officers’ table in the mess hall, focused on the pile of paperwork laid out before me. I had made sure to bring the forms I needed to finish for the day with me. I figured if I looked busy, no one would try to make conversation with me. Talking to everyone, especially Levi, was the last thing I wanted this morning.

I took a sip of my coffee, my eyes never leaving the form in front of me, when I felt I tap on my shoulder. I paused my writing and gritted my teeth, turning around slowly to see who needed my attention.

It was Johnson. He stood hesitantly in front of me, his hand still outstretched, as he said, “Sorry to bother you, Corporal….”

I sighed tiredly. “What is it, Johnson?”

He ran a hand through his sandy hair, his blue eyes flicking to the ground at his feet for a brief moment before he met my gaze again. “I have someone with me who wanted to talk to you.” He reached down with a hand, and for the first time, I noticed that Mory hid behind his legs, watching me cautiously from the safety of her big brother. He pushed her out from behind him and shoved her toward me gently. “Go on, Mory.”

The little girl took a few small steps toward me and then stopped, her eyes unsure as she looked up at me.

I stood up from the table and crouched down in front of her so that we were at eye level with each other. I gave her a small, reassuring smile. “Hello, Mory. It’s nice to see you again.”

She watched me with wide, crystal blue eyes, her small pink lips pursed thoughtfully, as if deciding whether she dared talk to me or not. She was beautiful, almost like a living porcelain doll. She couldn’t have been more than four or five. She had the same sandy colored hair as Johnson that fell down her back in long, gentle waves, and her blue eyes seemed even clearer against her delicate, fair skin.

I held out a hand to her. “Mory, I’m (F/N). We didn’t have the chance to get introduced when I first met you.”

She hesitated for another brief moment and then placed her small, slender hand into mine, shaking my fingers quickly before she pulled back again. Her lips twitched, as if she wanted to smile, but didn’t quite trust me enough yet to do so.

I motioned to Johnson, who stood behind her, watching us, and lowered my voice to a conspiratorial whisper, as if we were sharing a secret with one another that no one else could hear. “Your brother’s kind of funny looking, isn’t he?”

She giggled and glanced back at Johnson, and then looked back to me. She gave me a bright smile. “He’s funny, but he takes care of me.”

“Well, that’s all that really matters.” I returned her smile and glanced over at Johnson, raising an eyebrow at him before I flicked my gaze back to Mory. “He seems like he’s a good older brother.”

She nodded vigorously. “He is. He lets me sleep in his bed here and plays with me when he has time and he gives me snacks.”

Johnson put a hand on her shoulder, leaning down to tease her, “Mory! The snacks were our secret.”

She giggled again. “Sorry, brother-san.”

He glanced over at me and then said, “Now come on, I’m sure Corporal (L/N) has a lot to do. Tell her what you came to say.”

Mory scuffed her foot along the floor for a brief moment and then met my gaze, saying quietly, “Thank you for saving me from the titans.” She ducked back behind Johnson as soon as the words were out of her mouth, suddenly shy again.

I stood, straightening my jacket as I did so, and glanced down at her, where she peered up at me through Johnson’s legs. I gave her another small smile before saying, “You’re welcome, Mory. Although,” I raised an eyebrow at Johnson as I held his gaze. “You should really be thanking your brother. He did all of the work.”

His eyes widened in surprise, but before he had the chance to say anything to correct me, Mory threw her arms around his legs, burying her face in his uniform as she cried out, “Thank you for saving me, brother-san!”

“Good.” I flicked my fingers at Johnson. “Now go and take Mory to Hange. She’s agreed to watch her during training today.” I crouched down next to Mory again and said, “You’re going to love Hange-san. She’s so much fun and she’ll show you all sorts of cool things.”

Mory nodded at me, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement, and she waved at me enthusiastically as Johnson took her by the hand and pulled her out of the mess hall.

I stood from my crouched position and turned, starting to gather up the mess of paperwork I had been working on before Johnson interrupted me. As I finished stacking up the sheets of paper, Erwin’s voice cut through my concentration.  
“(L/N).”

I glanced up to see him standing on the other side of the table, empty coffee mug held in his hand. He glanced down at the stack of paperwork in my hand and said sternly, “Well, I’m glad someone around here keeps up on their paperwork. Ackerman could learn a thing or two from you in that department.”

I bit my lip to stop myself from smirking at the backhanded remark about Levi and steeled my voice. “Yes, sir.” I said seriously. I knew he hadn’t come to talk to me just about my paperwork, so I set down the stack of papers and asked, “Was there something you needed me for, sir?”

He flicked his gaze to the tables filled with noisy cadets behind me and then said, “Walk with me, (L/N).”

I picked up the paperwork again and followed him out of the mess hall, wondering what he wanted to speak with me about.

We walked for a few minutes in silence, the paperwork clutched to my chest, Erwin’s hands held loosely behind his back, before he finally spoke, breaking the silence. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, Corporal, and I want you to join with Ackerman in the special forces. You’d be in charge of the cadets together.” He glanced over at me and must have noticed the dismayed look on my face because he said in a stern voice, “This is the best way, (L/N). You and Ackerman are two of my best Corporals. I need you to work together for the good of humanity. Put aside your selfish differences and get along, pooling your strengths, so that we can take down these titan bastards for good.”

“But sir….” I began, starting to protest the arrangement. He shot me a look of warning, silently cautioning me to be careful in what I said next. I let out a frustrated sigh, biting back my words of criticism. Instead, I decided to ask, “What about my cadets?”

He stopped walking, as we had reached the officers’ quarters, and turned to face me, his hands still held behind his back, his thick brows furrowed over his eyes. “There are already six members in the special forces. I leave it up to your judgement, but you can take as many as four of your best cadets to join the squad with you.” He raised one of his dark eyebrows at me. “Choose wisely, Corporal (L/N).”

He strode past me, back toward the direction of headquarters.

After he was gone from sight, I angrily kicked a rock at my feet with all might, bouncing it off the wall of the officers’ quarters with a loud crack. I swore under my breath. Why Levi? Why did I have to be paired with the one person here who couldn’t stand me?

“Tch. I assume you heard the news.”

I glanced up and saw Levi leaning against the wall of the building, partily hidden in the shadow created by the overhang overhead, his arms crossed loosely over his chest as he regarded me with dark, expressionless eyes.

“Why does he think it’s a good idea to keep pairing us together?” I growled in frustration, picking up another rock and hurling it as far into the nearby trees as I possibly could.

Levi remained motionlessly against the wall, watching me hurl a few more rocks angrily into the woods, before he said in a flat tone, “Oi, (L/N).” I paused, another rock in my hand, and looked over at him, his dark eyes meeting mine before he said, “Why don’t you do something more productive with your anger than throwing around rocks like a damn child?”

“I could throw the rocks at you if that would make it more productive.” I snapped back. I flicked the rock between my fingers for a moment, seriously considering chucking it straight at his arrogant, stupid head, but I thought better of the idea and dropped it to the ground at my feet, settling for shooting him a dark glare instead.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you done with your tantrum now, (L/N)?” When I remained silent, not answering him, he continued, pushing himself up off the wall as he did so. “Come with me. I have something to show you.” He walked past me, knocking me upside the back of the head with his palm as he passed. “And leave the rocks.”

“Ow!” I yelped out at the sharp whack, whirling around to glare at him as he continued walking, his hands now in his pockets. “What the hell, Ackerman? Why are you such an ass?”

“We grew up the same, (L/N). You should know why.” He called back over his shoulder in his usual flat tone.

I watched him continue walking away from me for a moment, surprised he had acknowledged our common upbringing when usually it seemed like he tried to do everything in his power to ignore it.

I shook my head. I didn’t get him. And part of me wanted to stay behind, just to show him he couldn’t order me around, but the bigger, more curious part of me wanted to see what he had to show me.

I jogged after him, but not before slipping one last rock into the pocket of my uniform in a small, secret act of defiance against Levi Ackerman.


	17. Box

I followed Levi to headquarters, surprised he had brought us here. What could he possibly have to show me?

We entered the formidable stone building and walked down the main corridor, until Levi came to a stop in front of the door to the office that he used to share with Mike. Now, the space was all his.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside, glancing back at me when I hesitated for a moment in the doorway. “Tch. Are you coming or not, (L/N)? I’m not keeping a titan in here.”

I followed him into the dark office and he shut the door behind me. I remained against the wall next to the door as he walked over to the large desk in the corner of the room and leaned down to open the bottom drawer. He pulled out a small, worn, wooden chest and sat it carefully down on the desk before him. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow as he said in a slightly annoyed tone, “Oi, (L/N). Get over here.”

My curiosity won over and I pushed up off the wall, padding across the room to stand on the opposite side of the desk from him, on the other side of the box he had carefully placed in the center of the surface. He flipped back the lid of the chest and I leaned over the desk, trying to get a closer look at what was nestled inside the worn wooden container.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I glanced up at Levi, who stood watching me with dark, unreadable eyes, and then asked in disbelief, “Is that…..”

He reached a hand into the box and pulled out the item that was laid delicately on top, holding it cautiously in the palm of his hand as he held it up for me to see. “So you recognize it then.” There was a very faint inflection of surprise in his tone, as if he had expected me not to understand what he was showing me.

I shook my head, still in awe of what I was seeing. “I could never forget it.” I reached out a hand, hesitating for a moment, not sure if he’d let me take it. He pushed his hand closer to mine, as if to say it was alright, and I reached out again, my fingers curling around the delicate object balanced on his palm. His cool skin brushed briefly against my hand as he pulled back from me, still studying me with a steady, inscrutable gaze.

“It’s the last teacup.” I held the chipped, thin teacup up to my face. The scrawled paintings of vines and flowers that had adorned its porcelain surface had faded over the years, but every chip and scratch that I remembered so well were all still present, just as if it had been yesterday when I had last seen it. “Why do you have this still?” I flicked my eyes up to meet his over the top of the cup, the surprise still evident on my face and in the tone of my question.

“Tch.” He dropped his gaze from mine and motioned to the box, still laid open in front of us. “That’s not all that’s here.”

I set the teacup down softly on the desktop, giving it one last long glance, before I leaned over to look at what else was held in the box. I let out a gasp and pulled out the next item. I held the small, square chunk of shriveled leather in the palm of my hand. “Holy Hell. You kept this?”

I remembered finding the shoe in the trash, so proud that I had cut it up myself and made us “soup” with it for dinner. And then I had dropped my cup and spilled my serving, so Levi had given me his. He must have picked up the scrap of leather from the spilled soup later and had kept it all these years.

I set the piece of leather down beside the teacup and peered back into the box. I couldn’t help but laugh as I pulled out the small dagger that lay in the bottom of the wooden box. I glanced up at Levi and held up the dagger, a smile flickering across my lips as I said in amusement, “The dagger we used for thieving. I can’t believe we thought we were so damn hardcore with this tiny thing. And look at what we have access to now.”

He reached out, his fingers brushing across mine as he took the dagger from me. He flipped it in his fingers for a moment, studying it, and then said flatly, “Well, it did the job back then. We didn’t go as hungry as we would have without it.”

I glanced back down at the box. I had thought the dagger was the final object nestled within, but I caught sight of a flash of paper stuck to the very bottom of the box, and reaching in, pulled it out to reveal a worn, dim photograph. Across the back, written in scrawled, faded writing, was a simple phrase, “Promise Kept.” I furrowed my brow at the words, wondering what they could mean, and then flipped the photograph over to look at the picture on the front.

I felt as if the breath had left my body as I looked at the photograph in front of me.

In the picture, Levi and I stood in front of the scouting barracks, our arms around each other’s shoulders, large, goofy grins stretched across our faces. We both wore crisp uniforms that bore the survey corps logo across the jackets, and the harnesses strapped around our waists for our 3DM gear were shiny and new.

I remembered the day the photograph was taken as if it had been yesterday. It was the day after Levi had gotten me out of the Underground, and I had joined the scouting legion. We were all smiles and laughter at that point. We hadn’t realized how much would change now that we were both on the surface.

I dropped the hand that held the photograph to the table, the picture still held tightly between my fingers, and met Levi’s gaze. He was watching me intently, his eyes expressionless as usual, but I could tell by the way he pressed his lips together that he was waiting expectantly for what I would say next.

“How….” I glanced back down at the photograph still held in my hand and then to the other objects that lay on the desktop. “I mean….why did you keep all of this? For all these years?” I felt sadness settle into the pit of my stomach as my eyes met his again and I said quietly, “Why keep all of this? I thought you hated everything that had to do with the way we grew up and the Underground.”  
He furrowed his brow at my words, and I swore I saw a slight flash of confusion flash across his face as he said matter of factly, “Not you.” He must have seen my confusion at that point, because he clarified, glancing over at the photograph still held in my fingers. “You’re from my Underground past. And I don’t hate you.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Could have fooled me.” He raised an eyebrow at me, as if he couldn’t understand why I was laughing, and so I said in a slightly strained voice, “Don’t joke around right now, Ackerman.” I held up the picture for him to see. “Why do you have all of this still?”

He put his hands down on the desk, palms down, and studied the objects in front of him in silence for a moment before he said, “I kept all of this after I left so that I would be reminded, every day, of my promise to you. That I’d never leave you behind again and I’d get you out of that hellhole someday.”

I was surprised at the frank honesty behind his words. He was telling the truth. I set the photograph back in the box, careful not to curl the edges, and then said quietly, “But you did that. You got me out years ago. So why didn’t you just get rid of everything after that?”

He looked up at me, his dark hair falling over his eyes and making them look even more black in color if that was possible, before he said, his normally monotone voice holding an edge of anger, “I kept everything to remind myself of where my anger should really be placed. It’s not the titans, it’s not those idiotic brats I have to work beside every day, it’s not you or Erwin or Hange, it’s that hellhole of a place we grew up in. That’s where I focus my anger when I really need to get something done.” He picked up the dagger from the table and ran his fingers along the dull edge a few times before dropping it back into the box. “When I need something to bring me back, to remind what I’m really angry about, I come here. And I look through this damn box. And I focus my anger on the place and people that damaged me the most.”

I watched him silently as he placed the teacup carefully back on top of everything else and then shut the lid to the chest with a snap. He picked up the chest and slid it back into the bottom drawer of the desk, before closing the drawer without a sound. He straightened and raised an eyebrow at me, noticing I was still watching his movements from across the desk. “Oi, (L/N).”

I snapped my eyes up to his and for just a brief moment, gazing into his dark eyes, I was reminded that beneath the hard, sarcastic exterior of the Levi that existed now, there was still that same, hopeful, broken boy I had known so very long ago.

His hand still rested on the desktop in front of him, from when he had put away the chest, and without really thinking, I reached across the tabletop and laid my hand over his. His skin was cool to the touch, and his knuckles were rough from calluses caused by the constant usage of the 3DM lines. I squeezed his fingers gently with mine and then said sincerely, “Thank you for showing me that, Levi.”

His name tingled slightly as it fell softly from my lips. I hadn’t used it in so long, I’d almost forgot what it tasted like to say. But I meant it. In that moment, I felt like we were just two unlucky, unloved kids again, who only had each other in this big, dark, dangerous world. Like we were back to how we used to be. And it felt good.

His eyes widened slightly at my use of his first name and he parted his lips slightly, as if he wanted to say something in return. Instead, he hesitated for a moment, and then his eyes became expressionless again as he said briskly, “Just consider this a lesson, (L/N), on how to effectively direct your anger. When we work together, I don’t want you running off to throw rocks whenever something happens that you don’t approve of.”

He removed his hand from underneath mine and pushed past me, headed toward the door. Without another word, he left the room, slamming the door shut again behind him.

I listened to his sharp footsteps fade down the hallway and then let out a frustrated sigh, turning to lean back against the desk as I ran a hand through my hair. I leaned back on my hands and let my head fall back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to collect my racing thoughts.

After a few moments of silence, I pushed myself up off the desk with another exasperated sigh and headed toward the door, irritatedly muttering under my breath, “Damn, he’s such an ass. I need a drink.”

I walked out into the hallway and shut the door carefully behind me, leaving the dark room, large desk, and small, hidden box of unearthed memories behind.


	18. Fire

I managed to get through the day of training with the cadets without seeing Levi again. Even though we were going to be forced to join our squads, I could avoid him up until the very moment Erwin forced that to happen.

Later that evening, I sat alone beside one of the fires that had been lit across the courtyard, a bottle of lukewarm beer held loosely in my hand. I took a swig of the alcohol, ignoring the yelling and laughing of the cadets that were gathered in tight knit groups around the other bonfires, and prayed silently that Hange wouldn’t come looking for me. She had mentioned something earlier, after training, about wanting to talk with me about something important, but at this point, I just wanted to finish my drink and go the hell to sleep. It had been a long, strange day.

I glanced up as a group of rowdy cadets, drinks in hands, stumbled past me, their arms around each other’s shoulders as they loudly laughed at something one of them had said. I was about to tune them all out again and take another long draught from the bottle in my hand, when I noticed Johnson walking alone a short distance behind the raucous group, his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, Johnson.” I called out to him and he glanced over at me, confusion on his face until he recognized me in the flickering light from the fire. He stopped walking, watching me take another drink from the beer bottle, before I asked, “Alone tonight?”

He took a few steps toward me, coming closer to the fire, and began to warm his hands over the flames as he nodded. “Mory’s in bed. And the rest of the squad is hanging out with Jaeger.” He glanced up from the fire, his eyes wide, as he realized again who he was talking to, and quickly added, “Corporal…..sir….ma’am.”

“Lighten up, Johnson. Training’s over for the day.” I rolled my eyes at him and leaned over to pick up an unopened bottle of alcohol that sat at my feet. I held the bottle out for him and he glanced down at it, hesitating, as his eyes flicked back up to my face. I raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want a drink or not?”

He stood still for a brief second more and then reached out, taking the bottle from my fingers. He sat down next to me on the large log I was perched on, and popped the cap off the beer, raising the alcohol to his lips as he took a long sip, his eyes focused on the flames that flickered in front of us.

We drank in silence for a moment before I glanced over at him and, against my better nature, asked, “Why are you here, Johnson?”

He looked over at me in surprise, his eyes holding that usual deer in the headlights look they always had when he spoke to me, and said nervously, “I was just on my way back to the barracks for the night….”  
I waved my hand at him. “No, you idiot. I know why you’re here.” I flicked my fingers at the scene before us, filled with cadets and bonfires and barracks. “Why are you here? In the survey corps?”

He dropped his gaze from mine, twiddling the neck of the beer bottle nervously between his long fingers for a moment before he said in a low voice, “Sometimes, I really don’t know.”

“Mmm.” I took another swig of my beer. “I think that’s a common feeling among the scouts, to be honest. Even if no one will ever admit it.”

He straightened and glanced over at me, curiosity flashing across his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but took a long drink of his beer instead, as if to take a moment to gain courage. He lowered the bottle from his lips, his blue eyes, which were so much darker in the night, flicking between my face and the flames before he finally asked quickly, “Did you ever feel that way when you joined, Corporal?”

I scoffed slightly. “Do you know where I came from, Johnson?” When he didn’t respond, I glanced over at him, my eyes scanning his face as he avoided my direct gaze. “Come on. I know you’ve heard the stories by now.”

“Well, I…” He set his beer down at his feet and turned to face me slightly, seeming to gain courage from the fact that I hadn’t told him to shut up yet. He clenched his hands between his knees as he leaned forward a bit. “I’ve heard them. Are they true?”

I gave him a half smile. “All true.” I watched surprise flit across his face and couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his disbelief. “What? You didn’t think someone like me could come from the Underground?”

“No! I mean...I just….” He stumbled over his words for a second. “You’re really pretty is all.” His face instantly flushed crimson as soon as the words left his lips. “No! I mean, what I meant was….you’re not what I thought….you don’t look like…”

I laughed in amusement at his discomfort. “Yeah, well, you’re not the first to say that. People expect that if you grew up in the Underground as a kid, you’re just going to be eternally filthy and disgusting the rest of your life.” I raised an eyebrow at him and motioned to myself. “But I mean, come on. That’s obviously not the case. Right, Johnson?” I asked him pointedly, a teasing smirk flashing across my lips.

He blushed again and cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at me as he muttered under his breath, “Yes, Corporal.”

I grew serious again, downing the last of my beer before I threw the glass bottle to the ground at my feet. I glanced over at Johnson, who still looked a little pink, and then said, “But seriously. No. I never felt like that, to answer your question. I came here from the worst place imaginable. I was just glad to be anywhere else, even if I had just joined a group whose members died more often than they lived.”

I stared into the flickering flames in front of me, my mind elsewhere, until Johnson said quietly from beside me, “I’m sorry, Corporal. I didn’t mean to pry.”

I brought my gaze back to his and gave him a slight smile as I straightened, stretching my arms over my head to get the kinks out of my back. “It’s fine, Johnson. It’s not a secret.” I leaned down and picked up another bottle of beer, popping the lid off and throwing it into the fire before taking a long drink of the warm liquid.

I lowered the bottle, wiping my hand across my mouth, and then said, “Johnson, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”  
He shifted slightly and glanced over at me, his face uncertain. “Yes, Corporal?”

I didn’t look at him, instead, I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees as I stared into the dying fire. “Commander Smith wants Corporal Ackerman and I to combine squads. For good.” I saw him shift uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye. “I can bring my best cadets with me over to the new squad.” I straightened and finally looked over at him, raising an eyebrow at him. “I want you to come with me.”

His mouth dropped open briefly in surprise, but he snapped his jaw shut quickly, confusion furrowing his brow as he said, “Why?”

I stood from the fire, the bottle of beer still held in my hand, and held it up for him to see. “You caught me on a good night.” I dropped the bottle back down to my side and looked at him seriously. “But truthfully, you’re the best on our squad, Johnson. And I’d be a fool not to see that by now. And besides,” I walked around the log and past him, slapping him gently upside the back of the head as I moved by. “You’re the one out of all of those idiots that I don’t hate quite as much.”

I headed away from the fire, toward the officer’s quarters, when he called out after me. “Corporal, wait!”

I stopped walking and turned as he jogged up to me, his dusky golden hair hanging over his brow and obscuring his blue eyes, which appeared black in the shadows of the night air. He hesitated for a moment, standing before me, and then stuck out a hand, saying briskly, “Thank you for the opportunity, Corporal.”

I slapped my hand into his, and for a brief moment, I noticed how his touch differed so much from that of Levi’s. When Levi’s hand brushed mine, it was cool, his fingers long and clean, his touch as unreadable as his expression. But when my hand was in Johnson’s, I noticed that he had large, rough hands, warm and strong, the hands developed from growing up in a farming community.

I pulled my hand out of his, the handshake growing uncomfortably long while I had been lost in my thoughts, and cleared my throat. He looked down, clearly uncomfortable, until I said sternly, “Fine. You can thank me this once. But not again, Johnson. I told you, it makes me nervous when you idiots thank me for things.”

He nodded. “Yes, Corporal.”

I turned on my heel and headed off for the officers’ quarters, surprised that I had just spent my night off with one of my idiotic cadets, and yet, I didn’t feel as if it had been wasted.

It must be the alcohol.


	19. Capable

The next morning, I approached the special forces squad, Miller and Johnson close at my heels.

I motioned for Miller and Johnson to line up with the other six members of the squad and then moved to stand beside Levi at the front of the group, who stood watching us, his hands held behind his back. He raised an eyebrow at me. “You only brought two cadets over with you?”

“They’re the only two I need.” I retorted back at him, irked slightly at the hint of superiority laced in his tone.

I glanced over at Johnson and Miller, who stood at attention in the back row, alongside the girl, Braus, and the horse-faced kid, Kirstein. Arlert, who stood beside Jaeger in the front row, flashed Miller a shy smile as she took her place in the squad, and she blushed, looking down at the ground at her feet.

Levi stepped forward. “Alright, brats. We’re all in this together now.” He glanced over at my two cadets with dark eyes and said severely, “You two. Newbies.” They snapped to attention. He glared at them both. “Tch. Don’t get left behind. We move faster here in the special forces, and I expect you both to keep up.”

“Yes, Corporal!” Miller and Johnson echoed in unison.

I stepped up beside Levi, and crossing my arms over my chest, glared at the rest of the special forces cadets, Jaeger especially, before saying sternly, “And on that note, if I hear of any of you….” I swept my gaze over them one by one. “Giving my cadets a hard time unnecessarily, you’ll have to answer to me. They’re your teammates now, and you will treat them as such. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Corporal.”

“Oi, Braus, Springer.” Levi flicked his fingers at the two cadets dismissively. “Go and ready the horses.” The two took off toward the stables, shoving each other playfully as they jogged. Levi turned his attention to the rest of the cadets in front of us. “The rest of you brats make sure all of the equipment is in working order. We don’t want another failed 3DM on our hands in the middle of the field.”

Johnson blushed slightly at his words as they all started off toward the stables after Springer and Braus.

I glanced over at Levi, who stood watching them go with a blank expression, and then said, “So….we’re really stuck with each other then.”

He flicked his dark eyes over to my face and stared at me for a moment without saying anything, letting the silence build, before he finally said, “Tch. It appears that way.”

“Are you going to be okay?” He furrowed his brow at my words, as if wondering why I was asking about him. “I mean, you know, are you going to be okay working beside someone from the….Underground?” I whispered the last word sarcastically, holding my hand up to my mouth to cover my lips as if I was worried someone would hear what I was saying.

“Oi, (L/N).” He turned to me, his arms crossed over his chest, irritation in his voice. “Are you going to be okay without the use of your arms and legs? Because I’ll break them both if you keep it up with the attitude.”  
I scoffed. “How many times have you threatened me with that, Ackerman? Nothing ever actually happens.”

He took a step toward me, his eyes darkening. “Press your luck this time, (L/N). I dare you. See what I’m capable of.”

I stepped toward him as well, bringing us closer together, so close in fact that I could feel his warm breath on my face as we glared at each other. His eyes were so much more black up close, as if they were endless and you could just fall into them without any effort. “Try it, Ackerman. And then you can see what I’m capable of.”

We stood there in tense silence for a few moments, our gazes locked, and I began to lose focus on what we were fighting about the longer I stared into his eyes at this distance. We were so close again. How did this keep happening? How could I let this keep happening?

I could smell a faint whiff of his aftershave and his scent, which I knew so well after all of these years. He had always smelled the same. Like tea, and earth, and sweat, all rolled into one heady cologne.

“Oi, (L/N).” He broke the silence, but didn’t pull back from me like I had expected. He stayed still and parted his lips, as if to say something else, his dark, deep eyes softening just a tiny bit, only noticeable because of how close we were.

Suddenly, the cadets came back, leading saddled and ready horses behind them, breaking the tense, expectant air of the moment. 

I stepped back from Levi and turned as they came up, putting my hands on my hips as I looked them all over as they came to a stop in front of us. Jaeger stepped forward, pulling his horse behind him, and glanced over at Levi before saying to me, “Everything’s ready, Corporal (L/N).”

I gave him a curt nod. “Thank you, Jaeger.” I skimmed my gaze over the rest of the cadets. “Alright then, I guess we’re ready to head out.”

The cadets began to swing up onto their mounts.

Johnson came forward, leading my horse as well as his own behind him, and handed me the reigns to the large, dappled mare. I gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Johnson.”

I glanced over at Levi, who was dutifully ignoring me again as he swung up onto his tall, black stallion, the reins held loosely in his hands as he adjusted himself in the saddle.

“Brother-san!” My attention was drawn back to Johnson, who was suddenly ambushed by Mory, who had come running from the barracks, tears streaming down her small, pink cheeks.

Hange was close behind her, slightly out of breath as she looked at me apologetically and said, “Sorry, (F/N). She got away from me….”

I waved my hand at her. “It’s fine, Hange. Let her say goodbye to her brother.”

Mory was clinging to Johnson’s legs, large, wet tears splashing down her cheeks and onto the pants of his uniform as she cried out, “Please don’t go, brother-san! I don’t want you to go!”

Johnson attempted to pry her off of him, but she cried louder and hugged closer to him. He glanced over at me, giving me an apologetic look, and then crouched down beside her. He took her small hand in his and brushed some errant locks of hair back from her damp face as she sniffled and met his gaze. He gave her a reassuring smile as he said gently, “Come on, Mory. You know I have to go out on missions. It’s my job as a scout. But I promise I’ll be back. And when I am, we can play that game again that you like. Okay?”

Mory sniffed loudly, wiping the back of her hand across her nose as she said in a tearful voice, “Promise you’ll be back, brother-san?”

He pulled her to him and gave her a tight hug. “I promise, Mory.”

Watching them together, saying goodbye, I was reminded of a time, years ago, when Levi and I had been in their shoes, in not much a different situation than this.

FLASHBACK

I sprinted through the crumbling houses of the underground, my breath gasping in and out between my dry lips as I ran. My lungs felt as if they were on fire, but I couldn’t stop. I had to get there. What if he had left without saying goodbye? What if I had missed him?

I skidded around the corner of the last house before the entrance to aboveground and there he was, standing alone before the large hole that led upward.

“Levi!” I called out as I rushed toward him, my voice catching in my throat due to lack of breath.

He turned as I called out to him, just in time for me to crash into his arms, almost bowling both of us over.

I buried my face in his chest, clinging to him tightly, as I said breathlessly, “I was worried you had left already.”  
I felt his arms go around me in return and he said, amusement lacing his voice, “Come on, (F/N). You know I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

I didn’t look up at him. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were beginning to gather in my eyes. “I wasn’t sure.” My voice was muffled by his shirt.

He pushed me back from him so he could look at me, his dark eyes piercing mine, and gave me a half smile as he teased, “Oi, (F/N). You’re not going to cry are you?”

I punched him in the shoulder through my tears. “Shut up, Levi. Don’t be an ass.” I wiped the back of my hand across my eyes and stepped back from him, biting my lip as I studied him. Finally, I said quietly, “Do you really have to go?”

He looked sad for a moment. “This was the plan. I’ve got to go and join the scouts aboveground.” He attempted to give me a reassuring smile. “It’s what we’ve always known was going to happen, (F/N). You don’t need me anyway.” He chucked his hand under my chin. “Look at you, all grown up. You don’t need me to protect you anymore.” Instantly, after he said it, the smile dropped from his face, as if he knew that it was a lie. Once he left, I’d be alone with my father again, and there’d be no one to protect me from him anymore.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes again and he noticed. “Oi, (F/N).” He stepped toward me and hugged me to him tightly, burying his face in my dirty hair for a moment before saying, “Come on. You’ll be alright.” He pushed me back from him again to stare into my eyes as he put his hands on my shoulders and said sternly, “Besides. I promise I’ll be back. Your dad can tell you you can’t leave now, but in a few years, when you’re eighteen, he won’t have any say over you anymore. And then, I’ll be back for you. And you can come with me aboveground.” He flashed me a grin. “And we can raise hell together in the survey corps.”

I threw my arms around him again, the tears falling rapidly down my cheeks as I said shakily, “Do you promise you’ll come back, Levi?” I glanced up at him through the tears. “Please. Promise me. I’m not going to make it without you here if I don’t know for sure you’re coming back for me.”  
He gave me a strained smile as he wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “I promise, (F/N). I’ll never leave you behind again.”

FLASHBACK END

I shook my head to clear the memory from my vision and glanced over at Johnson, who had finally calmed down Mory enough to hand her back off to Hange.

As Hange took the little girl away from the squad, Johnson met my gaze and gave me a slight smile. “Sorry about that. Everything okay, Corporal?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” I swung up onto my mount, pulling the reins up into my hands as Johnson mounted his horse as well. I pulled my horse around to face the group of ready cadets behind me, letting all emotion fall from my face. Maybe Levi was onto something. You had to let everything go when you left the safety of the walls and headed out into the field. Emotion just got everyone in trouble. I swept my gaze over the cadets and then stated loudly, “Alright, special forces. Let’s head out. We have titans to kill.”

Levi nodded curtly as he pulled his stallion up beside me. “She’s right, brats. Those bastards aren’t going to take care of themselves.” He raised an eyebrow at the group of cadets before us. “That’s your job. So don’t fail....or I’ll make it my personal job to feed you to them myself.”


	20. Things

We traveled westward along the wall in silence, headed for the furthest most reaches of the land that was protected by Wall Maria.

Erwin had made it clear that our mission was to check out the far reaches of the wall where the abnormal beast titan had been seen last and try to find out how the titans were breaching our defenses.

I glanced over at Levi, who was scanning the road ahead of us with a dark, focused gaze, and opened my mouth to say something to him, but then thought better of it. I flicked the ends of my reins across the palm of my hand, the leather making a slight slapping sound as it hit my skin.

As predicted, after a few seconds of the repetitive sound, Levi spoke up in a slightly irritated tone. “Oi, (L/N).”

I glanced over at him, an innocent smile flickering across my lips as I raised my eyebrows at him. “Yes, Ackerman? Is something bothering you?”

He scowled at me and then said darkly, “Tch. Nothing new. Just you.”

“Wow. I’m offended.” I gasped dramatically, pretending to wipe a tear from my eye. “That really cuts me deeply.” I met his gaze, pursing my lips into a deep pout, before I dropped the act and smirked at him. “Oh wait. No, it doesn’t. Because I don’t give a titan’s ass what you think about me.”

He scoffed and was about to retort something back to me when we heard Jaeger call up from behind us, “Corporals! Titans coming at us from the North.”

Levi jerked his horse’s head around as he came to a stop, so that he was facing the group of cadets that had been following us. He jumped off the large, black stallion and threw the reins at Jaeger, who caught them neatly in his hand. He straightened his 3DM gear, glancing at the curious cadets, before he said in a flat, bored voice, “Corporal (L/N) and I will take care of them. There won’t be many this far out and it’ll be fairly quick.” He glared at the cadets as he straightened, pulling his blades from their sheaths. “You brats will just get in our way. We’ll make quicker time if you wait here and we head onward after the titans are taken care of.”

I slid off my mount and landed lightly next to him on the ground, pulling my blades out as well as I flicked my chin at Johnson and Miller. “You two. Stay with the squad. He’s right. We can take care of this more quickly if all you idiots aren’t underneath our feet.”

“Let’s go, (L/N).” Levi said briskly, before shooting off into the trees on his lines.

I nodded once to the cadets before I shot off after him, following him through the thick forest as we dodged around trees and underneath large branches.

I caught up to Levi so that we were flying next to each other, and glanced down below us, catching sight of the first titan crashing through the trees. It was a fifteen meter, but it appeared to be alone.

“Ackerman.” I called out to him, and when he looked over to me, pointed below us toward the shambling titan. “I’ll take care of this bastard. Go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

He nodded once and his lines whipped him forward through the trees as he disappeared from my sight.

I dropped through the trees at a swift speed, my focus on the titan below me. The leaves and branches whipped past me, stinging my face, but I kept my gaze locked on the back of the titan’s neck.

With a yell, I crashed through the last of the small branches and came out into the open behind the titan, my blades held in front of me. The 3DM lines flung me across the small opening in the trees, and as I flew past the large, grinning titan, I slashed one of the blades across its neck.

Blood splashed onto my face as I ripped the blade from its flesh and it fell to the ground, bringing down trees with it as it crashed downward. I landed on the large branch of a tree and stood for a moment, looking down at the downed titan, the blood already beginning to steam and disappear from my cheek.

I heard the sound of 3DM gear and suddenly, Levi was next to me on the branch, sheathing his blades as he looked down at the titan I had just killed. He glanced over at me, his dark hair that was hanging over his brow damp with sweat and speckles of blood dotting his jawline. “Tch. That was almost too easy.”  
I grinned as I sheathed my bloody blades as well. “It’s like they wanted us to find and kill them. I was hoping for more of a fight to be honest.”

He looked up at the darkening sky through the branches above us. “We’d better get back to check on the brats. We’ve ridden all day and it’s almost dusk. And it looks like there’s a storm headed this way. We need to find somewhere to bunk down for the night.”

I nodded. “Agreed. Let’s get back. Who knows what trouble those idiots are capable of getting themselves into.”

He took off through the trees, his lines whipping through the air, and I followed close behind him. Before long, we both landed neatly on the ground next to the cadets, who were still waiting where we had left them alongside the wall.

Johnson looked relieved to see us as he came forward, leading my horse behind his, my reins outstretched in his hand. “Corporals! That didn’t take long.”

I took my reins from him and swung up onto the mare, glancing over at Levi, who had just mounted his stallion as well. He raised an eyebrow at me and then looked over to Johnson. “I told you, you brats are just in our way. We’re much more efficient when we don’t have to save your asses every second.”

I pulled my mare’s head around to face west again. “He’s right. You idiots aren’t good for much else beside a distraction.” I glanced over at my shoulder at the squad. “Now let’s get moving. It’s almost dusk and there’s a storm heading in. We need to find somewhere to bunk for the night.”

We rode hard and in silence again for another hour or so, the light getting dimmer and dimmer, the shadows of twilight reaching closer to the wall every mile we traveled.

Finally, I spotted a village, abandoned and silent, off to the squad’s right. I motioned it out to Levi and he nodded as we pulled toward it, and just in time, as the first, large, cold raindrops hit our heads.

As the downpour increased, we found the empty stables and stabled the horses for the night, making sure they had enough feed and water before heading toward one of the abandoned houses ourselves.

Levi kicked the door in and we filed in after him, one after another.

The room was dark, and cold, and the furniture that was left was broken in piles on the floor. Johnson held up a chair leg. “Hey, these are dry. We can use them start a fire.”

I nodded at him. “Good thinking, Johnson. Let’s get it warmed up in here.”

Soon, there was a small, but warm and comforting, fire crackling in the center of the room.

The cadets, one by one, found places on the floor and rolled out their sleeping mats, settling down for the night. Johnson and Miller took spaces on the floor next to each other, laughing and talking quietly for a few moments before they grew quiet and succumbed to sleep like the rest of their comrades.

Soon, it was silent in the room, except for the crackling and popping of the fire.

I sat against the wall of the house, my knees drawn to my chest, staring into the flames of the fire, lost in thought.

Levi returned from scouting around the remaining village, entering the room in a mist of rain as he opened and shut the door quickly. He pulled his hood down off his head, rain puddling around his boots, and dripping off his hair and down his face, even though his head had been covered by his cloak.

I glanced over at him as he threw the soaked cloak onto the floor by the door and let out a sound of disgust as he inspected his muddied, wet boots. “Tch. I hate the damn rain. It makes everything so unnecessarily dirty.”

I turned my attention back to the fire, but was surprised when he crossed the room, careful not to step on any of the sleeping cadets, and sat down beside me, leaning back against the wall as he let out a disgruntled sigh. “Oi, (L/N).” He flicked his fingers at me, his hand resting casually on his bent knee. “It’s probably a longshot to think you brought any tea with you.”

I leaned my head back against the wall. “What, you didn’t bring any? Isn’t that kind of your thing?”

He scoffed. “My thing? I don’t have a thing.”

I rolled my head against the wall to stare at him, raising an eyebrow at him in disbelief. “You don’t have a thing?” I snapped my fingers, as if in sudden realisation. “Oh, you mean you don’t just have one thing. Right? Because you definitely have a thing. Or things, I should say.”

He met my gaze, his eyes black in the flickering of the firelight, and furrowed his brow at me. “What the hell are you babbling on about, (L/N)?”

I held up a hand, ticking off on my fingers. “Things Ackerman has: number one, tea. Number two, cleaning. Number three, an obsession with calling the cadets ‘brats.’ Number four, an intense desire to hate everyone. Number five….”  
He slapped my hand down as I laughed and shot me a dark glare. “Shut it, (L/N). I get the point.”

I grinned at him triumphantly. “But wait! You didn’t give me a chance to get to the best one!” I held up my hand again, all five fingers splayed for him to see. “Number five, determined he’s still going to have a growth spurt that we all know is never going to happen at this point.”

“Tch.” He grabbed my wrist between his long, thin fingers and forced my hand down, giving me a dangerous look as he growled, “Don’t push me, (L/N).”

His fingers were still wrapped around my wrist, which now sat in my lap, his skin cool and smooth against the warm inside of my forearm.

I sat still, frozen, worried he’d realize that he was still touching me and pull away. And for whatever reason in hell, that was the last thing I wanted in the world at that moment.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” I said, forcing my tone to be light as I raised an eyebrow at him. “Go ahead. Tell me what my thing is. I deserve it.”

I couldn’t concentrate. Not when he was touching me. It’s as if every time our skin connected, it burned, not painfully, but in a way that I never wanted to stop.

He shot me a smirk. “Tch. You don’t have a thing. You have an entire book of things, (L/N).” His fingers moved on my wrist, and I thought he was going to pull his hand away, but instead, he pulled my arm toward him and flipped it over, so that he was looking at the inside of my forearm. He glanced down at my skin, glowing orange in the dying light from the fire, and ran a finger up the rippled, rough scar that marred the otherwise smooth skin of my forearm. “Number one, you’re clumsy and stupid and you don’t pay enough attention to what you’re doing. This scar is from when we were kids, and you got too close to the cooking fire and fell in, catching yourself on your forearm before I could pull you out.”

He had just insulted me. Multiple times. But I couldn’t focus on that. His finger trailing along the skin of my arm made it hard for me to focus on anything but his touch. Why, after all these years and all this distance that he had forced between us, did his touch still turn my insides to nothing but a pile of mush?

He glanced over at me, dropping his finger from my scar, but keeping his hand still firmly around my wrist as he said in a low voice, “Number two, you take crap from people when you don’t need to. You’re stronger than all of them and you know it.”

I met his gaze and he held the stare for a moment. My stomach flip flopped uncomfortably at the intenseness in his eyes, but I couldn’t look away. What the hell was happening to me?

He finally released his hold on my wrist and sat back, increasing the distance between us again as he leaned his head back against the wall. “There’s more, a lot more, (L/N). But it’s late. And we have to deal with the brats again tomorrow. So get some sleep.”

Without another word, he closed his eyes, leaving me alone with nothing but the faint crackling, dying light of the fire, my frenzied thoughts, and the feeling of heat left by his fingers on my skin.


	21. Perspective

LEVI’S POV

We traveled westward along the wall in silence, headed for the furthest most reaches of the land that was protected by Wall Maria.

Erwin had made it clear that our mission was to check out the far reaches of the wall where the abnormal beast titan had been seen last and try to find out how the titans were breaching our defenses.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw (F/N) glance over at me, her mouth open slightly as if she wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. Instead, she started to rhythmically slap her reins against the palm of her hand in an agitated, bored movement.

I let out an exasperated sigh. She was doing it just to get a rise out of me. She knew I hated things like that. I should just ignore here and not give her what she wanted. But I wanted to talk to her, hear her voice, even if it was under the guise of telling her how annoying I found her.

“Oi, (L/N).”

She looked over at me, a smirk flickering across her full lips as she asked innocently, “Yes, Ackerman? Is something bothering you?”

I scowled at her. “Tch. Nothing new. Just you.” I felt a slight twinge as I said the words. She always bothered me when I was around her, she bothered me to no end, but not in the way that she thought.

She gasped sarcastically. “Wow. I’m offended. That really cuts me deeply.” She pouted for a moment and then smirked at me. “Oh wait, no it doesn’t. Because I don’t give a titan’s ass what you think about me.”

I opened my mouth to retort something back at her, when I heard Jaeger call up from behind us, “Corporals! Titans coming at us from the north.”

I jerked the head of my black stallion around to face the cadets, causing all of us to stop, and jumped down from the large animal, tossing my reins to Jaeger as I did so. I scanned my gaze over the cadets and then said flatly, “Corporal (L/N) and I will take care of them. There won’t be many this far out and it’ll be fairly quick.” I glared at the cadets, making sure they knew they were to stay put, before I pulled my blades from their sheaths. “You brats will just get in our way. We’ll make quicker time if you wait here and we head onward after the titans are taken care of.”

(F/N) slid off her dappled mare and landed lightly next to me on the ground, pulling her own blades out as she did so. I glanced over at her as she motioned to the two cadets she had brought with her and said sternly, ““You two. Stay with the squad. He’s right. We can take care of this more quickly if all you idiots aren’t underneath our feet.”

I flicked my eyes over to the boy, Johnson, and noticed that he looked at (F/N) as if she put the stars in the sky, not just as a Corporal, but as a person as well. He was right, but I didn’t like that someone else had noticed it about her beside myself.

Irritated, I snapped at (F/N), “Let’s go, (L/N).”

I shot off into the forest on my lines, the cool breeze whipping my hair in and out of my eyes as I dodged quickly through and around the trees. I heard (F/N) whip up beside me so we were even with each other, and then call out, “Ackerman.” I glanced over at her and she pointed to a fifteen meter barreling through the trees below us. “I’ll take care of this bastard. Go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

I nodded at her as she started to drop altitude, headed down toward the shambling titan.

As I flew away through the closely knit trees, I glanced back over my shoulder just in time to see her drop down out of the trees onto the titan. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t focus on doing my job well if I was worried she was in any sort of harm’s way.

Satisfied that she had everything under control, I caught sight of two more titans in the trees ahead, following along in the path of destruction left by the larger titan in front of them. Dropping down through the trees, I quickly swung out behind the smaller one and slashed my blade across its neck. Without so much as a second of hesitation, as the first titan crashed to the ground, I whipped up and around the other titan, bringing the sword down across its nape as I whipped past. A spray of blood splattered my face and chest as I ripped my sword out of the titan as it fell downward, and I let out a sound of disgust as the warm liquid hit my skin.  
“Damn bastards. Disgustingly filthy.” I swore under my breath as I adjusted my course, headed back toward (F/N).

I saw (F/N) ahead, standing on a large branch, looking down at the titan she had taken down on the forest floor below. I landed neatly beside her on the tree branch, sheathing my bloodied blades as I glanced down at the fifteen meter below us. “Tch. That was almost too easy.”

She flashed me a grin as she sheathed her blades as well. “It’s like they wanted us to find and kill them. I was hoping for more of a fight to be honest.”

I almost returned her smile, my lips flicked upward imperceptibly, before I caught myself and returned to my normal serious expression. Stop, idiot. Keep her pushed away.

I glanced up at the darkening sky above us and said in monotone, “We’d better get back to check on the brats. We’ve ridden all day and it’s almost dusk. And it looks like there’s a storm headed this way. We need to find somewhere to bunk down for the night.”

She looked up to the clouds that were gathering and nodded as she said, “Agreed. Let’s get back. Who knows what trouble those idiots are capable of getting themselves into.”

I took off through the trees, hearing her 3DM close behind me, and within a few minutes, we were back to the wall where we had left the squad of brats.

I touched down next to them and (F/N) landed beside me, straightening the harnesses of her 3DM gear as he did so.

Johnson spoke up at the sight of us. “Corporals! That didn’t take long.” His voice was full of relief, as if he had been worried we wouldn’t come back. Or more specifically, (F/N) wouldn’t come back.

I felt my irritation rise again. What an idiot. He was weak. I don’t know why she chose to bring him over with her.

(F/N) mounted her animal again and shot me a knowing look. My irritation melted away at the look, as if we were somehow now comrades that knew something the cadets didn’t after having taken care of the titans on our own, just the two of us. I raised an eyebrow at her, as if to let her know I understood her unspoken words, and then said briskly to Johnson, ““I told you, you brats are just in our way. We’re much more efficient when we don’t have to save your asses every second.”

(F/N) pulled her mare around to face west again as she said matter of factly, “He’s right. You idiots aren’t good for much else beside a distraction.” She glanced back at the squad over her shoulder. “Now let’s get moving. It’s almost dusk and there’s a storm heading in. We need to find somewhere to bunk for the night.”

We rode hard for a good hour or more, the light beginning to fade and twilight beginning to move in closer and closer to the wall.

Finally, (F/N) pointed out an abandoned silent village to our right and we pulled toward it, just as the start of the rain fell onto our heads.

After stabling the horses for the night, we approached the nearest house, the slight rain from before starting to become a heavy downpour. I tried the doorknob, but it wouldn’t budge, so instead of messing with it anymore and letting everyone stay out in the rain any longer, I pulled back and kicked in the door easily with one of my heavy boots.

(F/N) walked past me, the cadets filing into the dark, cold room after her.

I made sure they were all inside before shutting the door. I wanted to scout out the rest of the village and make sure we were secure for the night.

Pulling my hood up and over my head, I stepped back out into the pouring rain, the mud instantly squelching up and over the toes of my boots. I swore under my breath. I hated the rain. What a waste of cleanliness. It made everything a mess.

I stomped through the thick, glue-like mud, pushing open the doors of the empty houses one by one as I passed them in the shadows. Nothing suspicious so far. Everything was silent and dark and empty, just like we had suspected.

I reached the end of the village and tried the last house’s door. Locked, just like the first. I kicked in the door, the thin, rotting wood splintering under my boot easily.

I peered inside the darkened room, the rain dripping off of my hood and into my eyes, making my vision blurry.

I caught sight of a blur of slow movement in the corner of the room and instantly whipped out my blades, crouching defensively in the doorway.

It was a titan, small, thin, sickly. It struggled in the corner where it was crumpled, it’s dirty fingernails scratching the walls of the house as it caught sight of me and tried to rise, its gaping mouth drooling long strands of saliva.

I sheathed one of my swords, eyeing it with disgust as it struggled to rise on stick-like legs. “Tch. How pathetic.” 

I walked toward it, sword raised, and with one smooth motion, sliced its head from its body. The head rolled off into the darkness of the room, as the thin, spindly body fell down in a steaming heap at my feet, the dark blood running across the floor and over my muddy boots.

I left the house, the blood marks on my boots already starting to steam into nothing in the cool, wet air, and headed back toward the house where (F/N) was holed up with the cadets.

I pushed in through the door and shut it quickly behind me as a torrent of rain followed me inside. I removed the hood from my head, wondering why I had even bothered to wear it, when the rain had soaked my hair anyway and was now rolling in cold droplets down my jawbone. I glanced down at my mud covered boots and, throwing my heavy, wet cloak on the floor, said under my breath, “Tch. I hate the damn rain. It makes things so unnecessarily dirty.”  
(F/N) was sitting against the wall of the far side of the room, on the other side of a small, crackling fire. She glanced up at me as I spoke, but returned to staring into the flames again after a moment.

I hesitated for a brief moment. I wanted to cross the room and sit beside her, so that maybe we could talk while everyone else was asleep, but I didn’t know if she’d want me to. I swore quietly under my breath. What the hell, it couldn’t hurt to try.

I crossed the room toward her, careful not to step on any of the sleeping cadets, although, it did cross my mind to kick Johnson as I passed his inert form, but I held back, exercising self control.

I sat down beside (F/N), who looked at me in surprise, and leaned back against the wall, cocking my leg in front of me and resting my hand on it as I said quietly, flicking my fingers at her, “Oi, (L/N). It’s probably a longshot to think you brought any tea with you.”

She scoffed and leaned her head back tiredly against the wall. “What, you didn’t bring any? Isn’t that kind of your thing?”

I scoffed in return, scorn in my voice as I snapped back, “My thing? I don’t have a thing.”

She rolled her head toward me, her gaze meeting mine, disbelief flicking across her eyes as she exclaimed, “You don’t have a thing?” She snapped her fingers in realization, the sound loud in the quiet of the room. “Oh, you mean you don’t just have one thing. Right? Because you definitely have a thing. Or things, I should say.”

I held her gaze, furrowing my brow at her, trying to act annoyed, although I was curious what she was talking about. “What the hell are you babbling on about, (L/N)?”

She held up a hand, ticking off on her fingers as she spoke, her voice holding a tone of amusement. “Things Ackerman has: number one, tea. Number two, cleaning. Number three, an obsession with calling the cadets ‘brats.’ Number four, an intense desire to hate everyone. Number five….”  
I slapped her hand down, her skin warm against mine as our hands connected for the briefest of moments. I shot her a glare. “Shut it, (L/N). I get the point.”

She grinned at me triumphantly and something jumped inside of me at her smile. Damn. I hadn’t seen her smile like that in such a long time. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed it. “But wait! You didn’t give me a chance to get to the best one!” She held up her hand again, all five fingers splayed for me to see. “Number five, determined he’s still going to have a growth spurt that we all know is never going to happen at this point.”

“Tch.” I reached out and grabbed her wrist between my fingers and forced her hand down, giving her a dangerous look as I growled under my breath, “Don’t push me, (L/N).”

I left my fingers around her wrist, even though it was now resting in her lap, and I couldn’t help but notice that her skin was warm and slightly rough beneath my touch. The contact felt good against my cool, damp skin, as if her warmth were transferring to my fingers through the simple act of touch.

She sat still, frozen, and I wondered why she hadn’t pulled away from me yet. Why hadn’t I pulled away from her yet? That was the real question. I was the one who was holding onto the contact as long as possible. Her skin underneath my fingers gave me a feeling of comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” She finally said, and I could sense the lightness that she forced into her tone as she raised an eyebrow at me, playing the seriousness of the moment off. “Go ahead. Tell me what my thing is. I deserve it.”

Focus, idiot. Stop thinking about what it would be like to touch other parts of her skin if just touching her wrist is making you feel this way.

I shot her a smirk, pulling myself out of my head. “Tch. You don’t have a thing. You have an entire book of things, (L/N).” I slipped my fingers down her wrist, then pulled her arm toward me and flipped it over, so that I was studying the inside of my forearm. I looked at her skin for a moment. It was still there. Just how I remembered it. Her skin was smooth and glowing in the light from the fire other than the scar that ran up the inside of her forearm, the scar I remembered so well. I couldn’t help myself, I ran a gentle finger up the rippled, shiny skin as I said in a low voice, “Number one, you’re clumsy and stupid and you don’t pay enough attention to what you’re doing. This scar is from when we were kids, and you got too close to the cooking fire and fell in, catching yourself on your forearm before I could pull you out.”

I flicked my eyes up to her face quickly, surprised that she hadn’t reacted to any of the insults I had just thrown at her. She met my gaze and there was something different in her eyes for a brief moment, as if she didn’t want me to pull away from her, as if she felt the same exciting warmth I did when our skin connected.

I glanced over at her again, and then dropped my finger from the scar on her arm. However, I couldn’t bring myself to break all contact with her just yet. Who knew when I’d get the chance to touch her like this again? I kept my fingers firmly around her wrist as I said quietly, fervently, “Number two, you take crap from people when you don’t need to. You’re stronger than all of them and you know it.”

I met her gaze, holding her eyes with mine, hoping she would see the sincerity that flashed across my stare. I meant everything I had just said. She’d been so beaten down by the way we were treated as kids, she still didn’t realize she didn’t have to take that from anyone ever again, she was stronger than anyone who tried to hold her down now.

Idiot. Don’t do this to her. You made her a promise all those years ago, and you fulfilled it. Now remember the other promise you made to yourself after you got her out of there. And continue to keep it. It’s the only way she’ll be happy.

I released the hold I still held on her wrist and scooted back from her, increasing the distance between us again. I leaned my head back against the wall, taking in a deep, calming breath as I said, forcing my voice back to its normal flat tone, “There’s more, a lot more, (L/N). But it’s late. And we have to deal with the brats again tomorrow. So get some sleep.”

Without saying anything else, I closed my eyes, forcing myself to ignore her. After a few moments, I heard her shift, getting comfortable, and as much as I tried to shut down my thoughts and wish myself to sleep, to give into the blackness, I was up for a long time after everything had gone silent, remembering the feel of her soft, warm, smooth skin under my fingertips.


	22. Staged

Early the next morning, we were back on the road, riding alongside the wall as we headed westward again.

As we rode, I couldn’t help but think that it was a beautiful morning, even if we did have to keep a constant lookout for titan bastards. The sun was shining on the trees, wet from the night of rain, and the birds were even daring to emerge and sing to each other.

I glanced over at Levi, who was wearing his usual dark expression despite the sunshine, and then said under my breath to Johnson, who was riding beside me, “Johnson. Do you think it’s possible for one person to bring the clouds back to the sky again?”

Johnson flicked his eyes quickly over to Levi and then back to me, giving me a slight smile as he said, “I don’t know. But if anyone could do it, Corporal Ackerman could.”

I chuckled under my breath, enjoying this quiet moment of light hearted ribbing while it lasted, and muttered to him in amusement, “Sometimes, I think he’s not even really upset about anything. He’s just worn that scowl for so long that his face is stuck like that now.”

Johnson laughed at my remark and Levi shot us a glare, as if he knew we were talking about him. Johnson clamped his mouth shut and blushed, focusing his gaze downward on his hands that held the reins. I wiggled my fingers at Levi, giving him a slight smirk, and he scoffed before turning forward again.

After a few moments of silence, Johnson pulled his horse a little closer to mine and, glancing over at Levi to make sure he wasn’t looking our way, asked me quietly, “Corporal. Has he always been like that?” I raised an eyebrow at him and he hurried to clarify. “Corporal Ackerman. Has he always been the way he is now? I know you two grew up together and I was just curious what he used to be like before he was this way.” 

I glanced over at Levi, who rode in silence, his eyes focused on the road ahead of us, and felt my heart skip a beat in my chest as I remembered what had happened last night. His touch on my skin….

I focused back on Johnson, who was looking at me expectantly. “No, Johnson. He wasn’t always like this.” I flicked my gaze back over to Levi quickly. “He was very different growing up. Sweet, and open, and braver than anyone I’ve ever known.” I felt a small smile curve my lips as I remembered our younger years. I looked back over to Johnson, growing serious again. “That part hasn’t changed. He’s still braver than anyone I’ve ever known, but the way the world is now...it would change just about anybody. It’s not a surprise he’s adapted the way he has.”

“Oi, (L/N).”

Levi’s voice calling my name broke into our conversation. I pulled away from Johnson and rode over to him, coming up beside him as he glanced over at me. He pointed toward the horizon. “What do you think of that?”

I looked to where he was pointing, above the stretch of trees in front of us, and saw what he was referring to. A large, dark pillar of smoke was rising into the air ahead of us.

“What the hell?” I said under my breath, squinting my eyes to try and put the column into closer focus. “There’s no other squads out this far is there?”

“Tch.” He shook his head. “Not that Erwin mentioned. We’re the only corps out this way.”

My horse danced nervously underneath me, snorting and pawing at the ground, and I reached down, laying a calming palm along its neck as I glanced over at Levi. He met my gaze with his dark eyes, his face calm, though I knew he was just as worried as I was about what lay ahead of us.

He adjusted his grips on the reins in his hands as his own mount snorted nervously, throwing its head back to sniff the incoming wind with flared, nervous nostrils.

And then I smelled it. The acrid, stinking smell of titans, blood, and destruction was carried toward us on the hot breeze.

“Levi….” I said in alarm, not even realizing I had used his first name in my urgency.

He nodded. “I know.” He whirled his horse around to face the cadets, who watched us with wide, uncertain eyes, and called out loudly, “This is what we’ve trained for, brats. Don’t let us down now. Any sane person would head away from what’s waiting for us, but that’s not our job. We’re going straight in.” He motioned between the two of us. “Listen to our commands, stay together, and above all…” He glared at them dangerously. “Don’t let the titans through.”

He pulled hard on the reins, his horse rearing slightly as it spun on its back feet to face westward again. He kicked into its sides and the black stallion took off at a dead run into the woods, headed straight toward the large column of smoke in the distance.

I followed close behind him, the cadets on my heels. I could hear the pounding of all of the horses’ hooves behind me as they dug into the wet ground of the forest and spurred mud upward, flicking it all around us.

I kept my head low and my body pressed against my mount’s back as we sprinted through the forest, weaving between the trunks of trees and jumping over shallow creek beds. Branches whipped over my head and the hot wind flung my hair in and out of my vision as we pressed onward, toward the dark smoke growing closer in the distance.

We reached the edge of the trees, and Levi pulled up abruptly, his horse’s hooves throwing up mud as it slid forward a few feet from the sudden stop.

I yanked my mare to a stop beside him, the cadets managing to stop in time behind us before they barreled us over, and glanced down into the valley where the smoke was coming from.

Levi swore under his breath, his eyebrows furrowed into a scowl as he looked at the scene below us. “Damn bastards.”

There was a large group of titans gathered below us, surrounding a crumbling supply base. The smoke was curling upward from the freshly demolished buildings, and the titans were squabbling amongst each other as they dug through the rubble, looking for any human remains that were left behind after their rampage.

“The message didn’t reach them in time then.” I said under my breath to Levi, my eyes never leaving the scene of destruction before us.

“This wasn’t some happenstance that they came upon this base. This was planned.” Levi spoke again, his voice holding an edge of barely controlled anger, his fingers turning white as he clenched his reins tightly in his hands.

I glanced over at him, surprise flickering across my face, and said, “You think the abnormal organized this?”

His dark eyes flicked to me, anger simmering beneath the surface. “Damn right I think that bastard organized this. That son of a bitch was last seen in this area, and we know that it controls the other titans somehow. This wasn’t random, this was staged.”

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind, a flash of realization, and I felt my stomach drop. “Ackerman….” He met my gaze and I kept my voice low so the cadets wouldn’t overhear as I muttered to him, “What if this was planned….for us?”

His eyes widened slightly as he caught my meaning. He glanced back down at the group of titans below us and swore under his breath again. “Damn it. It’s got us right where it wants us.”

Levi turned to face the cadets, some who were watching our whispered conversation with curiosity and some still staring in horror at the scene below us, and stated calmly, “All of you brats. Listen to me carefully. And follow my directions to the letter.”

Johnson glanced over at me, fear flickering across his face. He could tell something was wrong.

Levi continued, glancing over his shoulder quickly to make sure the titans were still where we had left them. “You all turn around, right now, and you head back the way we came. Don’t stop to take out any stray titans, it’s not important. What’s important right now is that you head back, and you don’t stop until you get inside the wall.” He scanned his dark, commanding gaze over them one by one. “Do I make myself clear?”

I had kept my gaze on the titans below us while he talked with the squad, wanting to make sure nothing happened while our backs were turned. Suddenly, a flash of movement on the other side of the valley caught my attention.

I watched in horror as the beast titan emerged from the trees, its huge, hulking, furry form dwarfing the other titans around it as it crushed the last of the standing buildings beneath its feet, its long arms swinging at its sides. Its gaze searched the treeline, and landed directly on us.

“Ackerman….” I yanked my horse backward a few steps, coming even with him, my eyes never leaving the abnormal standing below, watching our every movement.

He glanced over at me, and noting how white my face had gone, asked in a concerned tone, “What is it, (L/N)?”

I kept my voice calm, so as not to panic the cadets, but inside, my heart was pounding and my stomach had dropped to my toes. I lifted my chin toward the abnormal as I said quietly, “It’s here. We have to go now.”

Suddenly, the beast titan let out a bellowing roar, pointing in our direction, and the titans, as if moved by a single, connected string, all turned their heads toward us, their gaping, grinning mouths wide as they stood, frozen for a few, eternal seconds.

And then they were sprinting toward us, hundreds of arms and legs flailing, heads thrown back.

“Levi!” I yelled out, panic setting in as they charged toward our group. “We have to leave NOW!”

A determined look crossed Levi’s face and he threw me the reins to his stallion. I glanced down at the leather clutched in my hand and then back to him, his brow furrowed with concentration. He shot upward on his 3DM gear and landed on a branch above us, pulling out his blades as he called down to me, “Get the cadets out of here, (L/N). I’ll try and hold them off long enough to give you a head start.”  
Before I could protest, he took off, whipping through the trees toward the sprinting titans.

“Damn him. Always having to be the hero.” I muttered under my breath. I jumped off my mount and threw both horses’ reins to Jaeger, who looked at me in surprise. I whipped out my blades, giving him a brisk nod as I said, “Jaeger, you’re in charge. Get the rest of the squad out of here. We’ll keep these bastards busy for awhile.”

“Corporal!” Johnson called out to me, but I was already flying upward into the trees, headed toward Levi and the group of titans.

As I whizzed through the trees, the branches snagging at my hair and clothing as they whipped by, I could only hope that those idiots had chosen to listen to us and were on their way back to the wall.

I reached the edge of the treeline and whipped outward on the 3DM lines, slashing my blade across one of the incoming titans necks, blood splashing across the front of my uniform as the titan crashed to the ground, the titans behind tripping and falling over its downed body.

I passed another titan, swinging my blade across the skin at the nape of its neck as I flew by. Another flash of dark blood, another falling body.

I landed briefly next to Levi on a branch, wiping the steaming blood from my face as I looked over at him and flashed him a grin. He shot me a glare as he wiped one of his blades on his cloak. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here, (L/N)?”

“What? You didn’t think I’d let you steal all the glory did you?” I asked him, not waiting for an answer as I took off again, circling around another titan to bring a blade down on the back of its neck. I ripped the blade out from its flesh, just as Levi whipped past me, blades drawn, and took down another titan behind me, the spray of crimson blood flying upward into the air and raining down on his dark hair.

I landed on another branch, wiping some of the carnage from my blades as I checked our progress. I swore under my breath. No matter how many of those bastards we took down, there seemed to be dozens more to take their fallen comrades places.

I heard crashing off to my left and glanced through the trees to see a large titan that had broken off from the group, headed in the direction that we had left the cadets.

I flicked my gaze back to Levi, who had just downed another titan, and called out to him, “Ackerman!” He glanced over at me and I motioned behind me. “There’s a titan headed after the squad. I’m going to take care of the bastard. Give me ten minutes and then come after me. We need to pull back. If those idiots listened to us, they should be out of range anyway.”

He hesitated for a moment, but then his dark eyes scanned the horizon before us, which was filled with more titans than before we had started, if that was possible, and he nodded briskly. “Fine. Ten minutes. That’s all you get. Then we’re retreating.”

I took off through the trees after the lone titan, the lines of my 3DM whipping smoothly as I navigated around the closely knit trees of the forest.

I caught sight of the titan’s large, hulking back in front of me, its long, dark, greasy hair falling in strands down the scarred skin of its hunched shoulders. A smirk crossed my lips. An easy target. I came closer to the titan and raised my blades, getting ready to bring one of them down across its neck, as I muttered under my breath, “Die, you son of a bitch.”

Just as I brought down the blade toward its nape, something connected with me with such force and speed that it sent me spiraling out of the air, down toward the forest floor.

I couldn’t right myself in time, I crashed into the large trunk of one of the trees as I fell, knocking the wind out of me as I fell downward through the branches, finally hitting the ground with a hard thud.

I sat up, groaning as I put a hand to my ribs, and glanced toward the titan. What in the hell had just happened?

And then I saw it. The abnormal. The beast titan, standing in the woods behind the lone titan I had been following. I swore a humanlike smirk crossed its face as it stared at me, a large boulder held in its hand. It had thrown a boulder at me, taking me out of the air before I could slay the titan. But why?

I didn’t have time to ponder the motive, the lone titan had turned toward me, its large, gaping jaws open, dribbling saliva onto its chest as it let out a loud cry, shambling in my direction.

I scrambled for my blades, trying to find where they had fallen when I had tumbled out of the air. I glanced over my shoulder, the titan was growing closer, its large, bloodstained teeth gleaming in the dim light of the forest. My ribs were screaming with pain, my lungs were crying out for air. Where were those damn blades?

Suddenly, someone was beside me.

“Johnson?” I looked at him in shock, forgetting to continue looking for my blades in my surprise. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He gave me a sad smile. “I had a feeling you and Corporal Ackerman might need help. I stayed behind.” He glanced over my head at the titan, which had reached us and was stretching out a long, blood marked arm toward us. He looked back at me again as he handed me his blades, pushing the cool metal into my hands. “Take these. You’ll need them.”

“Johnson….What are you….” I got out, glancing down at the blades he had pressed into my palms.

He flashed me one more small smile. “I’m going to give you enough time to get out.” The titan’s hand closed around his waist, its dirty fingernails digging into the survey corps emblem marked on his chest. “Tell Mory I’m sorry.” He said to me, his voice growing fainter as the titan’s grasp tightened around him, raising him upward and away from me.

“Johnson! NO!” I screamed out as the titan raised the boy to its wide, gaping mouth full of dirty teeth. I struggled to push myself up off the ground. I had to do something. This wasn’t happening.

I fumbled with one of the blades, trying to lift it upward with my injured ribs. I screamed again in anger. I couldn’t keep a hold on the blade, the titan’s empty eyes leered at me as it bit down on Johnson, tearing his body in two.

Blood sprayed down on me like a terrible rain, and I couldn’t tell if my face was wet with tears or Johnson’s innards.

Suddenly, Levi appeared beside me. He grabbed my arms and dragged me backward from the titan, who was loudly munching on my cadet’s lifeless body.

“You bastard! I’ll kill every one of you! Johnson! NO.”

Levi continued to drag me backward through the trees as I screamed, crazy with anger and despair, away from the gruesome scene.

I kicked and fought, trying to get back to the titan. I would kill that son of a bitch. And I wouldn’t stop until the beast titan was dead at my feet.

Levi shoved me back against a tree, holding me still with hands on my shoulders as he forced me to look at him. “(L/N). Stop being an idiot. That boy sacrificed himself so we’d have enough time to retreat. Let’s not waste his last act.”

The tears were streaming down my face, mixing with the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. Johnson’s blood. I choked back a sob and managed to nod to him.

He was right. Johnson had saved my life by giving up his, and that would be wasted if we remained out here and died anyway.

But that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to die in that moment. I couldn’t feel anything. Everything was numb and the scariest part was, that I couldn’t bring myself to care.


	23. Heat

Levi dragged me behind him through the trees for several miles, until we reached the abandoned village we had stayed at the night before. Without horses, and on foot, it seemed so much farther from the outpost that we had come across that morning. Or maybe it seemed so much farther because every part of my body felt as if it was made of lead.

I had stopped crying several miles ago, the tear stains long dried on my cheeks, mixed with the dark, maroon blood that had congealed and stained my skin. I felt nothing but numbness.

I trudged behind Levi through the village, as he checked each house again, making sure no titans had taken up residence since we had left that morning. The rain had started up again, a cold, constant drizzle that was slowly seeping through my cloak and uniform, sinking into my skin and making me shiver.

We reached the house where we had stayed the night before and Levi pushed inside first, his blades still drawn. After a few silent seconds, I heard him call to me from inside, the room dark from the twilight that had begun to descend over the village. “Oi, (L/N). Get in here out of the rain.”

I walked into the room, my head bent, my drenched hair falling into my eyes and dripping cold rain water down my cheeks. I couldn’t bring myself to care. How the hell had everything gone so wrong?

Without removing my wet cloak, I walked across the room and slumped down against the wall, watching disinterestedly as Levi gathered some dry firewood that had been left over and attempted to build a fire in the middle of the room. I shivered again. The rain made the air damp and chilly and the wet cloak hung heavily around my shoulders wasn’t helping matters.

I glanced past Levi, my eyes drawn to the spot on the floor where Johnson had slept next to Miller just the night before. I felt anger rise up and fight against the numbness in my chest. Why did we do this? Why did we go out on futile missions just to return with less people than we started with? Why did we put CHILDREN'S lives in danger for the sake of humanity?

Before I could stop myself, flashes of my interactions with Johnson flitted through my head. The first mission we’d ever done together, how I had made him try to take a titan down on his own, how nervous he was to try for the first time. The ride to his village, the sound of his sobbing as his mother was eaten before his eyes, the terror on his face when he heard Mory and the joy when he had her back safely. The time he had sat by the fire with me, blushing when I teased him, his warm, rough hand on mine.

And finally, when he had stayed behind. When he had come up beside me in the forest, his eyes determined, giving me that half smile as he pressed his blades into my hands. The lone titan, Johnson crushed in its hand, raised to its mouth…...the warm feeling as blood rained down on me…

Levi sat down beside me, startling me out of my dark thoughts. I flicked my gaze over to him, and the anger returned, bubbling hotly underneath my skin, as the memory of him dragging me away from the titan and Johnson returned to my mind. It was his fault. He hadn’t let me go back. If he had…..

“Oi, (L/N).” He spoke flatly, watching me with his eyebrow raised. The fire he had started lit up his face with an eerie orange glow, his dark eyes black in the shadows from the flames. “You couldn’t have saved him you know.”

The anger bubbled over. I couldn’t control it. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, staring at the ground at my feet, as I muttered under my breath, “Maybe I could have...maybe I could have done something….but you….” My hands shook at my sides as I met his gaze, flames of rage dancing in my eyes as I finally lost control and screamed at him, “You took me away! This is all your fault! This is. All. Your. Fault!”

I lunged at him, swinging my fists wildly, not caring what I hit as long as I connected with him and made him feel the same pain that I was feeling in that moment.

He didn’t even try to defend himself. He sat still, taking my angry swings silently.

Over and over I swung my fists, punching him in the chest and arms and stomach. I felt the hot flow of tears down my cheeks as I flailed, and I realized I was sobbing as I continued to hit him.

Finally, I collapsed against him, too tired to do anything. The pain was unbearable. I felt as if it were crushing my chest, making it so that every breath I took felt as if I was being stabbed by knife over and over and over again.

I sobbed for what felt like hours, but must have only been a few minutes, and Levi stayed there, not moving underneath me, as I clenched the fabric of his uniform between my fists and buried my face in his chest, the tears falling from my skin stained pink with dried blood.

After my sobbing had subsided into quiet tears and a few loud sniffles, Levi finally spoke. “Tch. Come on, (L/N). Let’s get that wet cloak off of you. You’re freezing.”

I hadn’t realized when my whole body was shaking with sobs, but now that I had calmed down, I noticed he was right. I was shivering violently, my wet hair still dripping down my back and my soaked clothes stuck against my cold skin.

I nodded and sat back, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes with the palms of my hands. I shucked the wet, heavy cloak over my head and dropped it onto the floor at my feet, instantly feeling a bit warmer as the heat from the fire penetrated my damp uniform.

Levi stood from the wall and walked around the room for a moment, as if he were looking for something. Coming back to the fire and warming his hands over the flames, he swore under his breath. “Damn. Jaeger took our horses, which also included all our gear.”

My teeth were still chattering together slightly. I slid closer to the fire and looked up at him, rubbing my hands together in front of me to try and generate some more warmth. “So no sleeping bags.”

He glanced over at me, studying me for a brief moment, his dark eyes emotionless, and then said matter of factly, “How would you feel about using body heat?”

I scoffed. “No way in hell would you be okay with that. You like to be as far away from all people as humanly possible.”

He watched me, still shivering beside the fire, and then said in a slightly irritated voice, “Tch. I’ll have to make an exception for your idiotic ass. You’re in shock. And your clothes are soaked. There’s no other option.”

My eyes widened as I glanced over at him. He was serious. I felt my heart jump in my chest. What the hell? This was simply a survival technique. It didn’t mean anything. So why was my stomach suddenly doing flip flops?

“Oi, (L/N).” He said, annoyed at my lack of action. “Come on. You heard me. Take off your wet uniform and lay it out by the fire to dry.” He turned his back to me, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. “And hurry it up. I’d like to get some sleep before we have to head out at dawn.”

I hesitated for another brief moment and then stood, pulling my jacket off my shoulders as I did so. I dropped it on top of the wet cloak that already lay at my feet and then leaned over, starting to undo the straps of the 3DM harness from around my waist. I slipped my legs out of the leather contraption, letting it drop to the floor with a muffled thud.

I reached down, my fingers on the hem of my shirt, and glanced over at Levi, who still had his back to me. I shook my head. Focus, (F/N). It’s just for survival. Stop being an idiot.

I slipped my shirt up and over my head and, after dropping it on the growing pile, undid my pants, slipping them silently down my legs and stepping to the side, leaving them on top of the pile of wet clothes.

I stood there for a moment in my bra and panties, my arms crossed over my chest, the cool draft slipping under the door raising goosebumps on my skin. A stupid thought slipped through my head as I glanced down, my skin glowing orange in the light of the fire, the scars crisscrossing my legs and stomach dark in contrast to the color of the rest of my skin.

Would Levi still find me attractive, as he did all those years ago? When he’d blushed and glanced away at the sight of my body beside the cistern?

“Oi, (L/N).” Levi’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I clutched my arms tighter to myself as he said flatly, “You’ve got to be done by now.” 

“Yeah, I am.” I said, trying to stop the nervousness I felt from penetrating through to my voice. I shifted uncomfortably, the floor rough against my bare feet. “What was the next part of your brilliant plan, dummy?”

He turned and walked past me without so much as a second glance. “Tch. Is this your idea of laying your clothes out to dry, (L/N)?” He crouched down and spread out my clothes on the floor around the fire, leaving the side next to the wall open. When he was finished, he stood again and shucked off his own wet cloak, heavy with rain. He laid it beside mine on the floor and then sat down, leaning back against the wall, one of his knees cocked up comfortably in front of him.

He finally glanced over at me, flicking his long, pale fingers in my direction. “Come on then, idiot. You’re not going to get any warmer standing over there in your underclothes.”

I hesitated for a moment. Why was my heart pounding so loudly in my chest? Shut the hell up, this isn’t a big deal. It’s just Levi. He doesn’t even like you. He probably wishes you didn’t even exist. This doesn’t mean anything. He didn’t even give you the time of day, and you’re practically standing naked in front of him. Nothing at all. This is all fine.

I walked over to him and carefully sat down in front of him. I didn’t lean against him. I felt more vulnerable than I was comfortable with already, I didn’t need contact with him to make me feel even more unsure of myself.

Suddenly, his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me back against his chest.

I let out a quiet gasp at the sudden movement, the skin of his arms warm against the cool, damp skin of my hips. He threw his jacket, still a little damp, over me, and then pulled me back against him again, closer this time, if that were possible.

I jumped again as he spoke in a low voice, his lips at my ear, his breath warm against my skin. “Tch. Just relax, (L/N). I’m not going to do anything to you.” One of his fingers brushed across my ribs as he adjusted his grip on me. I felt my breath catch slightly in my throat and his breath against my ear grew louder for just a brief moment, as if he wanted to laugh at the level of my uncomfort, but then he said quietly, “Just for body heat, (L/N).”

He leaned his head back against the wall, pulling his lips away from me again, and said flatly, “Now go the hell to sleep. And that’s an order.”

He was quiet, not saying anything else, and I found my eyes getting heavy. The comforting crackling from the fire, the feel of his chest rising and falling with steady, deep breaths against my back, the warm touch of his skin against mine, it all eventually lulled me to sleep. Something that I had thought wouldn’t be achievable that night after what had happened that day.

But that’s always been the thing about Levi. No matter where I am, no matter what’s happened, no matter who I’ve lost, if he’s there, beside me, I feel safe.


	24. Flames

LEVI’S POV

I dragged (F/N) behind me through the trees for several miles, until we reached the abandoned village we had stayed at the night before. Without horses, and on foot, it seemed so much farther from the outpost that we had come across that morning.

I glanced behind me at (F/N) as we entered the village. She had stopped crying several miles ago, going silent, and I could see the numbness that had come across her face, the dried tear stains cutting pathways down through the spray of dried maroon blood that covered her cheeks.

I quickly checked each house again as we walked silently through the darkening village. I wanted to make sure none of those bastards had shown up since we had been gone and taken refuge in the abandoned buildings without us knowing. I made my search quick, as the rain had started up again, and I knew being out in the cold, constant drizzle wasn’t going to do (F/N) any good in her already shocked state.

We reached the house where we had stayed the night before and I pushed in through the closed door, my blades still drawn, just in case. I scanned the dark room, noting that there was still some dry firewood left. Good, I could get a fire going and warm up the damp, chilled air a bit at least.

I realized that (F/N) hadn’t followed me into the room. She was still standing in the doorway, the rain from the roof dripping down onto her head in a steady stream. “OI, (L/N).” I called out to her, knowing that she wouldn’t move if I didn’t make her. “Get in here out of the rain.”

She trudged into the room, still not saying a word, and without removing her wet cloak, slumped down against the far wall, curling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself. I watched her for a moment, knowing I could attempt to say something, but that nothing I could say would make her feel any less empty inside. I knew, because I had come to know the feeling well, and knew that no matter who tried to help, there was nothing to be said. Nothing that would make it alright.

I noticed her shivering and started to gather together a small pile of the dry kindling, hoping that if I could get a fire going, it would warm up the room enough to keep us comfortable for the night.

After gathering together all the dry wood I could find, I stacked it in the center of the room, and soon, I had a small, crackling flame going, lighting up the dark shadows of the room with warm, orange light.

I glanced over at (F/N) again. She hadn’t moved. She was staring into the orange flames, lost deep in thought.

I walked over and sat down beside her against the wall, turning to her as I said, “Oi, (L/N).” She flicked her eyes over to me, and the emptiness, the hurt held within her gaze, made my heart ache within my chest. I felt the need to say something, anything, even if I knew it wouldn’t make her feel any better. “You couldn’t have saved him you know.”

Anger flashed across her gaze and I saw her clench her fists at her sides as she said under her breath, “Maybe I could have….maybe I could have done something...but you…” Her hands shook at her sides. She met my gaze again, the anger bright in her eyes, livening every feature of her face, and suddenly screamed, “You took me away! This is all your fault! This is. All. Your. Fault!”

She lunged at me, swinging her fists. I didn’t move. I didn’t say anything. I sat there, completely still, completely silent, letting her hit me as many times and wherever she liked.

She needed someone to blame. She needed some logical reason for what had happened. She needed something to cling to, something that made it all make sense, or she’d go insane with the pain and the emptiness.

Her swings didn’t hurt me. Even through her anger, she wasn’t really trying to injure me. She could have, if she’d wanted, but she just needed to channel the anger into something physical, just for a moment, even if it wasn’t really accomplishing anything.

Finally, she exhausted herself and collapsed against me. She buried her face in my chest and clenched the fabric of my uniform between her fists as she sobbed. I raised a hand, letting my fingers hover over her heaving back, before deciding against touching her. I let my hand drop back down to my side and remained still, not moving underneath her grip. I could feel her warm tears soaking through the front of my shirt, and I leaned my head back against the wall as she continued to cry, her sobs angry and full of pain.

I closed my eyes, remembering the emptiness, the feelings of rage, that had overcome me when I had lost my squad the first time. My friends, Farlan, Isabel, those bastards had taken them from me. And then the second time, Petra, everyone lost, all over again. I’d let it happen again. And that time, I had felt nothing but all consuming rage...and then numbness. Nothing but numbness. There was nothing else.

I opened my eyes, realizing that (F/N)’s sobbing had subsided into quiet sniffles, and that she was shivering violently again. I glanced down at her, her head still buried in my chest, her wet hair dripping down her back, and said quietly, “Tch. Come on, (L/N). Let’s get that wet cloak off of you. You’re freezing.” 

She nodded against me and then sat back, rubbing her eyes for a moment before she shucked off the heavy, wet cloak onto the floor at her feet.

I stood from the floor and walked around the room for a moment, kicking aside some of the debris with my boots. I wasn’t sure exactly what I had hoped to find, but I had hoped that there would be something left here that we could use to keep warm for the night as we slept. But there was nothing. I walked back over to the fire and warmed my hands over the small flames, swearing under my breath as I said in annoyance, “Damn. Jaeger took our horses, which also included all our gear.”

(F/N) scooted closer to the fire and rubbed her hands in front of her, glancing over at me as she said, “So no sleeping bags.”

It was the first time she had spoken since the forest. Hell, I was glad to hear her voice again.

I met her gaze across the flames, and before I could stop myself, said without emotion, “How would you feel about using body heat?”

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. What are you thinking? Do you really think you can put your feelings aside for her in a situation like that? You’re willingly jumping into the flames here.

She scoffed. “No way in hell would you be okay with that. You like to be as far away from all people as humanly possible.”

Little did she know, I’d give anything to be close to her, and she was the only person I wanted to be close to. But she was the one person, the one person in this entire gone-to-hell world, that I had to stay away from.

I watched her, still shivering, even with the fire, and then said, the irritation with myself bleeding into my voice, “Tch. I’ll have to make an exception for your idiotic ass. You’re in shock. And your clothes are soaked. There’s no other option.”

Her eyes widened as she realized how serious I was being. Something flashed across her face, something other than surprise, something that looked oddly like excitement, but she quickly dropped her gaze from mine, shifting her eyes downward to her muddy boots.

“Oi, (L/N).” I kept the amusement from my voice, masking it with annoyance. “Come on. You heard me. Take off your wet uniform and lay it out by the fire to dry.” I turned my back to her and cross my arms over my chest. “And hurry it up. I’d like to get some sleep before we have to head out at dawn.”

I stood there, silently, listening as she finally stood up from the floor and started to undress, her wet clothes rustling in the silence of the room as she slipped them off, one by one, and dropped them to the floor.

I dug my fingers into my arm as I waited for her to finish. Steady, idiot. Remember the promise.

I realized the room had gone silent again, except for the crackling of the fire, and I called out to her, “Oi, (L/N). You’ve got to be done by now.”

“Yeah, I am.” I heard her respond, a slight nervous edge to her voice. I couldn’t help the small smile that flicked across my lips at the thought that I made her nervous. I heard her shift and then say sarcastically, trying to cover up her uncertainty, “What was the next part of your brilliant plan, dummy?”

I took in a deep breath and turned, walking past her without a second glance. Focus on something else, anything else. “Tch. Is this your idea of laying your clothes out to dry, (L/N)?” I crouched down beside the messy pile of wet clothes and started to spread them out to dry around the fire, careful not to look in her direction. When I was finished, I shucked off my own wet cloak and laid it beside her uniform on the floor. I sat down against the wall again and shifted myself until I was comfortable, one knee cocked up in front of me, my hand resting on my bent leg.

I finally let myself glance over at (F/N), but just for the briefest of moments. Even that sent my heart pounding in my chest as my gaze flicked over her skin, crisscrossed with the dark scars that her son of a bitch father had left on her body. I flicked my fingers at her, steeling my voice as I said, “Come on then, idiot. You’re not going to get any warmer standing over there in your underclothes.”

She hesitated briefly and then walked over, sitting down in front of me, her body stiff with discomfort, as she kept distance between us.

I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my body. She let out a little gasp at the movement, and the sound sent my heart pounding in my chest again. Her skin was cool and damp under my arms, a change from her normal warmth. I reached for my jacket and spread it over her. It was still a bit damp, but it would dry out quickly this closely to the fire.

I put my arms back around her and pulled her against me again, closer this time. I put my lips to her ear, causing her to jump slightly, and said in a low voice, “Tch. Just relax, (L/N). I’m not going to do anything to you.”

Good hell, the things I’d like to do to you though. Stop, idiot. Don’t think like that. Remember the promise.

She kept her head bent, the gentle curve of her neck exposed, the skin glowing in the soft light from the fire. I adjusted my hands on her waist, one of my fingers brushing across her ribs as I moved my arms, and I heard her breath catch slightly at the touch. I chuckled under my breath, my lips still against her ear. I couldn’t help but enjoy the effect I had on her. I leaned in and murmured against her ear, “Just for body heat, (L/N).”

Alright, idiot. That’s enough. Control yourself.

I pulled myself away from her reluctantly, the damp, earthy smell of her hair lingering in my nose, and leaned my head back against the wall. I took in a breath, exercising control, and then said, keeping my voice flat and even, “Now go the hell to sleep. And that’s an order.”

I sat that way, in silence, my head back against the wall, feeling her warm body up against mine, until she nodded off to sleep. Once I was sure she was asleep, her breaths deep and even, I tightened my grip around her, wanting her as close to me as possible.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but there had always been something about (F/N). She could keep away the nightmares. There were other things that I had tried over the years that could keep away the nightmares at night-drinks, women. But she was the only thing I had found that kept them away in the daytime.


	25. Hate

The first thing I was aware of when I woke up was the pain in my ribs and head.

The second thing I was aware of was being tightly curled up against Levi.

His arms were still loosely wrapped around my waist, his jacket still draped over the two of us, my head on his chest. I could hear the sound of his heart beneath my ear, the rhythmic beating a comforting sound in the silence of the room.

I glanced up at him, his head leaned back against the wall, his lips parted slightly, his eyes closed as he breathed deeply in sleep, in and out. The corners of my lips quirked up into a small smile. He looked so much less threatening when he was sleeping, more like the boy I had grown up with. I reached up and gently pushed the dark hair back from his forehead, careful to keep my touch light as my fingers brushed across his forehead so as not to disturb his sleep.

I sat up slowly, holding in a groan as I moved my tender ribs, and careful not to wake Levi, pulled the jacket off of me and stood up. The fire had gone out sometime during the night, and I shivered in the chilly air of the room, flinching again as the movement hit my ribs.

I glanced down, running a finger over the dark, large bruises that had formed along my side. I wouldn’t know if anything was broken until we got back to base and Hange looked me over. Everything sure hurt like hell though.

I moved silently around Levi and picked my clothes up off the floor. They were dry thankfully, and I slipped on my uniform with measured movements, careful not to jar my ribs anymore than I needed to. Leaving my 3DM harness and gear on the floor, I padded across the room and opened the door, slipping outside before shutting it quietly behind me.

I took in a deep breath of the morning air, glad to see the sun back again after so many days of rain, and squinted in the bright morning light as I studied the wall in the distance.

Suddenly, I heard hoofbeats coming toward the village.

I looked toward the east in time to see riders emerge from the trees, headed in my direction. They approached me, slowing their horses as they reached me, and I recognized Jaeger, Ackerman, Arlert, and Miller on the mounts’ backs.

Jaeger pulled up his horse in front of me and said, “Corporal! You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

I flashed a grin at him as I shaded my eyes from the sun, looking up at him. “Yeah, well, I’m alive. So I’m not going to complain.”

He flicked his gaze behind me, to the closed door, and then met my eyes again, the question he wanted to ask clear in his eyes. I nodded to him. “Corporal Ackerman’s fine as well, Jaeger. He’s too stubborn to go down that easily.”

Just then, Levi opened the door behind me, securing his 3DM harness around his waist as he emerged from the house, squinting over at Jaeger. “Oi, I heard my name. You’d better not be talking crap, (L/N).”

I raised an eyebrow at Jaeger. “See? What did I tell you? Alive and surly as ever.”

Miller jumped down from her mount and came up to me, relief flashing in her eyes as she said quietly, “I’m so glad you’re all right, Corporal.” Her eyes flicked to the empty doorway behind us. “Is Johnson….”

I shook my head and she looked down at her feet, dropping my gaze as tears started to gather in her eyes.

I cleared my throat, emotion welling up again, and turned back to Jaeger. “Please tell me you brought our horses with you. Because I think I’ve walked enough to last a lifetime.”

Arlert came forward, our mounts trailing behind him. He flashed me a smile as he handed me the reigns to my mare and then threw Levi his as well.

Levi swung up onto his stallion as I ran back into the house to grab my 3DM gear. Pulling the harness on as I walked back out the door, I mounted my mare and glanced over at Miller, whose eyes had cleared of tears, but who now wore a sad, stoic look on her face. Arlert was saying something to her quietly, his hand on her back, a sympathetic look upon his face.

“Oi, Jaeger.” Levi called out to the boy, who was mounted next to me. We both looked in his direction and he raised an eyebrow at us, irritation lacing his voice as he said, “Let’s get going already.”

We traveled in silence for an hour, until we finally reached the gate into Wall Rose. Jaeger rode forward and waved up at the guards on the wall and they motioned back, disappearing for a few moments to set the gate into motion.

With a loud, creaking, clanging sound, the gate began to raise into the air, giving us enough room within a few moments to ride through and back into the city.

I took in a deep breath of the city air as we entered in through the gate. I had never been happier to smell the scent of tightly packed humans and various food aromas wafting toward me on the breeze than I was in that moment.

We had made it.

A tight hand took a hold of my beating heart at the thought and a large lump suddenly appeared in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

Well, some of us had made it.

I rode through the city, keeping close behind Levi, some of the townspeople stopping in the middle of their business to watch the scouting troop as we wove our horses through the packed streets.

The barracks came into sight and a feeling of dread came into my stomach as we reached the stables, and the cadets jumped down from their horses.

What in the hell was I going to tell Mory?

Miller appeared in front of me, grasping my mare’s reins in her hand as she glanced up at me. “I can take your horse, Corporal. I’m sure you have other more pressing things to attend to.”

I gave her a slight nod. “Thank you, Miller.”

I jumped down from my horse and landed lightly on my feet, as Miller pulled the mare and her mount after her into the shadowed innards of the stables. I waited until she was out of sight before I let out a quiet groan under my breath and bent over slightly, putting a hand to my injured ribs, which were throbbing from the ride back to the city.

I took in a deep breath, wincing slightly as my ribs screamed at the movement, and straightened, just as I heard a voice call out my name from across the commons.

“(F/N)-san! You’re back!”

My heart skipped a beat as I glanced over and saw Mory running toward me, her blonde hair streaming out behind her as she ran, a grin lighting up her features, Hange close on her heels.

When the little girl reached me, she threw her arms around my legs and beamed up at me, her cheeks red from the cool evening air. Her blue eyes were like two dark pools in the advancing twilight as she said excitedly, “(F/N)-san! I was worried when you didn’t come back! Are you okay?”

I crouched down in front of her, ignoring the protests of my aching ribs, and took her hands in mine, giving her a slight smile as I met her eager gaze. “I’m fine, Mory. Just a little tired is all.”

She gripped my hands tightly in her small, warm palms and leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss on my cheek before she pulled back and said, “I’m so glad you’re okay. I knew you would be. You’re so brave.”

I opened my mouth to respond to her, when Levi walked by us, calling out to Hange as he passed me, “Oi, four-eyes.” She shot him an exasperated glare and he flicked his fingers to where I was still crouched beside Mory. “(L/N) fell in the woods yesterday. I’m fairly sure she hurt herself, even if she won’t admit it. Make sure you take a look at her when you’re done here.”

I shot a glare at his back as he continued to walk away, back toward headquarters, probably to give his report to Erwin. I was halfway pleased he had remembered I might be injured, but also halfway annoyed that he felt the need to look out for me when he didn’t even like me.

Mory tugged on my hands and I drew my gaze back to her. Her blue, wide eyes searched behind me as the group of cadets emerged from the stables after putting away the horses. “(F/N)-san.” She said in a curious voice, her eyes still searching the cadets. “Where’s brother-san?”

My mouth was suddenly dry. I felt like I was going to be sick. “Mory…..” I glanced up at Hange, who still stood behind the little girl, and she instantly read the response to her question in my eyes. She reached forward and put a comforting hand on the little girl’s shoulder.

Mory met my gaze, and even though she was young, she’d seen enough loss in her short life to recognize the pain in my eyes and what it meant. Tears instantly filled her eyes and began to brim over, spilling down her cheeks. “No….brother-san….” Her voice trembled as she spoke his name.

I reached out and pulled her to me in a tight embrace, her tiny body trembling against me, the warm tears from her cheeks falling onto my uniform. I ran a hand over her hair as I said quietly, “I’m so, so very sorry, Mory.” I felt tears gather in my own eyes. “I am so sorry.”

Suddenly, she pushed away from me, a flash of anger flickering across her face as she cried out, “He promised he’d come back! And you promised you’d protect him! And you didn’t!” She turned around and threw her arms around Hange, burying her face in Hange’s chest, as she yelled at me, “You saved me! And you didn’t save him! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Her voice dissolved into muffled sobs.

Hange glanced at me over the little girl’s head, her arms around her small body, and gave me a sympathetic smile as she said, “I’ll go and put her to bed. Meet me in my lab. I’ll fix you up when I’m done.”

I watched Mory for a moment, crying into Hange, and her words echoed in my head over and over. She was right. I had failed to protect her brother. She was right to hate me. So why did I feel as if a knife were stuck in my heart and someone was constantly twisting it round, sending shooting pains throughout my whole body?

I nodded to Hange and she stood, Mory cradled in her arms, and headed off toward the barracks.

I stayed crouched on the ground for a few more moments and then stood with a sigh, holding my injured ribs as I did so. Although the pain didn’t feel so great now. Not compared to the pain that was reverberating in my heart with every beat.

I crossed the commons to headquarters and entered the large building, keeping my head down as I walked silently through the halls. I didn’t think I’d run into anyone, but I didn’t want to talk with anyone if I did.

I headed down the stairs that led to the basement of the building and walked to the end of the long dark hall, pushing open the heavy door to Hange’s lab. I glanced around at the stacks of papers and messy forms that covered the room and, finding a chair in the corner, cleared the seat so I could sit down.

I had only been sitting for a few moments in the quiet darkness of the room, lost in thought, when Hange came through the door, a brightly flickering torch held in her hand. She gave me a smile as she saw me in the corner and, sticking the torch into a holder on the wall, began rummaging around in her desk for something.

I watched her search for a moment and then said, “Hell, Hange, how do you find anything in here? It looks like a titan came through and threw everything every which way.”

Hange laughed quietly and held up a medical kit she had unearthed from her desk. She flashed me a grin. “There’s a method to my madness, (F/N). I know where things are, even if it doesn’t appear that way.”

She crossed the room and crouched beside me, opening the medical kit at my feet. She pulled out a long roll of gauze and then turned to me, motioning to my shirt. “Take that off. Let me see what we’ve got.”

I pulled my shirt over my head, grimacing as the movement shot sharp flashes of pain through my ribs, and dropped it on the floor beside the chair.

Hange came up on her knees, glancing at the dark, large bruise that marred my side, her glasses reflecting the light from the torch as she said, “Hmmm…” quietly to herself. She reached out and ran her fingers gently along my ribs, feeling for breaks with her hand before she pulled back and said, “Well, I’d say there’s a few that are broken. But they should heal up alright. In the meantime,” She held up the roll of linen. “I’m going to bind you up pretty tightly.”

She unrolled the roll of white fabric and then stood, motioning to me. “Hold your arm up above your head as much as you can, (F/N).”

I did as she said, wincing again as the movement of raising my arm aggravated my ribs. She leaned over and wrapped the linen around and around my chest, just underneath my bra, pulling each layer tighter and tighter than the last. Finally, she finished the roll and secured the loose end neatly along my side with a few pins before stepping back and raising an eyebrow at me, studying her work. “Well? Does it feel any better?”  
I lowered my arm. “I feel like I’m wearing a corset.” I moved my arm gently side to side and my ribs didn’t ache quite as badly with the movement as they did before, although it was a little harder to breathe properly with the tight linen wrapped around my chest. I gave her a half smile. “It feels a bit better. Thank you, Hange.”  
“Oi, (L/N).” Suddenly, Levi appeared in the doorway. His eyes fell on me in the corner, still partially undressed, and he looked slightly embarrassed if that were possible.

Hange smirked at him, glancing between the two of us, and then said, “Rivaille? What are you doing here?” Her eyes flashed mischievously behind her glasses. “Are you here to check on (F/N) perhaps?”

He glared at her. “Tch. I was just on my way back from reporting to Erwin, and he wanted me to tell you to make sure you stick to the budget he’s given you, four-eyes.”

She flashed him a grin. “Uh-huh. Okay, Rivaille.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him over her glasses, shooting me a knowing look.

“Tch. You’re hopeless.” He turned and stalked back out the door. We heard his angry footsteps on the stairs and then it was silent again.

Hange turned to me again and raised an eyebrow in my direction. “Ooooh….Rivaille came to check up on you. Does someone have a little crush?”

I blushed. I hoped she couldn’t see the slight pink hint to my cheeks in the dim light of the room. “Shut up, Hange. You know he doesn’t like me at all. He can’t even stand to work with me, so how could he have a crush on me?”

Hange looked like she wanted to tease me some more, but instead, she thought for a moment, studying me, and then said, in a more serious tone, “He’s a strange character, isn’t he?” She put a finger to her chin, her thinking pose, and then said, “I’ve been doing some studies with some of the cadets on how backgrounds influence who we are now. You know, since Erwin cut my titan budget.” She glared to herself and then glanced back over to me. “I’d love to get inside Rivaille’s head, see how the Underground influenced who he is today. But of course, he’d never go for it. If only I knew someone else from the Underground who I could delve into….” She raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to see what she was hinting at.

I rolled my eyes. “So you want to ask me instead.”

She clapped her hands gleefully. “Oh, (F/N)! You would do that for me?”

I sighed and stood from the chair, pulling my shirt back over my head. “I don’t think I have much choice.”

She ran forward and hugged me, careful not to jostle my ribs as she said excitedly, “I promise it won’t be much. Just some questions. When you feel better, in a few days, we’ll get into it, alright?”

I gritted my teeth slightly. If there was anything that I hated talking about, it was the Underground and my growing up. I kept it as quiet as possible, not because I was ashamed of who I was, but because I didn’t want to relive the painful memories anymore than I had to.

I sighed again as she continued to hug me. “Fine, Hange. I’ll cooperate in your ‘study.’” I pushed her off of me. “But for now, leave me alone, so I can go the hell to sleep.”

I wanted to sink into the oblivion of sleep, even if just for a little while. It was the only way I was going to escape Mory’s words that had constantly been echoing around my head ever since she had screamed them at me.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”


	26. Questions

A few days later, I made my way back to Hange’s lab in the basement of the headquarters building.

Erwin had given all of us a few days off as he and the other commanders strategized how to best apprehend the beast titan. They didn’t want to send out any more teams until they had a solid plan on how to deal with the abnormal and its dangerous control over the rest of the titans.

I had spent most of the free days in my room. Mostly, I was exhausted and my ribs still ached, and I just wanted to be alone. But there was a small part of me that just didn’t want to face anyone quite yet. Not after what had happened.

The day after Levi and I had arrived back, Hange had found a family to take Mory in. She couldn’t stay in the barracks anymore, not since Johnson was gone, so they had found a caring family in the city, with a few other children her age, to care for her as their own. I would miss her cheerful smile around base, but I knew it was in her best interest. Children didn’t belong with an army.

I entered headquarters and headed directly downstairs, the cool, dimly lit air of the basement making me feel more at ease. I wouldn’t run into anyone down here.

I pushed open the door to Hange’s messy lab and peeked my head inside, calling out, “Hange? Are you here?”

She popped out from behind her desk, a large smile lighting up her face as she saw me standing in the doorway. “(F/N)! Come in!” She motioned for me to enter the room, and when I did so, she came out from behind the desk, holding a stack of papers in her arms, as she asked, “How are you feeling? Better?”

I nodded to her. “I’m getting there.”

She cleared a pile of papers and books off of a chair in the corner, dumping them all noisily on the ground, before waving at the empty seat and saying excitedly, “Sit, sit!”

I walked across the room and sunk into the chair. It was surprisingly comfortable. She pulled up a stool in front of me, setting her pile of papers in her lap, and then looked up at me, excitement flickering in her eyes behind her glasses. She grinned at me. “I’m so glad you agreed to help me with my study, (F/N). It’s going to be so much fun!”

I grimaced as she pulled out a pen and began to jot something down on the top piece of paperwork. “Fun. Sure, Hange.” I watched her scribble some notes across the paper for a moment, before I said, “So. This project of yours. Who agreed to help you?” She glanced up at me and I clarified. “You said you had been interviewing the cadets. Who have you talked to?”

“Oh, that.” She resumed scribbling down notes as she said, “I already interviewed Armin. And Miller came and answered a few questions yesterday. And yes.” She stopped writing and looked back up at me,the pen poised in her hand. “Jean came as well.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Three cadets, Hange? That’s your study?”

She shot me a glare and shuffled the papers in her lap as she huffed, “It’s just beginning, (F/N). I hope to interview Eren next.” A curious gleam came into her eye and she rubbed her hands together in eagerness. “Yes, hearing about his background and comparing it to his current behavior should be quite interesting indeed.”

I sat back in the chair and let out a sigh. “All right then. Can we just get this over with? I don’t like being one of your guinea pigs, Hange.”

She smirked at me. “Ha. Guinea Pig.” She seemed to get lost in her thoughts for a moment, but then snapped her fingers, pulling out her pen again as she said, “Right! Let’s get going then.” She held up one of the sheets in front of her, adjusting her glasses as she looked at me over the top of the paper. “It’s really quite simple. I’m going to ask you some questions about your life. And you answer them as honestly as you can.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Ready then?”

I nodded at her, fidgeting with my hands in my lap as I did so. I suddenly felt nervous. What was she going to ask me? What would I have to tell her? I didn’t talk much about my past in the Underground, and for good reason.

“So, (F/N). You knew Rivaille growing up, yes?”

I glanced over at Hange, who was staring at me, pen ready, waiting for my answer to her question. I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat and said, “Yes.”

She jotted something down and then asked, “And would you say you two were friends then?”

“Yes, I guess you could say that.” I answered her, trying to keep everything as simple as possible. Maybe if I did so, she wouldn’t press me for answers.

“Uh huh. Alright.” She jotted down a few more notes and then returned her gaze to me, tapping the pen against the paper in her lap as she studied me for a few, silent moments. Just when I was beginning to get uncomfortable from the scrutiny, she flashed me a smile and said, “Okay then. Moving on. Any siblings?”

I shook my head. “No. It was just my father and I.” I felt the nervousness return now that we were moving onto questions about my family. I didn’t intend to reveal too much to her. I couldn’t, or else I’d have to relive it all over again, and that was something I wouldn’t do.

“Only child. Okay….” She wrote something down again and then continued. “What about your mother?”

I felt a sense of relief come over me at the question. This one was easy. I had no emotional attachment or memories here. I glanced at Hange and said in a matter of fact voice, “No idea. I never knew her. She left shortly after I was born.” I raised a shoulder in a slight shrug. “My father told me once that she was a prostitute from aboveground that would visit the Underground every once and awhile. But who knows.”

Hange was furiously writing as I spoke, excitement flicking across her face as she bobbed her head at my answers. “Interesting. Very interesting indeed.” She continued writing for a few more seconds and then sat back, putting the pen down as she raised an eyebrow at me. “You really are a fantastic specimen for this study, (F/N).”

“Uh….thank you?” I replied, not really sure if I should take her statement as a compliment or not. Coming from Hange, probably.

She watched me for another few silent seconds and then picked up her pen again, adjusting her glasses as she turned back to her notes. “Now, where were we? Ah yes. Parents.” She scribbled a few more brief notes and then queried, “And your father? Is he still living in the Underground then?”

My heart skipped a beat at the question and my mouth went dry. Breathe, (F/N). Just answer the question. You can do this.

I swallowed hard, trying to remoisten my dry mouth, Hange glancing up at me curiousily at my hesitation and I knew I had to answer quickly so as not to make her suspicious. I shook my head slightly and then said haltingly, “No. He’s dead.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry, (F/N).” Hange said, sympathy lacing her voice, even though I could tell she was still curious to ask me more about him. She waited a moment and then asked gently, “How did it happen?”

Damn it. I had hoped she’d skip that question.

I swallowed again and, trying to keep my voice as casual as possible, said quickly, “The Underground is a dangerous place. And he was an alcoholic. You know, just natural causes.”

She started to write something down again, and I nervously picked at a loose thread on the pants of my uniform, avoiding looking over at her as she continued to scribble for a moment. I felt a slight pang of guilt at the fact that I had just lied to her, Hange, who had been so nice to me and my only friend since arriving aboveground all those years ago, but I couldn’t tell her the truth.

No one could ever know the truth. They wouldn’t understand. They hadn’t been there. They hadn’t grown up with that man, the years of abuse-physical and mental. And they didn’t know what the Underground was like. Whether something was right or wrong was beside the point-you did whatever you had to to survive.

FLASHBACK

My hands shook as I prepared the tea, the hot water splashing over the sides of the cup and onto the dirty, cracked sideboard.

I glanced over my shoulder to where my father sat at the table, drinking heavily from a bottle, other empty alcohol containers strewed around him. I could only hope he hadn’t seen me spill the water, or there would be hell to pay.

I finished making the tea and turned, keeping my eyes downcast as I walked over to the table. I set down the chipped, faded teacup in front of him and stepped back a few steps, my hands folded in front of me, my eyes still on the floor at my feet. “Here’s your tea, father.”

He sat down the alcohol bottle with a loud thud and unsteadily took the teacup into his large, dirty hand, muttering something under his breath about his “useless daughter” before he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip.

I tried to make myself as small as possible standing there beside him. Maybe if I could stay still and silent, he might forget I was there and leave me alone.

Suddenly, he spat out the tea across the table, slamming the cup down angrily on the cracked wood as he turned his bloodshot eyes to me, anger flickering in his eyes as he yelled out, “Damn bitch. This tea isn’t strong enough. What have I told you about making my tea stronger?” He stood from the table, pressing his palms into the wood as he rose to his full height, towering over me. As he rose, he took the teacup into his hand and threw it across the room. It shattered into a million tiny fragments against the far wall. He turned his attention back to me and advanced toward me, unsteady on his feet.

“I’m sorry, father. We didn’t have enough money for anymore tea bags…..” I managed to get out before he slapped me hard across the face

. Before I could go down with the impact, he pinched my wrist between his fingers and dragged me toward him, his breath heavy with alcohol as he spat in my face and slurred out, “I don’t want your excuses. They don’t put tea on my table, do they?” He shoved his face closer to mine and I cringed away from him as he screamed at me, spittle flicking across my cheeks. “Do they?!”

He threw me across the room and I hit the wall hard, slumping down to the floor, landing on the shattered fragments of the teacup that were strewn across the floor. My palms instantly began to bleed from the sharp glass.

I glanced up as my father stalked toward me, his bloodshot, bleary eyes filled with an intense rage. I’d seen the look many times before. I knew what was coming. Levi had been gone for over two years, and without him here to protect me, the beatings, the abuse, everything, had just gotten worse. My father didn’t have to fear anyone anymore. I was alone.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself, closing my eyes tightly. I knew I couldn’t stop him, stop what he was going to do, but maybe, just maybe, if I clung to myself and made it more difficult…..

I could hear my father’s heavy pounding footsteps coming toward me. I kept my eyes tightly shut, my bleeding palms wrapped around my shins, curled into a ball against the wall. Don’t look, don’t look. It just makes it worse.

Suddenly, I heard a different sound. There was another pair of footsteps.

I heard my father roar something out in outrage, then silence. There was a large thud, slight tremors reverbrated in the floor underneath me, and then silence again.

I kept my eyes shut and pulled my knees even closer to my body. I didn’t dare look to see what was happening. If he had fallen, he’d get up even more angry, more eager to punish me.

There it was again. The sound of footsteps. Not my father’s. Lighter. Softer.

Suddenly, arms went around me.

I opened my eyes in surprise and saw Levi, his face just inches from mine, his arms wrapped tightly around my curled body. “Levi…?” I gasped out. Was it really him? Was I dead? Had my father finally killed me? How could he be here? After all this time?

He pulled me to him, crushing me against his chest and said quietly, his voice holding a deep sadness, “I’m so sorry it took me so long, (F/N). I’m so sorry.”

As he hugged me, my eyes flicked over his shoulder to the scene behind him.

My father’s motionless body was lying on the floor a few feet away, his head turned in my direction, his blank eyes staring at me lifelessly. Blood seeped out of a long gash across his throat, pooling on the dirt floor underneath his head. An alcohol bottle had rolled off the table and was lying next to his outstretched hand.

I should have been frightened. I should have pulled back from Levi, whose bloody blade lay a few feet away from us in the dirt. That would have been any normal person’s reaction. But all I felt was intense relief. And safety, for the first time in so long, I almost didn’t recognize the feeling.

I buried my head in Levi’s shoulder, feeling tears in my eyes, and his arms tightened around me as he pulled me closer to him again. His scouting uniform smelled like sunshine, and sweat, and him. And in that moment, I had never felt safer than I did in his arms.

“Oi, (F/N).” He murmured into my ear, brushing some of my dirty hair back from my temple as he did so. His breath was warm on my skin, his lips brushed across the lobe of my ear and then he said in a low, voice, full of emotion, “Didn’t I promise you I’d never leave you behind again?”

FLASHBACK END

“(F/N).” Hange’s voice brought me back to the present and I flicked my gaze over to her, curiosity on her features as she said, “What are you thinking about?” 

I shook my head, clearing the memory from my mind, and then gave her a half smile. “Sorry, I was just remembering something.” I stood from the chair. “Is it okay if we continue this another time? I’m getting kind of tired.”

She nodded at me, setting her pen down in her lap as she gave me another curious look before saying, “Sure, (F/N).” She stood up from her stool as well and set the papers on a shelf before motioning toward the door. “Beside, I think Erwin wanted to meet with us all anyway to discuss the plan for the next mission.”

We walked out of the lab, Hange shutting the door behind us, and as we walked down the dark, cool hallway toward the stairs, toward aboveground, I couldn’t help but feel that I was leaving the Underground for the second time in my life.


	27. Plan

We sat around a large table in the meeting room of headquarters, Erwin standing in front of us, deep in quiet conversation with one of the commanders of the Garrison.

Hange sat next to me, busily scribbling notes on a sheet of paper in front of her, her eyes alight with excitement behind her glasses. I could only guess that she was still writing about her study.

Levi entered the room and sat down beside me, leaning back in his chair as he glanced over at Hange and then flicked his eyes to me. He raised a dark eyebrow at me when I met his gaze and asked quietly, “How was being four-eyes guinea pig for the afternoon?”

I lifted my shoulder slightly in a shrug and responded back in a low voice, “It was fine.”

He straightened in his chair and leaned forward, his clasped hands resting on the table in front of him. “Did she ask you about that bastard?” He muttered under his breath to me, so no one else would hear.

I nervously played with my fingers in my lap for a moment, averting my gaze away from him before I finally responded in a barely audible voice, “Yeah.”

He picked up a pen sitting on the table in front of him and forcefully tapped it end over end against the wooden surface before saying out of the corner of his mouth, “And did you tell her?”

“No.” I shook my head slightly, still avoiding looking over at him.

He dropped the pen back onto the table and sat back in his chair again, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. When he spoke again, his voice was slightly louder and laced with anger. “Well, you should have. That son of a bitch deserved everything he had coming to him.”

I couldn’t help it. The simmering rage beneath his words made my heart leap in my chest, and a warmth spread through my body as I glanced over at him, meeting his dark, intense gaze. Some part of him still cared about me, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

Erwin stepped up to the table, clearing his throat loudly as the Garrison leader he had been speaking to took a seat beside us. He glanced over each one of us, his heavy eyebrows furrowed, and then announced, “You all know why we’re here.”

“Because there’s a gigantic abnormal titan bastard on the loose and none of us knows how to kill it?” Levi spoke up in a dry voice from beside me, still leaned back nonchalantly in his chair, his dark eyes as flat and emotionless as usual.

Erwin ignored his sarcastic comment and motioned to the Garrison leader next to him. “Commander Richston has confirmed our fears. There are no holes in the wall. Which means that this abnormal, whatever control it has over the others, it is using other means to get the titans through our defenses.”

Hange’s frantic writing stopped and she looked up at Erwin, her brow furrowed in thought as she said, “We know the beast titan can climb the walls. Nanabe’s group saw it happen.” She put the pen to her lips and tapped it against her skin a few times in thought. “But that doesn’t explain how it’s getting the other titans inside.”

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. A thought that made my stomach drop violently.

“That cadet….Springer.” I spoke up in the silence and everyone’s attention turned to me. I pushed forward, even though I felt suddenly nervous to voice my opinion. “His village. There were no signs that the townspeople had been eaten. No blood, no gore. But there was destruction. And there was a titan there.” I glanced at Levi out of the corner of my eye, knowing if anyone thought what I was going to say next was completely insane, it would be him. I just had to hope he’d let me finish. I flicked my eyes back to Erwin, who was waiting for me to finish. “A titan that couldn’t have walked there. It’s legs were too emaciated. And Springer said in his report that it spoke to him...in our language...and it looked like his mother.” I took in a deep breath. “What if, the control that this abnormal holds over the others, what if it’s not just limited to titans? What if, somehow, it’s creating titans inside of the wall? Out of our people?”

I finished and everyone was silent for a few moments, taking in what I had just proposed. I nervously flicked my fingers lightly on the top of the table as I waited for the cries of “she’s insane” to burst forth.

Finally, Hange, who was now tapping her pen furiously on the table in thought, exclaimed, “She could be right, Erwin. There’s no other explanation for how the titans are behind the wall if there’s not a hole for them to enter through.” Her eyes lit up with excitement and she tapped her pen faster as she continued. “What if this abnormal IS creating new titans out of humankind?”

Erwin spoke up again, his forehead creased with deep lines as he furrowed his brow in thought. “Well, we’ve never seen anything like this before, but in this crazy as hell world we live in now, anything’s possible.” He lifted his chin at me. “Good thinking, (L/N).” He turned to the window behind him, his hands clasped behind his back, as he stared out at the base before us. Finally, he spoke again. “So, if that’s the case, we stick to our original plan regardless. If we take down this beast titan, and if your theory is right, then the emergence of new titans behind our defenses should cease once the abnormal is taken care of.”

I glanced over at Levi, who hadn’t said anything since I proposed my theory.

He had his steepled fingers held in front of his lips, deep in thought, still leaned back in his chair. He must have felt my gaze on him, because he flicked his dark eyes, partily obscured by his black hair falling over his forehead, over to me and then said, “This doesn’t change anything. We’re back to where we started. We still need to take out that abnormal bastard, and quickly.” He turned his gaze to Erwin, who was watching him from across the table, and said flatly, “So. You’ve kept all of us holed up here for the week while you came up with some sort of ‘master plan.’ I think it’s time you told us what that is.”

Erwin sat down into his chair with a deep sigh. “I’ve come up with a plan of attack that I think is our best course of action at this point. I’ve run it by Hange,” He motioned to Hange, who flicked her fingers at us in a slight wave and grinned, and then continued. “She agrees. This may not be foolproof, but it’s about the best damn thing we have to offer right now.”

Hange stood up and moved around the table to stand beside Erwin, determination crossing her face as she said confidently, “It won’t be easy, but if we can pull it off, we should be able to take down the beast titan once and for all.” She moved her gaze over to me. “And if (F/N)’s theory proves correct, that should stop the creation of new titans behind the wall.”

“Tell us the plan already, four-eyes.” Levi spoke up from beside me, a slight tone of irritation in his voice as he sat forward in his chair again.

“Basically, we let the beast titan think it’s got us right where it wants us.” Erwin rested his hands on the table in front of him, his voice sounding slightly tired as he explained our course of action. “We let it set up an ambush for us, just like it did when your squad ran across that destroyed scouting base.”

“However, this time, it will be different.” Hange cut in, her voice laced with enthusiasm. “We’ll let the abnormal think it has the upper hand. When things are starting to look bleak, we call in Eren. The beast titan shouldn’t have any knowledge of the titan shifters on our side. It will think we’ve been backed into a corner, when really, we’ve saved its downfall for last.”

“So Jaeger takes care of the abnormal bastard for us.” Levi said, his voice flat. “But that doesn’t account for all of the other hundreds of normal titans it will have on its side.”

“He’s right.” I spoke up again for the first time since I had brought up my absurd theory. “When we came upon the command base, the beast titan had a swarm of titans under its control. We probably could have handled the beast titan on its own, but there were too many other titans in the equation to get close enough to the abnormal safely.”

Erwin rubbed a hand across his face, exhaustion suddenly overcoming his features, and I realized how much this had really taken out of him. “We’ve discussed that. We think it’s going to be best if we have the rest of the special forces and survey corps hidden throughout the location. When we send in Jaeger, the rest of the forces will emerge as well, taking on the other titans at the scene.”

“We need to try and employ this plan as close to the wall as possible.” Hange put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “If we can keep the wall on at least one of our sides, we’ll know that the abnormal won’t have a chance to bring in an ambush from that side. And we’ll know at least one of our flanks is less of a worry.”

I glanced over at Levi, who was sitting silently beside me. I felt nausea fill my throat as I thought about facing the beast titan and its swarm of titan bastards again. What if we couldn’t keep them at bay again this time? What if we lost everyone in the plan, just like I had lost Johnson last time?

Without really thinking, I reached out and put my hand on top of Levi’s underneath the table, my fingers lacing through his. I kept my gaze on Erwin and Hange, not looking at him, but I needed the contact, even if just for a brief moment. Even if he pulled his hand away from mine, just the second of his cool skin against mine was enough to calm the panicked flutterings of my heart.

But he didn’t pull his hand away.

He curled his fingers into his palm, pressing my fingers into his skin, the touch of his rough, calloused knuckles under my palm comforting and familiar. The skin of his palm was cool and smooth under the warmth of my fingers, and I could feel the fear in my throat receding at the pressure of his hand on mine.

“If this is the only idiotic plan you’ve been able to come up with, even if it has only a slight chance of succeeding, then I’ll do my very best to fulfill it and take down that bastard.” Levi’s hard gaze bored into Erwin’s across the table, his voice steely with determination and a slight edge of anger. He ran one of his fingers across mine under the table and then said, his eyes flashing with determination. “And I won’t fail. Not for you.”

Even though he kept his gaze on Erwin, I knew his words were meant for me. They always had been.


	28. Stance

As I walked out of headquarters after the meeting with Erwin, I heard Levi call out from behind me, “Oi, (L/N).”

I stopped walking and waited for him to catch up to me. When he appeared at my side, we continued walking in silence for a few moments before he said impartially, “Erwin’s plan. It’s not foolproof.”  
I let out a tired sigh and ran a hand through my hair. “No, but it’s the best we’ve got. And if it takes down that abnormal bastard, we’ll be in better shape than we have been.”

He glanced over at me, his dark eyes scanning my face for a moment, before he said, “Tch. I hope Jaeger’s up for it.” He swore under his breath. “Damn it all, our entire plan to protect humanity rests on that idiotic brat’s shoulders.”

I chuckled sardonically and glanced over at him, raising my eyebrow at him as I said teasingly, “Don’t give me that crap, Ackerman. I know you care about that kid more than you let on.”

He scoffed. “Don’t be stupid, (L/N). You know I don’t care about anyone.”

I stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks, my hands on my hips, and said quietly, “I know that’s not true. You tell yourself you don’t care about anyone, but in reality, I think you’re just too scared to admit that you care about people, because everyone usually ends up dead.” I held his dark gaze, and took a small step toward him, closing the distance between us by a few feet. I dropped my voice and murmured, “Admit it, Ackerman. You’re just afraid to care for anyone. Because this whole world’s gone to hell.” I remembered how his fingers felt intertwined with mine, his cool skin pressed against mine. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t.”

He held my gaze for a few more silent moments, his black eyes burning with intensity, and then he scoffed again and stepped back from me, crossing his arms over his chest as he said in annoyance, “Stop wasting time, (L/N). We have more pressing matters to attend to.”

I rolled my eyes and dropped my hands from my waist as I said, slightly irritated, “Fine. Tell me what ‘pressing matters’ we should be attending to right now?”

He pushed past me, saying over his shoulder in a flat tone, “For one, the cadets are waiting for us at the training grounds. I told them we’d be teaching them hand to hand today, just in case something were to happen to their 3DM gear in the field. Is that agreeable with you?”

He continued walking toward the training field, not waiting for my answer. I rolled my eyes again and swore under my breath. “What an ass.”

I followed after him, dragging my feet and kicking up dirt as I walked, not looking forward to a day of training the cadets. I had done it for Johnson, but he had truly been interested in learning the lost art of hand to hand. I had a feeling the rest of the cadets wouldn’t think so highly of the outdated technique.

I reached the training field and the cadets were all there, standing around talking and chatting with each other in small groups. Miller glanced over and gave me a small wave as I walked onto the field, but before I could respond, Levi walked up to me, tossing me a training sword as he said briskly, “Oi, (L/N). We’re wasting time. Let’s get on with this.”

I let out an exasperated sigh and followed him to the front of the group of cadets. At the sight of him, they grew quiet and turned their attention to us, standing straight with their hands behind their backs and their gazes forward, in formation.

Levi tapped the wooden training sword in his palm as he glared at the cadets standing in front of us and then announced loudly, “Alright brats. Listen up. We have our plan to move forward. Before we engage, I thought it wise to teach you some survival skills, mainly hand to hand combat.” Several of the cadets’ eyes widened in surprise at the mention of the old fighting style. Levi continued. “If something were to happen to your gear out in the field, I want you to know how to defend yourselves so that you at least go down fighting and not like some yellow bellied coward. So we will be training in hand to hand today. Have I made myself clear, brats?”

“Yes, Corporal.”  
Levi flicked the end of his sword toward me and said flatly, “Corporal (L/N) will be assisting me today. We were both taught and skilled in hand to hand combat when we first joined the scouts.”

I stepped forward, swinging my own sword lazily at my side as I said loudly, “The scouts may not require training in hand to hand anymore like it did back when we joined, but it is still an important skill to learn and master. You cannot rely fully upon your gear to keep you safe. Gear malfunctions, hell happens, but if you know how to handle yourself with just your blades, they’ll never let you down.”  
Levi stepped up beside me. “Now partner up. We’re going to go through several maneuvers, and I expect you all to mirror us as we demonstrate. The best way to learn is to do.”

The cadets scrambled to get into pairs, and once they had all partnered up, Levi turned to me, flicking his sword down to my feet as he stated, “The partner on the left. You will be mirroring (L/N)’s movements. We’ll start with your stance.” He swung his sword up the length of my body as he said, “Feet should be shoulder width apart, pointed outward slightly. Your line of body should be centered over your feet, not too forward or backward.” I imitated the movements he was explaining as he did so, getting into the common defensive stance for swordplay. He walked behind me and laid his sword across my shoulders. It held, without wobbling, and he announced to the cadets, “You should be crouched, but still steady and straight enough in your stance, that I could lay my blade across your shoulders, like so, and it will hold. That’s how you know you’re in the correct position.”

He removed his sword and walked back around to face me again. He turned to the cadets. “This is the common defensive stance. In this stance, the sword should be held protectively in front of your body to block the incoming blows. Always revert the impact of your opponent’s blows down into the balls of your feet. That’s why the shoulder width distance between your feet is crucial.” He swung his sword, motioning to them all, and then said, “Left partners. Take the defensive stance.”

I dropped my stance and we both walked through the squad, eyeing the defensive stances, correcting mistakes and fixing problems.

When we were satisfied, we both returned to the front of the group and Levi called out, “Alright, drop the stance. Now we’ll work on the right partners’ offensive stance.”

I stepped forward as he dropped back, letting my sword fall to my side as I announced, “Alright, right partners. Here we go. You’ll be mirroring Ackerman’s movements during the drills today.”

I stepped over to Levi, who had already positioned his feet for the offensive stance, and tapped each foot with my training blade, glancing over at the cadets as I said, “Your feet should still be shoulder width apart. It’s the best way to keep your balance. However, when you’re on the offensive, you should have one foot farther in front of the other, like so. It’s almost as if you’re frozen in taking a step.” I removed my blade from his feet and drew it up the air in front of his body. “Next, you need to make sure your shoulders follow the same pattern. Whichever is your dominant sword hand, that shoulder needs to be swung out in front of the other, matching your feet. You hold your sword in your dominant hand, in front of you, as you take your blow.” I walked around him as I continued to explain his stance. “Shoulders should be kept relaxed, don’t tense up and pull them up around your ears. That throws off your balance. Same as with defensive, absorb any impacts down through your body and into the soles of your feet. It helps you remain in stance and hold your balance.”  
I turned to the cadets, who were watching us closely, and said, “Alright, right partners. Take the defensive stance.”

The cadets moved to do as they were told, and once again, Levi and I walked through their ranks, correcting anything amiss that we could see.

When we both returned to the front of the group, Levi swung his blade up in front of his body, and taking the offensive stance again, called out, “Tch. Fine then, brats. That’s all you need to know. Let’s begin the exercises.” He scanned his glare over them, as if in warning, and then said dangerously, “And if any of you fall behind, consider yourselves titan fodder and leave before you waste anymore of my time.”

I took on the defensive stance, holding my blade up protectively in front of my body, and Levi took the first swing at me. He moved slowly so the cadets could follow his movements, swinging the blade up and over his head before bringing the steel down with a clang against my own sword. We held the position for a few moments, our blades resting on each other, and then he pulled back, before lunging forward, his blade pointed for the gap left by my sword along my ribs.

I took a step backward and brought my blade up from underneath his to parry his blow before it could touch my body. I shot him a grin as he gave me a glare and then I called out to the cadets, “That was a less direct attack. He was shooting for the gap left by my blade, but if you’re prepared, you can bring up your own sword in time from underneath the swing to counter the blow before it touches you.” I held the position for a moment, our blades still connected, his resting on top of mine, and then I said, “And, if you’re lucky, this is where you, left partners, get to go on the offensive for just a brief moment. With your opponent’s blade resting on top of yours, you can shift forward and push their blade back toward them, possibly throwing them off balance and gaining a blow.”

I slid my sword toward him, the steel creating sparks as it ran along his blade, and pushed him back a bit, our swords crossed in between us, our faces close. I could feel the sweat gathering on my forehead. It had been too long since I’d actually trained with someone who knew what they were doing. It felt good.

I could see the beads of sweat on Levi’s own forehead, his slightly increased breathing hot on my face, as he growled under his breath, “Don’t get too cocky, (L/N).”

I grinned at him as I dropped my sword back down to my side and took a step back, saying jokingly, “Why? The way I see it, you’re a lot older than you were when we used to spar. I think I could take you on easily.”

“Tch.” He shot me a glare and then glanced over at the cadets, who were practicing the last move we had just shown them. “Oi, brats.” They glanced up, stopping what they were doing, and I could see they were all out of breath. Hand to hand wasn’t for the weak. Levi brought his sword up in front of his face again, his dark eyes flicking back to me as he took stance again. “I’m going to show you a crucial move. Watch closely.” He took a step toward me and I raised my blade defensively, ready for his attack. “We’re fighting titans out there. Not people. So you need to get behind them if possible. And I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.”

He lunged toward me, and for the purposes of the teaching experience, I didn’t block his blow. I made a mock show of trying to deflect him, but let him use the movement of his swing to carry him forward.

In a blur, he was behind me, his blade held against my neck, his chest pressed against my back.

The cadets’ eyes were wide. They stood, swords dropped to their sides, staring at him as he said, slightly breathlessly, “Being able to get behind your opponent is your main focus in this battle. If you can do so, you’ve won.”

He reached up to wipe the sweat from his forehead with his free hand, his cool steel still held against the damp, warm skin of my throat. I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back as he caught his breath, and the skin of his arm that was wrapped around my throat, holding the blade to my neck, was unusually warm due to all the activity. Even though I’m sure he hadn’t meant for it to happen, I was pulled close to him, his lips next to my ear as he addressed the cadets, his breath hot against my already sweaty skin.

“Oi, Ackerman.” I used his usual salutation slightly sarcastically before saying, “Care to let me go now? I think they get the point.”

I was bluffing. I didn’t actually want him to pull away. The feel of his steady presence against my back was even more comforting than the feel of his hand in mine earlier. And that was saying something, because I had the cold steel of a sword pressed to my neck.

“Tch.” He scoffed quietly in my ear and then murmured to me, “You were wrong earlier, (L/N). I’m not afraid to care about people. I’m just afraid to care about one.”

He pulled back from me, dropping his sword from my throat and calling out to the cadets, “That’s training for today, brats. Practice for another hour on your own, and then get cleaned up for dinner. You’re all disgusting.”

He stalked off, dropping his practice sword into the weapons chest as he left, not looking back at the cadets, or me.

I stood there, frozen, still feeling his cold blade against the skin of my throat, his words ringing in my ears. What the hell had just happened? And why was my heart pounding in my chest?

One thing I knew for sure, it wasn’t from the exertion.


	29. Survival

FLASHBACK

“Oi, Farlan, Isabel.”

Levi dragged me behind him, his fingers clasped around my thin wrist, as he called out to a pair of cadets walking in front of us. At his voice, they stopped and turned to face us. The girl gave me a soft smile as we walked up, and the boy flashed me a broad grin, saying, “Oi, Levi. Is this her?”

The girl elbowed the boy hard in the side, shooting him a glare as she said, “Be polite, Farlan. She’s probably nervous as hell, and you’re making it worse.” She turned back to us and held out her hand to me, the smile returning to her lips as she said in a welcoming tone, “Hey. I’m Isabel.” She motioned to the boy, who know wore a slightly irritated look on his face as he rubbed his side. “And that’s Farlan.”

I stayed frozen behind Levi, not reaching out to take her extended, friendly hand. They seemed nice enough, but I felt intimidated by them nonetheless. After all, they were in the scouts with Levi, and they had lived aboveground their entire lives. I was still getting used to the feeling of bright sunlight every morning, and they were out on scouting missions. They’d probably think I was an idiot if I said anything and gave away my heavy underground accent.

Levi reached back to me and wrapped his fingers through mine, pulling me out from behind him as he said, “This is (F/N). She just got here yesterday. So she’s still warming up to things around here.” He laughed slightly and raised an eyebrow at the two cadets in front of us. “After all, you guys remember how screwed up I was when I first got here.”

Farlan laughed and glanced over at me, saying in a joking tone, as if to break the ice, “Yeah, he was a right mess. Has he always been so small and angry?”

Isabel cut in, a grin flashing across her face as she punched Levi playfully in the arm and said to me, “Oi, (F/N). I’m sorry you had to grow up with Ackerman here. He’s downright unpleasant at times.”  
“Tch.” Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes, although I could tell by the way he held his mouth, he was trying not to smile at their antics. “These two don’t know anything. The only reason I’m such an ass is because someone has to keep them in line.”

Farlan faked hurt, putting a hand to his heart as he said sadly, “Ouch. That hurts, Ackerman. It really does.”  
Isabel must have noticed that I still clung to Levi’s arm, not saying anything, and she tried to bring me into the conversation again as she motioned to the scouting jacket I wore. “I see they got you outfitted. How does it feel, (F/N)?”

The jacket was big, even though it was the smallest size they could offer me, and it hung off my thin, malnourished frame awkwardly, but the scouting emblem was pressed into the fabric on my chest, and it made me feel proud to finally be apart of something Levi and I had dreamed about for years.

Levi squeezed my hand reassuringly, glancing over at me, his dark hair falling over his forehead as he gave me a small smile. His fingers pressed comfortingly into mine as he turned back to Farlan and Isabel and said, “I’m going to show (F/N) her quarters. We’ll catch up with you two later, yeah?”

“Yeah, for sure! See you later, (F/N)!” Isabel nodded and grabbed Farlan’s arm, dragging him off toward the mess hall before he could protest.

I was grateful that she had gotten Levi’s subtle hint. I was tired, and overwhelmed, and I felt out of place here. I wasn’t like these people, I wasn’t good enough to be aboveground.

“Oi, (F/N).” Levi turned toward me, pulling me closer to him as he reached out a hand and ran a finger down the skin between my eyes, smoothing out the lines, as he said, “Stop worrying. You’re thinking too hard. I got you out, right?” He met my gaze, his dark eyes boring into mine, until I finally nodded at him mutely. He flashed me a smile. “Good. Remember that. And I’m not going to leave you alone now. Not when we’re finally back together again.” He brushed some of my hair back from my forehead and pulled me into a tight hug, saying quietly into my ear, “Trust me. I’ll always have your back.”

FLASHBACK END

“Oi, (L/N).” I glanced over at Levi as he said my name, startled from my memories. I tightened my hands on the reins, realizing I had let them go slack while I was lost in remembering. He watched me adjust myself in the saddle for a moment, and then said flatly, eyebrow raised, “What were you thinking so hard about?”

I shook my head slightly, not wanting to meet his gaze. I knew if I did, I would blush. “Nothing. Just the mission.”

He scoffed. “Tch. You always were a terrible liar, (L/N).”

I shot him a glare. “Don’t be an ass.”

Hange rode up between the two of us, interrupting the argument. She glanced between the two of us, noting our dark glares focused on the road ahead, and then said cheerfully, “Rivaille, why so glum? I would have thought you’d be more excited for the mission to take down the abnormal.” She flicked her eyes over to me. “And (F/N). Don’t let Rivaille get you down. He’s an ass to everyone, not just you.”  
I rolled my eyes as Levi swore under his breath and said darkly to Hange, “Four-eyes. Can’t you go somewhere else to be cheerful? Go bother Jaeger with that ‘happiness and flowers’ crap. You know it just puts me in an even fouler mood.”

I leaned around Hange to look over at him and said sarcastically, “Even fouler than you usually are? I’d love to see that.”

Hange laughed as Levi shot me a dangerous look. She was about to say something else, when Erwin called to her from the front of the formation and motioned to her to come up beside him. She flashed me a grin. “Duty calls. Save this for later, (F/N). I’d like to see how it ends.” She kicked her horse forward and rode up beside Erwin.

Levi pulled his large stallion back over beside me, so we were riding side by side again, how we had been before Hange pushed in between us, and said seriously, “The closer we get to the target, the more I feel as if we’re walking into a fight with a shoddy plan and mediocre materials.”

I glanced behind us at Jaeger, who rode beside Arlert, Ackerman, and Miller. His gaze was focused on the road ahead of us, sweat already starting to gather on his temples, his knuckles white from clenching his mount’s reins in his hands. I flicked my eyes back over to Levi and said under my breath, “He’s just a kid. How can we ask him to do this?”

Levi didn’t look at me, he kept his gaze on Erwin’s back in front of us as he replied in a low voice, “We ask a lot of things of people these days that we normally wouldn’t. It’s not fair, but it’s survival.”

“Damn it.” I swore under my breath and glanced back at the cadets behind us again. “I know you’re right, it’s just….” I let out a tired sigh. I wanted this to all be over. Maybe then I could breathe again. I felt Levi’s eyes on me and I looked up to meet his dark, intense gaze as I said quietly, “Survival is a bitch.”

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he almost smiled at my exhausted statement, and then he simply said, “Oi, (L/N).”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”

He leaned toward me and put out a hand, cupping my chin in his palm, his smooth skin cool against my jaw, as he said, his eyes still holding mine, “After all these years, it’s finally time for us to make survival our bitch. And I think it’s due time.”

I stared at him for a moment, at a loss for words.

He let his lips curve upward into the hint of a smile as he ran his thumb softly across my lips, just once, before he released his hold on my chin and straightened in his saddle, pulling away from me again.

I heard Erwin call from the front, “Alright, we’re nearly there. Everyone be at the ready.”

I glanced over at Levi again quickly, but he was focused on the front, on Erwin, who was calling out more directions to us. I shook my head and tried to focus on what he was saying. This mission was the most important one we’d ever done. I couldn’t let myself get distracted now.

But damn it. I’d really like to let myself if we weren’t on a mission to save humanity.

I glanced at Levi again out of the corner of my eye and felt my breath catch in my throat as our gazes met briefly, his black eyes holding mine for a bare second before he flicked his gaze forward again.

I blew out my breath between gritted teeth. Focus, (F/N). Don’t let him distract you. Not right now. The mission’s success depends on your focus. Do it for the cadets. Focus. This mission has to succeed.

I clenched my hands around the reins in my palms and took in a few, deep, steadying breaths.

Jaeger rode up beside me, a determined look crossing his face, and then he met my gaze, saying, “Ready for this, Corporal?”

I steeled myself. “Ready as I’ll ever be, Jaeger.” I glanced over at him, at the sweat rolling down his temples, the iron set of his face, and I suddenly saw, I suddenly saw how much humanity’s fate was weighing on him. Everyone was depending on him. His shoulders sagged under the weight of everyone’s hope. Humanity’s last hope.

I reached out a hand and clapped him on the back. “Jaeger.” He looked over at me, startled, and I gave him a half smile. “We’ll be right behind you.” I raised an eyebrow at him and said, a commanding tone coming into my voice, “And I expect to see you at dinner tonight. Have I made myself clear?”

He stared at me for a moment, and then a wave of confidence flashed across his green eyes at my words. He gave me a stiff salute and said briskly, “Yes, corporal!”

“Good.” I nodded to him and then glanced over at Levi, who was watching us with hooded eyes. When our gazes met, he inclined his head slightly to me, as if he knew what I needed to tell Jaeger next and was giving me permission to do so. I turned back to Jaeger and said, determination coming into my voice, “Corporal Ackerman and I have got your back till the very end. We promise you. And I can tell you, in all of his life, Corporal Ackerman has never broken a promise.”


	30. Proof

When we reached the location where we intended to take on the beast titan, Erwin pulled his horse up in front of us, eyebrows creased in concentration, as he called out to us, “Alright. We’re here. Everyone knows their places. Follow the plan to the letter.” He motioned to the scouts on the left side of the squad. “Squad Commander Hange, your squad will take the flank nearest the wall.”  
Hange nodded, her eyes glinting with anticipation, and said briskly, “Yes, Commander Erwin.” She motioned to her squad of scouts as she kicked her horse forward into a gallop, calling out over her shoulder, “Squad, move out!” Her scouts left the main group behind, following close on her tail, and disappeared toward the wall in a cloud of dust.

Erwin turned his gaze to the other side of the group and stated loudly, “Squad Commander Lewis, your squad will be handling the left flank.”

The serious faced older man ducked his head to Erwin in understanding. “Understood, sir.” He motioned for his scouts to follow him. “Let’s move, cadets!” He kicked his horse forward, his squad following his lead, and they disappeared into the thick forest to our left.

Finally, Erwin turned back to Levi and I. He let out a tired sigh, as if now that it was just him and the special forces, he could finally show a bit of the weight that was on his shoulders. He steeled himself and turned determined eyes to Levi. “Ackerman, you’ll ride forward with me. You will bring the entire special forces with you, except Jaeger. We need to make this seem as unsuspicious as possible. Having a full squad should do that. We’ll be the bait so to speak.”

Erwin turned his blue eyes to me, his gaze cool and commanding as he said in a serious tone, “Corporal (L/N). I’ve given you the most important job of all.” He glanced to Jaeger, who sat silently atop of his mount beside me. “You will be accompanying Jaeger to his predetermined location. Once the signal has been given and Jaeger has taken titan form, you are to circle back around and join us at the front, but not before then. I want you to be with Jaeger at all times until then. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Commander.” I said, my voice reflecting the fact that I realized this was an important matter and I’d do my utmost to not disappoint him.

He nodded to me and then turned back to Levi. “Well then, we’d best be going. We wouldn’t want to keep that bastard waiting for too long.” He jerked his horse’s head around and kicked its sides, starting off forward again at a brisk trot.

“Oi, (L/N).”

I glanced over at Levi, who was watching me with dark, unreadable eyes. He raised an eyebrow at me and said in a severe tone, “Don’t be an idiot and get into any trouble. I don’t want you to prove yourself right in the fact that I can’t ever care about anyone because they just go and get themselves killed.”

My mouth dropped open slightly, I couldn’t find the words to reply to him. Had he really just said that, in front of everyone?

Without another word or backward glance, Levi dug his heels into his stallion’s side and took off after Erwin, the rest of the cadets from the special forces close behind him, enveloped in a cloud of dust.

After they had disappeared, I shook my head to clear my thoughts and turned to look at Jaeger, who was looking a bit pale as he sat on his mount, staring after the squad that had disappeared from our view.

I reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. When he looked at me, I gave him a reassuring smile and said, “Everything’ll be fine, Jaeger.” I glanced up at the sun, which was just now directly above us, then back to him, motioning to him as I said, “Now come on, we need to get in position.”

We rode through the trees in silence, the only sound our horses hooves thudding against the moss covered ground, and the sound of an occasional lone bird call.

Finally, we reached the predetermined spot that Erwin had marked out on a map for us before we left the city. It was close enough to the wall that we hopefully wouldn’t have to worry too much about our flanks, but near the front lines, so that Jaeger could be there quickly when signalled for.

I dropped down from my mare and tied the reins to a nearby tree, making sure my knot would hold while we were gone. Jaeger followed suit, trying his mount next to mine along the same branch of the large tree.

I glanced over the saddles at him as I rummaged for some equipment in my side bags, and nonchalantly said, “Oi, Jaeger.” I didn’t look at him, just continued to look through my bags, as I said, “Don’t you trust Commander Erwin?”

I looked up then, meeting his gaze, as he sputtered for a moment, trying to find the right words, before he blurted out, “Of course I do.”

I found the dagger I had been looking for in my bags and bent over, sticking it down the side of my boot before I straightened and leaned my arms on my mare’s back, raising an eyebrow at him as I said, “So why are you so worried?”

He finished straightening his tack and glanced down at his feet, seeming to be embarrassed by the fact that he was worried. Finally, he said in a low voice, “I just don’t want to lose anyone else.”

His words struck a chord within me. I didn’t want to lose anyone else either. Not ever again.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and came out from behind my horse, walking over to Jaeger to put a comforting hand on his shoulder as I said quietly, “I don’t want to lose anyone either, Jaeger. So let’s make sure we don’t.”

He glanced up at me, his green eyes intense, and then he nodded hard, before saying, “Alright.” He took in a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, his eyes flicking to a column of smoke in the direction of the battlefield. His eyes grew hard, angry, and then he said in a determined tone, “You promised to have my back, Corporal. Now I’m making a promise. We’re not going to lose anyone else today. Not if I have a say in it.”

I knew that wasn’t possible. Not with what we were up against. But if it gave him courage, if it made him angry, if that promise could carry him through so he did what he had to do, then so be it. He could believe it for now.

I glanced over at the column of smoke, which was growing thicker and darker by the minute, and swore under my breath. I hoped the squad was alright. And Levi. Hell, if anything happened to Levi….

Suddenly, a bright light appeared on the horizon, cutting through the towering pillar of smoke rising into the sky.

It was the green flare. The signal.

I felt my heart speed up in my chest and I turned to Jaeger, who had seen it too. He met my gaze, sweat starting to gather on his forehead again, and I gave him a nod, putting my hands on his shoulders as I leaned in and said, “You can do this, Jaeger.”

He held my gaze for a moment more, fear, uncertainty, panic, and then anger and determination flicking across his eyes, and then he nodded back to me, his hands clenching into fists at his side. “I promise. No one else today. Or ever.”  
I stepped back from him, giving him space, as he slowly raised his hand to his lips. “Remember, Jaeger. Only worry about the beast titan. The squad commanders were instructed to wait ten minutes after the flair and then move. That’ll give you time to engage the abnormal. We’ll worry about the rest of the bastards.” He looked over at me, his hand held against his lips. and nodded again. I lowered my brows in determination and gave him a stiff salute before saying, “Go give them hell, Jaeger.”

I took a few more steps backward and grabbed the horses’ reins in my hands as, with an enraged yell, Jaeger sunk his teeth into the skin between his thumb and forefinger.

Instantly, bright light sizzled and crackled across the clearing.

I covered my eyes, ducking my head and holding the horses steady as the wind whipped around us, electricity bringing the air to life, and sending nearby branches crashing to the ground.

The horses snorted and pranced as a loud, earsplitting roar filled the clearing, shaking the trees around us.

I glanced up to see Jaeger’s titan form before me. He towered over the trees, his attention turned to the pillar of smoke in the distance as he let out another rage filled cry.

Without a backward glance, he took off through the trees toward the battlefield, trees crashing down around him as he barreled through the forest, his feral roars echoing off the wall beside us.

I waited for a few more moments, counting time silently in my head. I wanted to give Jaeger enough time to get down there and engage the beast titan before I headed out. That was the plan after all.

When I felt like enough time had passed, and I couldn’t hear Jaeger’s impassioned cries in the distance any longer, I released my hold on the horses, giving them each a reassuring pat on the neck before I headed to the edge of the clearing.

Steeling myself, I shot off into the trees, my 3DM line whipping out and around tree trunks as I flew quickly through the dense, thick foliage. Branches whipped past me, some catching my cheeks with a stinging sensation, as I continued my flight through the trees.

The pillar of smoke was growing closer and closer, and as it neared, I sped up my pace even more, the tree trunks flying past me nothing but blurs. My heart pounded in my chest, the cool wind whipping against my face took my breath away before I could use it.

I had to get down there. I had to help my squad. No way in hell were they going to do this without me.

I was almost to the column of black smoke, when I caught sight of a titan whip past me.

Slowing down a bit, I came back around on the titan, who was ambling on its own through the thick forest. Its large eyes turned upward as I descended toward it, and it raised a hand, as if it wanted to snatch me out of the air.

“Not today, bastard.” I let a quick sneer flick across my lips as I came down on its neck, my blade slicing through the flesh easily in a spray of blood. The titan crashed to the ground, taking down a few small saplings under its large body as it fell.

I readjusted my course so I was headed back toward the column of smoke, keeping an eye out for anymore errant titans I might run across on my way to the battlefield.

I didn’t find anything else, and in minutes, I was out of the thickness of the forest and in the thick of the titans.

I paused for just a brief moment on a branch at the edge of the forest, taking everything in.

I could see Hange’s squad on the right, farther up against the wall, taking on a group of fifteen meters who all seemed to have banded together for this attack. I glanced over and saw Commander Lewis’ squad members on the left flank, using an abandoned scouting post for cover as a smaller group of titans clawed at the brick, trying to fight their way in.

Glancing down the center of the battlefield, I saw Levi, Erwin, and the special forces squad battling the titans in the middle of everything. They were surrounded, but they didn’t appear to be trapped in anyway.

Jaeger and the beast titan were nowhere to be found. Maybe he had pulled the abnormal away from the throng to more easily corner it.

Suddenly, I heard someone call out.

My eyes flicked to the sound and I saw Springer, separated from the rest of the special forces, in a face off with two ten meters. He dodged one of their outreached hands, narrowly missing the grasping fingers, but flew straight into the other titan’s grasp.  
“Damn cadets. Always having to save them from something.” I muttered to myself as I took off from the tree, headed in his direction.

I whipped out into a wide arc to come back around on the titan that held Springer, raising him to its mouth filled with large, decaying teeth, its lips dripping with strands of yellow saliva. I raised my blade and with a yell, brought it down cleanly on the titan’s neck. The spray of warm blood coated me as the titan fell, releasing Spring, who managed to shoot up into a nearby tree on his 3DM gear. Without hesitating, I changed my course and swung around the back of the other titan, who was reaching out toward me, its mouth gaping wide in an empty grin. I gritted my teeth with effort as I brought down the blade, once again, on the back of its neck, sending it crashing to ground.

I landed in the tree next to Springer, who was trying to catch his breath, his eyes wide still. Wiping the gore off of my blade and onto my pants, I glanced over at him, eyebrow raised, and said, “That was a close one, Springer. Be more cautious next time, yeah?”

He glanced over at me, eyes wide, and nodded quickly.

I shot him a grin. “Now, let’s go and join the others and finish these bastards, shall we?”


	31. Wall

When Springer and I rejoined Levi and the squad in the center of the battlefield, everything was chaos.

Titan corpses littered the ground across the field, but they just seemed to keep coming. For every foe we took down, it seemed there were two more to take its place.

I whipped my blade across the back of one of the titan’s necks as we came upon the group and sent it crashing to the ground near Levi, who had just taken down another titan as well. He glanced over at me, blood spattered across his face in light patterns, and ran a hand through his hair, the sweat keeping the dark strands slicked off his forehead even after he dropped his hand.

Damn it all. Why was he always such a distraction?

“Tch. Nice of you to show up finally, (L/N).” He said, his voice flat, as he whipped upward into the air again, swinging wide around another titan as he brought his blade out again, held ready in his hand.

“Yeah, well….” I paused, bringing my sword down on the neck of another titan, and then whipped back around toward him. As I flew past him, headed toward another incoming titan, I said, slightly out of breath, “I had to make sure our damn titan kid was taken care of.”

My sword flashed as I brought it down once again, the titan falling to the ground alongside all the other corpses, the warm, red blood spurting upward and covering the front of my uniform.

I landed on the ground beside Miller and Arlert, who were watching each other’s backs as they tried to catch their breath. I backed up to them, so we were all facing outward, and then glanced over my shoulder at Miller. “You two alright?”

Sweat shone on her forehead, and her blonde bangs were stuck to her skin with perspiration. She gave me a nod, her bloody blade held weakly in her crimson stained hand. “Yes, Corporal.”

Arlert turned his wide, blue eyes to me for a brief instant. “How can they just keep coming?”

I shook my head slightly. “Who knows?” I glanced over the battlefield. Still no sign of the beast titan or Jaeger. I swore under my breath. “Has anyone seen Jaeger yet?” A titan came barreling toward us. “Hold that thought.” I shot up into the air, taking it down easily in one, well aimed swing, my sword cutting through its skin as if it were made of paper.

I landed back beside the pair of cadets. Arlert glanced over at me again, worry shining in his eyes. “No one’s seen Eren since he drove the beast titan toward the wall.”

“Oi, (L/N)!”

I flicked my gaze over to Levi, who landed lightly on the ground several feet away as another downed titan crashed to the ground behind him. He walked toward me, wiping the sweat off of his forehead as he said, “What’s the status on Jaeger?”

“No one’s seen him, or the abnormal, since they headed toward the wall.” I wiped my blades on my cloak again. The gore was too much. It was blocking the sharpness too quickly. I’d have to keep an eye on them and make sure to keep them clean in between hits.

Erwin appeared beside us, his cloak soaked with blood, his face speckled with crimson liquid. He furrowed his brow, his voice stern, and said, “No sign of Jaeger?”

Levi and I both shook our heads. Erwin swore and glanced in the direction of the wall, his face serious. “This doesn’t bode well. We’ll have to send someone after him. If he’s injured….” He trailed off. He didn’t need to finish that thought. We all knew what would happen if Jaeger failed.

Levi stepped forward, his eyes dark with determination. “I’ll go after him.”

I stepped up beside him, meeting Erwin’s gaze, and said decidedly, “I’ll go too. You gave me the mission to watch out for Jaeger, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Commander Erwin considered us both for a brief moment and then nodded. “Fine. I’ll stay with the special forces. Get going.” He flew upward into the air again, headed toward another group of incoming titans. Arlert and Miller followed close behind him, their blades drawn, their strength and determination renewed...for now.

I glanced over at Levi, meeting his dark gaze with my own. I raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t even think about complaining. I’m coming with you and it’s already been decided. So let’s go.”

“Tch.” He scoffed quietly. “Let’s go then.”

He started off toward the wall, and I kept close behind him, the only sound the battling below us and the whipping of our lines in and out as we hooked to trees and moved forward at a quick pace.

The wall came into view more quickly than I had imagined, and with it, Jaeger and the beast titan.

As we approached, I could see what was happening more clearly.

Jaeger held the beast titan pinned in front of him, its back to the wall, his hands around its throat, as it struggled to push itself away from the wall. As Jaeger slammed the abnormal back against the wall again with a loud roar, stones cracked and crumbled down around the two battling titans.

“Ackerman!” I called out to him as we closed in. He glanced over at me, and I motioned to Jaeger. “He can’t let it off the wall or it will overtake him. We need to weaken it somehow so he can let up and finish it off.”

Levi seemed to consider my words for a moment and then nodded briskly. He shot ahead of me, hooking his lines to the large wall that loomed above the struggling beast titan. When he connected, he paused for a moment, hanging above the titan’s head, his feet pressed against the bricks of the wall, watching the battle below him, considering the options.

Suddenly, the beast titan heaved itself forward and broke free of Jaeger’s hold.

With a gigantic, rage filled roar, it threw Jaeger to the ground, its own hands at his throat now, and bit down, ripping away a large chunk of flesh from his shoulder. Blood sprayed and Jaeger let out a pained, angry, cry as he struggled beneath the beast titan’s weight.

I had to weaken the abnormal. It was the only way Jaeger would be able to gain the upperhand. 

Without thinking, I whipped out my 3DM line and sank it into the back of the beast titan’s neck, hurtling through the air toward the titan that was still crouched over Jaeger. With an angry yell, I brought down both of my blades across the back of the abnormal’s neck as I flew past.

My swing was strong enough, my cut deep enough, but it did nothing.

The beast titan glanced over at me as I swung back around, but quickly turned its attention back to Jaeger, reaching out a clawed hand to strip more flesh away from his chest, revealing gleaming white bone. Jaeger’s roar of agony seemed to cause the wall to tremble

I landed beside Levi on the wall, my chest heaving with exertion, and glanced over at him. “What the hell do we do? My blades did nothing.”

He shot me a glare. “I’ll lecture you later about doing something so reckless and stupid, but for now, I think the only thing we can do is hope to draw its attention away from Jaeger so he can take it down.”

The beast titan tore another chunk of skin from Jaeger. Another roar.

I met Levi’s gaze with slightly panicked eyes. We were going to be too late soon. We had to act now. “So what do you suggest?”

His black eyes flicked down to Jaeger, still on the ground, and then to the wall above us. His lips flattened to a thin line as a look of resolve came over his face. He met my gaze again. “We break the wall. Get clear”

“What?” I couldn’t believe what he’d just said, but before I could say anything else, he shot off toward the top of the wall and out of view.

Within seconds, he reappeared again, standing on top of the wall, his blades drawn. “Oi, you son of a bitch!” He called down to the beast titan. It glanced up at him briefly, drawing its attention away from Jaeger for a few seconds. I couldn’t see his face from here, but I could swear from his voice that Levi was smiling in triumph as he called down from the wall, “It comes to an end here.” He raised one of his blades into the air. “Say goodbye, bastard.”

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the wall, and Levi disappeared into a cloud of smoke and debris. I covered my head with my hands as a small hail of pebbles rained down on me. There was a pause of silence, deafening after the explosion, and then I heard a faint sound coming from above me. The sound of crumbling.

I looked upward, just in time to see the top portion of the wall falling downward, toward the beast titan at the base. Huge chunks of rock crashed down against the surface of the wall as they fell, but miraculously, didn’t seem to damage anymore of the wall in their path.

The beast titan let out an enraged roar, as if it knew it had been bested at its own game, and then it was crushed beneath a large piece of the falling wall that sent it crashing to the ground beside Jaeger.

Levi suddenly appeared beside me, suspended from his 3DM lines as he glanced at the pile of rocks, the downed beast titan, and Jaeger below us. “Tch. That’s all I can do for him. He’ll have to find the strength now to finish it himself.”

I looked below us. The beast titan was struggling with the chunks of wall, trying to free itself from the downed pile of rocks. Jaeger still lay on the ground nearby, unmoving, blood running from multiple wounds down his broad chest and into a dark puddle onto the ground.

Without thinking, I screamed down to him, “Jaeger! Jaeger, you have to finish this!” He stirred slightly, attempting to rise from the ground, but fell back down into the pool of blood again. I steeled myself and yelled out to him again. “Jaeger. Remember the promise you made me! NO ONE ELSE TODAY!”

He was still for another brief moment, and then with a tremendous roar, he pushed himself up and back onto his feet again, the blood running in crimson rivers down his battered body. He advanced toward the still entangled beast titan, his sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight, and grabbing its shoulders in his hands, smashed it back down against the ground, stopping its struggled movements.

He leaned over, and with one more enraged roar directly into its face, spittle flying everywhere, he brought his teeth down around its neck. With a gigantic throw of his head, Jaeger tore the beast titan’s head from its body.

I collapsed back against the wall, relief flooding through my chest. “Damn. That was close.”

Levi remained silent next to me, his gaze still on Jaeger, who was finished off the beast titan far below us.

I glanced over at him. “How did you get the garrison to let you destroy the wall?”

He raised a shoulder in a slight shrug as he met my gaze. “You threaten enough, they let you do anything you want.” He flicked his eyes upward for a brief moment. “Beside, I didn’t completely destroy it. I just used a cannon blast to knock the top layer loose. It’ll be an easy fix and it still keeps the titans out.”

I was about to reply to him, when a glimpse of movement below us caught my eyes.

There was a lone titan headed toward Jaeger and the destroyed body of the beast titan, its shambling gait somehow familiar to me. As it drew closer, and I caught sight of the long, stringy hair, the stooped shoulders, it clicked.

My heart pounded in my chest, anger and bile rising in my throat.

I was transported back to that day. Johnson pushing his blades into my palms, the gaping grin of the titan, the feeling of warm blood as it showered over me….

With an inhuman yell, I pushed off the wall and shot down on the 3DM lines toward the incoming titan, not caring about anything else at that point. Nothing else existed-not Levi, not Jaeger, not the mission.

It was just me, and the burning feeling of rage and retribution that was consuming my chest.

As I closed in on the titan, it glanced up at me, hearing the whirring of the 3DM gear as I neared. Its eyes were just as I remembered-large, dark, empty, soulless. Its mouth was twisted in that horrific grin. It reached out toward me, its claw-like fingers snapping as it tried to grab me out of the air.

With another enraged cry, I whirled in the air, my blades flashing around me in blurs, and evaded its grip. All I could see was red. But I knew exactly where to aim.

I whipped over its head, and with a large grunt of effort and anger, slashed both of my blades down hard across its neck. The blades connected with bone, sending a tremor up the swords and into my arms, but with another push of effort, they were clear and flying free again.

The titan’s head separated from its body with a spray of hot, red blood and its body crashed to the ground, sending up a cloud of gritty, thick dust.

I landed beside the titan’s body and, sheathing my blades, walked over to the severed head which lay on the ground several feet away. I stood for a moment, looking down on the grim, empty features. The skin was already beginning to melt from the bone with the heat from the sun, and steam rose from the pool of blood surrounding the head.

I lifted my foot, and without another thought, brought my boot down onto that titan’s head. The thick sole went right through the already decaying bone, crushing the skull beneath my foot, and my boot quickly filled with warm blood.

I stood there for what seemed like forever, watching the skin continue to fade from the crushed head, my boot full to the brim with steaming titan blood, until someone put a hand on my shoulder.

I heard Levi speak from beside me, his voice quiet. “Oi, (L/N).” I didn’t look over at him. I kept my gaze on the gleaming skull at my feet. He spoke again. “He would have been proud.”

Tears suddenly filled my eyes at his words. I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see that I was crying, but it was no use. He slid his hand from off of my shoulder and I felt him interlace his fingers with mine. His pale, blood stained skin was cool against my own blood speckled hand, and I knew, in that instant, through his touch, that he knew exactly what I felt.

We stood there for a long time, not speaking, hand in hand, looking down at the slowly decaying skeleton of the titan at our feet.

And I didn’t feel the need to say anything. Because I knew Levi understood me. He always had.


	32. Exhaustion

It wasn’t long before I realized that Levi was here, beside me, so where was Jaeger?

I glanced over at Levi, who was still staring down at the smoking skeleton at our feet. “Ackerman, where’s Jaeger?”

He flicked his dark eyes up to my face, and before he could completely mask it, I saw exhaustion cross his features. He pushed his black hair off of his forehead, his face streaked with various shades of drying blood, and said, “Right after you left, Hange showed up with her squad to help out if we needed. She was tending to Jaeger when I came after you.”

As if they had heard us talking about them, Hange appeared beside us after Levi’s words, Jaeger’s arms around her shoulders for support as he limped along beside her. She flashed me a grin, her hair disheveled, her uniform coated in gore, and called out cheerfully, “(F/N)! I’m glad to see you made it.”

I realized as she spoke that my hand was still in Levi’s. Not wanting to embarrass him, I dropped my fingers from his and took a small step away from him, putting distance back between us again. He glanced over at me after the movement, one eyebrow raised, but said nothing.

Hange continued on, oblivious to what had just happened. “I was worried when Levi said he needed to go after you. I thought maybe you had gotten yourself into trouble.”

I cleared my throat and glanced over at Jaeger as the pair came to a stop in front of us. He looked worse for the wear. His shoulder, which had taken the brunt of the beast titan’s attacks, was still bleeding heavily, the skin torn and the muscle peeking through the ripped sleeve of his uniform. His chest was covered with long scratches and gashes as well, the blood congealing in long rivers down the front of his shirt. Sweat beads had gathered on his forehead from the effort of walking, and his normally clear, green eyes were opaque with pain and fatigue.

However, as we all stared at him, even now, his wounds were smoking and slowly healing over as he regenerated his injured body.

He met my gaze and gave me a weak smile, still leaning heavily on Hange as he said in a slightly shaky voice, “How did I do, Corporal? Kept our promise?”

Without thinking, I stepped forward and pulled him to me in a tight hug, saying quietly, so only he could hear, “Yes, Jaeger, you idiot. You did more than enough. More than anyone ever expected of you.”

I pulled back from him, but kept an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady, cautious of his wound, as I turned to look at Hange again. I flashed her a smile. “I take it your squad was successful then.”

She grinned at me, her eyes flashing behind her glasses. “Very much so. We cleared out the right flank quickly. And then we came to see if you and Rivaille and Jaeger needed help.” She winked at me. “But you three had everything under control.” She flicked her eyes over to Levi, who stood watching all of us, his arms crossed over his chest. “However, I don’t know if Erwin will be entirely thrilled with the damage you caused the wall, Rivaille.”

Levi scoffed. “Tch. If that idiot can’t see that I did what I had to, then he’s not fit to be commanding the scouts.”

Just then, the rest of Hange’s squad appeared behind her, one of her scouts leading her mount beside them. Tossing her the reins, the cadet saluted her stiffly and said, “Squad Commander, we’ve returned with all the horses. No more titans in sight along the right flank.”

Hange nodded at the girl and then mounted her horse, swinging up into the saddle as she looked down at the three of us. She motioned another pair of scouts forward, and I noticed that they were leading Jaeger and I’s horses beside them. Hange must have sent her squad to collect our horses as well. “Do you think you can ride, Jaeger?”

The cadet tossed me the reins to my mare and I glanced over at Jaeger, who was still pale, but seemed to be recovering quickly. He gave Hange a determined nod. “Yes, Squad Commander. I can handle it.”

I swung up onto the back of my horse, which pranced nervously beneath me for a moment. I watched as Jaeger steeled himself and then pulled himself up onto the back of his horse as well, wincing slightly as he moved his injured shoulder. When we were all mounted comfortably, Levi stepped up in front of the group, whipping out his blades again as he did so. He motioned back toward the battlefield. “I’ll go on ahead with the 3DM gear. We don’t know how things are fairing down there. Follow behind me on the horses.”

Without another word he whipped off on the lines toward the battlefield.

Hange flicked her fingers at the squad behind us. “Move out!” She kicked her horse in the sides and took off at a gallop after Levi, all of us following closely behind her.

When we reached the main battlefield and the carnage came into view, I was relieved to see that the battle seemed to be winding down. The remaining titans seemed to be unfocused now that the intelligence and the direction from the beast titan had disappeared, and they ambled aimlessly about, stepping on corpses of their allies that littered the ground, as the scouts took them down easily, one by one.

I pulled my horse up beside Levi, who was standing on the ground now, his blades sheathed, talking to the rest of the special forces squad. I was relieved to see that the entire group appeared to be here and basically unharmed.

Miller glanced up at me as I stopped beside them, and a smile lit her face as she said excitedly, “Corporal! I’m so glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, well, it’s all due to Cadet Jaeger.” I said as Jaeger appeared beside me on his horse, his teeth gritted as he held onto his injured shoulder to keep it from the jostling of the ride as much as possible. I glanced over at Arlert and Ackerman, who seemed more than happy to see Jaeger looking alright, even if he was injured. “Your fellow cadet saved all of us. All you idiots owe him your lives.”

I glanced up as Erwin landed on the ground beside Levi, wiping his red blades on the his pants as he quickly surveyed all of us before stating, “That’s it then. We’re done for today. We may not have solved all of our problems with this attack, but we’ve solved the main one. We’re heading back to the wall.”

I noticed that tired lines appeared on his forehead as he talked, and realized that, now that the adrenaline had worn off, I was exhausted. And my arms hurt from wielding my blades all day. I knew everyone else must be feeling the exact same way.

Levi motioned to the cadets. “You heard him, brats. Let’s go get the horses and get the hell out of here.”

They all took off into the forest, headed to the area where they had left their horses, and soon enough, we were all gathered back together again as one large group, headed back toward the safety of the city behind the wall.

I scanned the cadets around me as we rode at a quick pace in silence, the wall on our right rushing by in the shadows of the approaching twilight. We seemed to have fared pretty well. We had lost no one from the special forces, Hange’s squad had suffered the loss of one cadet, and Lewis’s squad had lost three members. But other than that, most of us were alive. Which was more than I had bargained for when we set out on this mission.

As the large gate came looming into view in the distance, we slowed our pace slightly, and by the time we arrived at the gate, it had creaked upward and was ready for us to enter into the city beyond.

We entered the city in silence, the only sound echoing around us the sound of the horses’ hooves clopping on the cobblestones of the road beneath us as we made our way through the dark, silent city.

When we reached the stables, Erwin pulled up in front of us and addressed the group loudly, so everyone could hear. “Get your mounts put up for the night. And then I want everyone to retire to their quarters. It’s been a long day. Clean up, eat something, whatever you feel you need. But make sure you get some rest.” He raised a thick eyebrow at us and a slight smile flicked across his lips as he said, “And also, you’ll be happy to hear, that I’ve given you all the day off tomorrow.”

A weak cheer went through the group at his announcement. I let out a tired sigh of relief. We could all use a day to recuperate from this mission. I glanced over at Jaeger, who was barely hanging onto his horse due to exhaustion. Especially Jaeger.

“Tch.” I heard Levi scoff beside me and flicked my eyes over to his face, annoyance dancing on his features as he said under his breath, “He should be giving us more than that for all we’ve done for him today.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Whether it was because I was delirious from exhaustion, or was at my breaking point and I needed to release some kind of emotion before I exploded, a laugh escaped through my lips at his sour statement.

Levi glanced over at me, surprise in his dark eyes at my amused response, and I waved a hand at him, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes as I tried to stifle my laughter. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

After I had gotten myself back under control, I looked around us and realized that the other cadets had started to separate and go their different ways. I slid down from off of my mare and giving her a fond pat on the neck, handed my reins to Miller, who had been waiting in front of me after stabling her own animal. I gave her a tired smile as she began to lead the horse into the building. “Thank you, Miller.”

I turned, ready to head to the officer’s quarters. I needed a bath, desperately, and then I was going to fall into my bed and sleep for a day straight. I didn’t even care about eating at this point. I just wanted to sink into my mattress and close my eyes, giving into my exhaustion.

“Ackerman. (L/N).”

I stopped in my tracks as Erwin called out to us, cursing under my breath. Damn. There went my plan to sleep for a day. I turned to face the commander as he strode toward us, flicking my fingers across my forehead in a half hearted salute as I said, “Yes sir?”

“Oi, Smith.” Levi growled from beside me, crossing his arms over his chest, anger flicking in his dark gaze. “This had better be good. I’m filthy and you know how that makes me. You’re all that’s standing between me and a hot bath right now.”

Erwin chuckled at his remark, not taking his dangerous tone seriously in the slightest, and then glanced between the two of us before saying, “I just wanted to let you know. The king is expecting all of us for a banquet tomorrow night. That was one of the reasons I gave everyone the day off.” He gave us a tired grin, his white teeth flashing in the darkness. “We can’t very well have the scouting legion trying to lead themselves while we’re away.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are we going to a banquet with the king?”

Levi let out an annoyed sigh. “Tch. The king. More like an arrogant ass who pretends to know what his people are going through up there in his comfy castle, safe behind Wall Sina.”

I felt laughter tickle the back of my throat again, but remained serious. Now was not the time. And seriously, I needed some rest. Since when did I find Levi funny?”

Erwin remained calm, despite Levi’s goading remarks and said firmly, “You two will be there. You’re my best Corporals. It’s not a choice. I just wanted you to be aware so you could prepare accordingly.”

“But you still didn’t tell us why the banquet, Commander.” I spoke up again, really just wanting this conversation to be over as quickly as possible. My arms were starting to feel like lead at my sides.

He gave me a small smile. “The banquet was planned if the mission was a success. Which it was. So it’s a banquet in honor of the leadership of the scouting legion that took down the abnormal titan that’s been threatening us for so long.”

I couldn’t help it, I scoffed slightly. “Planning a celebration banquet before the mission was even launched? Isn’t that a little cocky?”

Erwin lifted his shoulder in a slight shrug as he turned to walk away from us. “It’s just the way they do things in the inner city.” He waved to us over his shoulder as he left. “See you tomorrow, Corporals.”

After he had gone, I glanced over at Levi, who was glaring at his retreating form and said in a low voice, “A banquet? With the king? Honestly?”

“Tch.” He kicked at the dirt with one of his bloodstained boots in an irritated motion. “I hate the inner city. They’re all pigs who don’t know what really happens outside their little Wall Sina.”

I studied him for a moment, his agitated movements, and realized that he really couldn’t stand the thought of others being safe and above those who couldn’t help themselves. Warmth spread into the pit of my stomach at the thought. He’d always stood up for those who couldn’t protect themselves, like me.

I took a step toward him and put my boot down on his, stopping his aggravated kicking. “Oi, Ackerman.” I used his traditional greeting and he glanced up at me, his dark gaze meeting mine. I gave him a small smile. “Look, we don’t have to enjoy ourselves. Let’s just go and eat their food. We get a free meal, while secretly cursing them under our breath, and they think they’ve got us where they want us, but we know we’re really just their to spite them.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you say? It’ll be just like old times.”

“Why like old times?” He questioned flatly. “Because we’ll be being rebellious together again?”

I nodded at him. “There you go. You're not as much of an idiot as I thought. Just think of it as another one of our ‘missions.’” I grinned at him. “You can even bring the dagger secretly if you want. I know how much you love that thing.” I elbowed him playfully.

“Tch.” He stepped back from me, shooting me a glare, though I could tell, he wasn’t as truly angry as he had been several minutes ago. He was silent for a moment and then he said emotionlessly, “Fine. I’ll go. But only if you’re there as well. I don’t want to suffer alone.”

I shot him another grin. “Deal. It’ll be Ackerman and (L/N) back together again. Although this time,” I raised an eyebrow at him mischeviously. “We’ll be getting a lot more out of this deal than some moldy bread and tepid water.”


	33. Banquet (Part I)

The next day went by quickly.

Just like I had promised myself, I did nothing with my time. I stayed in bed until I couldn’t put off getting ready for the banquet any longer. When the slanting rays of the sun began to pour through the window in orange and red tones, I knew I had to get ready. Erwin had said we’d be leaving for the inner city at sunset. If I was late, he’d probably have my head.

With a heavy sigh, I rolled out of my bed, leaving my warm blankets behind, and stood, stretching my arms over my head. I winced slightly as the tired, aching muscles protested the movement and then stepped over to the mirror in the corner of the room, running my gaze over my body as I stood there silently for a moment in my underwear. I wasn’t too worse for wear from yesterday. There was some bruising around my hips starting to appear from wearing the 3DM harness for such an amount of lengthened time, and there were a few scratches on the skin of my arms and face from travelling through the branches of the forest at high speed, but other than that, I had escaped the whole venture remarkably unscathed.

Stepping away from the mirror, I opened my wardrobe chest that sat at the foot of my bed and began to rummage through the clothing heaped inside, throwing various outfits onto the bed as I muttered under my breath, slightly irritated. “Where in the hell is it?”

Finally, at the very bottom of the chest, my hands came into contact with a silken material, unlike any of the other materials I had passed by in my search through the chest. I let out a triumphant noise as I pulled the outfit out from underneath everything else, holding it up in the light from the window as I looked it over.

Damn. I hadn’t seen this in years. I hoped it still fit.

I slipped into the smooth, cool material, pulling it up around my hips and then finally over my shoulders. I reached over my shoulder and did up the row of buttons at the top of the material, before taking in a deep breath and turning to face my reflection in the mirror.

I grinned at myself as I took it all in. I couldn’t help it. It’d been a long time since I’d had an excuse to wear anything that made me feel like a proper lady and not a generic killing machine. And whether I would openly admit or not, it felt good.

The dress was a deep red, and it fell to the floor around my feet in gentle ripples of shiny, satin fabric. It was gathered at my waist and tight on my hips, accentuating my curves, which after many years of being a stick, I was finally glad to have. The neckline was low, not uncomfortably so, I was too modest for that, but low enough that a bit of cleavage showed through.

I turned, looking over my shoulder to admire the back of the ensemble in the mirror. The dress was pleated just above my waist, pulling it in slightly to once again show off my small waist, and the back of the dress, unlike the front, was plunging. It dove into a deep v of red fabric that showed my skin down to the middle of my back, and the fabric flawlessly flowed off my shoulders, fluttering down around my elbows.

“Holy hell. I actually look like a woman.” I said to myself under my breath, a smile flashing across my lips as I spun, just once, in front of the mirror, the dress flowing around my legs like water as I did so.

Pulling myself away from my reflection, I found the pair of shoes that had been made at the same time as the dress, and slipped my feet into the delicate pair of slippers, adorned with flowers the same shade of red as my dress. I marveled for a quick moment at how much lighter my feet felt in the slippers than they did when I was wearing my thick soled combat boots.

Turning back to the mirror once again, I quickly styled my hair, and when it was to my satisfaction, looked over myself once more.

Perfect. Everything was perfect.

I felt butterflies begin to dance in the pit of my stomach. Despite what I had told Levi the night before, I was actually looking forward to visiting the inner city. Maybe I’d get a chance to feel like I finally belonged aboveground after all these years.

There was a light knock at my door and then I heard Hange call out, “(F/N)? Are you ready to go? It’s almost time to leave!”

“Coming!” I took one last final look at myself in the mirror, gave myself a confident smile, and hurried out the door, to where Hange was waiting for me in the hallway.

When I emerged from my room, shutting the door behind me, her eyes lit up and she grinned at me, looking me over as she let out a low whistle. “Holy hell, (F/N). You look amazing.”  
I blushed at her compliment. “Shut up, Hange. You look just as great.”

She laughed and hooked her arm through mine, pulling me down the hallway with her as she said, “Well, we both look fabulous. Let’s go show those boys how it’s really done.”

We exited the officer’s quarters and headed toward the commons, where Erwin had told us we’d meet as a group to leave for the banquet. As we walked, some of the cadets paused in what they were doing to watch us go by, and we earned some appreciative whistles from some of the boys as we walked through the barracks.

When we reached the commons, Erwin was already there, along with Levi, and Squad Commander Lewis. They were all gathered around the wagon we were to take to the inner city, talking amongst themselves intensely.

Hange called out to them as we approached. “Oi, boys. We’re here. You can stop talking about us now.”

The three men looked up, pausing their conversation, and my eyes were immediately drawn to Levi as his dark eyes met mine before dropping down to look me over. I suddenly felt nervous. Would he like it? What if he hated it all? Oh hell, I’m going to be sick.

We stopped beside the wagon and Erwin gave us both a slight bow as he said, “You too look lovely. I’m glad some of my commanders are worth looking at.” He glanced over at us and gave us a wink.

I glanced over at Levi again, who still hadn’t said anything since we had arrived. I felt nervous butterflies in my stomach as he watched me, staying silent. Why did I care so much about what he thought? I wasn’t doing this for him. This was for me. So why did I have to keep telling myself that it didn’t matter if he liked how I looked or not?

Hange sidled up to Levi and elbowed him playfully in the side, glancing over at me as she said, “Rivaille. Doesn’t (F/N) look great?”

Levi finally stopped his scrutiny of me and dropped my gaze, scoffing slightly as he said flatly, “Tch. She look slightly less boyish than normal if that’s what you’re getting at, four eyes.”

I felt a sharp pang of disappointment in my stomach and dropped my gaze to my feet, a slight blush creeping over my face at his words. Suddenly, I wasn’t quite as excited to go to the inner city as I had been before.

Erwin climbed into the wagon and offered me his hand, giving me another small smile as I allowed him to help me up after him. He helped Hange up after me and she sat down beside me, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders as Lewis and finally Levi jumped up into the wagon as well, sitting down beside Erwin across from us.

The cadet whipped the horses into a gallop and we took off toward the inner city. The ride was silent, and I took the opportunity to steal a glance at Levi, who sat across from me, dutifully ignoring me.

I swore silently to myself as I let my eyes rove over him. Damn, why did he have to be such a good-looking, irresistible ass?

He wore his black suit, the one he had wore a couple months earlier for a few days when he had been injured on one of the missions and couldn’t participate in objectives. It was freshly pressed, his white cravat folded neatly down his neck in crisp lines, the dark lines of the suit hugging his body perfectly. The top button of his shirt was undone, his shirt wore loosely under the cravat, the collar open, showing just a bit of his neck and upper chest He wore shiny dress shoes which I had never seen before, and black gloves pulled tightly over his hands. Normally, I would have made a snide comment about him wearing the gloves to avoid getting dirty, but I couldn’t think of any words as I studied him, in all his perfection, acting like I didn’t even exist.

I finally dropped my gaze from him, just as the cadet called back to us, “Approaching the gate, Commander Smith!”

I looked up, just in time to see Wall Sina looming before us, the giant gate creaking as it was raised into the air to let us through. The wagon clattered through the gate, and the cobblestones underneath our wheels quickly turned limestone slabs gleaming brightly in the torchlight as we entered the inner city.

I caught my breath as we approached the large palace that dominated the middle of the small central city. Say what you want about how the king was selfish, I still couldn’t help but admire the beautiful, majestic, peaceful view before us.

The wagon came to a stop before the front entrance of the palace and immediately, several footman stepped forward to help us all down, bowing to us as we stepped down onto the ground. One of the footmen stepped forward and motioned to Erwin as he said in a polite tone, “Please, Commander Smith. You and your comrades may follow me to the dining hall. The king is awaiting your arrival.”

We followed the man through the ornate halls of the palace, and I heard Hange say excitedly under her breath to me as we walked, “Damn. I bet I could get so much funding for my studies here.”

I glanced behind me to look at Levi, who followed behind the group, looking decidedly bored and unimpressed with our surroundings.

The footman reached a large pair of double doors and pushing them open, motioned for us to enter the room. As we passed him, he called out, “Your majesty, the commanders of the survey corps.”

Our group entered the room and a small gasp escaped my lips at the view before us. There was a long table, piled with all types of fancy food and dishes, and candles glittered on all of the walls, held in ornate sconces. A line of regal looking men sat down one side of the table, looking our way, and at the head of the table, sat a tall, distinguished looking man with a jeweled crown upon his head. The king.

The king gave us a smile as we entered the room and waved us over to the table and the side of empty chairs as he said in a booming, warm voice, “Please! You are our honored guests this evening! Take your seats and make yourselves comfortable.”

We all pulled out our chairs, but Erwin walked to the head of the table first, kneeling at the king’s feet as he leaned forward to kiss his hand and said, “Your majesty. Thank you for this opportunity. It is an honor.”

The king laughed and waved Erwin to his feet. When he had taken the seat beside him, the king looked all of us over and said, “Please. You are the guests of honor here. You have achieved greatness with your troops and we are very pleased with your results.”

The men across the table from us all muttered amongst themselves in agreement and nodded at us.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I glanced at all the food set out in front of us. I felt overwhelmed and flushed. I didn’t know how to act in a situation like this. Where did I start? What if I offended someone? What if I offended the king?

I hesitated for a moment as the others began to dish up plates for themselves. Finally, I began to take small amounts of some of the dishes and place them on my plate. The smells were heavenly, and my mouth began to water as I looked at the food. Lamb, veal, vegetables, bread….

After a few moments of silence had passed as we all began to eat, some of the men from across the table began to address Erwin, asking him details about the mission we had carried out the day before.

I listened to them talk for a few moments as I chewed. The men were obviously generals of the king’s men. They seemed to know their military tactics.

“Corporal (L/N), if I’m not mistaken?”

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the man directly across the table from me addressing me. He was older, a gray beard covered his features, but he had kind eyes, and the lines that creased his forehead reminded me of a caring grandfather.

I nodded to him and said politely, “You are not mistaken. It’s a pleasure to be introduced…” I hesitated, realizing I didn’t actually know who he was.

He laughed pleasantly. “Serpico Atwood. I’m one of the directors of his majesty’s war counsel.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m so sorry for my indecency. I would offer you a hand, but this table is rather wide and we are both rather indisposed at the moment.” He motioned to the plates piled high with food in front of us.

I offered him a smile. “No need to apologize. It’s a pleasure, General Atwood.”

He waved a hand at me. “Ah, please. Call me Serpico. We are both leaders as I hear. We do not need to bother with formalities.” He took a bite of his lamb and then said, “From what I have heard from Commander Smith, you are one of his most trusted leaders among the scouting legion.”

I shot a glance in Levi’s direction. He was dutifully ignoring everyone and everything as continued to eat his food in silence. I turned back to Serpico and said in amusement, “Please, you flatter me. I am only as good as those who came before me. They taught me everything I know.”

Serpico laughed warmly and raised an eyebrow in my direction. “Ah, so you’re humble and beautiful. They’re lucky to have you.” He gave me a wink and a kind smile.

I laughed, finding myself more at ease the longer I talked to him. “Some would disagree with you. But I thank you for your kind words.”

I talked with Serpico a bit longer, starting to actually enjoy myself and forget about the hurt Levi had caused me before coming. Who cared if he wanted to be miserable tonight, like always? I wasn’t going to let him drag me down with him. I was going to enjoy the one night I had to get out and not worry about whether or not we’d all come home at the end of the day.

I took another bite of the rich fig pudding, and began to feel a little nauseous. It was warm in here, and I wasn’t used to all of this fancy food. My stomach was feeling unsettled.

I took a small sip of my wine and gave Serpico a small smile as I pushed back from the table, saying, “I think I need a bit of air. I’ll be back shortly.”

He nodded to me as I exited the dining hall.

I left the brightly lit hall and trailed through the darkened corridors of the castle for a few moments, trying to find the balcony that I had seen when we were walking to the dining room with the footman earlier.

As I passed what looked to be the kitchen, I saw two maids standing outside the door, whispering to each other. I caught a bit of their hushed conversation as I approached.

“Did you see her? Dressed like that? Trying to impress everyone?”

“Honestly, she can’t fool anyone. Even if she is some bigshot corporal, everyone knows she came from the underground. She doesn’t belong here. Once trash, always trash.”

The maids grew silent as I walked past them, their cold eyes settling on me as I hurried past. Once I had rounded the corner, I heard them burst into a fit of giggles behind me, and as tears started to fill my eyes, I broke into a run, bunching my dress in my fists so as not to trip myself.

I burst through a pair of doors at the end of the corridor and was lucky enough that they led out onto the balcony I had originally been trying to find.

My vision was blurry with tears and as they finally broke through my eyelashes and began to drip down my cheeks, cool against my flushed skin, I leaned over the railing of the balcony, clutching at the cool stone with clawed fingers.

Nothing, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, no matter that I gave everything I had, would ever allow me to fit in here. I was from the underground. And like the maids had said, “once trash, always trash.”

And unfortunately, trash couldn’t just wish itself into a diamond to fit in aboveground.


	34. Banquet (Part II)

I let out an anguished cry, bent in two over the railing of the balcony, and pushed my fist into my mouth to cut off the sound of my sobs, my teeth coming down hard on my knuckles as I tried to muffle my emotion.

“Oi, (L/N).”

The sound of Levi’s voice startled me and I started upward, whirling around to face him, my back against the railing, my face streaked with tears. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I thought I saw a slight flash of worry in his eyes as he said, “What’re you doing?”

I lowered my fist from my mouth, and was surprised, when the first sound that came past my lips, was a frantic laugh. “What am I doing? I don’t know, Levi. You tell me just what the hell I’m doing, because I sure as hell have no idea.” I gestured wildly with my hands, feeling panic bubble upward in my throat as I finally said the words out loud. I didn’t know what I was doing here. I didn’t have the faintest clue.

Anger begin to replace the panic in my chest and I pointed a finger at Levi, who was still leaning in the doorway, watching me with blank, dark eyes. “Tell me, Levi. Because you’re the one that brought me here. Did you think I’d be able to fit in? Did you?” I pushed off the railing and took a step toward him, my cheeks flushing again, but this time, it was not from shame, it was from anger. I glared at him. “You fit in here. You just created a new life. So you selfishly assumed I’d be able to do the same? Because that’s not the case. Not by a long shot.” I clenched my hands into fists as my sides, trying to control my emotion. I spoke again, my voice wavering slightly with the intensity of the rage I was feeling. “I don’t belong here. I can’t fit in. I’ve tried so hard, every day, for years. Hell, I’ve done my best. I’ve killed titans for them! But I still don’t belong here. And now I finally know why. I do.”

I took in a deep breath, the cool air of the night starting to calm the angry heat on my cheeks. I met his gaze again as I said quietly, “I’m not good enough. I’ve never been good enough. And I never will be.” I let out a sigh and stepped back from him again, pushing my back up against the cool railing once more. “I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m not good enough for the legion, I’m not good enough for those kids, and I’m not good enough for you. You’ve made that abundantly clear every single day since I got here.”

I glanced up as Levi pushed himself up off the doorway. I was surprised as I met his gaze to see disbelief in the depth of his dark eyes. He took a step toward me. “Wait...this whole time….you’ve thought the problem is that you weren’t good enough?”

I let out my breath, feeling the anger bubbling beneath the surface again. Hadn’t I just made that clear? “Are you listening to me? That’s what I just told you. I’m not good enough. And okay, fine.” I flung my hands out in a gesture of defeat, my voice raising in volume again. “I’m not good enough for the people here. Whatever. I’ll get over it. But I’m not good enough for you. And that’s what’s killing me. It’s always been that, Levi.”

I dropped my hands to my side limply, suddenly feeling exhausted. I dropped my gaze from his and lowered my voice again. “You brought me here. You held up your promise that you’d get me out. But what happened to that promise of never leaving me behind when we got up here?” I shook my head, the tears returning to my eyes, even though I fought them. “You stayed with me long enough to see that I was taken care of, and then you just disappeared. You left me, when you said you never would. You left me because you had a new shiny life, and new shiny friends, and a new shiny position, and some piece of trash from the underground didn’t fit into that bright, new, shiny picture.” 

A single tear fell down my cheek and I reached up to wipe it away quickly. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I just wanted to go home.

I left the safety of the railing and pushed past Levi, who still stood silently in front of me, unmoving. I guess that was my answer. He really did despise me after all and he’d left me behind for something better.

I had almost reached the doorway back into the palace, when I felt Levi’s fingers go around my wrist. I whirled around to face him, anger flashing across my face, ready to tell him to go to hell, but the look on his face stopped me dead in my tracks.

There was genuine surprise on his face. He studied me for a moment and then did something I thought I’d never see him do again. He laughed. It was humorless, and almost ironic in nature, but still, he laughed for a brief moment, before he said, his normally flat voice laced with disbelief, “You really thought the problem this whole time has been that you’re not good enough?”

I opened my mouth to retort back at him that yes, that’s obviously what the problem had been, but before I could say anything, he released his hold on my wrist and put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back against the wall next to the doorway.

The movement was rough, and it took my breath away for a brief moment, but he didn’t hurt me. He didn’t look at me for several moments, his head bent, his dark hair falling over his forehead and covering his face from view, his strong hands pressing my back up against the wall. Finally, he met my gaze, and the intensity in his eyes took my breath away once again. He gave me half a smile and then said in a low voice, “Tch. You’re still such an idiot.” He took one of his hands from my shoulder and cupped my chin, his slender fingers digging into my skin as he forced me to keep eye contact with him. I couldn’t have looked away, even if I had wanted to. “This whole time. The problem hasn’t been that you’re not good enough, (L/N).” He took in a breath, as if even the idea was hard to believe, and then said, “The problem is that you are good enough, you damn dummy.”

My mouth dropped open at his words. “I don’t understand….”

“Hmm.” He let out an amused noise, releasing my chin as he moved his hand to rest on the wall beside me, keeping me forced back against the wall still by barring me in with his arms. He raised an eyebrow at me, his eyes suddenly growing serious again as he studied my confused face. “You really don’t see it.” Another flash of disbelief crossed his face and then he spoke again, his voice low and fervent, as if he really wanted me to hear what he was trying to say to me. “Listen to me, (L/N). You’re different. You always have been. And you obviously don’t see it, but I always have. Even when we were kids. You have this light.” He paused for a second, seeming to struggle with his words, and then continued. “This flame burning inside of you. And nothing has ever dampened it, not the underground, not the loss you’ve experienced.”

He let out a noise that sounded slightly like a sardonic chuckle and shook his head, dropping his gaze from mine for a brief moment. “I know, at some point, that I had that same flame, somewhere. But the difference between us is..” He looked back up to me, his black eyes boring into mine. “Yours never went out. And I’ve realized, everything I touch, is somehow dimmed by the darkness that lingers from my past in the underground.” He scoffed to himself. “Tch. I let it get to me, and it’s ruined everything ever since.” He cupped my chin in his hand again, the strength of his fingers on my jaw causing me to flinch slightly. “I got you out. But I promised myself, after I got you aboveground, after you were safe, I was going to disappear from your life. I didn’t want to risk my darkness dimming the flame that you carry.”

He ran his thumb softly over my lips, relaxing his hold on my chin slightly as he said quietly, “I left you, yes. But I had to. I promised myself, I wouldn’t get in the way of the future I knew you could have. You deserve something so much brighter than I could ever give you.”

He was silent for a few seconds, studying me, his thumb still brushing across my lips, and then suddenly, he slammed his hands into the wall on either side of my head. I jumped slightly at the sudden, angry movement and glanced over at him, but he had dropped his gaze from mine again, his head ducked, his black hair blacking his face from view. He took in a few rapid breaths, his back rising and falling with the movement, before saying in a clearly pained, anger filled tone, “Hell, (L/N). I haven’t done it because I wanted to. It’s been absolute torture to try to stay away from you.”

He fell silent again, frozen in front of me, the only movement the slight curl of his fingers as he dug his hands into the wall beside me, trying to control himself.

I watched him for a moment, and when he didn’t move, I slowly reached out a hand, putting a finger under his chin to make him meet my gaze. The look in his eyes took my breath away. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. He really had meant everything he had just said. The anguish in his dark irises proved it. When I spoke, my voice was barely above a whisper. “Then don’t.”

He instantly shook his head. “No. This isn’t a decision you can make. You don’t understand….”

I put my hand over his mouth, cutting off his words before he could finish. His lips were remarkably soft under my palm, and I could feel his warm breath on my skin as I said in a low, determined voice, “Listen to me now. And hear what I’m saying to you.” I dug my fingers into his skin slightly. I needed him to hear me. Please. Just hear what I’m saying right now, Levi. “If I do have this light, this flame, that you’ve mentioned, it’s only because of you.” Surprise flicked across his eyes, but I hurried to continue before he tried to interrupt me. “Growing up in that hellhole, you were the only thing that kept me going. You were my only light in that place, Levi. So this thing that you’re so afraid of darkening?” I raised an eyebrow at him, emotion welling in my throat. “You’re the one that put it there.”

I dropped my hand from his mouth, finished with what I had to say. Now I just hoped that he had truly listened.

He stood still for a moment, and I began to wonder if he didn’t believe me. Hell, please no. Don’t let that happen, not when we’re finally here. Not now.

I remained frozen, holding my breath, the cool marble of the palace still pressed up against my back, his hands on either side of my head.

Finally, he raised his gaze to mine. And he smiled.

I felt my breath catch in my throat as his teeth flashed white in the moonlight. It had been years since he smiled. Damn, I had missed that smile.

He chuckled slightly as he studied me with dark, unreadable eyes, his hair falling gently over his forehead. “Tch. You’re going to make a liar out of me.”

I caught my breath and raised an eyebrow at him playfully. “Why is that?”

He leaned toward me, closing the distance between us in one swift movement. My heart skipped a beat as he put his lips to my ear, brushing them across my earlobe before he murmured under his breath, “You’re going to make me break a promise for the first time in my life, (F/N).”

He skimmed his lips across my jawline, and I swear I couldn’t breathe. He smelled exactly how I remembered, he was the closest he’d ever been to me…

And then his lips were on mine.

Everything went blank. I had no thoughts. It was just Levi and I.

His hands dropped off the wall and went around my waist, his cool fingers brushing across the bare skin of my back and causing me to shiver slightly as he pushed me back against the wall, his body flush with mine. My hands went around his neck and into his thick mess of dark hair before I could stop myself.

His lips against mine were the most emotion I’d ever felt from him. They were urgent and hot, as if he’d wanted to do this for so long he could hardly contain himself, but they were also gentle and searching, as if he wanted to make this last as long as possible.

He traced my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, and as my breath caught in my throat once again, I had one single thought flit through my mind.

That I wouldn’t mind making this last as long as possible either.


	35. Wrong

The only reason we ended pulling apart was because Hange showed up.

We heard the footsteps coming down the hallway toward us at the same time and Levi broke our lips apart and stepped back from me, leaning against the railing behind him as I hurriedly straightened my hair.

He shot me a smirk as I attempted to look presentable again, and I glared at him, mouthing silently across the gap between us, “Shut up” just as Hange poked her head out the open doorway onto the balcony.

She looked between the two of us for a brief moment, not showing any inkling of knowing what was going on on her face, and then turned to me, her eyebrow raised. “Here you two are. (F/N), I was worried when you left so suddenly. Levi came to come and check on you. Is everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” I straightened, pushing myself up off the wall, knowing there was a slight blush spreading across my cheeks as I tried to avoid looking over at Levi. Hopefully it was dark enough that Hang wouldn’t notice the redness on my skin. I shot her a smile, hoping to draw her attention away from the fact that I was extremely uncomfortable. “I just got a bit sick from the food. Not used to so many fancy dishes. I just needed to come and get some air.”

Levi left the railing and walked past Hange, entering the castle again, and not looking in my direction as he said in a flat tone, “Tch. She’s an adult, four eyes. Don’t worry so much.”

“Don’t snap at me just because you aren’t a good friend, Rivaille.” Hange followed inside after him, shooting me a look over her shoulder as she gave me a slight wink.

I felt the blush deepen on my cheeks. Hell, she knew something was up. I should have known I couldn’t hide anything from her.

Trailing behind the two of them, we all went back to the dining hall, where the feast was winding down.

I took my seat across from Serpico again and he gave me a gentle smile as I sat down, asking politely, “Feeling better?”

I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

As the courses were cleared away by the servants and desserts were brought out to take their places, I glanced over at Levi, who was seated beside me. He had been there all night, but I had tried not to pay attention to him earlier, thinking that if he was going to ignore me all night, I’d attempt to do the same.

However, things had certainly changed since the feast had begun.

I dropped my eyes back to the plate in front of me, hurriedly hiding the small smile that had flickered across my lips at the thought. Damn it, here I was, being distracted by Levi again. I should be using the time we had left in the palace to learn what I could from the generals.

As one of the maids set down a plate of dessert in front of me, I picked up my fork and turned back to Serpico, giving him a small smile as I said, “Serpico, I was wondering if you would mind if I asked you a few questions.”

He swallowed the bite of food he had put into his mouth and returned my smile, dabbing his mouth politely with his napkin as he said, “I would be more than happy to assist you where I can, Corporal (L/N).”

Levi shifted beside me and then I heard him mutter darkly under his breath, “Ask him when he and the other generals are going to get off their asses, leave the safety of this pompous castle, and come beside us to fight the titans with their own hands.”

I raised my napkin to my lips, pretending to wipe my mouth, but in reality, I was hiding my smile at his disgruntled comment from beside me. I kicked my foot into his leg under the table, hard enough that he swore under his breath and shot me a glare. Before I could pull my leg back from his, he slipped a hand underneath the table and caught my ankle with his fingers. I froze, keeping my face as normal as possible, my gaze away from him, even though my heart was pounding like crazy in my chest and I felt like I had stopped breathing altogether. He ran his slender fingers up under the hem of my dress and over the skin of my calf, his skin cool and smooth against my leg as he traced a pattern on my skin.

“Corporal (L/N)?”

I snapped my eyes upward to Serpico, who was giving me a slightly amused look from across the table. I pulled my leg away from Levi and tucked it back under my chair, giving the general a shaky smile and a nervous laugh before I got out, “I’m so sorry, Serpico. I was just lost in thought. Trying to think of a good question to start with.”

I took a long drink from the wine goblet in front of me to wet my suddenly dry mouth, and I caught a smirk cross Levi’s face from the corner of my eye as I tried to compose myself.

Damn it all. How did he always do this?

The rest of the feast went by quickly, and before I knew it, we were loading up into the wagon again, full of good food and conversation, to head back to the outer walls.

As we bumped along the road and exited underneath the large gate of Wall Sina, I glanced over at Levi, who was sitting across from me, watching the road ahead of us, and I couldn’t help but smile. I had waited years to see the boy I had grown up with again. And I finally felt like I could maybe get him back.

We reached the barracks and unloaded silently in the darkness, Erwin once again helping Hange and I down from the wagon. We all entered the officer’s quarters together and then went our separate ways to our rooms. It was late, and we were all starting to feel the day’s activities start to catch up with us.

As I passed Hange to head to my room, she grabbed me by the arm briefly and said quietly, a grin on her face, “You owe me everything tomorrow, (F/N).”

I raised an eyebrow at her. I knew there was no use in trying to hide anything from her. She already knew. And why wouldn’t I want her to? She was my closest friend here.

She released me with one more sly grin and a wink and then headed off to her quarters, leaving me to walk the rest of the way to mine alone in the dark.

When I reached my room, I lit the candles sitting on the bedside table, and walked over to the mirror, taking one last look at myself in the dress before I took it off again for who knows how long. I might never get another chance to wear it.

Finally, with a sigh, I undid the buttons along the top of the neckline and slipped the fabric down over my shoulders, letting the red satin material fall to the floor around my feet. I carefully stepped out of the puddle of dress and picked it up, taking it over to the chest at the foot of my bed. Carefully folding the material, I laid the dress and the matching slippers on the pile of clothes, and after taking one last look at the clothing, I shut the lid of the chest.

Pulling on the most comfortable pair of leggings I owned, I then slipped my worn and old cropped shirt over my head and stepped back over to the mirror to begin taking my hair out. I studied the outfit I wore for a moment as I took the pins out of my hair-the crop top hit just above my belly button, my skin glowing orange in the candlelight, the neck was stretched, so that the fabric fell off my shoulders, and the leggings were stained. As I released my hair from the elegant configuration that had held it all evening, I couldn’t help but think that this was the true me, the way I saw myself. I was from the Underground, I was a corporal in the scouting legion, I was constantly covered in blood or sweat at any given moment. I wasn’t meant to belong in a fancy palace.

I remembered what Levi had said, about me being different, and suddenly, I felt okay with all of that. I’d only ever wanted one person to accept me all of my life, the most important person to me, and turns out, he always had.

A soft knock at my door pulled me out of my thoughts.

Crossing the room, I opened the door and was surprised to see Levi standing in the dark hallway. My heart jumped at the sight of him-his dark hair slicked back and still wet, obviously from a bath, his white, loose shirt open at the neckline, revealing the skin of his chest, his dark leggings that hugged his legs in all of the right places. I had thought he couldn’t get anymore attractive than when he was in uniform and his harness, but apparently, I had been wrong.

“Oi, (L/N).”

I snapped my gaze back up this face, a slight blush blooming across my cheeks as he raised an eyebrow at me and said, “Can I come in or are you just going to make me stand out in the hallway all night?”

I stepped back from the doorway and let him in, crossing the room again to sit down on the bed as I faced him. He shut the door quietly behind him and then leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest as he studied me for a few silent moments. Just as I was beginning to fidget under his dark gaze, he asked seriously, “Is this what you want?”

I was caught off guard by the question. “I don’t….”

He pushed himself up off the doorway and strode over to me, reaching me in the blink of an eye. He took my chin in his hand, his fingers digging into my skin slightly as he forced me to look at him. His black eyes, which appeared even darker in the flickering candlelight, held my gaze, not letting me look away, as he said intensely, “No. I need you to think about this. Think about it hard. I told you, I promised I’d stay away from you. You deserve better. And if that’s what you truly do want, I’ll do it. I think that’s what you should do. Just tell me to go. Tell me to leave. You’re better off if the promise remains intact.”

He released his hold on my chin, and my skin suddenly felt cold where the warmth of his fingers left it. He rubbed an agitated hand across his forehead, seeming disgusted with himself, his weakness, and then said, a slight hint of anger in his tone, “Tch. I let myself get carried away earlier. I shouldn’t have done that to you. It just makes everything harder. I’m an idiot.” His eyes flashed up to mine again, and I was caught off guard by the intensity there. “So that’s why I need you to think about this. Really think about it. Is this what you want? Because I have to know, for my own peace of mind, that you want this. And you’re not just doing this because you feel like you have to, because of all of the crap I said to you earlier. You don’t owe me anything, (F/N).”

I watched him for a moment, standing there in the middle of the room, his eyes on mine, the candlelight flickering over his face. I had never seen him so uncertain, so open, so vulnerable before. And in that brief moment, I saw it all again-the boy who had held my hand when I was scared or upset, the boy who had promised to always protect me from the father who hurt me, the boy who sat by my side as I cried and held me, not saying a word, and the boy who had promised to never leave me behind again.

He was still watching me expectantly, his dark eyes flicking across my face as he waited for my reaction. I stayed sitting on the bed for a moment, silent, and then I flicked my fingers at him, raising my eyebrow at him as I said teasingly, “Come over here for a minute.”

He crossed the room to stand in front of me, and even that small movement of him coming closer to me sent my heart racing in my chest. I swallowed hard, steeling myself. This wasn’t like me. I wasn’t forward. But I really did want this. I’d wanted it my entire life, and I had to show him that.

Forcing myself to stop thinking and just act, I reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt in my hands. I laid back on the bed, pulling him with me, so that he had to put his hands out on either side of my head as he leaned over me to stop from falling on top of me. His dark hair, still a bit damp, fell over his forehead and into his eyes as he met my gaze, our faces inches apart. I could feel his warm breath on my face, smell his familiar, comforting scent all around me. The fabric of his shirt, still clenched between my fingers, was soft on my skin.

The corner of my mouth pulled up into a slight smirk as I said quietly, “Oi, Ackerman.” I released one of my hands and reached up to his face, tracing my finger gently over his lips as I flicked my eyes back up to his. His dark gaze was full of heat, but he stayed frozen under my hand. I raised an eyebrow at him. “If I kiss you, are you going to freak out on me?”

His lips curved into a small smile under my fingers as he recognized the phrase he had said to me all of those years ago, and then he reached up and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulling my hand away from his lips and pinning it above my head on the bed in one smooth movement.

And then he closed the distance between us.

I couldn’t feel anything in that moment except heat and longing and intensity. My heart was pounding against the wall of my chest and my blood was rushing so loudly I could hear it in my ears. Every breath I took felt as if I would never be able to get enough air ever again.

Levi’s lips never left mine, yet I felt like I couldn’t get enough of him. I wanted him even closer still. The kiss was rough, passionate, expressing everything we’d never said to one another over the years.

His teeth grazed my bottom lip as he pulled back from me, just enough so that he could move his lips across my jaw and down my neck, leaving a trail of heat on my skin in their wake. He ran his free hand down the exposed skin of my abdomen, his fingers trailing gently along my hipbone, before he dropped his hand to my thigh.

As soon as I felt his fingers on my thigh, I started slightly, a small, fearful gasp escaping my lips. I broke our contact just for the briefest of moments as I startled, and Levi pulled back, his hand stopping its movements as he said in a low voice, “Oi, (F/N). Are you alright?”

I felt ashamed and flustered that I had let something ruin the moment. Something so stupid. “What? Yeah, I’m fine.” I stammered out, trying to act like my heart wasn’t pounding in my chest again, now for an entirely different reason. I avoided his gaze, a blush crossing my cheeks as I realized how childish I must seem. I felt angry tears begin to gather in the corners of my eyes.

Suddenly, I felt his hand on my chin again and he raised my face to force me to look at him. His dark eyes were soft as he looked at me, an expression I hadn’t seen on his face for years, not since we were kids. His fingers were cool on my skin, despite the heat of the moment, and the familiar feeling was comforting. He reached up with his other hand and wiped the gathering of tears from my eyes with his thumb before he murmured to me, “I would never hurt you like that bastard you called a father did. I promise you.”

I instantly felt warmth bloom through my chest at his words. Why was I panicking? This was Levi. He would never hurt me. I knew that. I knew it with all my being.

I put my hand up to his face and cupped his cheek in my palm for a brief moment, feeling his soft skin underneath mine. I gave him a slight smile and then said quietly, “I know, Levi. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt completely safe with.”

I dropped my hand from his face and then reached down, grabbing the edge of my shirt and pulling it off over my head in one smooth movement. He raised an eyebrow at me and I reached out, yanking his shirt up and over his head as I shot him a grin and said teasingly, “Now come on. This has already taken you ten years, dummy. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

He returned my grin and then leaned back over me, running his hands up along the sides of my body as he did so, his fingers grazing lightly over my bare skin making me shiver slightly. He noticed the shiver, his lips now at my ear, and I felt his warm breath on my skin as he chuckled slightly. “Tch. So demanding. Did you finally realize you don’t have to take crap from anyone anymore?”

I gasped quietly as he nipped my earlobe with his teeth and said in a slightly breathless voice, “Ha. I’ve never taken crap from you.” The feel of his lips against my skin as he ran them back along my jawline was distracting me. I couldn’t think. He paused, his lips hovering just over mine, his hot breath on my face making me lose my train of thought, but I managed to murmur, “And don’t think I ever will, Ackerman.”

He chuckled again, his breath blowing gently on my skin, his lips almost touching mine. “I don’t. I’ve never stood a chance when it comes to you, (F/N). And I never will.”

He brought his lips down on mine again and as his hands explored my skin, I was lost, once again, in the heat, and the emotions, and the disbelief of the moment.

I had dreamed of this moment for years, but I’d never thought it would ever happen after we left the Underground. When we were Aboveground, feelings like this didn’t exist, or so I had thought.

But I had been wrong. And as Levi’s lips moved against mine, and his touch sent tingles throughout my body, I had never been happier to be wrong in my life.


	36. Away

The next morning, when I awoke to the early morning light coming in through the window, it took me a moment to remember what had happened the night before.

I rubbed a hand across my eyes to wipe the sleep from my vision and then stretched my arms up and over my head to relieve the kinks in my back. As I did so, my fingers brushed across Levi’s skin, and at the touch, it all came flashing back into my mind.

It hadn’t been a dream after all.

I glanced over at him. He was still asleep next to me, his chest rising and falling with even, deep breaths, his face peaceful in deep sleep, his lips slightly parted. His arm was underneath me, I was lying so I was nestled in the crook of his elbow, and his other arm was casually slung up and over his head, his fingers twitching slightly every so often with dream movements.

A soft smile flickered across my lips as I watched him silently for a few more moments. When he was asleep, he seemed so much more like the boy I had known-gentle, unconcerned. I still couldn’t believe that after all these years, I’d gotten him back.

I came up on my elbow beside him and reaching out a hand, ran my fingers gently through his hair as I said softly, “Oi, Levi.”

He stirred slightly, and letting out a small groan of irritation, his eyes still closed, his voice thick with sleep, replied, “No, (F/N).”

I scooted up against him and laid my chin on his chest, throwing my arm over him as I said teasingly, “Wow. You’re even grumpier in the morning if that’s possible.”

He scoffed, but didn’t say anything in response. He snaked his arm around my waist, keeping me against him, his fingers cool against my hips, and then grew still. His breaths deepened again after a few moments.

I ran my fingers across the bare skin of his chest, tracing the multiple scars that marred the pale surface. Some were silvery with age, and beginning to fade, others were red and angry, and were obviously newer. I recognized some of the older scars and remembered the times he had acquired them in various ways when we were kids. Some of the newer scars were even familiar from escapades in the field when we were out on objectives.

Levi placed his hand on top of mine, stopping my tracing movements on his skin. I glanced up at him, and he was watching me, his dark eyes studying me intently. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Tch. You’re actually pretty acceptable in the mornings, (F/N).”

I came up on my elbow again and looked down at him, giving him a slight smirk as I said in mock surprise, “Wow, Levi. I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Don’t get used to it.”

“Oh, come on.” I raised my eyebrows at him playfully as I intertwined my fingers with his. “Would it kill you to tell me I’m pretty? Just once?” I gasped as a realization hit me and I excitedly squeezed his hand as I said quickly, “Or wait! I’ve got something better.” I leaned over and whispered into his ear seductively, “Tell me that you’ve never seen anyone kill titans as well as I can.”

“You’re a damn idiot.” Levi said in annoyance, although I could tell he was trying hard not to smile, the corner of his lips flickering just slightly. He rolled over, forcing me back down on the bed, pinning my hands on either side of my head as he leaned over me, his dark hair falling over his forehead and into his eyes. He held my gaze, and the unspoken words in his expression set a fire in my stomach. He leaned down, putting his lips to my ear, his breath warm on my skin, and murmured, “I’ve never seen anyone kill titans as well as you.”

I grinned and turned my head slightly to face him. Our lips were so close that when I spoke, they brushed slightly. “Good. And now that you’ve practiced, tell that to our cadets later today. I’ve been telling them that all along, but they won’t believe it unless you say it.”

He growled under his breath as I laughed and struggled to unpin myself from his grip. He held my hands down with strong fingers and I shrieked as he leaned over and playfully nipped my ear with his teeth.

After a few moments of playfulness, Levi pulled back, his hands still pinning mine down, and his face grew serious, his eyes going darker as he said, “Oi, (F/N).” He released his grip on me and ran a hand through his dark hair, tousling it effortless before he continued in a voice slightly laced with hesitation. “Did it still work for you?”

I knew exactly what he was talking about. He didn’t need to say it out loud for me to understand what he was asking.

FLASHBACK

I crept through the dark, still world of the Underground in the middle of the night.

My bare feet were silent on the dusty ground as I made my way through the dilapidated houses and toward the edge of the town where Levi’s house was located. I knew no one would come looking for me. I had left my father passed out at the kitchen table, surrounded by alcohol bottles, just like every other night.

Levi’s house appeared before me, looming out of the darkness, and I circled around to the front door, opening it silently, careful to hold the knob just so so that the rusty hinges wouldn’t creak.

Slipping into the crack I had created, I pushed the door shut behind me and was left in the darkness of the room.

I didn’t need to see to know where I was going. I had walked this path many times before.

Padding across the room, I was careful to stay against the wall so as not to bump the table or walk into Levi’s sleeping parents, who would be huddled together with blankets on the flat mattress in the middle of the floor.

As I made my way along the wall, to the corner where Levi spent his nights, I heard a rustle from Levi’s parent’s bed and then I saw his mother sit up in the darkness, glancing over to where I stood. “(F/N).” She said, her voice quiet so as not to disturb the others. She gave me a slight smile. “Bad dreams again?”

I nodded to her in the dim light and she waved me on my way, moving to lay back down beside the slumbering figure of her husband.

All was quiet again.

I reached the corner and saw Levi sprawled under his thin blanket, one arm above his head, his usual sleeping position. I slipped underneath the blanket and snuggled up to him, curling my back up against his side as I pulled the blanket up around my shoulders.

He stirred slightly beside me, and then he turned onto his side toward me, putting his thin arm over me. He spoke into my ear in a low voice, heavy with sleep. “Nightmares again, (F/N)?”

I nodded, my head rubbing against the bottom of his chin as I did so.

He pulled me closer to him, his breath already deeper as he fell back into sleep, but before he was totally gone, he murmured to me, “Don’t worry. When I’m here, the nightmares stay away.”

His steady breathing, his warm body against my curled back, the feel of the rough blanket against my skin, it all lulled me to sleep.

And he was right. When he was there, the nightmares didn’t come.

FLASHBACK END

I gave him a slight smile, raising the back of my hand to his cheek, his skin cool against my knuckles. “It always works when you’re here. That’s never changed.” I lifted my shoulder slightly in a shrug. “No nightmares.”

“No nightmares.” He smiled at me, truly smiled, his teeth flashing briefly against his skin, and it took my breath away. Damn, I’d never get over his smile. I wanted to wake up to his smile for the rest of my life, no matter how short it may be.

We were pulled out of the moment when footsteps pounded down the hall outside my room, and then the handle on the door rattled as someone turned it, and we heard Hange’s voice calling from outside, “(F/N)! (F/N)! Are you up in there?”

Levi swore under his breath at the same time that I started upward in the bed, pushing him off of me as I shoved him toward the far side of the bed next to the wall. I glanced back at the door, the handle turning. “Get behind the bed!” He gave me an annoyed look and I gave him a pleading glance. “Please, Levi! Just hide!”

With an irritated sigh, he rolled off the bed, taking the blanket with him, and disappeared against the wall, just as Hange burst into the room, her hair disarrayed, her glasses askew.

I held the blanket against my bare chest and tried to put on an innocent smile as she turned her gaze on me and said loudly, “You are up! Thank heavens. It’s almost time for the debriefing and you need to walk with me!” She grinned at me and shot a wink in my direction. “I want to hear all about last night!”

“Oh, yeah, the debriefing.” I tripped over my words. I had completely forgotten about the meeting with Erwin this morning. I gave her another smile, hoping she wouldn’t notice how frazzled I was feeling. “Right, the debriefing! I’ll walk with you! Just give me a second to get ready and I’ll meet you in the hall.”

Hange clapped her hands in excitement. “Good! Because, you, my dear.” She pointed at me wildly. “Owe me details on what happened between you and Levi!”

Without waiting for my answer, she left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

I let out a sigh of relief and then scooted over to the edge of the bed on my stomach, peeking over the edge to get a look at Levi lying on the floor, the blanket still wrapped around him. He shot me an annoyed look and I gave him an innocent look, eyebrow raised, as I said sweetly, “How is it down there, Corporal?”

“Tch.” He rolled his eyes at me and then motioned to the doorway with his thumb. “Please tell me you’re not going to give four eyes all the details.”

I shot him a wicked grin. “Oh, just the most important ones. Soon, everyone will know that Levi Ackerman has a humongous, titan-sized….”

He lunged up onto the bed and tackled me before I could finish my sentence, causing me to shriek with laughter as I tried to evade his grip.

It was the best night of nightmare-free sleep, and the best morning I had had in a long time.


	37. Hands

As soon as I was dressed and out the door, walking with Hange toward headquarters, the interrogation began.

“Okay, (F/N). Spill.” Hange glanced over at me as we walked side by side, her eyebrows raised and her eyes lit with excitement behind her glasses. “Tell me everything.”

I tried to play innocent first, just to see if she really knew something had happened between Levi and I, or if she was just guessing. I lifted one of my shoulders in a slight shrug. “I left the banquet because I needed some air, and then I was upset about something I overheard, and Levi came to make sure I was alright. That’s all that happened.”

She shot me a glare and elbowed me in the side hard, making me let out a little yelp of pain. “Shut up. I know that’s not all that happened. The two of you looked pretty flustered and out of breath when I found you.”

I rolled my eyes and cursed quietly under my breath. Damn it. I couldn’t evade her questioning. I might as well just tell her what had happened the night of the banquet. However, I’d leave out the details of our own private after party that had followed. I sighed. “Fine. Levi found me, I was upset, we talked a little bit, and then he kissed me.” I glanced over at her, trying to conjure a look of annoyance on my face. Actually, it felt nice to tell someone what had happened. “Good enough?”

Hange stepped out in front of me and took me by the shoulders, stopping me in my tracks. Her eyes were wide. “Wait, wait, wait. Rivaille, Captain stone-cold, the man of no emotions, who likes no one in particular, actually kissed you?” Her voice was laced with disbelief, even though just seconds earlier she had been hinting at just that.

I couldn’t help it. I let a sly grin slide over my lips and then said smugly, “That’s the one.”

Hange gasped loudly and released her hold on me, waving her hands wildly in front of her as if she didn’t know what to do with all of her excitement, and was letting it out in nonsensical movements. “Holy hell! I can’t believe it!” Her voice was shrill with frenzy as she grabbed my arms again and screeched, “I knew it! I knew he liked you all along!” She hugged me to her and then shoved me away again just as quickly, her eyes lighting up again as she asked breathlessly, “How was it?”

With a wince, I pried her fingers from my arms one by one, red marks left behind on the skin from her tight grip, and held her away from me a bit, meeting her gaze with a slight smile on my lips before saying, “If I’m being totally honest, Hange, it was probably the best damn thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Hange’s eyes widened again and she wriggled in my hold as excitement took over her face and voice again. “Damn it, (F/N)! This is amazing. You should have told me sooner!”

Just then, Levi walked past us, my hands still holding Hange away from me, her face still alight with thrillful disbelief.

He glanced over at us as he passed and said in an annoyed tone, “Oi, you two. Whatever the hell you’re doing can wait till later. If we’re late to this meeting, Erwin will give us a lecture, and I’d rather not sit around for an hour listening to him complain when I could be out disciplining brats.”

I dropped my hands from Hange’s arms, releasing her, and rolled my eyes, shooting her a look as I muttered under my breath, “Just a ray of sunshine like usual, isn’t he?”

Hange grinned at me and then glanced over her shoulder at Levi’s retreating form. She returned her gaze to me, her eyebrow raised suggestively as she said teasingly, “What? That magical kiss didn’t suddenly make you guys best friends?”

I shoved past her. “Shut up. I admitted he’s a hell of a good kisser, but that doesn’t mean he suddenly has a great personality to match.” She trotted to catch up to me as I strode after Levi toward headquarters. I glanced over at her. “I can enjoy kissing him, but still hate his guts, right?”

She laughed and put an arm around my shoulders as we walked. “Sure. I’m fairly certain that’s how most relationships work anyway.”

We entered headquarters and made our way down the hall to the conference room, where we had been convened the week before to hear the plan about the beast titan.

As we walked into the room, I noticed that Jaeger was at the debriefing this time, as well as all the commanders that had been involved on the mission to take down the abnormal.

I passed Jaeger, who was sitting at the table, and ruffled his hair slightly as I walked behind him and took the seat next to him. He gave me a slight smile as I sat down, and I noticed that he seemed to have healed up quite well. His damaged arm was still in a sling, held tightly to his chest, but most of his other injuries appeared to be gone.

Levi, who had been talking to Erwin when we entered the room, came around the table and stood next to me, his dark, flat gaze focused on Hange, who sat beside me, as he said in monotone, “Move, four-eyes. That’s my seat.”

Hange glanced over at me, her eyebrow slightly raised, a smirk flashing across her lips, and then she stood, moving over a chair so that Levi could sit down next to me. As Levi sunk into the chair, Hange leaned over to him and said cheerfully, “You know, Rivaille, if you wanted to sit by your girlfriend, all you had to do was ask.”

Levi scoffed, scowling over at her as he said darkly, “Tch. Shut it, four-eyes.”

I grinned at Hange over his head and she sent me a quick wink before turning her attention to the front of the room, where Erwin had stood, rapping on the table for our focus.

“Commanders. Thank you for joining me.” Erwin glanced across the table at all of us, his eyes stopping on Jaeger for a brief moment. “And Jaeger. We appreciate all of your help with the previous mission. We couldn’t have accomplished it without you.”

He moved his gaze over to Levi. “And Ackerman, even though your methods were slightly….unorthodox.” He furrowed his brow for a brief moment, as if remembering the damage done to the wall, and then continued. “I appreciate your forward thinking in helping Jaeger accomplish his goal.”

Levi waved a hand at him dismissively, as if telling him to get on with it.

Erwin cleared his throat and then said, “Alright, we’ve taken out the beast titan, which was our greatest threat at this point. We are far from winning this war completely, but we’ve gained a large advantage for now.” He walked over to the large window that looked out over the barracks and stood for a moment, his hands behind his back. “Our main goal now is to take out the remaining titans behind Wall Maria. After that is accomplished, we can pull back for awhile, knowing we are safe behind the wall, at least for now, and work on our long-term strategies.”

Erwin turned to face us all again, his features stern as he said, “We had a day off. Now the work begins again. We need to get out into the field and take down the rest of the wandering titans the beast titan brought behind the wall.” He motioned to Hange. “Squad Commander Zoe, you will be paired with Squad Commander Lewis’s squad.” He flicked his fingers at Levi. “Ackerman, you and Corporal (L/N) will be commanding the special forces jointly on the mission as usual.”

I leaned over to Levi and said smugly under my breath to him, “A whole day in the field together. Aren’t you excited?”

“Tch.” He let out a sound of annoyance and then replied in a low voice, “Another whole day of practicing self control around you? It doesn’t sound that appealing, especially now that I know what can happen when I don’t.” He shot me a pointed look, his dark eyes boring into mine.

I blushed slightly and looked away from his intense gaze, just as Erwin finished the debriefing and announced loudly, “Alright then. We gather to leave in an hour. You’re dismissed.”

Everyone stood, pushing their chairs back from the table, and we left the room, walking down the hallway and out of headquarters to get ready for the mission.

I trailed slightly behind Hange and Levi, who were arguing about something amongst themselves, Hange waving her hands wildly to accentuate her points. Levi shot me an exasperated look over his shoulder as we emerged into the morning sunlight, his dark eyes begging me to get him out of the conversation, but I simply shot him a grin and lifted my shoulder in a slight shrug, as if to say that I couldn’t help him.

I glanced over as Jaeger caught up to me and fell into step beside me. We walked in silence for a few moments, the only conversation floating back to us from Levi and Hange’s impassioned argument, until finally, Jaeger said, “Corporal (L/N), about the mission to clear the wall today…”

I waved a hand at him as I shot him a hard look, cutting him off mid sentence, my voice stern. “No. Jaeger, you’re not going on the mission today. You need to rest and heal up. You’d do more harm than good for us with that injured arm.” I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to try to argue with me. “You’re going to stay behind and take a much needed day off. And that’s an order.”

He looked as if he wanted to say something to refute me, but then thought better of it, clamping his lips into a thin line as he said tightly, “Yes, Corporal.”

I put my hand on his shoulder as we stopped in front of the officer’s quarters and faced him, holding his gaze with mine. When I spoke, my voice was serious. “Jaeger, you did more for us on the last mission than we can ever repay you for. Honestly, we couldn’t have taken down the Beast Titan without you. And we owe you everything for that. So please. Consider this a small token of our thanks, even though we owe you a whole lot more.”

He held my gaze for a few more seconds, his green eyes wide, as if no one had ever said thank you to him out loud before. Finally, he looked away, a slight blush creeping over his cheeks, and said in a low voice, “Thank you, Corporal.”

I dropped my hand from his shoulder and waved him off toward the barracks. “Now get out of here. And if I come back from the mission today and see you anywhere but lying in your bed, I’ll personally feed you to the titans myself.”

He grinned at me and gave me a slight wave as he headed off toward the cadets’ rooms.

I stood for a moment, watching him go, wondering how in the hell our world had gone so wrong. We were relying on some sixteen year old kid to save humanity. And beside that, we never even took the time to thank him for throwing his life away for all of ours.

I shook my head and turned, walking into the officer’s quarters and down the hallway to my room. Pushing open the door, I strode over to the closet and began to pull down the pieces and straps of my 3DM gear from the hooks on the wall where I hung them every night before bed.

I strapped the pieces of supple leather around my thighs first, and then slowly worked upward, my fingers deftly fastening each buckle of the harness in place. I had done this so many times now, I could have done it in my sleep.

And as if on cue, because I had thought that, I reached around my back to strap one of the final buckles in place, and couldn’t find the end strap. As my fingers fumbled around for the strap, my arm bent at an uncomfortable angle, I swore under my breath. “Damn it.”

Suddenly, I felt fingers brush across mine, and the leather strap was placed into my palm.

“Looking for this?” Levi’s voice spoke in my ear, his warm breath tickling my neck, making me shiver slightly.

“Thanks.” I pulled the strap tightly through the buckle, tightening the last bit of the harness around my waist, and turned around to face him.

He was already harnessed into his gear, his blades at his waist, his survey corps cloak slung loosely over his shoulder. I felt my heart start to pound in my chest. Why did he look so damn amazing in his gear? He looked great in a suit, or in casual clothes, but damn, there was something about him in his survey uniform that would always get me.

He arched an eyebrow at me, noticing me studying him. “Oi, (F/N). You alright?”

I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts and strode back over to the closet to grab my blades that were leaning against the wall. Sheathing them at my sides, I ran my hands over my gear and the harness, mentally checking to make sure I had everything I needed. When I was satisfied, I turned back to face Levi, and was surprised to see him right behind me. He had crossed the room silently to stand behind me while I was finished my check of the gear.

He leaned closer to me, forcing me back against the wall behind me, his hands on either side of my head, his dark eyes intense as they stared into mine. I swallowed nervously. Why did he still make me so nervous? “Levi….”

Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine, cutting me off mid sentence. His hands dropped to my waist and he pulled me closer to him as the kiss deepened, his lips hot and insistent against mine. All thoughts of the day’s mission, the titans, the world, melted away as my body melded with his and my arms went around his neck and into his hair.

It was over way too soon.

He pulled back from me, his hands still on my waist, just above the top strap of my 3DM harness, and I tried to catch my breath for a moment before I gave him a weak smile and said breathlessly, “What was that for?”

“Tch.” Levi raised an eyebrow at me. “We’re stuck with each other all day. And I can’t touch you. I’ve kept my hands off of your for years, I’ve proven I can accomplish it, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s hard as hell. And now Erwin’s sending us out on a mission together, with the brats, and that means I can look, but can’t touch.” He slipped a hand underneath my shirt and ran a finger lightly up my bare skin to my ribs. His cool, soft touch sent a shiver up my spine and he noticed, the corners of his lips lifting in a slight smirk as he leaned into me again and murmured in my ear, “So I’m getting it all out of my system now.”

He nipped the lobe of my ear lightly with his teeth as he pulled away and then dropped his hands from my skin, stepping back as he straightened his 3DM harness. I stayed there for a frozen moment, my back pressed against the wall, the fiery trail left by his fingers still sparking on my skin.

I glanced over at him as he adjusted his uniform. He never had gotten that growth spurt. He was still shorter than me. But when he touched me, when his arms were around me, I felt so small, so secure, like he was a giant and could protect me from anything that came our way. I wanted to keep that feeling forever. I’d never felt more safe than I did with Levi Ackerman.

“Oi, (F/N).” His voice cut through my thoughts and I looked up at him as he flicked his fingers at me. “Let’s get going. We need to get the brats gathered before we leave.”

I nodded. “Okay. But there’s something I need to do first.”

He shot me a slightly impatient look as I double checked my gear and then headed toward him, where he now stood by the doorway. As I passed him to exit the room, I looped my fingers through the straps of his harness and pulled him toward me. I kissed him hard, just briefly, for no more than a few seconds, my teeth brushing his bottom lip, and then pulled back, releasing him as I shot him a small smirk. “Okay. That’s all I needed. We can go now.”

I walked past him into the hallway, not looking back, leaving him to shut the door behind us. As I walked, a small smile flicked across my lips and I put a hand up to my mouth, my fingers brushing across my lips where Levi’s had just been.

I couldn’t help it. Being with him made me incredibly happy, even if the world was still crumbling around us.


	38. Freeze

I swiped my blade down across the pale flesh of the titan’s neck as I whipped past on my 3DM lines, and a spray of dark blood instantly splashed upward and into the air around me, flecks of the crimson, hot liquid speckling my face.

Landing on a branch and lightly taking a few steps forward to steady myself, I glanced over as Miller landed beside me, reaching up to wipe the sweat from her brow. I shot her a smug smile. “That’s seven for me, Miller.”

She groaned, and Springer landed beside her on the tree branch, catching my proud statement as he furrowed his brow in annoyance. “No way. I’m only on three.” He shot me a grin, his bloodstained skin crinkling with the force of the smile. “But there’s still time. I’m going to beat you, Corporal.”  
“I admire your optimism, Springer.” I chuckled slightly as I wiped my bloody sword onto my pants and glanced down at the forest floor below, littered with fallen titans. “However, I’ve been doing this much longer than you have.”

Our conversation was interrupted as Levi landed on the tree branch next to me, raising an eyebrow at all three of us. “Tch. What are you three doing just standing around?”

I sheathed my sword as I glanced over at him, shooting him a grin as I said, “We’re just comparing the scores. Want to join the contest, Ackerman?”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes at me as he readied himself to leave the tree we were standing in. “I don’t have time for your games, (L/N). Some of us actually have titans to kill.”

He shot off into the trees, his blades flashes of steel at his side.

“That doesn’t even make sense, Ackerman! I’m at seven already so I AM killing titans!” I called out after him, before turning back to Miller and Springer, who were staring after Levi. I noticed the curious looks on their faces and asked, “What are you two staring at?”

Springer turned his gaze to me, curiosity still lingering on his face, and said, “Corporal Ackerman’s in an incredibly good mood today. I mean, compared to his usual mood of death and despair. Normally he would have told us to quit the antics altogether.” He shrugged slightly and glanced to Miller, who nodded in agreement. “He just told us he didn’t have time for us and left. No lecture, no insults, no ‘brats.’” Springer flashed me another grin. “Something’s got him in a great mood, and that bodes well for us!”

I hid the smile that was threatening to break out across my lips and unsheathed my blades once again. “Well, that is good news. So I say we finish this mission up while he’s still in a good mood, and get the hell back inside the city. What do you two say?”

Springer pushed past me, already halfway into the air on his lines as he pulled out his swords. “Way ahead of you, Corporal.” He smirked over his shoulder at me as he flew into the air, headed for a nearby titan crashing through the trees. “I’ve got a record to beat.”

Miller followed close behind him, leaving me alone on the tree branch for just a moment.

I stood there for a few seconds, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, watching the titans fall around me, and I suddenly felt a small glimmer of hope within me, that maybe, just maybe, we could win this after all.

After we had cleared our section of the wall, we headed back to the city for the night.

The shadows were beginning to lengthen as we stabled the horses and met the cadets back out in front of the long, low building.

Stretching my arms above my head and letting out a small groan as I worked through the kinks in my back from swinging swords all day, I glanced at the small group of cadets gathered before me and said, “Alright, idiots. You did well today. Everyone get cleaned up and then we’ll meet back here in an hour for a bonfire and some relaxation before lights out.” I flashed them all a smile. “And drinks are on me.”

Some of them pumped their fists in the air and a small, tired cheer rose into the air before they all headed off to the barracks to get cleaned up from the day of titan killing.

After they had gone, I turned to Levi, who was watching me with disbelief on his face, one eyebrow raised incredulously. “You actually want to spend personal time with them?”

I rolled my eyes at him and then said teasingly, “Come on, Levi. I know you like them all deep down. Even if you’ll never actually admit to it.” I walked up to him and took his hand in mine, surprising myself with my boldness. I threaded my fingers through his, our hands fit so perfectly, and then pulled him after me, headed toward the treeline on the edge of the camp. “Now come on. I have something I want you to do.”

He trailed reluctantly behind me as I entered the trees and hiked up the gradual rise behind the officer’s quarters. As we walked, threading our way through the trees, I heard him let out an exasperated sigh and then say from behind me, “Where are we going, (F/N)? I’d really like to just bathe and go to bed at this point.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him, noting the irritated look on his face, and then goaded him slightly as I said, “Levi. When did you become such a stick in the mud? You always used to drag me on adventures when we were kids.”

“Tch.” He scoffed. “Keyword in that phrase is ‘kids.’”

“Alright, grumpy-ass.” I pulled him over the top of the rise, and as the small, dark lake came into view below us, pushed him out in front of me so he could see the view. “We’re here.”

He stood still for a moment, his back to me, as I watched him, and then he let out another sigh. “We hiked up here for a muddy puddle of water that the brats sometimes fraternize in after hours?”

“You’re ruining this.” I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling his firm, muscular form beneath my hands, and rested my chin on his shoulder. I leaned in and said quietly in his ear, “Come on. It’ll be fun. A swim, just like old times.” I reached up and ran a finger down his jawline, wiping away some of the speckled blood that had dried on his skin. “And I know it’s driving you crazy to be so filthy.” I blew gently on his ear and felt him tense under my hands slightly.

I couldn’t help the small smile that flicked across my lips at the action. It was nice to know that he wanted me just as desperately as I always wanted him. 

I released my hold on him and strode past him down to the shore of the small lake. Crouching down, the rocks crunching under my boots, I ran my hand through the water as it ebbed back and forth along the shore. It was chilly, but not as cold as I had thought. It’d be just like swimming in the Underground cistern.

I glanced over my shoulder at Levi, who still stood motionless where I had left him, watching me. I flicked the water off my hand in his direction and stood, reaching for the hem of my shirt. “Come on, Levi. It’s just like the cistern we used to swim in every year.” I pulled my shirt up and over my head in one smooth motion and dropped it on the ground at my feet. I put a hand on my hip and raised an eyebrow at him as I shot him a seductive smirk, standing at the edge of the lake topless. The cool night air caused goosebumps on my bare skin. “It’s just like those swims, except I’m fairly certain I look better naked than I did before.”

“Tch. Don’t be so cocky, (F/N).” He attempted to blow off my attempt of humor, but his eyes never left me, his dark gaze falling down my body, and making me shiver slightly. I knew he knew I was right this time.

“Well, fine.” I undid the button on my pants and slipped them quickly off my legs, wrapping my arms around my chest for warmth as I stood for a brief moment on the edge of the lake, in nothing but my undergarments. I shot him a glare. “Be no fun and stay on shore. I’m going for a swim.”

Without another word or look in his direction, I turned and dove into the murky waters of the lake.

As soon as I was enveloped under the water, the cold took my breath away. I broke back through the surface of the lake quickly, gasping for air, my wet hair clinging to my skin as I took a couple of hard strokes in the direction of the far shore, trying to keep myself warm through movement.

I reached the other side of the lake in moments, it was about as large as I remember the Underground cistern being, and found a large, thick tree root that had grown out into the water. I wrapped my arms around its dark slimy surface and rested for a moment, catching my breath, kicking my legs idly under the surface of the water to try and keep up the warmth I had achieved through swimming.

Suddenly, something grabbed my leg underneath the water, and I let out a small shriek before I was pulled underneath the murky surface.

I reemerged from the water, coughing and gasping for air. My mouth had been open when I had been dragged under.

Levi surfaced beside me, his dark hair plastered to his forehead, water dripping down his cheeks and onto his jaw, and as I wrapped my arms around the root again for stability, he came over beside me, saying in a slightly irritated tone, “Ready to admit this was a stupid idea yet?”

“Never.” I splashed water in his direction and he put up a hand to block the droplets from his face. When he dropped his hand again, he shot me a glare and I grinned at him. “I mean, you came in, didn’t you? I’d say this was a success.”

“I only came in because I was afraid you’d freeze to death and need my help.” Levi shot back, reaching his hand up again to push his soaked hair off of his forehead.

I scoffed. “Yeah, whatever. I’m tough as hell. This water isn’t even that cold.” As if to discredit my words, my body suddenly decided to shiver, seeming to realize that the water was indeed cold, and I had been in its chilly embrace for a bit too long. My fingers were white from cold where they clenched the bark of the root that emerged from the water.

Levi noticed my shiver as well and swam over to me. He reached me and, throwing one arm over the root to steady himself, wrapped the other around my waist, pulling me back against his body for warmth. The bare skin of his chest was cool against my back, but instantly, I felt warmer just by being close to him, his arm around me, holding me up in the dark water that lapped around our shoulders. I sank lower into the water, realizing that I would stay warmer if as much of my bare skin was out of the breeze as possible, and he rested his chin on the top of my head, his fingers wrapping around the cold skin of my forearm as he said from above me, “Tch. Not cold in the least, eh?”

We sat in silence for a few seconds, nothing but the sound of the water and the forest around us, just enjoying the feeling of having each other close, when Levi finally said, “Oi, (F/N).”

I tilted my head back against his chest so that I could look up at him. “Yes?”

He glanced down at me, his dark eyes unreadable, but full of something similar to an intense emotion, as he seemed to search for the right words for what he wanted to say. Finally, he said quietly, “You know what? Never mind. We should get back for that horrid bonfire you’ve roped us into.” He bent his head down and quickly kissed my lips, his own wet and cool from the water we had been swimming in.

He released me and started to swim back to shore.

I stayed there, frozen for just a moment, shivering beside the root, watching him go. It seemed as if he had wanted to tell me something just then, but had lost the nerve. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute. What had he wanted to say? He had never hesitated to tell me exactly what he thought before. Why was this different?

“Oi, (F/N)! Get out of the water! You’re going to freeze.”

Levi’s voice broke through my thoughts and I pushed away from the root, stroking across the dark water to where he stood on the opposite shore, pulling his shirt over his head, the fabric clinging to his muscled, damp chest.

As I emerged from the lake, the cold water dripping down my bare skin and to the ground at my feet, I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that Levi had held something back from me.


	39. Never

I pulled on my clothes quickly, and we headed back down the slope toward the camp, silently walking side by side through the darkening trees. The absence of his hand in mine, compared to the trek up to the lake, made me feel cold all over again, even if I was practically dry at this point.

When we arrived back outside of the cadet’s barracks, the special forces were already gathered around a roaring bonfire, laughing and talking amongst themselves, drinks in hand. They all looked up as we approached, and Jaeger stood from where he had been talking to Ackerman, holding out two bottles of beer for us, a sheepish smile on his face. “I know you said I wasn’t to get out of bed today, Corporal, but I figured sitting around a fire with the rest of the squad wouldn’t upset you too much.”

I took the offered beer from him and Levi followed suit, as I shot him a small smile. “Thank you, Jaeger. I guess I won’t need to feed you to the titans this time.”

I took a seat beside Jaeger on the large log, and Levi crossed around the fire to sit down on a rock beside where Arlert and Miller sat talking earnestly about something on the ground. I avoided looking over at him as I cracked open my beer and took a long, deep swig from the bottle. Why were things suddenly so cold between us now? Things had seemed so well off that morning.

The cadets continued to talk amongst themselves, and I sat, staring into the flickering flames of the fire as I slowly drained the bottle of beer in my hand. Sitting there, I realized how completely exhausted I was, and all I wanted was to crawl into my bed, pull my blanket over my head, and go to sleep.

“Corporal (L/N)!”

I was pulled from my dismal thoughts by Braus calling out my name from where she sat beside Springer across the fire from me. She gave me a grin, her teeth orange in the firelight, and then said, “We all know each other pretty well at this point. We were talking about origins before you and Corporal Ackerman showed up.”

Springer put his arm around her as she talked, and I couldn’t help but think how natural they looked together. I flicked my gaze over to Levi, who was staring darkly into the fire. Maybe he was having doubts about telling me how he once felt. Maybe we weren’t natural together.

I brought my gaze back to Braus, who was still talking, her eyes lit with excitement as she addressed me. “We were thinking, if you and Corporal Ackerman are okay with it, we could hear about your origins. Because you both came from the Underground right? And we don’t really know anything about that, only what we’ve been told.”

I glanced at the other cadets around the fire, who were all silent now and looking between Levi and I expectantly, and let out a long sigh. I didn’t want to do this, not tonight. But I liked these kids, I did, and I wanted them to trust me. And if that meant telling them my background, then so be it. I’d make it as short as possible and go the hell to bed.

“Okay, Braus.” I avoided looking over at Levi as I set down my empty beer bottle and folded my hands in my lap. “I’m not going to speak for Levi, but I’ll tell you my origin.” I ran a hand tiredly over my eyes as I tried to think of where to begin and how much I wanted to share. Finally, I continued. “I grew up in the Underground. We never had enough to eat, we only had one pair of worn clothes and when you grew out of them you were out of luck, and we fought to survive every single day, even as children.”

I bit my lip, telling them this bringing back a flood of dark memories. I glanced over at Braus and Springer, who were watching me with apt expressions of interest. “I grew up with just my dad. He died when I was eighteen, and it’s a damn shame to say out loud, but I wasn’t sad to see him go.”

I forced myself not to look over at Levi as I said this, knowing how he felt about my father. Stop, keep it short, sweet, and then you can leave. “I left the Underground and joined the survey corps shortly after my father’s death. And I’ve been here ever since. Not much else to tell.”

There was silence for a few moments after I finished talking, and then Arlert spoke up from across the fire, his eyes flickering with admiration as he said, “How did you make it out of there?” He met my gaze as I lifted my eyes to his. “I mean, I know you left, but how did you manage to hold on and make it through all of that before you finally got out?”

I let out a humorless chuckle and ran a hand through my hair, which was still damp from the swim in the lake. “You know, Arlert, that’s a good question.” I shook my head, a sardonic smile dancing across my lips. “Someone once told me that I had a light of some sort inside of me. But you know what?” I finally forced myself to look across the flames and meet Levi’s gaze, his dark eyes focused intensely on me. “I’m not so sure that was it.”

I needed him to listen. Listen to me, Levi. Actually hear what I’m saying to you right now. Hear my words in your soul. I held his gaze, and spoke again, my voice quiet, fervent with the words I was trying to get across to him. “I think, when you’re thrown into a horrible situation that you never asked for, like I was in the Underground, or all of you, being forced to save humanity at the sake of your own lives, you have to cling to something. You have to find the one thing that, when you look at it, it makes you never want to stop fighting. You have to find something that inspires you so much that you want to save the world, just so that that something can continue on. Or that someone.”

The cadets were silent around us, but in that moment, I didn’t even care that they were there. It was just Levi and I, staring intently at each other over the flickering flames separating us, trying to overcome the cold that had inched between us after the unspoken moment earlier.

Finally, someone cleared their throat and I dropped my gaze from Levi’s, getting ready to stand and make my excuses so that I could retire early and finally just go the hell to sleep.

That was, until Levi spoke up from across the fire into the silence that surrounded us all.

“You all heard it from Corporal (L/N). My Underground experience wasn’t much different from hers. Filthy, cold, not enough to eat, and fighting to survive each and every day.”

I glanced up at him in surprise, shocked that he was actually volunteering any information about his past. He was usually so tight lipped about our time in the Underground.

He continued, and as he talked, his eyes never wavered from mine. “I had good parents, who tried their best, but still could never get me everything I needed. And when I was eighteen, I left to come Aboveground to join the survey corps, in hopes that I’d be able to provide a better life for those I loved than they could for me.” His dark eyes were black in the dim light of the fire, his voice low with intensity. “And I only ever went back once, a few years later, to keep a promise I’d made to someone important to me.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat at the look in his eyes when he mentioned me. It was anger, and pain, and longing, and something soft permeating underneath it all.

He finally dropped his gaze from mine, staring into the dying flames before us, his hands clenched together in front of him as he leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. When he spoke again, his voice shook slightly. “You don’t survive a place like that, or a place like this world, on a whim, brats. The only thing that gets you through it, is the will to fight, the burning desire to show everyone who ever doubted you that they were damn wrong about you.” He clenched his hands tightly, his fingers going white slightly with the pressure. “And the only way you find your strongest will to fight, is if you fight for something, someone, that you care about more than your own life.” He finally looked up at me again, and the intensity in his eyes made my heart jump into my throat. “Someone who you love enough to fight any obstacle that comes your way.”

Holy hell. Had he just said love? Was I imagining things in my exhausted delirium?

Levi stood up from where he had been sitting, throwing his empty beer bottle into the dying flames before us. He stood for a moment in silence, his arms crossed over his chest, his black eyes focused on the fire, and then finally raised his gaze to glance around at the quiet cadets. “You do that, brats, you can overcome any origin that holds you back.”

With that statement, he turned, and without another glance back at us all, walked off in the direction of the officer’s quarters, disappearing into the darkness of the night.

I sat in stunned silence, not able to wrap my head around what had just happened.

Levi. Levi Ackerman. Levi Rivaille Ackerman, the man with no emotions, except maybe anger, irritation, and scorn, had just indirectly said he had loved me. In front of the entire special forces squad.

Suddenly, it hit me.

That’s what he had been going to tell me at the lake. He had been about to tell me how he felt, more clearly than he had ever told me before, and then he had decided against it. And I knew why. It was so out of character for him, and he was scared. Levi Ackerman was scared about how I would react to him telling me how he felt.

I stood up abruptly from the log, startling Jaeger, who sat next to me. I patted him quickly on the shoulder as I hurriedly threw my beer bottle into the fire. “Sorry, Jaeger.” I glanced around at the cadets, who were watching my outburst with wide eyes. “Sorry to cut this short. I have to go.” I hurried around the fire, trying to come up with an excuse for them. “I’m just really tired. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

As soon as I had left the ring of light shed by the fire, I broke into a sprint, heading in the direction of the officer’s quarters. I wasn’t worried about stumbling in the dark as I ran, I knew this path by heart at this point.

I threw open the doors to the building and pounded down the hallway, making a few turns before I slid to a stop in front of Levi’s door. Bursting through the door without a second thought, panting as I tried to catch my breath from running, I caught sight of him standing on the other side of the room beside the closet, neatly folding the shirt he had just taken off into a small, compact square.

I was distracted for just a brief moment by the action. Of course he would fold his uniform neatly every night. It was just too Levi. I threw mine on the floor in a crumpled heap until I pulled it on the next morning, but his OCD would never let him do that.

He turned to look at me, the shirt still held in his hands, and raised his eyebrow at me before he said, “Heard of knocking, (F/N)?”

I ignored his sarcastic question. I was still too overcome with emotion over what he had said earlier around the fire to let him put me off from what I had come to do.

Without answering him, I crossed the room and threw my arms around him, knocking him slightly off balance with the force of the action. I buried my head in the warm, bare skin of his chest and took a brief second to breathe in his familiar, comforting smell, before I pulled back slightly and met his questioning gaze. “You made me a promise.”

A look of confusion flashed across his normally emotionless features. “Yes?”

“You promised you’d never leave me behind again.” I reached up and pushed his dark hair off of his forehead, letting my fingers trail down the side of his face before I rested my palm against his cheek. His eyes flicked over my face, studying me, trying to see where I was going with this. The corner of my mouth lifted into the hint of a smile before I said seriously, “You kept your promise to me, all those years ago. And now I need to keep mine.”

He furrowed his brow and when he spoke, there was hesitation lacing his words. “You never promised me anything.”

I gave him a soft smile, cupping his cheek in my hand, his skin smooth and cool under my palm. “I know. I promised myself.” I dropped the hand on his cheek down to his mouth, running my finger gently back and forth across his lips as my thumb traced across his jaw. After a brief second, I stopped my movements, my hand holding his chin, keeping his gaze locked with mine. I needed him to hear what I was saying. Hear me, Levi.

“I promised myself, the very first time you came back for me, when I had hurt myself running that day, and you promised never to leave me behind again. I promised that someday, when you were ready to hear it, I would tell you I loved you.” Surprise flickered across his dark gaze, but I pushed forward. I needed to finish. Let me finish. “And I do, Levi. I’ve loved you from the moment we first met. I loved you all growing up. I loved you when you protected me from my father. I loved you when you pretended to like my horrible cooking.” I laughed slightly, tears starting to gather in my eyes. “I loved you when you showed me that stupid way to hold a teacup. I loved you every time we went for a swim.” I took in a breath, trying to control the emotions bubbling into my throat. “And I’ve loved you every day since, even when I hated you.”

I finished and dropped my gaze from his, suddenly realizing how vulnerable I had left myself. What if he hadn’t been saying what I thought he was saying earlier?

Suddenly, I felt his fingers go underneath my chin and he lifted my face upward, forcing me to meet his gaze. He reached up and wiped the tears gathering in my eyes with his thumb, his eyes uncharacteristically soft and full of emotion. When he finally spoke, his voice was husky, as if he was holding back a lump in his throat. “Oi, (F/N).” He gave me a crooked smile, his fingers gentle on my skin as he stroked along my jawline. “Ready to admit this was a stupid idea yet?”

A smile broke out across my lips. Hell, how did he make me so incredibly happy in this damaged world? I shook my head slightly. “Never.”

And then his lips were on mine, and I hadn’t thought it was possible, but that kiss, that kiss that said everything we hadn’t been able to say to each other our entire lives, was the best one yet.


	40. Storm

The next morning, after another blissful night of nightmare free sleep, I woke up early and headed into the adjoining bathroom to take a long, relaxing bath before the day started. My muscles were sore from swinging my blades all day yesterday, and I needed to get loosened up if I expected to spend another full day out in the field.

After warming the water and filling the tub to the brim, I slipped beneath the surface of the steaming pool, letting out a contented sigh as the hot liquid instantly began to soothe my stiff joints and muscles.

I sank down into the water until it was lapping just below my nose, and closed my eyes, sitting there in silence, completely still. It felt amazing just to stay still for more than a few moments-I felt as if everything that had happened in the last few weeks had kept me running, and drained all my energy completely. I needed a serious vacation, but unfortunately, that would never be a reality until the titans were defeated.

I heard the door open and Levi enter the bathroom, but kept my eyes squeezed shut. I wanted this one moment of rare calm to stay forever, or at least until the last possible moment.

“Oi, (F/N).”

I let out a long sigh and opened my eyes, pushing myself up out of the water enough that my shoulders were exposed to the chilly air of the bathroom. He was crouched beside the tub, watching me, his dark hair still tousled from sleep. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Trying to drown yourself? Was last night really that bad?”

I let out a snort of derisive laughter as I reached up to push my damp hair off of my forehead and met his gaze. “If I wanted to go, I’d do something far quicker and less painful than drowning myself. I’m not stupid, you know.” I dropped my hands back down under the warm water and gave him a slightly nostalgic smile as I said, my voice a touch more serious, “I was just enjoying the calm before another day of storm.”

He rested his arms on the side of the tub and leaned over a bit, dangling his fingers into the warm water. He circled his fingers round and round for a few moments, watching as the movement created small ripples in the surface of the pool, and then he said quietly, his focus still on the water, “Hard to imagine a world without storm when all you’ve ever known your entire life is that hell, isn’t it?”

I watched him intently, his gaze still on his hand underneath the surface of the water, his dark eyes holding a hint of despair at the thought that we would never experience a world without the hell that we were now so familiar with. And it made my heart ache. I had always wanted to give him everything, but in that moment, I wanted nothing more than for Levi to have the world he so desperately wanted, and the happiness that came with it.

There was no one else who deserved it more than he did.

I brought my hand up from underneath the water and placed it over his, stopping the movements of his fingers with my own. His skin was soft and warm from the touch of the water, and as my fingers laced between his, the feel of our wet skin clasped together was an oddly comforting feeling.

He finally looked up at me, his black irises flat once again, as if he were attempting to mask the emotion that had been there just seconds earlier. “Levi.” I gave him a slight sad smile, feeling defeated that he still felt he needed to hide things from me after all this time. “Don’t hide from me. Please. Talk to me. Like when we were kids.”

The muscle in his jaw twitched slightly as he ground his teeth, seeming to debate whether he wanted to say anything or not. Finally, he released the breath he had been holding, and dropped his gaze from mine, sounding slightly defeated, as he said, “I’m not trying to hide things from you, (F/N). I’m just trying to protect you.” He met my gaze again, his eyes now back to the same, sad intensity as before, and squeezed my fingers between his as he said in a low voice, “Everything I’ve ever done, it was only to protect you.”

His words made my heartbeat echo loudly in my chest as I realized he was right. Everything, everything he’d ever done, had been to protect me. He’d always protected me, he’d always been there, even if it had meant staying away from me.

I scooted over to the edge of the tub, the water shifting noisily against the sides of the container with my movement, and took his face in my hands, the warm water dripping down my forearms and onto the front of his shirt as I studied him. “Listen to me.” I said sternly, my hands on his cheeks tightening ever so slightly with intensity as I spoke. “Levi Ackerman, you have spent your entire life watching out for me. And I can never thank you enough. But you have to stop.” Surprise flicked across his dark gaze, and I hurried to continue before he could interrupt me. “Stop trying to protect me all the time. Protect yourself for once. And let me in. Just let me help. Let me do something.” I searched for the right words for a moment, flustered at the sudden spark of anger that had arose in my chest at my speech. Finally, I shook my head slightly in frustration and said the first thing that came to mind, my voice laced with irritation. “Just let me protect you for once in my life.”

After I had finished my impassioned outburst, I realized that my breath was coming harder and faster than it had a few moments earlier, and that the slight anger I had felt in my chest had turned into an intense ache in my heart. I just wanted to help him. I just wanted to be there for him the way he had been there for me all these years.

I raised my gaze from the water in front of me, hesitant, worried that he would be angry, or upset, or maybe indifferent to what I had just said. However, I was surprised when I looked at him, to see that he was sitting completely still beside the tub, his head ducked down, his black hair obscuring his face from view, silent.

And then, as I studied him, I realized something.

He was crying. Slowly, but steadily, tears were dripping one after the other onto the front of his shirt, dampening the material bit by bit.

I watched him, not saying anything for a few seconds, still too surprised at his reaction to my words to think of anything to say to break the silence. Finally, I scooted closer to the edge of the tub again, placing my hands between his on the rim, and leaned into him, resting my forehead against his. I stayed that way, silent, for just a brief moment, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine, the feel of his gentle breath on my face, and then I murmured quietly, “Oi, dummy.”

A short chuckle escaped his lips and one side of his mouth curved upward in that slightly crooked, half smile that I had always loved. I felt my lips lift slightly in a smile of my own in response, and then said quietly, one of my hands coming up to brush at the tears still on his skin, “I’m always the one who’s crying. Turning the tables on me this time, are you?” I dropped my fingers down to cup his chin and pulled back slightly, raising his face so he had to meet my gaze. His dark eyes met mine and I felt it again, that deep need to protect him like he had protected me.

I spoke again in a low voice, my tone completely serious now, my eyes holding his in an intense stare. I needed him to hear what I was saying to him, and believe it. “Listen to me, Levi. I’m here for you now. I haven’t always been, but I am now. And it’s my turn to protect you. You’ve been strong, you’ve hidden everything, for too long. So just don’t anymore. Just trust me enough to let it all go.” My fingers dug into his skin slightly as I swallowed hard to push back the emotion that suddenly bubbled into my throat. “We’re going to beat those bastards. We’re going to win. And when we do, when it’s all over, the only thing I care about is that you’re standing there beside me. I don’t need anything else. So I’m going to fight like hell, no matter how long it takes, and no matter what I have to do, to protect you, and get us through this. Together.”

I felt determination sweep across my features. I could do this. We could do this. “And then, you and I, we’re going to see the ocean. We’re going to leave these damn walls behind and see the world, just like we always dreamed about as kids.” I gritted my teeth, anger flaring up inside my chest again as I thought about the titans, who had caused this whole mess. They were the reason we were stuck here. And I was going to kill every last one of them. I flicked my eyes back up to Levi, who was watching me silently, still unmoving under my now intense hold. When I finally spoke again, my voice was barely above a murmur, but it shook with emotion. “I promise you that, Levi Ackerman. We’re going to escape this hell.”

We were both silent for a few seconds after I finished, the only sound in the room the water lapping at the sides of the tub, and then Levi moved first, reaching up to take my hand in his own. He pressed his lips gently into the skin of my palm, his breath warm on my skin for a brief moment, and then he released me, stretching out the same hand to brush some wet hair off of my forehead, before he said, a slight smile on his lips, “You look really pretty in the morning, (F/N).” He dropped his hand, sliding his fingers down over my cheekbone and jawline before he pulled back. “I’ve always thought so, but I never told you.”

Without thinking, I leaned forward and threw my arms around his neck. I was still wet, and I knew I must be soaking the front of his shirt, but I also knew that neither of us cared at that point.

I buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in his familiar smell for a few moments, the smell that had comforted me since childhood, the smell that always made me feel safe, and then I said, just loud enough that he could hear, “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He chuckled slightly, his hands that rested on my back cool against my water-warmed skin, and said teasingly into my ear, “Tch. Nicer than the moment when I made a complete idiot of myself in front of our entire squadron of brats to tell you how I feel?”

I pulled back from him, loosening my embrace slightly, and met his amused gaze. “No. Nothing can ever top that.” I leaned forward and kissed him, and even though I didn’t want to ever stop, I pulled back again after a few moments, a smirk flashing across my lips as I said, “I mean seriously. I don’t think the cadets are ever going to listen to you in the same way again. Knowing Corporal Ackerman actually has feelings?” I tsked slightly in disappointment, enjoying teasing him for a brief moment. “Did you see Jaeger during your speech? He lost all respect for you. You’re going to have to resign as a Corporal and take over kitchen duty….”

Levi grabbed my arms and pulled me against him again, his lips coming down hard on mine to shut up my musing jests, though I could feel the slight smile on his lips as they moved heatedly against mine.

Somehow, in some way, Levi Ackerman always had been, and would always be, my calm before the storm in this hellacious world.


	41. Light

LEVI’S POV

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in the bed.

I stretched my arms above my head and scoffed slightly to myself under my breath in self depreciation. Never was there a time in my life that I’d thought I’d mind being in bed by myself. I had never thought, at any point in the future, that I’d prefer someone’s company over being on my own.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of water running coming from the adjacent bathroom. I sat up, letting out a low groan as I stretched and moved my sore muscles. I had thought that after all these years in the survey corps, I’d be used to the strenuous and rigorous physical routines of each day, but still, my muscles seemed to fight against me, as if to force me to take a break every once and awhile.

I flung my legs over the side of the bed and reached for my shirt on the bedside table as my bare feet touched the cool floor. Pulling the loose material over my head, I shrugged my arms through the sleeves quickly and walked across the room to the closed bathroom door. I stood there for a brief moment, not hearing any sound from the other side of the door, and fleetingly wondered if I should let (F/N) have some time to herself, before deciding that she wouldn’t care if I entered.

I pushed open the door, steam wafting out from the humid room as I did so, and entered the bathroom. I stopped for a moment in the doorway, my eyes falling on (F/N), who sat motionless in the large tub, buried in the water with only her nose and upward visible. The water lapped softly around her skin, but she remained frozen, her eyes closed, as if she were trying to focus inward, if only for a brief moment.

I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe, watching her silently. I’d give her a few more seconds before I interrupted her. Beside, it gave me a rare moment where I could study her, unnoticed by anyone, and take her in.

Damn it all. She was beautiful.

I finally pushed myself up from the door frame and padded softly over to tub. Crouching down beside her, I rested my arms on the lip of the tub, my gaze never leaving her, and said in a low voice, so as not to startle her, “Oi, (F/N).”

She let out a long sigh and then opened her eyes, and hell, when she met my gaze, I was struck again by how beautiful she was. It took my breath away briefly. I had thought just moments ago that she couldn’t be any prettier, but when those deep, thought filled, intense eyes met mine, I was once again proved wrong.

I raised an eyebrow at her, realizing I had been staring at her blankly for a few silent moments, and then said, a slight teasing tone etching my words, “Trying to drown yourself? Was last night really that bad?”

I made the joke as I tried to lighten the mood. When she had opened her eyes and met my gaze, I saw the brief flash of pain there, the sadness. I knew she’d been thinking too deeply again, and I didn’t know how to help, just that I wanted to. Desperately.

She let out a slight snort of humorless laughter and reached up a delicate, thin hand to push some damp hair off of her forehead before she said, “If I wanted to go, I’d do something far quicker and less painful than drowning myself. I’m not stupid, you know.”

I knew she was being sarcastic, but it still pained me just a bit to hear her tell me she wasn’t stupid. I knew she wasn’t. I’d always known. But I knew, throughout the years, in order to keep my promise to her, I’d made her feel like she was. And to think she ever truly believed that….

I glanced up at her as she dropped her hand back down under the warm water and flashed me a slight, sad smile. My heart jumped slightly in my chest at the sight. Even melancholy, her smile was still the brightest light in my dark world.

She spoke again, her voice quieter and serious and sad. “I was just enjoying the calm before another day of storm.”

I leaned over, my arms still resting on the side of the tub, and dangled the fingers of one hand into the now lukewarm water of the bath. I began to circle my fingers around in the water, watching as the movement created small ripples on the surface of the water that lapped at (F/N)’s bare skin. Finally, I said, “Hard to imagine a world without storm when all you’ve ever known your entire life is that hell, isn’t it?”

I could feel her staring at me intently, but I kept my gaze on the water, still moving my fingers idly through the liquid. I didn’t want to meet her gaze. Not now. I didn’t want her to see the pain, the despair that I knew had surfaced in my eyes at my words. I couldn’t help it. With her, I couldn’t hide the truth nearly as well as I could with everyone else. She did that to me. Because I knew she understood the yearning I felt. The intense desire to see a world with no more suffering, no more desperate fighting for survival. I just wanted to live. Was that too much to ask?

I felt (F/N)’s hand cover mine, stopping my rhythmic movements. Her skin was soft from being submerged in the warm water, and her fingers were gentle as she laced them between my own. Her touch, the fact that she was here, assuaged the feelings of darkness that were beginning to creep upward in my throat just a fraction, the darkness that was desperately trying to suffocate me.

I forced a blankness across my face again before I finally looked up at her, meeting her worried gaze with a flat expression. I couldn’t let her see. She’d only worry.

“Levi.”

I still wasn’t used to her using that name again. My name. Every time it fell from her lips, I was reminded once again of how much I had missed hearing her say my name all these years. How much I had missed her.

She spoke again, sadness and defeat lacing her words. “Don’t hide from me. Please. Talk to me. Like when we were kids.”

I ground my teeth in frustration at her words. I wanted to tell her everything, I did. I wanted it to be like it used to be between us, but it never could be. She didn’t understand. I couldn’t let her in. I couldn’t expose her to the darkness that hid within me, the same darkness that came back every night to haunt me and woke me, leaving me shaking and out of breath. I wouldn’t expose her to that.

I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding and dropped my gaze from hers, feeling suddenly defeated. She wouldn’t understand what I was about to say, but it was all I could give her at this point. I had to keep her safe. “I’m not trying to hid things from you (F/N). I’m just trying to protect you.” I flicked my eyes up to hers again, trying to will her to understand where I was coming from, even though this was killing me too. I squeezed her fingers between mine to give myself courage. “Everything I’ve ever done, it was only to protect you.”

And it was the truth. I’d never wanted anything more than I wanted her safety and happiness. Forever.

She sat in silence for a few seconds, and I wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she scooted over to the edge of the tub and, taking my face in her hands, her skin warm and damp against mine, the water dripping down her forearms and onto the front of my shirt, said sternly, “Listen to me.” I felt her tighten her hold on me slightly. “Levi Ackerman, you have spent your entire life watching out for me. And I can never thank you enough. But you have to stop.”

I felt the surprise flash across my face at her stern command. She didn’t honestly think I could stop protecting her after all this time did she? She was the only thing in this world that got me through all the hell, and I would never give up protecting the one thing that held my sanity in place, the one person I cared about above all others.

She hurried on, knowing I would interrupt her if she didn’t. “Stop trying to protect me all the time. Protect yourself for once. And let me in. Just let me help. Let me do something.”

But she didn’t know. She was doing something. Every single day, when she gave me infinite second chances to be a part of her life, she was saving me all over again.

She shook her head, as if she were frustrated with herself, with the fact that she couldn’t find the right words, and then she finally blurted out heatedly, “Just let me protect you for once in my life.”

Holy hell. No one, no one, had ever said those words to me. No one had ever tried. I had always been the protector, but here she was, standing in front of me, everything out in the open, asking me to let her be there for me. She was willingly telling me right now that she’d step into the darkness with me, and she’d protect me from it all. The feelings of despair and hopelessness and guilt and anger. She was offering, right here and now, to use the light within her, the light that had drawn me to her in the first place, to fight my darkness, together.

I dropped my head to my chest, overcome suddenly with the realization that she couldn’t fix me completely, no one ever truly could, but that she, this girl from my past, was offering to put me back together as well as she possibly could. And no one had ever done that. No one had ever seen me as someone worth the effort. But she did. She always had.

I felt a warmth on my cheeks, and I tasted salt, and as I glanced down, my head still bowed, and saw wet spots begin to dot the fabric of my shirt, I realized that I was crying.

I hadn’t cried in years. Not since my mother had died. And this was different still. These tears weren’t full of anguish, these tears were full of hope.

I heard (F/N) scoot over to me again, the water sloshing against the sides of the tub, and the I felt her rest her forehead against mine, her warm, soft skin pressed against my temple as she said quietly, “Oi, dummy.”

A short chuckle burst from my lips and the corner of my mouth lifted into a slightly crooked smile. She always knew just what to say to me to pull me from my own darkness. And that’s why I believed her. I believed her when she said she wanted to protect me this time.

She reached up and brushed her knuckles gently across my cheeks, wiping the remaining tears from my skin before she said in a low voice, “I’m always the one who’s crying. Turning the tables on me this time, are you?”

I felt her place her slender fingers under my chin and then she raised my gaze up to meet hers. I lost my breath again in that moment. Her eyes were deep pools of sympathy and determination and strength. And sitting there, in the cooling water, her damp hair plastered to her forehead, water droplets rolling off her bare skin, she was the most beautiful I had ever seen her. “Listen to me, Levi. I’m here for you now. I haven’t always been, but I am now. And it’s my turn to protect you. You’ve been strong, you’ve hidden everything, for too long. So just don’t anymore. Just trust me enough to let it all go.” Her fingers dug into my skin slightly with intensity as she spoke, and I had to stop myself from wincing as her fingernails bit my flesh briefly. She swallowed hard, biting back emotion, and then said fervently, “We’re going to beat those bastards. We’re going to win. And when we do, when it’s all over, the only thing I care about is that you’re standing beside me. I don’t need anything else. So I’m going to fight like hell, no matter how long it takes, and no matter what I had to do, to protect you, and get us through this. Together.”

Determination flashed across her face, and I couldn’t help but think that I loved when her strong side emerged. I’d always seen it, even when she hid it behind a scared little girl, but she was beginning to show it to the world now, and that’s all I’d ever wanted for her.

“And then, you and I, we’re going to see the ocean. We’re going to leave these damn walls behind and see the world, just like we always dreamed about as kids.” She gritted her teeth, and I saw anger flash across her eyes as she met my gaze again, and when she spoke, her voice shook with intensity. “I promise you that, Levi Ackerman. We’re going to escape this hell.”

She fell silent, dropping her gaze back to the water in front of her, and as I studied her, I was overcome with the fact that I loved her. And I’d always know I did, even when we were kids, but it felt freeing to admit it to myself again. I took her hand into mine, and as she met my gaze once again, pressed her palm gently to my lips, her skin warm and damp against my mouth for just a second before I dropped my hold on her. Reaching out impulsively, I pushed her damp hair back off of her forehead, so I could see her eyes more clearly, and said, a slight smile coming across my features, “You look really pretty in the morning, (F/N).” I ran my fingers down her cheekbone and across her jawline, marveling once again over the fact that we were here together, and that she was willing to stand beside me, even after all we’d been through. “I’ve always thought so, but I never told you.”

Suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck, soaking the front of my shirt in the process, but I knew neither of us cared at that moment. Her body fit against mine so perfectly and the feeling was more than comforting. She buried her face in my shoulder, and then finally said quietly, “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

I chuckled and pressed my hands into her back a little bit more, her bare skin satin under the cool skin of my palms, before I said into her ear, “Tch. Nicer than the moment when I made a complete idiot of myself in front of our entire squadron of brats to tell you how I feel?”

She pulled back from me, meeting my eyes, and said seriously, “No. Nothing can ever top that.” She leaned forward and kissed me quickly, her lips leaving mine all too soon for my liking. She flashed me a smirk and then quipped, “I mean seriously. I don’t think the cadets are ever going to listen to you in the same way again. Knowing Corporal Ackerman actually has feelings?” She clicked her tongue slightly, shaking her head in mock disappointment. She was enjoying this teasing way too much. “Did you see Jaeger during your speech? He lost all respect for you. You’re going to have to resign as a corporal and take over kitchen duty…”

I growled slightly under my breath and grabbed her arms, pulling her flush against me again, and covering her mouth with mine to shut her up. I couldn’t help but smile slightly against her skin though as our lips moved against each other hungrily. She always knew what to say.

Somehow, in some way, (F/N) had always been, and would always be, the light that drove away my darkness.


	42. Advice

Later that day, we rode out into the field behind Wall Maria once again, to finish clearing out the rest of the titans that had infiltrated the area due to the beast titan.

I brought up the rear of the squad, keeping an eye on the ground we had already covered to make sure nothing snuck up on us from behind. Levi rode at the front, Jaeger beside him, as they discussed something I assumed pertained to the day’s objective, even though I couldn’t hear their conversation.

Miller fell back beside me, pulling her horse even with mine, and glanced over at me. Finally, after a few moments of silence, she spoke. “Corporal? Can I ask you something?”

I didn’t look at her as I glanced back over my shoulder, checking the area again. “I guess I can’t stop you, Miller. So go ahead.”

She was silent again for a brief moment, the only sound the birds calling through the trees around us and the horses’ hooves clopping along the packed dirt road. When she spoke again, her voice was hesitant. “But what if it’s kind of a personal question?”

I finally met her gaze and raised an eyebrow at her as she blushed and ducked her head. “Miller, I’m not going to lie. I’m not excited about this. And I won’t answer any questions about my personal life that you don’t need to know.”

She flicked her eyes up to mine again, starting slightly as she said in surprise, waving her hands in front of her frantically, “Oh no! It’s nothing like that! It’s just…..” She blushed again slightly. “I need some advice. And you’re the closest thing to a mom I have so….” She realized what she had said and clamped her lips shut, horror flickering across her face as her blush deepened on her cheeks.

I kept my face unreadable, but deep down, I was touched by what she had just said to me. I cared about these kids, though I’d never show them, and to know that they looked up to me as...well, a sort of parent figure...made it all worthwhile. The training, the drills, the objectives, the harsh neverending days of killing titans.

“Alright, Miller. What do you need advice on?” In order to save her anymore embarrassment, I let the previous statement drop and drove right to the heart of the matter. We were almost to the marked area for the day anyway, so we needed to hurry this conversation along.

She glanced over at me, seeming stunned for a second that I had actually agreed to help her, and then blurted out, “Thank you, Corporal!”

I waved a hand at her, motioning for her to get on with it, and she nervously clutched her reins in her hands, her knuckles going white as she tightened and loosened her grip a few times, seeming to gather the courage to go on. Finally, not meeting my gaze, she said quietly, “I just wanted to know...how do you know if someone likes you or not?”

I felt surprise flicker quickly across my face at her question, but I quickly hid the emotion and glanced over at her, a slight smile on my lips as I asked, “Do you have a certain person in mind, Miller?”

Without thinking, I watched as her gaze flicked instinctively to Armin, who rode a few horses in front of us, next to Ackerman.

“Miller.” As I said her name, she brought her gaze back to me, and must have noticed that I had seen her look to Armin, because she instantly blushed a deep crimson once again. I laughed slightly. “Miller, I’m not going to tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.” I reached over and patted her shoulder lightly with my hand, and when she brought her gaze back up to me again, I gave her an encouraging smile, straightening on my horse again as I did so. “Every relationship is different, Miller. But I think, if when you’re with that person, you feel completely happy, and they accept you for who you are, good and bad, then you know there’s something there.” I glanced over at her again and saw that she was aptly listening to me. “Listen, Miller. Being happy with someone doesn’t mean everything’s perfect all the time. You’ll still go through hell, and sometimes you’ll wonder if you’re making a mistake. A huge mistake even.”

I flicked my gaze toward the front of the group, where Levi was riding, and then back to her again as I said sternly, “But you know it’s right, even if you doubt it sometimes, because that person, the right person, will be by your side through it all. The doubts, the hell, the happiness, the sadness. They’ll always stick by your side, even when it would be a hundred times easier to walk away.” I gave her a slight smile. “And that’s how you know if someone likes you enough to make it matter, Miller.”

I watched as she sat in silence for a moment, swaying with the movement of her horse, thinking over what I had said, and then she flashed me a grin as she said, “Thank you, Corporal. That really helps.”

“Tsk.” I waved my hand at her dismissively, not wanting her to see that I actually enjoyed giving her advice. “Don’t thank me, Miller. I don’t like when my cadets thank me. It makes me uncomfortable.” I lifted my chin in the direction of the squad in front of us. “Now get back up into formation. We’re almost to our area.”

She left me alone at the back of the group again, and after a few more moments of silent riding, we reached the area where we would leave the horses, on the edge of our objective for the day.

After everyone had dismounted and tied the horses together against the wall, we checked over our 3DM gear and began to split into groups for the day. Levi walked over to stand beside me at the front of the attentive cadets, and called out loudly, “Alright brats. Here’s your groups for the day. Jaeger, Ackerman, Arlert, Miller, you’re with Corporal (L/N).” I glanced over at him, surprised he had given me the golden trio, but he ignored me, his focus still on the cadets in front of us. “Braus, Kirschtein, Springer, you’ll be with me today. We’ll take the west side of our area and the other group will take the east side. We circle around the edges, clear the titans, and meet at the far side before we come back through the center of the objective together. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

As the cadets shuffled into their formations, talking amongst each other and adjusting their harnessed and 3DM gear, I turned and said quietly to Levi, “You’re letting me have the golden trio today? Why is that?” I raised an eyebrow at him teasingly, a smirk flicking across my lips. “Aren’t they your personal lapdogs?”

“Tch.” He glanced up at me from securing his blades, shooting me a slight glare as he said, “You told me to quit protecting you. So since I’m not allowed to personally make sure you don’t make stupid decisions in the field today, I figured the trio would be a good substitute.” I opened my mouth to protest, not liking the idea that he had stuck them with me to babysit me, but he continued on before I could say anything, grasping my chin in his slender, cool fingers as he said in a low voice, “I’m just protecting what’s mine, (F/N). You know I don’t like when others touch my things.”

He released me and without another backward glance, walked over to the three cadets that made up his group for the day, already barking orders at them as he approached.

I stood there for a moment, thinking about what he had just said to me, and then with a shake of my head to clear my thoughts, I turned to face the cadets of my group, who were watching me expectantly. “Alright, idiots. Let’s get started. The faster we clear this area, the sooner we can go home.”

I shot off into the trees on my 3DM gear, hearing the cadets take off from the ground close on my heels, and we headed east, keeping an eye out for titans as the forest flashed by below us, the wind whistling in our ears.

Ahead of us, I spotted the first titan.

It was rambling aimlessly through the trees below us, and was on the smaller side, around ten meters or so. I heard Ackerman call out from behind me. “Mine.” She whipped past me, headed downward toward the back of the titan, her blades drawn.

I didn’t even bother to slow down to see if she had taken care of the bastard. I knew she didn’t need any help.

A few more moments went by, and another titan appeared below us, this time, ripping into the flesh of another titan, downed and helpless because of broken legs, but still very much alive. I flicked my fingers and called over my shoulder above the wind, “Miller, Arlert.”

They understood what I was asking without me having to tell them, and they both dropped altitude quickly, headed toward the battling titans on the forest floor below, their blades flashing in the sunlight as they headed in for the kill.

Miller swiped her blade across the nape of the titan that was on top of the other, and as it fell, Arlert swooped underneath, cutting into the neck of the downed titan with a spray of crimson blood. As they rose toward us again, their lines whipping through the trees in blurs of steel, I couldn’t help but feel that they worked well as a team. They had handled those double titans exceptionally well.

As we neared the end of our terrain and the meeting point for the other squad, we saw another titan crashing through the trees below us. It was larger than the others had been so far, around fifteen to twenty meters, and as it heard us whip overhead, it raised dark empty eyes and reached out clawed hands to try and snatch us from the air. “Jaeger!” I called out loudly so he could hear me from behind. “Take that one out.”

I saw him drop down toward the titan, and I slowed down just a bit to watch him take out the monster. I knew, other than in titan form, that he hadn’t had many titan kills in the field, and I was interested to see how he would handle this.

He swung out wide behind the titan, dodging its grasping, curled fingers, and came in for the kill, angrily yelling out as he brought down one of his blades across the titan’s neck. It went down, crashing to the forest floor in a cloud of fallen branches and debris.

Jaeger rejoined the group, titan blood splattering his face and rapidly evaporating in the humid air, and shot me a grin as we continued onward. “How was that, corporal?”

“Don’t get cocky, Jaeger.” I called back to him, but honestly, watching all the cadets just then, take out all their titans so smoothly on their own, without any help, I had felt proud. They had all come so far since the beginning.

We reached the designated meeting point with no more titans in sight and one by one, landed beside each other in the grove of small trees.

I wiped a hand across my brow, sweating due to the humidity of the hot day, and glanced over each of the cadets, who were wiping bloodied blades on their pants and hands across their foreheads. “You all did well.” They all met my gaze, surprise on some of their faces at my praise, and then I said, “For a group of idiots I mean.”

There were a few scattered chuckles and they went back to adjusting their gear, talking quietly amongst each other as they did so. I hid a smile as I saw Arlert talking to Miller, smiles on both of their faces, and a slight blush hinting at Miller’s cheeks.

I turned my gaze from the cadets and searched the edge of the forest on the west side of our area. No sign of Levi or his group yet. They must have found more titans on their side than we did.

“Corporal!”

I flicked my gaze back to Jaeger, who had run up beside me, his voice suddenly excited and eager. I raised an eyebrow at him, curious what had gotten him roused up, and he quickly said, “Mikasa and I just spotted a couple of titans to the north of us. Is it alright if we head over there and take them out?” He pointed in the direction he was referring to.

“Jaeger, that’s not our area. And we’re supposed to wait here for the other group.” I turned to him, my voice stern.

His face dropped. “Please corporal? This is our last mission to clear out the area behind the wall. After this, we won’t get a lot of practice with the titans until we get cleared to go on another mission outside the wall again.” He sent me a pleading look, his green eyes full of mischievousness. “And isn’t it always you who says that we need all the practice we can get?”

I let out a tired sigh. What could it hurt? I trusted them enough to handle themselves, and Levi’s group still wasn’t here. Might as well spend the time doing something productive. “Fine, Jaeger.” His eyes lit up with excitement, and I held up my hand to stop him from interrupting. “But you don’t do anything else than handle that group and come right back. And you take Arlert with you to make sure things don’t get out of control. Have I made myself clear?”

He nodded as he turned and headed back to his friends, calling over his shoulder as he did so, “Understood, Corporal!”

I watched them all take off together, headed north, until they were out of sight, and then I turned to Miller, who had walked over to stand beside me after they had left. “We’ll wait here for Levi’s group. They should be here soon.”

She nodded to me and we stood in silence, waiting for either of the groups to get done and head to the meeting spot where we waited.

After about ten minutes of silence, and neither of the groups showing up, Miller turned to me, a slight worried look on her face, and said, “Corporal. Is it alright if I go North? Just to check up on them?”

I glanced over at her, knowing she was worried about Arlert, but I felt nervous sending her off by herself. But I couldn’t leave the meeting spot, in case Levi and the other squad showed up. Miller was one of my best. I had chosen her for special forces after all. I could trust her to handle herself out there. Finally, I gave her a brisk nod. “Alright, Miller. But you find them and you bring them back, even if they’re not finished. Ackerman will have my head if he knows I let those three go off by themselves.”

She nodded and shot off into the trees, headed for the area where we had last seen the trio before the disappeared.

I listened to the sound of her lines fade into the distance and swore quietly under my breath. Maybe I had made a mistake thinking they could handle themselves...even after all this time.

I paced in agitation around the small clearing of trees that marked the meeting spot, each moment that ticked by making me more and more anxious. What if they didn’t come back? Holy hell, Levi was going to kill me for losing his prized cadets.

Just as I had decided that I needed to go after them, I heard 3DM gear headed back toward me from the North. I released the breath I had been holding as Arlert, Jaeger, and Ackerman came into view above the treetops and dropped altitude, landing beside me on silent feet as they sheathed their blades. There was titan blood splattered across their faces and uniforms, and Jaeger flashed me a grin, his teeth white against his stained skin as he said triumphantly, “Took them all out. They didn’t stand a chance.”

Without acknowledging his statement, I walked up and cuffed him hard alongside the head, causing him to let out a small yelp of pain and rub the back of his neck as he said, “What was that for?”

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? What took you so long?” I grabbed him by the ear, pulling him toward me, and said loudly, getting in his face, “If you hadn’t come back, Levi would have had my head. You all are a bunch of idiots.” I shoved him away from me, causing him to stumble slightly as he regained his footing, and glared at the three of them, before I said in a dangerous voice, “Where’s Miller?”

They glanced amongst each other, and then Jaeger spoke again, still rubbing his offended ear. “Miller? Wasn’t she with you?”

My heart dropped into my stomach at his words. Hell. This was bad. “No, I sent her out after you. You didn’t see her coming back?”

They shook their heads, and panic rose into my chest. Where in the hell was she?


	43. Mine

Just as I was considering leaving to go and look for her myself, Levi and his squad landed behind me, most of them covered in steaming titan blood, their skin wet with perspiration. Levi sheathed his dirtied blades as he walked up to me, sweat dripping from his brow, and looking all of us over, said, “Oi, (L/N). Everything went well then?”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the cadets, speaking in a low, hurried voice, the panic making it hard for me to breath properly. “Levi. Miller’s missing. I don’t know…”

He stopped in his tracks, grabbing my arms and turning me to face him as he looked at me intently, his voice suddenly deadly serious. “What happened?”

I felt tears fill my eyes at the thought that she could be dead, and it would be my fault. Not another one. Please not another. “She went after a few titans to the north while we waited for you, and she didn’t come back with the other cadets.”

I expected him to yell at me, chastise me, call me an idiot for letting my cadets leave my side, but instead, he reached up a hand and wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb, before he said in a low, fervent voice, “Listen to me, (F/N). I’m going to go and get her. But you have to stay with the other cadets. Don’t leave this spot.” He dropped my arms and stepped back from me, pulling out his blades once again as he readied his 3DM lines. He glanced over at me, his dark eyes intense. “Don’t leave this spot. I promise I’ll be back.”

Before I could react, he had whipped upward into the trees, disappearing from view among the foliage as he headed north, toward where Miller had gone. I jogged a few steps after him, screaming up at him, “Levi! No, wait!” but he was gone and out of sight, the sound of his 3DM gear nothing but a low hum in the distance.

I dropped my hand back to my side and swallowed hard, trying to force the panic down that was rising in my throat. What if I lost Miller and Levi? And all because I had made a stupid decision? I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t go on if I lost anyone else. I almost hadn’t made it last time, when I lost Johnson, and I knew I wouldn’t make it this time if anything happened to either of them.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and glanced over to see Arlert standing beside me. He gave me a slight, comforting smile, and then said, “Corporal Ackerman will find her. And they’ll be back before we know it. If anyone can, it’ll be him.”

He dropped his hand from my shoulder and returned to the other cadets, who were whispering nervously amongst themselves. I resumed my pacing at the edge of the clearing, not bothering to even attempt to assuage their fears. I couldn’t even quiet my own at this point.

After what seemed like an eternity, I heard the faint sound of branches breaking under foot coming toward us through the trees from the north.

And then they came into view.

Miller seemed alright. Dirty and disheveled, and one of the straps of her 3DM harness was torn as if she’d been in a scuffle, but otherwise, she could have been worse for wear.

Levi, on the other hand, was a different story.

His arm was slung over Miller’s shoulder, she seemed to be supporting most of his weight as they stumbled along, and his other hand was held over his side, where his shirt was torn and blood could be seen seeping through his fingers and down his side.

I sprinted toward them and slipped underneath Levi’s arm, relieving Miller from carrying his weight any longer. They had obviously walked all the way back to the meeting point, and she looked exhausted.

The rest of the cadets gathered around, their eyes wide and worried, as they all talked over each other, asking what they could do to help, as I dragged Levi into the clearing. Miller collapsed to the ground, her head in her hands, and Arlert and Ackerman ran over to her, asking if she was alright as they crouched down beside her.

With Jaeger’s help, I lowered Levi to the ground as gently as possible, and dropped to my knees beside him, the cadets that were gathered around us still talking over one another in their eagerness to help and do something.

“Shut the hell up! All of you!” I yelled out, silencing them effectively in one go. I met Levi’s gaze, his dark eyes darker, if that were possible, with pain, and said quietly, “I’m going to look at it. Okay?”

He nodded slightly, his breath hissing between his teeth, as he carefully removed his hand from his side. His palm and fingers were coated in a thick layer of crimson, dripping, fresh blood. I cautiously reached out and flipped the edge of his torn jacket aside, so I could see the wound a bit better. I let out a slight gasp as I caught a good look at his injured side.

It was a bite mark. He’d obviously been caught between the jaws of one of the titans on his mission to rescue Miller. The flesh was torn in a jagged line along his abdomen, a large chunk of the muscle gone, the gleaming white flashes of his lower ribs visible at the very top of the large, gaping hole, which was still pouring blood onto the ground around us as I watched, soaking the knees of my pants.

“Shit.” I cursed under my breath. Without thinking, I ripped off my jacket and crumpled it into a ball, pressing it into the wound slightly, causing him to wince and let out a groan as the fabric rubbed the raw, open flesh. I flashed him an apologetic look, but kept applying pressure. If I let this bleed openly anymore before we got him back to base, he might not make it. “Shit, Shit. This is bad.”

I glanced up at the cadets, who were watching us with wide, stunned eyes, and then flicked my gaze over to Jaeger. I knew I had to take charge. Or we’d all die out here waiting for someone to make the first move. “Jaeger.” I snapped my fingers at him to get his attention and when he looked to me, I spoke hurriedly, my voice deadly serious. “Listen to me. Go and get the horses. Take Springer with you. Bring them back here as quickly as you can.” He nodded to me and he and Springer took off into the treetops, headed back the way we had come.

I glanced back down at Levi, who seemed to be growing paler by the second, and increased the pressure I was holding to the wound, blowing some of my sweaty hair out of my eyes as I called over my shoulder, “Miller! Get over here!”

After a moment of silence, I heard unsteady footsteps approach and then Miller was in front of me, tears filling her eyes as she looked down at Levi and I, covered in blood. “I’m so sorry, corporal. I’m so sorry….”

“Miller!” I barked at her, causing her to jump, as a fresh wave of tears started to fall from her eyes again. “Sorry won’t fix anything. I need you to pull it together and help me.” I motioned for her to crouch down beside me, and she did so, sniffing noisily and wiping her tears away with the back of a hand. I glanced over at her. “Now listen to me. I need you to hold this jacket against his wound. Keep the pressure. Don’t move. Do you understand? If you move at all, he’ll bleed out.”

She hesitated for a moment and then seemed to gather her resolve, nodding hard as she slipped her hands underneath mine on the jacket, which was quickly becoming heavy with blood. I removed my hands from underneath hers and quickly began to unbutton my blouse, glancing over at Arlert and Ackerman, who stood beside us, watching. I spoke quickly as I ripped the rest of the buttons open and slipped my shirt off my shoulders, the humid air heavy on my bare skin. “Arlert, Ackerman. When Jaeger gets here with the horses, you take Corporal Ackerman, and you head back to the base. Am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Ackerman spoke, but Arlert hesitated, before he asked hesitantly, “What about you, Corporal?”

I ripped down the back of my blouse, leaving two long strips of the light linen material. I leaned forward and threaded one of the strips underneath Levi’s back, and the other I tied around the front of him, across his chest. I pulled them tight, wrapping them around the wadded jacket that Miller still held in place, and then knotted them as securely as I could on his side. Hopefully that would hold pressure until they were back behind the wall.

I blew some hair out of my eyes and met Arlert’s gaze as I sat back, letting my blood stained hands fall in my lap as I said, “Those titans you all were after will be headed this way. They’ll follow the trail of blood. I’m going to stay here and take them out. We need this area clear. That was our objective.”

Suddenly, we heard horses in the distance, and Jaeger and Springer burst into the clearing on their mounts, the rest of the horses trailing behind them.

They came to a stop several feet away from us and they both jumped off their horses, jogging over to us. Jaeger stopped in front of me and said, “The way back to base is clear. We took care of anything in the way. But we need to leave now.”

I gave him a brisk nod and turned to Arlert and Ackerman, who were watching me with unreadable expressions. “Alright, you two know what to do.” I glanced over at Jaeger. “Jaeger, you take Corporal Ackerman back behind the wall, and you don’t stop riding until you reach safety and he has medical care. Am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

I crouched down beside Levi, who was barely conscious from blood loss at this point, and pushed his dark, damp hair back from his forehead. “Hang in there, Levi. You made me a promise remember?” As Jaeger, Arlert, and Springer all moved toward us, ready to lift Levi onto the back of one of the horses, I started to get up from the ground beside him, when he reached out suddenly and snagged my wrist in his long fingers.

I looked down at him in surprise, and his dark eyes were suddenly extremely alert, as he opened his lips just slightly and murmured, “Don’t do anything stupid, (F/N).”

I gave him a slight smile. “Shut up and get out of here already. I’m going to protect you now, remember? Let me protect you, Levi Ackerman.”

He studied me for a brief moment and then he released his fingers from my wrist, and the three boys gathered around him, lifting him carefully up from the ground, and carrying him toward the horses.

I watched them get him settled into the saddle of his stallion, and then Jaeger swung up behind him, reaching around him to grab the reins and hold him upright. He glanced over at me and flashed me a quick salute, as the other cadets mounted their own horses, and one by one, they pulled them around and headed back toward the wall.

When I was left alone in the clearing, after the hoofbeats had died into the distance, I pulled my blades from their sheaths and turned to face the north. I could heard crashing coming toward me through the forest, just as I had anticipated. I felt a sneer curl my lips as I whipped upward into the treetops. If they wanted to come to me, that was just fine.They would pay for what they’d done. I’d leave nothing but a pile of bastard corpses when I was done with them.

After all, I was only protecting what was mine. And I didn’t like it when others touched my things.


	44. World

By the time I reached the barracks, it was several hours after the cadets had left me alone in the woods, and night was beginning to fall rapidly over the city.

I pulled my mare to a stop in front of the stables, her breath coming in hard snorts from her nostrils from the push to reach the wall before nightfall, and slid down from the saddle, my legs faltering just a bit underneath of me as I hit the ground. I put a hand on the horse’s warm, damp flank to steady myself and after I had straightened, I gave her a gentle pat, feeling the sweat from her hair under the palm of my hand as I did so.

“Corporal (L/N)!”

I glanced up as Miller ran over to me from across the commons, followed closely by Jaeger, Ackerman, and Arlert. She came to a stop in front of me, breathing hard, and her eyes widened as she took in my disheveled appearance.

I knew I must look like hell. I’d taken down around ten titans on my own before I’d headed back to the wall, and my skin was sticky with sweat and congealed, crimson blood. My uniform stuck to my body, and my hair was stringy and damp as it fell over my forehead. The 3DM gear at my side was hot from use, and I had gone through all of my blades taking down one titan after another, my hands blistered from swinging sword after sword without a pause.

I pushed my hair back off of my forehead and let out a long breath, stretching out the hand that held my mount’s reins to Miller as I said tiredly, “Miller. Stable my horse, please.”

She hesitated for a moment, watching me for a few more seconds, before she reached out her hand and took the reins from me, her fingers brushing mine as she did so. She clicked her tongue to the horse and pulled it after her as she walked by me, not meeting my gaze again as she disappeared inside of the dark stables.

After she was gone, Jaeger cleared his throat and stepped toward me, his eyes holding a slight look of hesitancy as he seemed to decide what words to say. I felt my heart drop slightly, and clenched my hand into a fist at my side before I said through my teeth, “Jaeger. Tell me what’s happened.”

He flicked his gaze to mine, a slight look of worry coming across his normally stoic features, and then said, “We got Corporal Ackerman back in time.”

I felt myself release the breath I had been holding. That was all I needed to hear. No matter what else happened, no matter what else I had to face, as long as he was here, still alive, in this world, I could go on.

“Commander Zoe fixed him up as best she could. She’s been with him for the past couple of hours in his quarters, keeping an eye on him.” Jaeger continued, his gaze never leaving mine. I’m sure he could see the sense of relief in my eyes at hearing his news. His tone grew heavier. “Commander Smith wasn’t very happy that you stayed behind without us. He’s requested that you report to him immediately. I’m sorry, Corporal (L/N).” He finally dropped his eyes from mine, as guilt entered his voice. “We got you and Corporal Ackerman into this mess.”

I waved a hand at him dismissively. Even though I knew I was going to get a severe tongue lashing from Erwin for being so reckless, I didn’t care right now. I felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders at the news that Levi was alright. “Don’t apologize, Jaeger. I shouldn’t have let you all go off on your own in the first place.” I pushed past the trio, putting my hands on Arlert’s and Jaeger’s shoulders briefly as I passed by. “And anyway, even that wasn’t much of a mistake. Because I knew you three idiots could handle yourselves just fine.” I gave them all a slight smile, clapping them on their backs before I headed off toward the officer’s quarters.

As I walked toward the stone building in the distance, I took in a few deep calming breaths. Why was I so nervous again? He was okay. Hange was taking care of him. Everything was fine. So why did I feel this sudden dread in the pit of my stomach that made me feel as if I was going to throw up?

Entering the barracks, I hesitated briefly in front of my room for a few moments. I knew I should rinse off quickly and change out of these bloody clothes. Levi would kill me if he knew I had entered his room in this filthy state. But I couldn’t do it right now. Maybe later. Right now, I just needed to see him for myself, to see with my own two eyes that he was still here with me.

I hurried silently down the hallway and turned the corner, coming to a stop in front of Levi’s closed door. I took in another deep breath, feeling my stomach do a few nervous flips in my abdomen, and then raised my fist, knocking quietly.

There was a brief moment of silence and then the door swung open, revealing Hange in the flicker of the soft candlelight from within the dim room. Her hair was more disheveled than normal, her glasses resting haphazardly on top of her head, and she looked exhausted, but when she caught sight of me standing in the doorway, she gave me a slight smile and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the room as she shut the door behind me and said in a hushed voice, “(F/N)! I’m so glad you’re back. I was worried when Armin told me you’d stayed behind by yourself out there.”

“Yeah, well, it had to be done.” I glanced over at the bed in the corner, catching sight of Levi’s dark head of hair above the covers tucked tightly around his body. I glanced over at Hange, who had moved to the corner of the room, rummaging through a bag of medical supplies, and said quietly, “Hange.”

She stopped what she was doing and met my gaze, a long strip of tightly woven gauze held in her hand. She seemed to know what I was asking without words. “He’s alright, (F/N). That was a nasty bite though. One of the worst I’ve seen.” She crossed the room to a basin of water that sat beside the bed and dipped the gauze into it. I padded over to stand beside her and she looked up at me as she finished soaking the strip of fabric. “I patched him as well as I could. He’d lost a lot of blood by the time Jaeger found me.” She leaned over the bed and laid the wet strip of cool gauze across Levi’s forehead, patting it gently into place before she straightened and turned to me. “I’ve been keeping a close eye on him though, because he’s spiked a fever within the last hour, and I don’t know if we’re looking at some sort of infection here.”

I looked down at Levi, who was so still in the bed, that if I hadn’t know any better, and if not for the shallow rise and fall of his chest every few moments with breaths, I would have thought he were dead. The thought made me shudder slightly. Don’t think things like that, (F/N).

I glanced over to Hange again as she yawned loudly, covering her mouth and stretching her other arm over her head as if to wake herself up.

I motioned to her. “Why don’t you head out? I can stay with him for awhile and keep an eye on things.”

Hange rubbed a hand across her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay with that, (F/N)?” She glanced over my dirtied uniform. “You’ve had a busy day as well.”

I nodded to her. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll just dart into the bathroom and get cleaned up a bit and then I’ll just sit beside him for awhile. I’ll be fine.”

She hesitated for another moment, glancing over at Levi again, and then finally turned back to me. “Okay, well, if you’re sure. Come and get me if anything changes.” She gave me a little wave and headed out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Once the sound of her footsteps had disappeared down the hallway, and I was sure we were alone, I let my gaze flick down to Levi’s prone form in the bed once again. He was so pale. His black hair looked even darker against his pallor tone, and there were deep shadows marring the skin underneath his closed eyes. His breath was shallow, and uneven, coming in intermittent pacings. I leaned over, brushing some of his hair, damp with sweat, off of his forehead, and as my fingers trailed across his skin, I was caught off guard by how hot he was underneath my touch.

Hange hadn’t been kidding when she had said he had spiked a fever.

I stood there for another brief moment, looking down at him, and then I let out a heavy sigh, stepping back from the bed as I reached down to begin to unbuckle my 3DM harness from around my waist and thighs. As I pulled on the straps to loosen them, letting the harness fall to the floor at my feet, I winced slightly, as the leather brushed over the tender blisters on my palms and fingers. I glanced down at my hands, staring at the angry red sores, and then clenched my fingers into fists, digging my fingernails into my skin, rage suddenly flashing across my vision. Why the hell was the world like this? Why did the people who deserved happiness the most always lose it? Why were we at the bottom of the food chain in this hell of a world, when all we wanted, as humanity, was to survive?

I felt something warm drip between my fingers, pulling me from my thoughts, and I looked down, seeing that I had dug my fingers into my skin so violently in my anger that I had made myself bleed. I unclenched my fingers one by one, watching as drops of red blood rolled off my palms and down my fingers, onto the floor at my feet.

Pain and anger were the only things I felt anymore. And it felt good to bleed. It meant that even though I was numb, I was still alive to fight another day.

I finished taking off my 3DM armor, and after removing my soiled cloak and dropping it to the floor at my feet, I glanced down at the rest of the uniform I wore. It was stained, and dirty, but I was too tired to do anything more tonight. It would have to do.

Crossing the room to the bed again, I lifted up the blanket gently, careful not to bump Levi in the process, and slipped underneath the covers next to him. I had made sure to lay on the side of the bed opposite his wounded side, and cautiously, I slid over beside him. I hesitated briefly, but then draped my arm carefully over his chest, pulling myself against him, the bare skin of his upper body hot against my own, even through the thin material of my shirt.

I curled up against him, burying my face in his chest, his familiar smell entering my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and let out a long, slow breath. The pulse of his heart underneath my ear, the feel of his shallow breath under my hand, were comforting. He was here. We were alive. It was all okay.

I lied there for what felt like hours, curled up against Levi, his skin warm against my cheek, my eyes squeezed closed. I didn’t want to open them and face the world just yet. I couldn’t sleep, but my mind drifted backward, into a memory from another time.

FLASHBACK

I pushed through the old door that barely hung from its hinges, large gaps between the worn wooden slats, and stormed into Levi’s house, yelling out as I did so, “Alright, you ass. Where are you? I’m going to kill you for not showing up today.”

“Oi, (F/N).”

I stopped, my hands clenched into angry fists at my side, and flicked my gaze over to the corner of the dark room, where Levi’s weak voice was coming from. He was huddled on his cot, his blankets pulled up around his shoulders, his eyes red rimmed and his face tired. When he spoke again, his voice seemed even fainter than before. “Can you keep it down, dummy?”

I stomped over to him, trying to hold onto the anger I had been feeling just moments before, but noting that it was slowly but steady disappearing the longer I looked at him. He was clearly miserable.

I put my hands on my hips as I came to a stop in front of his cot and looked him over before demanding, “What the hell happened to you? You look terrible.”

He coughed and laid back down on the cot, putting one of his hands over his eyes in an exhausted motion. “I caught that sickness that was going around.”

I stood there in silence, watching him carefully, as he breathed shallowly in and out, coughing a few times in between. He was pale, paler than normal, and there was a sallow sheen of sweat on his white skin that glistened in the dim light of the open doorway.

I reached out a hand and peeled the covers back, before I lightly slapped his arm to make him look at me. When he did so, his dark, cloudy eyes meeting mine, I motioned to him with my head. “Move over, dummy.”

He stared at me for a moment, looking as if he was going to say something in protest, but then must have decided it wasn’t worth the effort to argue, because he scooted his body over against the wall on the far side of the cot.

I slipped under the covers and pulled them up to our chins again, before I glanced over at Levi, whose hand was over his eyes again, his fingers twitching slightly as he began to fall asleep again.

Moving carefully on the thin, scratchy mattress of the cot, I turned on my side and scooted over against him. I felt him tense just a bit as we came into contact, and I hesitated briefly, before letting my arm rest across his chest. We were both silent for a few moments, although I knew he wasn’t asleep now, the only sound our breathing.

Finally, Levi spoke, his hand still over his eyes. “You’re going to get sick, (F/N).”

I laughed slightly, the sound coming out with a slightly nervous edge. Holy hell, so this is what it was like to be so close to him. We used to share the same cot all the time when we were kids, when I had nightmares, but now we were older, Levi was leaving in a few months for the scouts, and there was something about us being this close now that felt different than all the other times before.

I shifted slightly, feeling the heat from his skin against my body, even through our clothes. “Yeah, well, it would have happened anyway.” I forced myself to relax the fingers on my hand that laid across his chest, and as I did so, they brushed gently across the bare skin of his collarbone. I resisted the urge to shiver at the feel of his skin under mine, and then forced myself to say sternly, “Now shut up and go to sleep. You need to rest.”

“Fine.” He let out a long sigh, coughed for a few seconds again, and then grew still.

I closed my eyes, listening to his even, shallow breaths, but my heart wouldn’t stop pounding and let me go to sleep.

Suddenly, Levi shifted slightly, and his hand came up to cover mine, which still lay limply on his chest, rising and falling with his breaths. I stiffened imperceptibly as he laced his fingers with mine, his skin hot with fever, and let out another long breath.

After a few moments, his breathing deepened and I knew he had fallen asleep.

But I never did, because I couldn’t force my heart to stop pounding long enough to relax. And the twitching of his fingers against mine reminded me, over and over again, that there was no where else in the world I’d rather be.

FLASHBACK END

I was pulled from the memory when Levi stirred slightly in his sleep and let out a low groan under his breath. I held perfectly still, and after a few seconds, his breathing evened out again and he grew still.

My eyes were growing heavy, and the feel of his warm body next to mine was finally making me relax. It had been a hell of a long day. I closed my eyes again, squeezed closer against Levi, and finally fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing in a field. “What the….” I muttered under my breath, shading my eyes against the bright sunlight that streamed over the treetops.

I glanced around. Wait a minute. This wasn’t just any field. This was the field outside of Wall Maria where Levi and I had completed our very first scouting mission together.

The sun was hot on my skin and there wasn’t even a breath of a breeze to make the hot, heavy air feel cooler. “Hell, why am I here?” I swore under my breath and began to tramp through the long grass, toward the shade of the forest trees in the distance.

As I waded through the grass, I stubbed my toe on something hard in front of me. Swearing again, I took a step backward and, bending down, cleared the grass away from the object so I could see what it was.

It looked like a rock. Wait, no….it was…..

My eyes widened and I stumbled backward from the stone in front of me. “No. It can’t be…”

It was a tombstone.

Old, weathered, cracking at the seams, but still readable. And the name, carved onto the front of the memorial….’Corporal Levi Rivaille Ackerman.’

I tripped as I backed away from the headstone, coming down hard on my back in the long grass, my gaze directed up to the clear sky above me.

I laid there, the wind knocked from my chest, and began to feel the tears gather in the corner of my eyes. “No. This isn’t possible.”

Suddenly, a shadow fell across me and then there was someone else in the field with me, leaning over me, a distorted grin splitting their features as they looked down upon me.

“It’s entirely possible. And do you know why?” There was glee behind the person’s chilling words, and the grin grew wider, revealing a line of straight white teeth that gleamed in the sunlight.

The tears had leaked over the corner of my eyes and were trailing down my temples and into my hairline, warm against my skin as I lay there, unable to move, looking up at this person, who had once been my comrade.

“I don’t understand…..” I got out, my voice dry and cracking in my throat, the taste of bile in my mouth.

The person leaned closer to me, the maddening smile growing wider still, glee dancing in their eyes. “You don’t understand?” They laughed, the sound echoing hauntingly in my ears. “What’s there to understand? This is entirely possible. And you know why.”

I shook my head, forcefully, the tears growing and making my vision blurry. “No, please, I don’t know….” My voice was desperate, I felt as if I were going crazy.

Fingers pinched my chin, hot breath was on my face, darkened, frenzied eyes met mine, and still, the grin, gaped down at me, like the empty expression of a titan. “This is possible. Because you didn’t protect him like you said you would. You failed. Face it, (F/N). You failed to protect the one thing you care about most in this world, and because of that…” The face drew nearer, all I could see were dark pupils staring into my very soul, I couldn’t breathe. “You have nothing to live for.”

I sat up in the bed, gasping for breath, sweat dripping down my cheeks, my heart pounding loudly against my ribcage. The room was black, my eyes darted around in the darkness, trying to see anything, desperate to know I was safe.

What the hell was that dream?

I felt hot tears start to drip down my skin as I remembered the words spoken to me. ‘You have nothing to live for. You failed to protect him.’

I let out a startled gasp as fingers went around my wrist, my heart racing even faster in my chest if that were possible. And then the voice.

“Oi, (F/N).”

I felt as if instantly a band were released around my ribcage at his voice. I could breathe again. I wiped quickly at my eyes with the back of my hand and then turned to look down at him, my eyes finally adjusted to the blackness that surrounded us.

He squinted up at me, his fingers still around my wrist, his dark hair tousled and stuck to the skin of his forehead from the fever he had had earlier. He still looked like hell, but there was a tiny bit more color to his face than there had been when I first saw him. He raised an eyebrow at me. “What the hell are you doing?”

I shook my head slightly. “I don’t know. Just this nightmare….”

I felt his fingers tighten slightly on my skin and then he said, his voice holding a hardened edge, “That’s never happened before when I’m here.”

“I know. But this was different.” I glanced over at him and he met my gaze again, curiosity flicking across his features briefly as he studied me through the darkness. I swallowed hard, my mouth dry, and then went on. “I mean, every nightmare I’ve ever experienced since we were kids had something to do with my past-The Underground, my father.” I felt my heart begin to pound again as I recalled this nightmare. This was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

Levi must have noticed my panic return, because he removed his fingers from my wrist and laced them through mine, squeezing my hand gently before he said quietly, “And. What was this nightmare about?”

I shook my head hard, tears starting to fill my eyes again and make my vision hot and blurry. Without saying anything else, I suddenly threw my arms around him and pulled my body tightly against his, curling up next to him, my face buried in the bare skin of his chest. “Please don’t ever leave me, Levi. Don’t leave me alone.” I cried out, the sound muffled by the hidden posture of my head against him.

He was silent for a few moments and then I felt him slide his arm underneath me and pull me closer to him, his other hand resting on top of my head as he gently began to run his fingers through my hair in a calming manner. He didn’t say anything still for several minutes, and then finally, when he spoke, his voice was low, and full of earnest, as he said seriously, “Listen to me, (F/N). I made you a promise. A promise that I would never leave you behind again. And I’ve kept that promise, every day of every month of every year, since I made it to you.”

I let out a shuddering breath, the tears still warm on my skin. He was right. He had made me promise, and he hadn’t broken it yet. He had never broken a promise to me.

I heard him take in a deep, long breath, and then he let it out slowly before he moved slightly, letting out a sharp hiss of pain between his teeth. He buried his face in my hair, and then after another moment of silence, he murmured to me, “Listen to me, (F/N). I promised you I would never leave you behind. And I don’t intend to break that promise anytime soon. And when I do, I promise, it won’t be willingly.” I felt his lips, soft and gentle and full of promise, against the skin of my forehead. “Nothing short of death would ever make me break a promise to you. I promise you that. And I always keep my promises.”

I felt the tension in my body release at his words. He never did. He never had. He’d always kept his promises.

And I knew, he’d never leave me, because he’d made a promise to me, years ago, that he never would.

And in that moment, curled up against him, the one person who I cared about the most in this hellish world, the only reason I kept living and fighting each and every day, the one person who could keep me going, who made me forget my past and all the ugly things in it, I finally, finally, felt like I belonged here.

And there was no where else in the whole world I’d rather be, ever again.


	45. Sea

5 Years Later….

I stood there, listening to the calls of the others in the distance, the slight breeze cool against my skin, the smell of salt strong in my nose, and I couldn’t believe it was real.

We were here. We had made it. It was over.

Humanity had survived.

The crashing of the surf against the beach drew my gaze back to the vast, blue sea stretching out before me, as far as the eye could see. The damp sea air was heavy and warm against my skin, and I could taste salt on my lips and tongue, the taste new and exciting and indicative of change.

An excited call from a ways down the beach drew me out of my thoughts and I glanced down the long line of sandy land, to where Hange stood in the surf, the water pooling around her calves, as she held up something for Arlert, who stood on the beach, to see.

Arms snaked around my waist, and then I felt Levi’s chest against my back through my shirt, as his voice spoke, low and disgusted in my ear. “Tch. Four-eyes is going to get sick from that water. We don’t know anything about it.”

I laughed slightly and dropped my hands to cover his, which were clasped at my waist. I laced my fingers through his, still watching Arlert and Hange, who were now both knee deep in the sea water, excitedly conversing over something else they had discovered. “Let them be. Nothing’s ever going to be as dangerous as what we’ve already survived.”

Levi’s hold around my waist tightened slightly at my words and then I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder as we both watched the two in the surf for a few moments in silence. Finally, he spoke again. “Oi, (F/N).”

“Mmm?” I made a noncommittal sound, my gaze drifting out over the calming presence of the teal water laid out before us, moving in and out in rhythmic fashion against the sand of the beach.

“What are you thinking about?” His voice held a curious edge.

I glanced down the beach, past Hange and Arlert, to where Ackerman stood on a small bluff alone, staring out over the ocean, the breeze whipping her dark hair around her face so her features weren’t visible.

I let out a long sigh and leaned my head back, so it was resting on Levi’s shoulder, as I closed my eyes for a brief moment. “It hurts like hell that they’re not all here to enjoy this with us.” I felt a lump of emotion rise in my throat, and swallowed hard, my voice quavering just a bit when I spoke again quietly. “They would have loved this.”

Images of those we had lost flashed across my dark, closed eyelids. Johnson, Jaeger, Erwin, Isabel, Farlan. Why were they gone? They had fought just as hard as we had to be able to free humanity and get to where we were today. So why did they have to pay with their lives, when we were still here? Still here to see the ocean and the land outside the walls?

It seemed anything but fair. It seemed damn unfair right now.

I felt Levi brush his lips gently across my neck. “Oi, (F/N).” I opened my eyes and shifted to meet his gaze. He stared at me for a few moments, his dark eyes unreadable, and then he said gruffly, “Stop thinking like that. We knew going into this that there was no guarantee the people who stood beside us today would be there tomorrow.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “We have to live with our choices now. And those who got left behind, they don’t regret it, so we shouldn’t either. They made the ultimate choice for humanity-the choice with no regrets.”

I reached up to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye and then took in a deep breath, before I nodded to him. “You’re right.” I gave him a slight smile and squeezed his fingers between mine before I stepped out of his embrace. Sitting down on the sand, I began to unbuckle my boots, shooting him a mischievous glance as I did so. “All we can do is embrace today. There’s no guarantee about tomorrow.”

He watched me take off my shoes, digging my toes into the sand beneath my feet, as a gleeful smile flicked across my face. Holy hell, I’d never felt anything like this before.

“What the hell are you doing?” He spoke up as I continued to run my feet back and forth through the sand, his voice skeptical as he watched me with an expression close to horror flickering across his features.

I shot him a grin. “I”m living for today. Come on, Levi. Who knows when we’ll see the ocean again?”

He muttered something under his breath, but before I could say anything else to him, we were interrupted by someone calling to us from down the beach.

“Mama (F/N)! Papa Levi!”

I glanced up as the girl bounded toward us across the sand, a smile lighting her features and her long, blonde hair streaming out behind her in the breeze coming off of the water. As she came to a stop in front of us, she grasped my hand in hers and excitedly said, “Come and see! Loren taught me how to build things out of the sand! We’re making a house!”

My gaze flicked past her, over her head, to where Miller sat beside the sea, patting the sand into shapes around her. I directed my attention back to her and gave her a smile as I said, “That’s amazing, Mory.”

Mory’s face brightened with another smile and she tugged on my hand again, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other in front of me. “I know! Come on! You have to come and see!”

Levi stepped up beside where I sat on the sand and tousled Mory’s long blonde hair affectionately, before he said roughly, “Come on, brat. Show me what you’re making.”

Mory grabbed his hand in hers and began to pull him down toward the edge of the water, chattering to him excitedly as they walked.

I watched them go, headed toward the surf and Miller, and I couldn’t help but think how much things had changed in just a few years.

Mory had come to live with us from her foster family after the walls had been demolished, and she was almost nine now. It had taken her the past two years to get comfortable with calling us anything other than (F/N) and Levi, but one day, of her own accord, she had started calling us mama and papa. And I took that as a sign that she was finally happy. And that’s all I wanted for her after all she’d been through and all she’d lost-happiness.

I watched, a slight smile on my lips, as Levi crouched down beside Mory on the sand, listening to her as she pointed out all of the shapes she and Miller had been making. I wanted the same thing for him after all he’d been through and lost-happiness. Everyone I loved, I just wanted them to finally be happy.

After all, we deserved it, didn’t we?

I watched them for a few more moments, soaking in the feeling of finally being here, the chance that maybe we could all finally be happy, and then I stood from the sand. I glanced down the beach and saw that Ackerman had joined Arlert and Hange by the water, as Hange gestured excitedly with her hands and motioned to something at their feet.

Walking down the beach, in the opposite direction from the rest of the group, I took a moment to just really appreciate the feel of the cool ocean breeze against my cheeks and the sharp smell of salt in my nose and the sound of the waves crashing in and out against the sandy shore.

It all still felt like such a dream. We had won. We were safe. We had made it outside the walls.

I came around an outcropping of rock that jutted out into the water, creating a small, calm area of sea within its walls. The area was a small inlet, hidden from the view of the others down the beach, and the water looked too blue and cool for me to resist.

I glanced behind me to make sure I was alone and then pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it to the sand at my feet before I reached down and slipped out of my pants. It felt odd not to have to spend time unbuckling all of the straps of the leather 3DM harness that was usually around my waist. It was freeing to be able to undress so quickly and easily. It was yet another reminder of the complicated world we had finally left behind.

I waded into the surf, gasping slightly as the chilly water lapped at my calves. The salt stung my skin slightly as I continued to go deeper, the teal water licking up around my hips, as I dropped my fingers down under its smooth surface, feeling the cool liquid form seamlessly around my hand.

When I had waded far enough out that I was up on my toes, and the water had reached my chin, I kicked off from the sandy bottom and took a few strokes, my breath coming in tight, quick gasps as I adjusted to the cold. I paused for a moment, treading water, the feeling of the deep blue nothingness around me all at once terrifying and exhilarating, and then I ducked beneath the surface of the sea, the heavy, cool water surrounding me.

I stayed underneath the water as long as I could hold my breath, my eyes squeezed shut, my arms out from my sides, floating weightlessly, all sounds muffled in my ears.

It was a comforting feeling, the feeling of nothingness.

Finally, I surfaced for air again, breaking through the waves of the ocean with a small splash, as I gasped oxygen back into my lungs, my mouth and throat stinging from the salt water.

“Oi, (F/N)!”

I glanced over to the beach and saw Levi standing beside my pile of discarded clothes, arms crossed over his chest, a slight look of displeasure resting on his dark features. I took a few smooth strokes through the water toward him, and when I could touch again, stood up, the water still deep enough that it was up to my chin, but shallow enough that I didn’t have to tread water for the time being. I lifted my hand out of the water, droplets cascading down the skin of my arm, and gave him a little wave as I called out, “Levi! You should come in!”

He scoffed. “Tch. No way in hell is that happening. I already told you, we know nothing about this place.”

I shot him a grin. “Come on, Levi. Don’t be a pain in the ass. Have some fun for once.” I splashed some water in his direction, getting the sand wet at his feet, and he took a step back to avoid getting damp, as he gave me a glare. “It can’t be as dirty as the cistern water we used to swim in as kids.” I held up my hands for him to see, my fingers splayed. “And look! I haven’t turned into any sort of mutant yet.”

He watched me for a moment, his eyes hooded, his face unreadable, and then he reached for the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up and over his head in a smooth movement, as he said in a slightly annoyed voice, “Fine. But everyone is getting cleaned up as soon as we leave here. I’ll be damned if we all catch anything because of improper hygiene.”

He finished undressing down to his shorts and then took a step into the incoming surf, shuddering slightly as the water washed over his feet. I watched him, a smug smile on my lips, as he continued to wade into the water toward me, displeasure still flashing across his features consistently as the water got deeper.

When he finally reached me, he came to a stop in front of me, the water lapping underneath his chin, and gave me another glare as he hissed between his teeth, “Are you happy now?”

I flashed him a sweet smile. “Ah. You came in. I’m so proud of you.” I crossed over to him and draped my arms around his neck, my wet skin sticking to the hair at the base of his neck as I met his gaze. “You didn’t have to, you know.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “I know. But I seem to always be doing things I wouldn’t normally do when you’re around, (F/N).”

The teasings smile dropped from my lips as he held my gaze, his tone serious. His dark eyes watching me sent a shiver across my skin. “Well, I guess I just bring out that side of you, Ackerman.” I spoke, my voice barely above a murmur.

“Mmm.” He made a slight sound in agreement and moved his lips close to my ear, his breath cool against my dampened skin. “I’ll deny it if you ever repeat this to anyone, but I like when you bring out that side of me.”

I felt my breath catch slightly in my throat as his teeth grazed my earlobe gently as he pulled away, and then he met my gaze again, raising an eyebrow at me, before he said in an impatient tone, “Now. Can we get out of this water before we both catch some strange disease? I didn’t spend years of my life battling titans, only to get taken out by a damn drop of unsanitary water.”

I let a small smirk flick across my lips as he watched me expectantly. “I don’t know. You haven’t even gotten your head wet yet….”

Before he could react, I took in a mouthful of the sea water, the salt burning my tongue and throat again, and sprayed it at him, the droplets sparkling as they rolled off his pale skin and dark strands of hair.

I laughed at the look of disgust and surprise on his face and kicked away from him through the water, trying to reach shore before he could retaliate.

I made it maybe a few feet before I felt his fingers close around my ankle and with a yelp, he dragged me underneath the surface of the water before I could wriggle out of his grip.

Breaking through the surface of the water with a gasp, I took in deep lungfuls of air, my wet hair plastered against my forehead, droplets of the sea rolling down my temples and across the skin of my neck.

I glanced around for Levi, and suddenly an arm went around my waist, causing me to let out another small cry of surprise as he began to drag me with him through the water toward the shore. He held me up as I stumbled along the wet sand that lined the bottom of the sea, and glanced down at me as he continued to pull me along beside him toward the edge of the cove. He shot me a triumphant look as I attempted to struggle weakly in his grasp and then said, slightly out of breath, water dripping from his hair down his face, “I win, (L/N).”

When we reached the shallow water that washed in and out on the sand of the beach, he dropped me into the surf and collapsed down beside me.

We both laid there for a few silent moments, gasping for breath from the playful struggle, as the seawater pulled in and out, in and out, washing beneath our bodies in gentle tides over and over.

Finally, Levi pushed himself up from the sand, coming up on his elbows beside me, and said, “We should get back. The others will want to be headed out soon, before night falls.”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took in a deep breath of the salty air through my nose, releasing it as I said in a slightly sad tone, “I wish we could all stay here forever.” The feel of the rough sand beneath my bare skin, the ocean water wet against my back and legs, my damp hair stuck to my forehead, the smell of salt. I wanted nothing to change, ever again.

I heard Levi move beside me and opened my eyes to see him straddling me on hands and knees, his damp dark hair falling over his brow and into his eyes as he watched me carefully for a few moments. Finally, after several seconds of nothing but the surf sounds around us, he said in a low voice, “Tch. Is that what you really want, (F/N)?”

I let out a sigh, digging my fingers into the wet sand beneath me, the grains harsh against my palms. “No.” I reached up a hand, tracing my finger down his cheekbone and jawline. A drop of water fell from the wet strands of his hair and landed softly on the skin between my eyes. “I just mean that I wish we could all stay this happy forever.”

He watched me for another silent moment, his eyes black in the lengthening shadows of the twilight, and then asked, “What makes you happy, (F/N)?”

I let out a slight laugh, my lips quirking upward just barely into the hint of a smile, as I let my finger trail down his neck and trace his collarbone for a few seconds before answering. “You.”

His brow creased slightly in confusion. “I still don’t understand how that’s possible.”

I stopped the movement of my finger on his skin and glanced up at him, meeting his serious gaze. He really didn’t get it. Still. After all these years. He still couldn’t see it.

“Levi.” I raised my eyebrows at him, reaching up to take his face between my hands, hoping I could convey the importance of my words to him in this moment. “Why would it be anything else but you? After all this time? When we were kids, you did nothing but protect me. When we grew up and left the Underground, you did nothing but protect me. When the war ended, you did nothing but protect me. Even now.” I laughed slightly at the absurdity of it all, of him not seeing what I saw. “When everything's said and done, you’ve done nothing but protect me.”

I dug my fingers into his skin gently, hoping he was really listening to what I was saying to him. Particles of sand clung to his skin from my fingers. His dark gaze held mine, never wavering. “And after all these years, you still don’t see. You don’t see that all this time, by protecting me, you’ve actually been protecting my happiness. My heart.” I gave him a soft smile, stroking my thumbs down his skin as I did so. “So why in the hell would you, the protector of my happiness, the holder of my heart, not be the one thing that truly makes me happy, Levi Ackerman?”

I grew silent, realizing that the sun had officially started to go down while we had been talking, and that I was shivering slightly in the chilly air, still lying in the shallow ocean water with Levi.

I glanced up at him again, his face intense with thought as he looked at me, and not wanting to disturb the moment, but feeling my limbs start to grow numb from the cold, said hesitantly, “Hey, Levi….”  
Before I could finish the sentence, his lips were on mine. His skin was chilled against my own, but in that moment, I couldn’t feel the cold anymore. And that kiss, as his lips moved against mine, warming me from the very soul, felt as if it was the very first one.

He pulled back from me slightly, his breath warm on the still slightly damp, cool skin of my face, and murmured to me, his dark eyes back on mine, “Get dressed. I have something for you.” He ran his hand gently down the skin of my neck, causing me to shiver, but not from the cold, and then he pushed himself up off of me and headed toward our pile of clothes on the beach.

We both dressed quickly, the chilly air nipping at our damp underclothes and wet skin, and as I was finishing pulling the fabric of my shirt over my head, I glanced over to Levi, who was already dressed and watching me, his face blank. I raised an eyebrow at him as I adjusted my shirt on my shoulders. “What, dummy?”

He studied me for a few more moments and then crossed the beach to me, taking me by surprise as he took me by the arms and pushed me up against the crag of rock behind me. The rough stone was slightly uncomfortable against my back through the thin material of my shirt, but I wasn’t focused on that as Levi pressed me tightly against the surface with his body, his voice low as he said, “What did I promise you, (F/N)?”

I couldn’t focus when he was this close to me. His smell, even though it was slightly hidden by the scent of salt, was familiar in my nose and his hands were warm and rough on my arms, his every hot breath washing across my skin. I shook my head slightly to gather my thoughts. “I...You promised you’d never leave me behind.”

His eyes were nothing but deep, black, piercing orbs in the shadows of the twilight. In that moment, our gazes locked, I was sure he could see everything I was thinking and feeling. “Tch. That’s right. I promised I’d never leave you behind again. And I’ve kept that promise.” His arms tightened slightly around my arms as the intensity in his voice rose. “The question I have for you now then, is do you want me to continue to keep that promise to you?”

I felt confusion wash across my features at his words. Of course I wanted him to keep that promise. Didn’t he know that?

He continued, his voice fervent, his eyes still on mine. “Because, from what you’re saying, for some damn odd reason, I make you happy. And if I continue to keep that promise, to never leave you behind again, I’ll always be here. And that would make you happy?” My heart pounded in my chest slightly at the earnestness on his face as he spoke. “You said you wanted to stay this happy forever. And if I stay with you forever, cause and effect dictates that you could indeed, stay this happy forever. If I was there with you. Do you understand what I’m getting at, idiot?”

I felt my breath catch in my throat as he stopped talking. Holy hell, I couldn’t be thinking the same thing he was thinking. Could I?

He released one of his holds on my arm and reached down, slipping his fingers into the pocket of his pants, looking for something.

When I finally spoke again, my voice held a slight tremor, and it wasn’t from the cool night air. “Don’t call me an idiot.” I watched as he found what he was looking and pulled his hand back out from his pocket, something clasped tightly in his palm. I felt panicky, my heart pounding against my ribcage like a trapped bird desperate for air. “But I don’t understand what you’re trying to get at, Levi…”

“Tch. Let me make it a littler clearer for you then, dummy.” He held his hand out to me and opened his fingers, and in the dimming light of the oncoming evening, nestled in his palm, there was a ring.

I opened my mouth, staring at the ring he held, but nothing came out. I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. Where in the hell had this come from?

Levi watched me silently, his hand still extended, and then he spoke again, his voice holding a sharp edge as he said, “Oi, (F/N). Do you understand now?” I flicked my gaze up to his dark intense one, and he raised an eyebrow at me impatiently. “I can’t spell it out any clearer for you. We both grew up the same, we both survived that hellhole, we survived the scouts, we survived the war. And now…” He took in a deep breath, his voice and eyes suddenly softening just a bit. “I want to seal that promise I made to you all those years ago. That I’ll never leave you behind again.”

I dropped my eyes from his, back to the ring nestled in the palm of his hand, and suddenly, I noticed something.

It wasn’t an ordinary ring.

I let out a small gasp and reached out, taking the ring carefully from him, and held it up so that I could be sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. No, I was right. I knew that pattern.

The ring was made from the handle of the teacup we had shared together all those years ago, the same faded, chipped teacup Levi had kept safely locked away in the box of memories that lived in the bottom of his office drawer.

I felt tears start to pool in my eyes, causing the floral pattern that ran around the outside of the ring to blur, and I took a step forward, throwing my arms around Levi’s neck and knocking him slightly off balance with the sudden movement.

I buried my head in his shoulder as I felt his arms go around me, hugging my body tightly to his.

We stood there for several unspeaking moments, the shadows of night falling over us, the sound of the surf against the shore gentle in the background, the sand coarse beneath our bare feet.

Finally, I pulled back from him, reaching up to wipe away my tears with the palm of my hand as I said in a voice hoarse with emotion, “How in the hell did you do this?”

He chuckled slightly. “I had four eyes help me. It wasn’t too difficult.” He grew serious again as he watched me stare at the ring, still held gently between my fingers. “Oi, (F/N).”

I glanced up at him, pulling my eye reluctantly away from the ring. “Yes?”

A soft smirk pulled up one corner of his usually straight, emotionless lips. “Are you going to let me protect you from now on or what?”

I grinned and slipped the ring onto my finger, the feel of the cool, delicate china comforting against my skin. “Just this one time.”

He pulled me to him and kissed me, deeply, passionately, his touch setting my whole body on fire.

I wanted to live in that moment forever, but in this world, things like that can’t last forever, no matter how much I want them to.

“Mama (F/N)! Papa Levi!”

Mory came bounding around the outcropping of rock as we broke apart, followed closely by the rest of the group we had brought with us.

She ran up to us, a grin splitting her features, and threw her arms around our waists, burying her head in my shirt as she said, “We’ve been looking for you! It’s time to go home.”

I glanced over at Hange, who winked at me, and then let my gaze drift across the rest of the cadets-Arlert and Ackerman, all that was left of the famous trio, and Miller, the last surviving cadet from my old squad of ragtag beginners. 

And of course, those we had lost along the way. Jaeger, Erwin, Johnson, Farlan, Isabel, Mike…..

I felt Levi’s arm go around my waist and glanced over at him. He raised an eyebrow at me, as if to let me know that he knew I was thinking over things too much again. He had an uncanny ability to read me when no one else could.

I shot him a brief smile and then glanced back to the others, Mory still clinging to my waist. I dropped my hand to her head and then said, “Alright, everyone. What are we waiting for? Let’s go home, then.”

As we walked away from the sea, back toward the inland, back toward home, back toward humanity, I couldn’t help but think that though the war against the titans had hardened and changed all of us, in some ways, it had created things that never would have been otherwise.

It had created a burning flame of resilience in all of our hearts, the intense desire to survive, no matter what came our way, and now, that it was all over, all of humankind had finally found where they belonged.

Just like a girl from the Underground, all those years ago, had finally found where she belonged after all this time.

And at last, after a lifetime of storm, there was calm.


End file.
